*warning* if you are to read this, it’s long and sappy and just, i don’t know… under a read more mostly just because i wrote this for myself and just wanted to get it out there and don’t want to destroy peoples dashboard with whatever this is..
i don't really know why i'm writing anything about this at all cause it's not like it's really that important or that it matters to anyone else, but i was just kind of sitting here thinking about it. as my own like little celebration i decided to do a mv marathon and some videos, the ones that i really liked and watched over and over when i first got into them (dope, boy in luv and war of hormones, just btw..), just made me feel kind of emotional and nostalgic. like it almost felt like it was the first time watching them again in a way, and how i thought they were so cute and so talented but then thinking about how now, only a year later they mean so freaking much to me? i have only been with these boys for a year, and really that's a short amount of time, but i feel like i've been with them through it all. this is probably all going to sound so emotional and dramatic, but i can't even think about what it was like to not know bangtan existed.. and i can't imagine now that they would ever not mean this much to me. writing that though does make me think about how i used to be very much obsessed with a certain boy band (*cough* one direction *cough) and how i felt the same way and said the same things about them but now i really don't care all that much about them.. and just thinking about ever saying that about bts makes me feel kinda sick.. like that just can't happen. i can't ever not care about them. 2016 for me wasn't such a bad year, but bts were a big part of that. if i ever had a bad day, if i ever felt shit or had a horrible day at work or just couldn’t cope with my family or people in general and the outside world, i had bts. watching them feels me with such immense joy. they're all such good people. they have the kindest hearts and the softest souls and they care so much for each other and their fans. they're all so talented and work so freaking hard and when they get the things they deserve, when that hard work pays off they don't believe it. they're so humble and they're completely themselves. i think something that drew me to them was that they are all kind of, individually and as a group, misfits. they are different, and they embrace that wholeheartedly and they don't let anyone try to make them feel like they should change. i haven't really seen them grow from the young boys they were when they debuted, but they're still continuing to grow and i'm so glad that i have been a part of that little bit. when they released young forever was one of those times when felt like i'd been with them through everything, though that was only the first comeback that i had been a part of. there were so many posts about what the hyyh meant to people, how for so many people it helped them. i wasn't here from the beginning, but that's what bts do, no matter where you come in, you're instantly a part of it because the hyyh series helped me to. when they released the young forever, fire and save me mv's i watched the 'series' and thought to myself, just in these few videos you can see their progress. you can see how much they've grown as artists and as people and it was truly something special. when they won their first daesang at melon, i didn't watch it live, but instead woke up in the morning to see my dashboard filled with posts about it and i was so freaking happy. my heart felt so warm knowing that they have won this award that they always wished for, but never truly believed they'd get. proud doesn't even cut it. when they won their second daesang, i watched that live. i sat through that like six hour live stream in a language i don't understand, until all hours of the morning when i had work the next day just for these seven boys. and it was kind of weird, watching it when they were announcing the award i was nervous? my heart was actually beating super fast and i couldn't sit still. that's not something that's ever happened before, not even with one direction. but i think it's because i knew how much it meant to them, how much they wanted it and how much they absolutely deserved it. it didn't even take to see the boys crying before i did. the second they announced their name the tears were streaming. i couldn't properly see the screen or hear them or understand really what was happening because i was legit balling. that was so strange to me, but i think that was the moment i truly realised just how much i love these boys. like i can't even put it into words i just.. i love them. and there's so much i still haven't experienced with them. i haven't even been to a concert (i'm lowkey salty that i got into them only a few months after they came to australia). so i just know, i'm going to be with bts for a long time. again, i don't even know what this is or why i decided to write it or even post it for that matter, but i guess the point is i just needed to get down how much i love and adore and appreciate this group. so to kim seokjin, min yoongi, jung hoseok, kim namjoon, park jimin, kim taehyung and jeon jungkook, thank you. you've helped me when even i didn't realise i needed help and you've made me happy. and to any of my followers, if you've for whatever reason decided to read this thing and have made it to this point, i'm sorry. this was dramatic and emotional and honestly i don't really know. but i guess that's why i'm sharing it because i know many feel the same and i find comfort in that. bangtan and army's are a family, and i'm so glad to be a part of that.
hopefully i'll still be here years from now.