My own son turned 15 this week, and this fic idea just would not leave me alone, so apologies for the self-indulgence. Set in some vague future time. Warning: discussion of teen sex. Any references to swords and scabbards is entirely @j-philly-b‘s fault.
The door to the house slammed, and Killian looked up from where he was painstakingly dicing up an onion, the point of his hook holding it still on the cutting board. The days were getting shorter as winter settled in on them, the late afternoon already fading into darkness outside the windows of the warm kitchen.
“Hey, Killian,” Henry called, dropping his backpack in the foyer and making for the refrigerator. “What’s for dinner?” he asked as he pulled a packet of cheese slices out and started shoving one into his mouth straight from the package.
Killian raised an eyebrow at him. “Cheese, apparently.” Henry just rolled his eyes. “Spaghetti. In about an hour,” Kilian said, relenting.
“Is Mom working late again?”
“She assured me no, but you know how things are these days.” Storybrooke had recently experienced another influx of new residents due to a transdimensional portal opening up in the center of town, and Emma had her hands full. They all did, but Emma more than most.
“You need to tell her not to work so hard,” Henry said.
“I do, lad. Maybe it would carry more weight coming from her son.”
“You’re her husband; if you can’t get her to take it easy, no one can.” Henry retorted. “Anyway, I’ve gotta go study for a chemistry exam,” he said, throwing the empty cheese wrapper in the garbage. “Later.” Grabbing his backpack up again, Henry loped up the stairs.
Killian shook his head fondly and turned back to his cutting board. The boy, now sixteen, was eating them out of house and home on a regular basis, and Killian had caught himself standing a little taller in Henry’s presence lately as he tried to deny the reality that Henry was now taller than he himself was.
In spite of the current hectic situation in Storybrooke, life these days was comfortable and settled. The occasional stressful day was far outweighed by the days when nothing much happened; days where Killian’s biggest concern was taking care of the house he shared with his family, or whether Henry was spending enough time on his schooling, or whether Emma would mind much if he spent his Sunday afternoon drinking beers and watching football on television with Dave.
When Killian had the sauce simmering on the stove and a pot of water starting to boil for the pasta, he pulled out his phone and called Emma.
“Hey, babe.” Her voice in his ear still made him smile.
“How close are you to heading home, love?”
There was a pause and then she groaned. “Is that really what time it is? Today has been insane.”
“Aye, I saw some of it, Dave and I were out by the encampment in the park early this afternoon.”
“Yeah, I heard. It’s gonna be… at least a couple of hours before I can lock up here. I’m sorry, I know I promised it wasn’t going to be a late night.”
“No problem, but I’m going to go ahead and feed Henry before he finds more cheese to eat.”
Emma chuckled. “Fair enough. I love you.”
“And I love you.”
Once the pasta was boiled, he stood at the bottom of the stairs and shouted for Henry, whose presence was preceded by several thumps from overhead, followed by a rumbling cacophony as he barreled down the stairs.
“Mom is working late again,” he said flatly when he saw only two place settings.
“Aye.” Setting down a salad bowl in the center of the table, he waited for Henry to help his plate to spaghetti and sauce from the stovetop before dishing food onto his own plate. “Perhaps we should kidnap the princess this weekend and set sail with her safely ensconced on my pirate ship, what do you say?”
“Sure, sounds like a great idea.” Henry took his place at the table and started eating. “Can I bring Violet?” he mumbled with his mouth full.
Killian frowned at him in confusion as he sat in his accustomed seat at their kitchen table. “Violet? I thought you were dating that other girl, what was her name? Tiana?”
“We were just hanging out,” Henry said as if that explained everything.
“And now you’re back together with Violet? When did this happen?”
Henry shrugged. “A while ago.”
Killian nudged the salad bowl toward Henry with his hook until Henry helped himself to some. “Are you ‘just hanging out’ or are you boyfriend and girlfriend again?” Killian asked.
That earned him an eyeroll. “Why do we have to label it? Anyway, can I bring her?”
“It's fine with me.”
They ate in silence then, Henry scrolling through his phone. Killian noticed that Henry didn't dash from the table the second he’d finished eating, which was a little unusual. He sensed that the boy had something else he wanted to say, so Killian waited patiently for him to say it, pretending to be occupied by flipping through the mail.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Henry finally asked.
“Of course.”
“How old were you when you… had sex for the first time?”
Killian’s eyes widened. “Are you asking because you and Violet—”
“No! No. We haven’t… I mean… I don’t know. I was just wondering.”
Leaning back in his chair, Killian studied Henry while Henry tried to look anywhere but back at him. “You likely imagine, given my reputation, that I was quite young when I first enjoyed the company of a woman, but I assure you that isn’t the case.”
Henry did look surprised. “Yeah, I guess I thought—”
“No woman wants to have anything to do with an indentured servant in dirty rags without two coppers to rub together. It wasn’t until I was in the Naval Academy, with some prospects and respectability, that I shared a bedchamber with a woman. And I was a good deal older than you.”
“‘Shared a bedchamber,’” Henry quoted sarcastically. “‘Enjoyed the company.’ Those are quite the euphemisms.”
“How about, the first time I sheathed my sword in a woman’s scabbard?” he said, nudging Henry in the chest with his hook and grinning widely.
Henry groaned. “How about not?”
“I have to ask you again, Henry, and I’m sorry if this is invading your privacy, but are you and Violet having sex?” he asked, dropping his euphemistic speech.
“I mean, we’ve done stuff, but not… that.”
“But you’re thinking about it.”
Henry laughed. “I’m sixteen, when am I not thinking about it?”
“Fair point.” He cleared his throat, sitting forward again. “Well, this realm has more mechanisms to avoid getting a woman with child than I can quite get my head around, even after all this time. But—”
“I know all about that. Between sex ed at school and my two moms, I could probably write the pamphlets on condoms and stuff,” Henry said with a smirk. “Especially given the circumstances of my own birth, Mom has been pretty intense about making sure I know about birth control.”
“All right, well here’s something that perhaps your mothers didn’t say. I’m not only worried about an unintended pregnancy, although I am worried about that because even with all those precautions, an accident can still—”
“Killian, I know—”
“Just listen. I said I’m not only worried about that, I’m also worried because sexual intercourse is an intensely intimate act that you may not be ready for. It’s not something you need to rush into.”
“I know.”
Killian sighed. “There are plenty of ways you can enjoy each other without—”
“Gross.”
“I’m just saying sex doesn’t have to begin and end with… I believe the term in those pamphlets you mentioned is vaginal intercourse.”
“Didn’t you hear me say ‘gross’?” Henry fidgeted in his chair. “Go back to the sword and scabbard thing.”
“You brought the topic up, Henry, I’m just trying to offer you what wisdom I have on the subject.” Killian ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t enjoy discussing sex with you any more than you do.”
“Yeah, the tips of your ears are blushing, I didn’t think that was even possible.”
“Just promise me you’ll wait until both of you are sure you’re ready? Don’t pressure her, and don’t allow her to pressure you. That’s all I ask.”
Henry finally met his eyes. “I promise.”
“And if you need help getting condoms—”
“Are you kidding? I’m driving to another town for that; no way am I going to be buying my prophylactics from Sneezy.”
“Aye, it’s not ideal,” Killian said with a chuckle, his fingers drumming on the table. “While we’re sitting here feeling uncomfortable, can I say one other thing?”
Henry looked at him with apprehension. “I guess.”
“One of the things I found surprising about this realm and its internet was how much of it seemed to be dedicated to all manner of pornography.”
“Yeah,” Henry said with an uneasy laugh.
“I’m not going to demand that you not look at it, because I assume that would be a fool’s errand. But I do want to make sure that you know that the sex in those videos bears little resemblance to real life. The women in those videos do not behave like real people.”
“I kinda figured that.”
“Good.” Killian took a deep breath and let it out. “Hey, look at that, we survived. Pretty good stepfathering I did there, if I do say so myself,” he said with an elbow to Henry’s ribs.
Henry stood up and carried his dinner plate to the sink to rinse it. “The bar is pretty low for stepparents in fairy tales, but I guess you did okay,” he said with a grin.
“Damn right I did.” Killian stood up from the table. “Now, shall we purge ourselves of all this awkwardness by spending some time on the XBox shooting at each other?”
