[24:01] "Even that star has a pair!" Renjun grumbles, "I'm content with being alone... but just seeing everybody doing it... falling in love is a nice thought, won't you say?"
"You could fall in love with yourself," drips past your lips before you could even comprehend them. There's a whole universe out there — sun, stars, moon, planets, a couple hundred thousands of bright luminaries in the galaxy and on Earth, and then there's you. You're who you are and not somebody else — what's there not to love? Renjun voices out his displeasure with a grunt, eliciting a laugh out of you, "What? We both know we're both perfectly content with ourselves. If any anybody relates to why I love being alone, it's you, Renjun-ah."
"I am content with being alone." He says clearly, as if one syllable off and you won't understand. He grumbles, "Just that—"
"It was a pleasure to think, and falling in love is quite a thought. It is both a blessing and a curse to fall, so very pretty and risky to love." You hum, nodding to yourself as you lay down the grass, dancing with the stars in your head as they shine above you. Renjun thinks your eyes are just as bright, so bubbly and magnificent as the lustrous galaxies they were meant to be. "I know."
Renjun doesn't think you do; well, you might have a clue, but you don't know. You don't understand, you won't understand, and perhaps, he wants to keep it that way. You don't understand. You don't know. Renjun thinks you might as well not know at all, because from then on is where everything he's painted loses colors. He doesn't know if he can handle that — no, he knows he couldn't, he can't do that, not to anyone, not to him, especially not to you. "Why can't we choose the ones we love?"
It's a whisper, a faint sound, a painful scratch against his throat as much as it is to your heart. There's a stab in his words, and you don't really understand completely why. Why is it like this? Why does it hurt me when it shouldn't? What the hell does he even mean? You clutch your chest— sunshine, sunflowers, flashes of yellow, honey for smiles and roses for lips. You tilt your head back, chuckling — calm of the storms, paint water, shades of blue, ocean waves as touches and sea sparkles for eyes. "If only we could."
"If you could, would you choose me?" He raises a brow, thinking deep. The question startles you so much that electricity shoots up your spine, skin tingling. Renjun immediately shifts his eyes, "Nobody would choose me except you, though it'd mostly be out of pity."
"Listen!" your roll your eyes, annoyed. Renjun attempts to pull the puppy trick — the one where he looks up from his lashes, pouting — the one he hates the most, the one that always gets him his way. It doesn't bother you as much as it should, though you soften your stance, "You're Huang Renjun. Who wouldn't like you, Injun-ah? Nobody!"
"There is someone." He clicks his tongue as if to make a point, and smiles softly, "You."
"It's because I'm dating Hyuckie. Maybe, if I met you first—" you suddenly cut yourself, only now realizing what you were saying; no, no, don't give him false hope. Please. Don't mess it up; you don't love Renjun, no, you don't love him like that, please. Please. Eyes closed, you frown, "I could've liked you more than now."
Renjun winces, closes his eyes as well, and wishes he could stop the clock, reset things and turn back time. He doesn't think of not meeting you, he doesn't think of not falling in love with you, but he lets his guilt overcome him. He thinks of meeting you first. You could've liked him more than now, you could've fallen in love, you could've had him, and at the thought, he puts together the missing pieces of what could've been forever. He thinks of meeting you first.
"That's —" a tear rolls down his eyes, but neither of you knows; you had yours closed. He refused to acknowledge it. Neither of you were aware of the tear that was quickly wiped away, just like neither of you were aware of what to make of this moment, where to go to from here. Do you pretend it never happened? Is this closure of feelings that were never really opened and discussed? What? He thinks — Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck, your best friend, your best friend, best friend. Huang Renjun drowns in an ocean of starry skies and wistful sighs, "That's enough for me."
