#angelbabies

[pinkcoffeegurl]

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas, the daddies doing both jobs, those without their mamas, and those like me who are mamas with their babies in heaven 🩷💙🌹🌹

[roseneule]

[jamisonsmommy-blog]

[thesouthernsaltymermaid-blog]

• It never gets any easier each time I’m asked to make Memorial jewelry for sweet angel babies. You are in Heaven now, but you will always be remembered here on earth. Fly high sweet angels. 💜💜 #thesouthernsaltymermaid #beaufort #beaufortsc #angel #angels #angelbaby #angelbabies #heaven #heavensangel #memorialjewelry #keepsake #keepsakejewelry #birthstone #angelwings #twinangels #flyhigh #sweetangel #handmade #handmadejewelry #handmadewithlove #lovehandmade #love • (at Beaufort, South Carolina)

[lvmarston-blog]

Due Date Impending: Reflections

It has been 117 days since I last saw the face of my forever dreaming baby girl.

117 days of pain, 117 days of asking why, 117 days of counting down till her due date.

We are still, largely, without answers.

In November we attended our incredible bereavement service at our Hospital, to meet with the midwife team and consultant to provide us with a debrief of what happened to our Little V.

The first words to leave our consultant’s mouth were “Your little girl was perfect, but like a mother board on a computer, if one tiny component is missing then nothing works”

My instant reaction: If my little girl was perfect, then why am I sitting here feeling so empty, why is she still not wriggling away inside me?

For weeks on the lead up to our appointment, I pleaded that there was something wrong with her, wishing ill on my daughter; just so I had an answer to pin it to, something to blame, anything to say “that’s why” and, somehow, it would provide me with some closure.

But we weren’t that “lucky”. It was just One Of Those Things.

The placenta showed no signs of distress, there was no infection, nothing wrong with my bloods, nothing wrong with my body. Nothing wrong with Vera. Nothing, no answers.

Coming to terms with the fact we will never have answers hasn’t been easy.

Life, for now, has largely returned to normal. We’re enjoying time spent with friends and family, I’m really enjoying my job, Chris & I got our commemorative tattoos for Little V (Myself a snowdrop on my back, Chris his first piece of roses, an anchor and banner on his inner bicep)

We’ve continued with sprucing up our little house the way we always planned to, we’ve thrown ourselves into socialising with family and friends, we’ve started laughing again, we’re loving each other, taking time to be with each other and enjoy each other’s company. We’ve been selfish, gone out for nice dinners, got ourselves a house cleaner for a few months so we didn’t have to clean (!), we booked ourselves a holiday over Christmas - just the two of us to get away from it all.

We’ve been wonderfully distracted, but the ticking clock in the back of our heads is a burning reminder that, today, I should be 39 weeks and 3 days, I should be on maternity leave, I shouldn’t be able to see my feet. V should be digging her heels into my ribcage. I should be battling to pick things up from the floor. I should be getting her nursery ready, washing her clothes, picking out our hospital bag.

Instead I lie in bed at night, clutching my stomach and wishing to feel her little flutters. Just one more time.

I still take time every day to reflect on my little girl, even if it’s 5 minutes to remember that I miss her, to talk to her and tell her how loved she is, just so she knows she isn’t forgotten.

Our house is sprinkled with little reminders of her. Her memory box is still in the place we put it when we came home from the hospital, we have little trinkets people so kindly gave to us, pictures and books to remind us of our incredible baby. I know some angel parents decide to keep their child’s ashes, but we felt she would be much better off elsewhere.

So, in October we took our baby’s ashes to Hope Cove, for V to be with her Great-Grandma Vera and Great-Grandpa David. The entire Marston / Millington / Williams / Offley / Fitzgibbons / Carim clan made it down to say goodbye, we had costal walks, ate icecream and had loads of food, we celebrated being one big weird family, we popped V’s ashes on the beach, next to where Grandma and Grandpa were laid to rest in the years previously.

She’s now tucked up at the beach, with that wonderful view to look out to every morning, grandma and grandpa are looking after her and we’ve made a promise to visit at least once a year to be a family together.

That, for us, was real closure for us, it sparked an end to what has been a traumatic, incredibly sad journey.

Today I should be 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

The feeling never leaves me, I’ve been obsessed with counting down, trying to get through the days to go, having a holiday booked has taken the sting from it a little, but I honestly cannot wait for the 19th December to come and go.

I see 2018 as our new start, we’re looking to make positive changes and look towards our future.

Two bits of advice from me to others:

1. When it comes to Rainbow Babies, they do not replace or take away the pain of loosing a child. After angel parents consider trying for another baby, it doesn’t mean they want to forget their sleeping baby. It means a family has 2 or 3 or more children, just one isn’t with us on earth.

2. This Christmas - do not forget about putting your friends and families babies on their Christmas Card or present. I know you might feel you don’t want to dig up hurt feelings, but it actually hurts a bit more that their baby is ‘forgotten’ by the kind card sender. Play it by ear if you have more than 1 couple in your community who burdens baby loss, if the family are open and talking about their baby, writing their name in your card this Christmas will mean more than you will imagine.

4 more days to go, hoping we can hold on when the day finally comes.

Lauren x

[foxturtlee]

my m&m 🥹

[littlebirdjenh]

I never thought my whole world would be snatched away from me at the drop of a hat. Matthew, I never heard you make a sound maybe you did. I know you were so tiny. All I wanted to do was touch you. Hayden, you sounded like a kitten crying. It was the sweetest thing I had ever heard. I just wanted to hold you guys.

They rushed your little body’s to NICU. The doctor made sure I was fine. I kept myself asking questions. Where are they? Are they ok? They are early? Mattie didn’t cry? Tell me something?!

I soon was told that Matthew didn’t make it, and it didn’t look like Hayden would make it either. I wanted to see them I begged. Two nurses went against the doctor and took me down the hall. I got to see Matthew first. They were getting ready to move him. I asked to hold him and for them to wait and they said it would happen right away.

I saw Hayden one doctor was looking at my baby boy. He told me that he wouldn’t be here much longer. I asked if I could do anything to fix it, even though I knew I couldn’t.

I saw him struggling to breathe. His heart beat was so slow. I knew it when I looked at him that he would soon be back with Matthew. I was crying my heart out. I wanted to go too.

I held what wasn’t connected to tubes, and he went within a matter of 30 minutes. I cried and cried. I miss my babies. I never got a chance to watch y’all grow up. Happy birthday.

July 21st 2007

God knows how I miss you

All the hell that I've been through

Just knowing no one could take your place

Sometimes I wonder who you'd be today

[memoriesbylarissa-blog]

As we go into this weekend happy Mother’s Day to the mommies who now have angels. #lastingmemoriesbylarissa #happymothersday #angelbabies #photographer #blackphotographer #femalephotographer #canon #hemetphotographer #riversidephotographer #socalphotographer #temeculaphotographer #sandiegoblackphotographer #bestphotographer #palmspringsphotographer (at Murrieta, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdRCNuJJ5FE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=