Feb 20, 2025
i got an idea and was unable to rest unless i made it happen
i'm sorry.
was gonna put a picture of a cracked egg under but honesly i made myself too sad with the thought alone :')
seen from South Africa
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Slovakia
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from France
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from Türkiye
seen from T1
i got an idea and was unable to rest unless i made it happen
i'm sorry.
was gonna put a picture of a cracked egg under but honesly i made myself too sad with the thought alone :')
Rodimus going through serious spark break as he recalls the last time he carried. It ended in him losing the sparkling and he dealt with that alone.
Now he’s sparked again.
He spends his days wondering how he’ll tell drift and ratchet. If he even should tell them.
He couldn’t keep the last sparkling so why assume he can carry this one?
FW
He ran to the bathroom being as quiet as possible so he didn't wake Drift and Ratchet. Who were exhausted and needed their rest after working yesterday.
Throwing up what little he had in his tanks from the night before. He rubbed his belly and froze in horror.
He stood up in a daze and found himself wandering his ship until he made it back to his room. He left so abruptly he didn't even tell Ratchet or Drift where he was going.
Digging through his bottom drawer he reached into the back where he kept an emergency case of sparked tests, just in case. With shaking hands he pulled it out. Having never expected himself to be in this position since he'd always been so careful. Terrified after the last time he'd been sparked.
Waiting for the results felt like the longest few minutes of his life. He paced back and forth trying not to freak out.
"It's going to be okay. You'll be fine. You probably ate something bad. There's no way you could be sparked.
He glanced at the test and collapsed in horror. He found himself wailing as he hugged his middle rocking back and forth sobbing. He couldn't do it again. Not after he lost his first one. He shook his head in denial.
"I can't. I can't."
He sobbed, remembering the pain he'd felt after losing his sparkling. It had been shortly after Nyons destruction when he'd been a shell of himself.
The stress and pain of losing his city caused him to miscarry. It was one of the worst experiences of his life and for a long time he never thought he'd recover.
When he first found out he was sparked he'd been scared. It had been an accident and he didn't know how Soundwave would react.
His Conjunx had been supportive and amazing the entire time. Although it was unexpected they were both happy and would love their little one no matter what. Soundwave was always taking care of him even when he was busy fighting in the arena he always checked in with him.
He knew he was busy both with fighting in the arena and helping Megatron with the Decepticons. But if he ever needed him Soundwave was always there. He loved him so much and he couldn't wait to spend his life with him and the little family they were creating.
Both of them were determined to change Cybertron for the better. Even though Soundwave worried. He continued his work as a Nyonian rebel wanting his sparkling to grow up in a city free of Functionalist rule. Both of them were so hopeful of the future and the life they were creating. Their own little sanctuary amongst the chaos of their world.
Then his home was destroyed and everything fell apart. He remembered the shock and horror as he stared at the firey remains of his beautiful city.
Soundwave had immediately rushed to his side and was the only thing stopping him from running into his city and joining his people.
Stricken with grief he'd collapsed into his arms and sobbed. Soundwave took care of him the entire time as he grieved his home wishing he'd died with them.
He took care of him when he couldn't get out of bed making sure he took care of himself. He held him when he cried and supported him any way he needed. He listened when he told stories of his home wanting to keep his people alive. He supported and encouraged his ideas for a memorial and helped him come up with a plan.
He promised him vengeance swearing that he'd kill the person who destroyed his home. He promised to help him any way he could and stayed by his side the entire time.
He was so amazing and he didn't know how he'd survive without him. For a while things were starting to get better they were no where near perfect but at least he had his little one.
He promised to raise him in Nyonian culture. He wanted his little one to have strong ties to Nyon so that his home wasn't forgotten.
Then one day he'd woken up with blood between his legs and this time he fell into a depression that almost killed him. He didn't think he'd ever recover and sometimes he still struggled to get by.
He remembered screaming in agony as he held the bloody sheets in his hands. Sobbing uncontrollably as he begged his sparkling to come back.
He knew Soundwave was grieving during that time as well. But he'd been selfish and made it all about himself. Soundwave had to take care of him when he refused determined to kill himself.
All he could think about was his loss. First his home and now his sparkling. For him it was too much to take and sent him over the edge. All he wanted was to die and join his little one in the all spark.
He knew he was hurting Soundwave when he refused to speak or even acknowledge his existence.
He spent his days laying in bed staring at a wall. It had been the hardest time in his life and then as if he couldn't get any more selfish he up and left one day without a word. After everything Soundwave did for him he couldn't even leave him a message saying goodbye because he was too much of a coward.
He couldn't do it anymore. He was hurting the love of his life. Who was having to take care of him while grieving their little one. He was too selfish for someone as amazing as Soundwave and he could only hope he found someone better after he was gone.
He went back to his home city planning on killing himself, uncaring of Soundwave's feelings. He'd just lost his sparkling and now he was going to lose him.
He never deserved him. Soundwave was too good for him. He was a horrible Conjunx and an even worse carrier.
Instead of dying like he planned he chose to betray him and join the Autobots. He fought against him ignoring his attempts to reach out and talk. He severed all ties with him because he couldn't take the pain. Every time he looked at Soundwave he was reminded of what he lost.
Soundwave should have hated him. He should have resented him for all the pain he caused and yet he never stopped trying to help him. Even after everything he did Soundwave still loved him.
He never wanted to have another sparkling. He never wanted to go through that pain again and now he was going to experience it all over again.
He sobbed clawing at his tanks. He was a failure his body couldn't carry to term and he couldn't take losing another sparkling.
He shut himself in his room refusing to come out. Even when people tried talking to him he ignored them, demanding they leave. Ratchet and Drift tried speaking with him only to be yelled at.
Eventually everyone left him alone. He stepped down from co captain no longer able to lead his crew. Not that it mattered when he'd be dead soon.
It hurt but he knew he deserved it after all the pain he's caused. The only thing he can do is kill. Even his own body kills the life growing inside of him.
He paced the floor touching his growing belly and knowing it wouldn't be long now. As his sparkling grew. The worst he felt knowing he was going to lose his little one and trying desperately not to get attached even though it was so hard.
He broke things off with Ratchet and Drift ignoring their requests to talk with him. He lied saying that he wasn't ready and that he didn't feel anything for them.
He knew it was for the best. They didn't deserve having to deal with the mess that was him. He didn't want them to know about the sparkling and go through the pain of losing their little one. It was better if they never knew about the beautiful life growing inside of him.
Both of them had been angry and hurt when he'd broken things off. Especially Ratchet who yelled at him for leading them on and refusing to talk like an adult. Both of them were hurt and said things that haunted him and made him wonder if they ever truly loved him or if they were just putting up with him. He felt ashamed and broke down sobbing trashing his entire apartment after they left. Neither of them came back after that, their relationship completely destroyed.
He sobbed memories of his loss flashing before his mind. He knew he'd abandon them eventually, when he lost his sparkling and it was better to break things off now and save them the grief he caused Soundwave.
He didn't deserve them. They were too good for him and deserved so much better than a failure like him.
He thought about taking his life many times. It kept him up at night as he lay awake rubbing his growing belly. Everyone would be so much happier once he was gone.
Ratchet and Drift could forget about him and Soundwave could finally move on.
Before he left with the Lost Light. He met up with Soundwave because he deserved to know that he was leaving. The two of them talked about everything. Both of them cried together as they finally grieved their loss and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
He told him that he was in love with Drift and Ratchet and that he was going to tell them.
Soundwave was dissapointed but understood. Promising to always love him and that if he ever changed his mind he'd be there for him. If he didn't that was okay as well. Because he'd still be there for him and that he wished him the best in life.
He was amazing and deserved to find someone special who could give him a family something he'd always wanted, but could never have with him and his broken body.
Even though he loved Drift and Ratchet part of him would always love Soundwave and the love they shared. He would forever hold a piece of his spark.
Before he left the two of them decided to spend one last night together and that's what it made it worse. He didn't know if the sparkling was Ratchet and Drifts or Soundwave's.
It didn't matter now. None of them would ever know. Just like Drift and Ratchet he couldn't tell Soundwave. He'd already grieved one sparkling he didn't need to grieve another one. He couldn't put him through that pain again,
The only thing stopping him from ending it all was the life inside of him. He wouldn't kill himself until after his sparkling died. So all he did was lay in bed all alone waiting for the inevitable.
It was better this way. He couldn't hurt anyone else if he died like he was supposed to all those years ago. Once he was gone they would all be free and able to move on with their lives while he got to join the all spark with his sparklings.
still whining over that fetus you lost?
Zach:
I’m taking this one JIG/Vi…
Wow, anon, you are so bold to assume you can just plop this into my wife’s inbox and think you can get away with it. This is the second time in 2 months that you’ve sent such a vile message to her, not even considering the trauma she and I have endured from the loss of this, “fetus” as you call OUR CHILD. Our daughter who would be nearly 3 years old now, our daughter who never leaves our minds, our daughter who we will love forever.
JIG takes great precautions to label any posts concerning Alexandria accordingly. She has stated that if you don’t want to see these posts you can just block tags or even block her. She does not care! She understands that some people don’t want to see such content! Literally….look at this post, in response to the last hate message you sent her way, she explains it all!
you lost one pregnancy. stop milking it. My reaction to this: Sigh….I sincerely apologize if my speaking on this topic has triggered anyone,
But the fact that you continually seek her content out about this topic and attack her over it, under the guise of an anonymous jerk is despicable. And that’s coming from an evil genius himself!
JIG/Violet and I have discussed the possibility of who you are anon, and we have our suspicions. But she won’t allow me to voice your identity, and even though you don’t deserve it, I will respect her wishes. But I will say: if you are who we think you are, LEAVE HER ALONE. She is done with you and doesn’t want anymore to do with you so just get out of our lives and stop making her miserable. And if you don’t, well….*sigh*….Violet’s giving me a glare, so I better shut up.
JIG/Violet: I’m struggling because of this, but I’m putting this in the main WK tag for a reason, please block the tags (#alexrinellavarm and #loss of child) if you don’t want to see such content.
Love can see beyond
Part II Frozen canon-divergence post F2 / Moana (2016) crossover fanfiction Pairing: Kristanna Rated M for angst/hurt/comfort (see tags on AO3)
Thanks to my two absolute amazing beta-readers, @hiptoff and @reconciledviolence729!
After their visit to the Southern Isles, King Kristoff and Queen Anna have returned to Arendelle. A new quest will test their faith and courage as they face an unexpected fate….
Chapter 19 / 42
When Kai opened the door for Olaf, he discreetly stayed outside and let the snowman in. Although Olaf understood the meaning of what had happened, he had never seen Anna like this before and it frightened him.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Honesty I love/hate Rosetta Reyes but I think she may be onto something when she said Daenerys misscarried in ADOD Chapter 71...but then again I think she miscarried by accident, considering the fact that she didn't think "I'm going to intentionally miscarry this child" nor did she ever mentioned being pregnant in the first place.
August 3, 2021
I am laying here watching everyone’s lives go on, and I feel like I am frozen in time. I am saturated in a cloud of sadness. I miss my babies so much. I just want them here with me. I have never been so sad in my entire life. My heart feels like it shattered into a million pieces. I held each of my daughters in my womb for 5 months, and in my arms for only hours. It wasn’t enough. This is not how it is supposed to happen. They should be here with me, so I can help them grow and see who they become, learn their personalities, take them on adventures, watch them be loved by their father, brother, and family and friends. I should get to love them and hug them and kiss them. I counted each of their 10 fingers and 10 toes. I held each of their tiny little hands, and stared at their beautiful little faces. I couldn’t get over their teeny little fingernails or ears. Hazel has Jaxon’s crooked lips. They both had my face, and their dad’s long arms, legs, fingers and toes. Harper was 2 grams bigger- they were so identical. They held each other until their last moments. I am keeping them together, because they belong together. I want to scream though because they really belong with me. I am their mom, and I should be the one to take care of them. I know God has a plan and this was the plan, but it doesn’t make the pain go away. It doesn’t make the hole in my heart feel better or the emptiness that I will carry with me the rest of my life any better. I miss my babies and I wish they were here and home with me. The hardest moments are when I am left alone with my thoughts and feelings. I never thought I would be picking out urns, cremations rings or talking to mortuaries. Only a few more days and they could have had birth and death certificates. That makes me so mad. They counted. They were real. They were my babies. They were my little girls. My daughters. I can’t even share pictures of them because it’s not considered acceptable, which is also not okay. They’re not a secret, they’re not weird or strange. They’re beautiful and they’re mine. I go on because I have to. I am Jaxon’s mom and Harrison’s wife. But I am also Hazel Grey and Harper Sky’s mommy, and I am broken.
The last Mission (11/11)
AN: HERE WE ARE AGAIN for the last time of this story.
First I own you a reason for the long wait: just after the last chapter, both my sister and best friend became pregnant. Call me crazy, but I feared to jinx it if I continued this story. So I waited until both babies were born and a few months old.
So here we are and I hope you like it.
Wordcount: around 1800
Warnings: mention of misscarriage, asshole general, cursing
Masterlist
TLM-Masterlist
Part 10
Plumbs.
It all started with plumbs and a trip to the market. It ended with them sitting in some prison-cell- interrogation-room- thing.
Obviously it was quickly prepared to keep him and if they would get enough energy they would be able to get out easily.
That much they knew.
What they did not know was what had happened to you. With the last time they had seen you was when Bucky had returned from the market and found Captain America in their hideout.
It was then that the soldier had taken over who tried to lead him away from you to later return to in safety.
Unfortunately it would not come to that: after an hours long chase they were caught and locked away.
Then, two days ago they had been moved and were now locked away in Berlin, Germany. If he was able to trust his knowledge and memories.
