when the secrets you've been keeping suddenly expose themselves, what can you do but begin again?
word count: 3.8k words
jordan li x baby mama fem reader, angst. tw for minor physical abuse, canon typical violence, angst. enjoy!
it's a fluke of the system. that's the only logical explanation behind the big bold NOT IN SYSTEM on the Vought mandated paternity test. It had been a moment of stubbornness, an exercise of control that had you lying over and over again. I don't know who it was. I'm a college student, I mess around. It was the only thing you felt like you could actually choose in this whole mess.
Nothing about this had been a choice. Well -
The sex was your choice. And a good choice, all things considered. You and Jordan were never public. Never official. Couldn't be, not with the rankings and the rivalry and the bullshit. But it was real secrets that you whispered over warm bourbon in their dorm. Real sparks when you kissed. Real dreams murmured into pillows before sunrise.
And yet -
it all fell apart in an instant.
A moment of dizziness. A step slightly wrong and the training room spun on its head. Next thing you knew, you were sitting in the infirmary listening to your handler whisper urgently into his phone. You'd nearly taken the pill offered to you by the nurse without even asking until the words termination of pregnancy finally broke through the fog.
"I'm pregnant?" your voice was raw, almost out of place in the sterile room.
Another conversation flashes through your mind - a check-up at 14 ended with your doctor gently explaining to you that the likelihood of successful conception were low. So low that you practically qualified as infertile.
You should've just taken the pill. It would've been easier. You would've stuck to your assigned path in life, you'd have been safer. Richer. More successful. But this might be your only chance, and you couldn't have known what would happen next. All you knew was:
"I want them."
it was easy for Jordan to wrap up their devastation at your disappearance with everything else that changed after their first year at GodU. By the time they were appointed as Brink's gatekeeper, they had firmly forced all of your memories into a locked box. Only Cate would pick up on the slight tick in their jaw when you came up in conversation, and she never dared ask. Even in the fall, when Vought started soft-launching you as their newest hero (so that's where you went), they were able to play it cool. (Though Andre's constant ogling of your teeny super suit did result in a few broken pens).
But they didn't have time to ruminate on your sudden success as their world fell apart around them. Luke's death, Brink's betrayal and death, Cate's betrayal...
If it hadn't been for Andre and Emma's quick thinking (and Marie talking some sense into Cate) after Shetty's death, there might not have been a school for them to come back to. And still, coming back to Godolkin in the spring felt like walking into a battleground.
And that was before they saw you.
For the first time in two years, there you were. Not on a screen or printed on a glossy poster, but in the flesh. The same eyes that seems to see right through them, the same smile that had their heart doing backflips in their chest. And still, there was a distant air about you. Like they were still seeing you through glass.
"Isn't that the -" They bit their tongue to keep from snapping at Emma.
"She was a student for a year, so apparently they can still parade her about like a successful alum, even though she did all her coursework underground." they muttered bitterly.
The shorter blonde opened her mouth to pester them with more questions, but a warning look from Marie had Emma snapping her mouth shut once more. They looked away, pretending not to see the look of concern that passed between the three girls. Once Cate and Marie finally admitted their feelings for each other, the blonde telepath had gotten significantly nicer. Unfortunately for Jordan, who (though they never would've admitted it) kind of liked having someone to bitch with. And someone who would look the other way when they let themself be self-destructive. Now, instead of just Luke's judgmental glare, they get the Powerpuff girls smacking the coke from their hand or dragging them from their current groupie of the week.
They wanted to look away. They should look away. But they'd been starving for you for two years and you were finally here and yet still miles away and surrounded by security and handlers. Unreachable.
When your eyes finally met theirs, the chatter of the quad faded into an unintelligible buzz. It was almost painful, seeing the reality of you and not the heartless bitch they'd created in their heartbreak. They'd forgotten the delicate way you moved, the slight gap in your teeth, the way your smile went a little crooked.
The moment ended far too quickly - Sam came barrelling over, shoulder checking them with a grin and a story, and when Jordan looked up again?
You were gone.
You rarely let yourself think of Jordan. Of anything before. Not just because it hurt too much, but because it was a distraction. When you were pregnant, thinking of Jordan was all you could do. At the start, there was a part of you that was sure they'd somehow come for you. You'd just vanished without a word, surely they wouldn't believe you just... walked away.
By the time you gave birth - during what should've been your sophomore spring break - you'd given up hope. And there was a part of you that almost believed it was better this way. They were always the more driven one. Family is a distraction. They told you once, when you dared to show sympathy for their shitty parents.
You still named the girls after them - Lily and Jo. How could you not, with two pairs of Jordan's brown eyes staring up at you?
Years of coming to terms with the idea that I will most likely adopt, and my biological kids look like the spitting image of their other parent. Figures.
You were allotted 30 minutes of skin-to-skin with each girl before they were taken away for observation.
The ways they kept you away from your girls were inventive - you didn't even catch on at first.
They were premature. They need more time.
It's better if they stay with the nurses until you're feeling better.
Lily's blasts are getting out of hand, we need to keep them under closer observation.
You're too stressed to be around them.
They were coming down with something - maybe next week.
By the time you were being prepped for launch as Vought's newest hero, you were allowed weekly supervised visits, and even considering getting out was a pipe dream. By the time you were back on Godolkin campus, it had been two months of delays. Two months since you'd seen your baby girls. Two months of excuses and pushback and extra training and enduring anything if it meant that next week you could hold them for just a moment -
But the moment gets pushed back. Again and again. Leaving you feeling less like an overworked single mother and more like a distant aunt who kept missing important milestones. First steps, first laugh, first haircut, first words... attached as notes in reports from Vought officials. Each day that passed felt like a special kind of torture, something that should be illegal. Which is how you ended up here, behind the science building, pleading with your handler. Again.
"Will, please. It's been months, Nurse Abby said they've been asking for me -"
"You have a tight schedule here, and you know that. If everything goes well here, we'll consider next Saturday." Now that the girls were older - and you were more firmly under Vought's thumb - the excuses were flimsier than ever.
"But -" Before you could finish your thought, his palm collided with your cheek, the slap echoing in the alleyway. You snapped your mouth shut and just nodded.
It wasn't the first time he'd hit you, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. But it was the first time that someone else saw.
It didn't take long for the story to make its way back to Cate - Maverick spotted the incident while chasing after Sloane and mentioned it to Emma. Marie caught Emma on her way to 'talk some sense into an abusive asshole' and was able to get her to go talk to Cate rather than GodU faculty. The small blonde launched into a righteously indignant tirade as soon as they were in Cate's dorm, hands gesturing wildly as she spoke.
"... I mean, I've seen Vought do fucked up shit, but I've never heard of a handler slapping their client in broad daylight. She's barely older than us, we should - "
"It would be our word against his, and we didn't even see anything. Maybe we can-" Marie, always forced to be the rational one, tried to keep Emma from getting them all into trouble again.
"Guys, we're supposed to be laying low this semester. We can't just start a revolution based on a rumor from Maverick of all people." Cate hesitated before continuing. "She was gone before my time, but Jordan's always been a bit... touchy whenever her name is brought up. Let's keep this between us. Just until we have more intel."
Emma's lips parted, clearly not willing to just ignore this. "That's all the more-" she started, but closed her mouth at a look from Marie. "I don't like this plan. And I don't like keeping things from Jordan." She grumbled, but she let it go, allowing the conversation to drift to coursework and television and student drama.
You didn't mean to wander so far, and you certainly hadn't intended to walk right to the hiding place you and Jordan went to during freshman year. But the plastic walls of the abandoned greenhouse felt strangely homey, and the smell of warm dirt and mildew brought back a thousand memories. You ran your fingers along the wooden bench, searching for the carving you'd made freshman year. A heart with a crude JL inside, alongside your own initials.
"I didn't think the ice queen got nostalgic." Jordan's voice broke the silence of the greenhouse and you stiffened, your back locking up at the familiar tenor of their voice. You forced yourself not to turn around, contemplating the wood grain as if it could give you the right answers.
Logically, you know they had no way of knowing why you vanished. You know that they had no reason to believe you were trapped, desperate, and entirely alone.
But that didn't erase the part of you that hated them for believing Vought's bullshit. For leaving you behind.
And none of that pain and none of that knowledge could make you forgot the reality of your situation. You could tell them nothing. Hint at nothing. Reveal nothing.
Vought had made it crystal clear that if the existence of your girls was leaked, you would never see them again. Your identity as their mother would disintegrate before they even knew you.
And before they even met Jordan. Before Jordan got to see the perfect beings you two made together.
So you clenched your fists tight enough to feel the sting of your nails in your palms and forced yourself to keep up the facade of aloof hero.
"Just seeing what else changed. Two years can make such a difference." The dismissive words fell like stones from your lips. You didn't mention the days you spent glued to the compound's television last spring after hearing about the attack at Godolkin - or the relief you felt when you saw them standing stiffly on the stage next to four other students you didn't recognize and Polarity, who was standing in for his late son, the only student casualty from the attack.
You saw the anger flash across their face, a sharp retort on the tip on their tongue, but you cut them off. "It's good to see you, Li. Take care." You said, unable to keep your tone as cold as you should've. But you left the greenhouse, not even letting yourself brush against them.
Because one touch might break you completely.
Jordan spent the next few days reliving that brief conversation, playing it back in their mind like it would hurt less if they could make sense of it. The way your fingers delicately ran along the same wood they'd memorized in the weeks after you left. How you could barely keep your voice in that cool, even tenor you'd adopted for television and paparazzi. The way you maneuvered around them like you couldn't bare to touch them.
How they still wished they'd kissed you. Pushed you up against the greenhouse wall like they'd done countless times before and revel in the rightness of having you in their arms again.
Instead, they'd let you walk away.
Again.
"Earth to Jordan!" A blur of snapping fingers brought them out of the other night and back to the present - a flimsy plastic folding table with blueprints strewn across it. It was Annie - of course it was. Working undercover for a rebellion group while finishing their degree was never in their five year plan, but after the attack and the subsequent cover-ups...
Nothing was going according to plan.
"Why are we raiding this compound again?" Sam asked, walking in late. As usual.
"Like I've been saying," Annie said, the frustration bleeding into her tone, "It's routinely getting baby food and formula shipped in. Whoever's being held there..."
A heavy silence settled over the whole team.
"You think..." Emma started hesitantly, serious worry clear in her face.
"Whatever it is, it's not a high end daycare." Hughie said darkly.
"So what's the plan?"
The dingy room came alive once more with discussions of logistics and doling out of weapons and armor. Jordan could almost forget about your conversation in the flurry of plans and preparations, in the banter and bustle of pre-mission chaos.
But staring down the brutalist monstrosity that they were raiding, they couldn't help but hope that that wasn't the last thing they said to you.
You thought the worst day of your life was the day you were forced to walk away from Godolkin. Or the days you were forced to stay away from your girls, wondering if they would forget you during the time you were gone.
That was until today.
It started with the shrill sound of your phone waking you before your alarm had a chance to go off.
"'ello?" You mumbled, barely awake. Yesterday's training had been brutal and you'd been looking forward to sleeping in.
"You stupid, stupid girl. Where are they?"
"Huh?"
"The babies? Where are they?! Who'd you send to take them? How'd you find them? Do you understand what you've done?"
His voice faded into white noise as the reality settled over you, and for a moment, you couldn't think about anything other than:
Who took my babies?
Each time you tried to draw in a full breath, it got stuck in your throat, your hands trembling wildly.
"What do you mean? They-they're not there? That's impossible, Will. You can't have lost my babies, it can't-"
"Don't play dumb, girl. We will find them. We will take them back. And you will never see them again." And before you had a chance to ask him to explain what exactly he meant, he hung up.
A raw, strangled cry tore its way out of your chest, sounding more alien than human.
You'd fought, bled, cried, and given everything you could to stay with your girls. You gave up your entire future for your babies and someone just -
Another shuddering sob wracked your frame. Were they scared? Hurt? Alone?
It felt impossible - not giving in to the agony. But the thought of Vought finding your girls before you did gave you enough drive to push yourself out of bed, shoving clothes on and hiding your bloodshot eyes behind massive sunglasses. And you did the only thing you could do - the only hail Mary you had.
At a party last fall, right around your launch as an official Vought hero, a nervous looking waiter slipped you a note, signed with nothing but a star.
text if you run into trouble. or if you want out.
555-555-7827
At the time, you'd kind of hated him for being so presumptuous. Like you could just walk away whenever the mood struck you. But at this point, it was all you had. You posted up at a back alley behind campus, pulling the cap tighter over your face as you texted the number with shaking fingers.
"You know, I didn't expect babysitting to be a part of starting a revolution." Emma remarked casually. "Not that I'm complaining, these little ladies are precious."
"Yeah, when they're not screaming or shitting." Butcher muttered, but it was clear that the little supes had won over the entire team during the twelve hours since the raid.
"I still can't find any record of their parents." Marie muttered, scanning the files they'd taken from the compound. "It looks like they were born there, but I don't see..." She shook her head, worrying her lip as she continued to read.
And Jordan? To everyone else in the room, they were being their usual prickly, broody self as they leaned against the back wall. But since the girls had woken up this morning, they hadn't been able to stop watching the little girls play.
It was like looking at a home video of themself.
But they didn't dare consider that possibility. Too many questions they didn't want to answer, too many answers they didn't want to face.
But the universe had other plans. The door to the little hideout swung open and Annie was ushering someone in.
"Now, don't get your hopes up, I don't know for sure-"
"Mama!" One of the girls piped up and their head whipped around to see -
You. Any trace of the Vought polish is long gone - your eyes are red, your hands are shaking, and your sweatpants are obviously on backward. They're frozen in place, watching in shock as your legs give out, your knees making a sickening cracking sound against the floor. The twin toddlers were making their way to you as fast as their little legs could carry them, and they could see the pure joy and relief all over your face as you swept the two babies into your embrace.
"Oh my god. You're ok, you're both ok. My babies, my girls," your words dissolved into comforting whispers and soft presses of your lips into the dark wisps of hair on top of each girl's head.
Jordan's world stopped.
The truth they'd been ignoring for hours was no longer a truth they could deny. They could feel their form flickering, like their mind couldn't decide which body could protect them better from this realization. They had a million questions and they couldn't make their mouth form the words. What are their names? Why didn't you tell me? Did you think I'd be a bad parent? How'd they get in that facility? Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep my children from me?
They didn't realize they'd asked the last question aloud until your head snapped up to meet their gaze.
"How could you keep my children from me?" Jordan's voice was raw, hoarser than you'd ever heard them, and your head snapped up instantly to meet their gaze.
Your mouth opens and closes without making a sound, the rush of emotions making it hard for you to find the words to explain.
"I didn't have a choice." You managed hoarsely.
"Right." They spat. "You had two years to figure something out and instead -"
"Jordan-" Cate tried to cut in gently, looking up from Marie's laptop in concern. But Jordan was too far gone, shaking their head and glaring down at you. Both toddlers were on edge at the rising tension in the room, their chubby fingers fisting in the fabric of your hoodie.
"No! Two years of radio silence and it's - you -" They sputtered, trying to find words. "How could you? You said you were infertile, you -"
"Jordan!" This time it was Marie who interrupted. "Why don't you let her actually respond instead of losing your shit?" Their jaw clicked impatiently but they actually listened, looking to you expectantly.
"I didn't like... take a test and then decide not to tell you." You said finally. "I passed out in class, and when I was in the infirmary..."
"They offered you a pill." Emma said quietly. All heads turned to look at the shorter blonde. "One of my friends worked in the infirmary. She said it was standard procedure for all pregnant students."
You swallowed hard, considering for the first time that they may have been others just like you.
"Yeah." you muttered. "But I said no, and they said I had to sign a bunch of stuff instead. I didn't really understand the details until I was already at the compound."
"Wait..." Jordan started, the fury on their face fading into concern and confusion. "The compound?"
You nodded. "From the day I found out until their first birthday, we were staying there. I didn't know where it was, and -" you shook your head. "Trust me. It's not like we were playing happy family in a cottage in the woods. It was better -"
"What was better? I thought you said you didn't have a choice."
"Um... you guys?" Marie interrupted again, her voice far more hesitant than it had been before. "Is there any reason why the girls paternity tests would've come back inconclusive?" You winced, watching betrayal and hurt flash across Jordan's face.
"You ordered paternity tests? After seeing them, you still -"
"No!" This time, it was you who interrupted Jordan. "I didn't order them. I just refused to tell them that I knew who the other parent was."
"Why? Did you really think I'd be that bad of a parent?" Their tone was harsh and sarcastic but you could hear the hurt in it nonetheless.
"That's not it at all. Haven't you been listening? By the time I actually processed that I was pregnant, I was on a compound in the middle of nowhere with no idea what they were planning. What would you have done?" You were breathing heavily, the emotions of the past two years spilling out in a desperate rush. "At first I was just buying time. Hoping that somehow, someone would realize I didn't leave intentionally and get me out. But nothing changed and they kept testing me and through some fluke of the system, your name never came up. And then Lily and Jo were born and I ... I ..."
"What did you name them?" They interrupted, something between fury and love in their eyes.
"Lily and Jo. I thought... I hoped -"
Then, before you could blink, they were kneeling on the floor next to you, pulling all three of you into their arms and blinking rapidly.
"Don't you dare leave me again." They whispered harshly, their hold on you almost too tight. Almost.
"I promise."
Neither of you were exactly practiced at being parents, and suddenly being on the run with twin one year olds was definitely an uphill battle. Jo is extremely protective of her sister, and was known to meltdown if she couldn't see Lily. Lily, on the other hand, was still getting the hang of energy blasts, and every so often a crash would echo through the cabin after a sneeze or tumble.
But having a built in village did make things a bit easier. Marie was the queen of fixing boo-boos, Emma and Sam would trade off telling detailed bedtime stories, and Cate always knew exactly what toy, cup, or bowl each girl wanted at any time.
Jordan was still not exactly sure what they wanted to be called - Mapa was a favorite of Emma's, Cate was partial to Renny, and Marie thought they should wait until the girls made something up. But labels didn't really matter when Lily curled up to sleep in their lap, or when Jo bounced over to show them her favorite doll for the fifth time.
That's not to say it was easy, going on a simple mission and coming back a parent. Bottles, snacks, diaper changes, tantrums... it was a world they were so sure they never wanted a part of. But now that it was here - now that they woke up each morning to the sound of coffee brewing and their daughters playing - how could they walk away?
One night, as the sun settled in for bed in the hills and the girls snores played through the monitor on the porch, you sat with Jordan on the swing.
"I wasn't sure we'd ever get this." You said softly, staring out at the woods in front of you.
"What, a cabin with dial-up internet and a VHS player?" They said lightly, smirking as they looked over to you.
"To actually raise them." You said softly. "The both of us." All those days you spent terrified of losing your girls, terrified of them growing up believing their parents didn't want them... you finally dared to look over at them. Their eyes shone with unshed tears and they blinked them away.
"I hated you for leaving me." They said softly. "I should've -" You rested your hand on theirs, stopping the thought before it started.
"None of that. Could've, should've, would've... none of that matters anymore. Because we made it."
And finally, for the first time in years, they pressed their lips to yours.
And it felt like coming home.
an: this is a weird one and ill probably fix a bunch of it before i post to a03. but enjoy! feedback comments etc welcome :)
i just don't like it when they talk to you like that.
can we be more exclusive?
Jordan Li
Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs, GN/NB!Reader
CW/TW: Semi possessive behavior
"Never did I think there'd be a day where the Jordan Li.. got jealous."
"I'm not jealous." Jordan barked sharply, the fiery look in their dark eyes prompting Luke to raise his hands in playful surrender.
Truth be told, Jordan was more than jealous. They were pissed. It was one thing to watch some oblivious freshie stammer through an attempt at flirting with someone way out of their league, it was another watching Andre Anderson purposefully do it with their fuck buddy.
The moment Jordan realized their feelings ran deeper than just lust and respect, they'd ensured everyone knew (Y/N) was off-limits. Was it the healthiest thing considering they weren't even dating? Not really, but Jordan would rather chew their own hand off than suffer through a rejection.
The soft cracking of glass reached Luke's ears in time to pluck the champagne from Jordan's fingers, crinkled eyes inspecting the cracks along the glass before gingerly setting it aside.
"Maybe, and just hear me out," Luke grinned. "You go over there and finally do something about this.. thing you two have going on."
Jordan shifted their weight from foot to foot, arms crossing and clammy hands digging into their forearms. "What if.. I.. I don't want to get rejected, Luke. What if-"
"Trust me, Jordan, you'll be fine. Now go before you end up committing murder, alright?" Luke chuckled, gently giving Jordan's shoulders a light push.
As they began making their way toward (Y/N) and Andre, their mind raced with what to say. They'd never been particularly good with words, even less with expressing their feelings.. but Luke was right. They had to do something.
"This party's fucking lame," Andre sighed, rolling his shoulders and sliding his arm around (Y/N)'s waist far too casually for Jordan's liking. His eyes twinkled with mischief. "Why don't we head back to the dorms and I can show you an actual good time?"
"Beat it, Andre." Jordan practically bristled, naturally shifting into their masc form and yanking Andre back by his collar. God, did they sometimes want to cave his head in.
"Hey, relax, Jo." (Y/N)'s voice filled their ears, their fingers releasing Andre and a hint of shame mixing with the irritation.
"Think Luke's calling me, anyway." Andre muttered, adjusting his collar and sparing the two one last look before slinking off.
(Y/N) watched him go, one hand sliding along Jordan's stomach before settling at their hip and tugging on it. Jordan turned toward them fully, eyes downcast and cheeks lightly flushed from their touch alone.
"What's wrong?"
"I.. I just don't like it when he talks to you like that." Jordan mumbled and raised their gaze off the floor, studying all the features they'd fallen for over the course of a few months. "I don't like it when anyone talks to you like that. I... Can we be more exclusive?"
(Y/N) blinked, and right when Jordan went to take it all back, they smiled. "Yeah, sure." (Y/N) nodded with a soft chuckle, leaning in and kissing the corner of their lips. "But I expect a real date soon, Li."
