#babyloss

[ttc-baby]

March 10th

Today should be one of the happiest days of our lives. We should be giving birth to our precious angel baby, but instead we are here with empty arms and a broken heart. Today will be a rough day for the rest of my life. I pray that one day I will get to hold my babies tight on this day, but for now that seems like just a dream. I can only hope that these next few months bring some clarity to our fertility journey and we can move forward trying for another baby. Until then I’ll mourn the loss of our rainbow baby and be grateful for the opportunities that have been laid before me.

[peachesandpoems]

Almost Parent

''Maybe it was for the better''

''It wasn't meant to be''

''No matter how it happened, you weren't going to be in it's life anyway''

fuck off.

"Were you even gonna keep it?"

"It's really for the best, you did save some money on the procedure"

"You just weren't meant to be a parent''

Fuck off.

"God knew you could handle it"

"God didn't think it was your time"

"He had other plans"

"He needed them more than you"

Fuck Off.

"the first one was almost 4 years ago, shouldn't you be over it"

"It wasn't even that far along"

"At least you didn't have a stillbirth"

"At least they were gone before they were in your life"

"At least they didn't feel anything"

FUCK OFF

things not to say, to anyone.

[bereaved-mama]

"and once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storms all about"

[thatpcoslossmama]

Hello Friends 💙

I'm Shay and I'm 20 ❤️

I made this blog to help me talk about my struggles whilst trying to conceive my second child with PCOS.

I was diagnosed when I was 16 and was warned I would have trouble conceiving children in the future, this devistated me because all I have ever wanted to be in with world is a mother.

When I was 19, I met my soulmate. And 2 months into our relationship we found out I was pregnant.

It was a complete accident but we were still over the moon and so excited to be parents. I loved being pregnant and I was very prepared to be a mum.

At 20 weeks, my waters broke. We were assured there was still a chance we could make it to viability but unfortunately 3 days later my sons cord fell through my cervix, which sealed our fate.

Our son, Aspyn, was born 3 days later at 21 weeks. He passed during birth.

TTC after losing a child is hard, but its a hell of a lot harder with PCOS. It's been 6 months since my son passed and I have only had 1 period in that time.

I'm here to lose some weight, impliment more positive changes for my body and kick PCOS's ass so my partner and I can finally give birth to a child who can cry when they're born.

Everything I do is with my son in my heart, he can never be replaced or forgotten 💙

[myflowerinheaven]

[dearasiyah]

Welcoming Grief...

Assalamu Alaikum My Dear Readers,

You should know that this is not the blog I ever imagined I would start. This is not the club I ever wanted to join. But this is my life now. I am sad and broken, but I accept that this is what Allah (swt) has wanted for me and my family.

My life as a Muslim, a wife, and a mom has changed forever. I find comfort in listening to other people's stories. Writing and wanting to learn more about my religion has been helping me cope so far. Because for me, in the midst of something deeply painful, reading someone else’s story brings an odd comfort in the sense that I know I'm not alone in my pain.

However, while trying to find comfort in stories and multiple Instagram feeds, I found myself only stumbling across non-Muslim grief journeys; which most resulted in questioning God.

"Why me?"

But if I’m being honest, it hasn't been easy. I do find myself sitting here bombarded by the thought that maybe the reason why Allah took her away from me is because I am not a good Muslim. Subhan'Allah.

I often wonder if maybe I had prayed and read Quran more, turned to my lord when things were good AND bad, thanked Him fully, and just believed more than I do now... maybe the outcome could have been different? But I know that's not the truth. I can't say I'm a great Muslim. I know I'm not perfect, I'm only human. Islam is perfect, but we are not. Deep down in my heart, I know the reason she left this earth isn't because of me.

"Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji’oon"

From Allah we came and to Him is our return.

These words sting even harder when you've lost your child. And I'm slowly learning that Islam is a religion of hope. Growing up as Muslims, we are raised and taught that this Dunya is not the end. That there is indeed a reunion in the Hereafter. We're also told that Allah (swt) tells us that tests and trials are a part of life.

Everyone will be tested to a certain extent at times so that Allah (swt) can see which person has true faith in Him. And He presents us with these different situations to see how we react to them.

So with this new grief that I welcome into my life... I know I can't go back in time. I know I can't change things. I know that there isn't anything I could have done more or less. I'm human. I'm weak and I do slip back into those deep negative thoughts at times... but because of my rooted foundation in the belief in Allah, I know that this is my Qadr (fate). I will try my best to continue to trust in Allah and His decree.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that which it can bear.” (Qur’an 2:286).

[galalmightyyy]

Miscarriage bottled up

On March 1st in the middle of the night I woke up, rushed to the bathroom because I felt like I was peeing my pants. When I sat on the toilet and looked down I couldn't believe it was I still dreaming? Was I imagining what was happening. I grabbed a pad from the bottom cabinet put it on and walked back to my bedroom where my husband was laying down watching tik toks on his phone. He asked me if I was okay. I calmly said I am bleeding... I am bleeding a lot. We both were in shock we knew what this meant I was having a miscarriage. I was diagnosed with a miscarriage 4 days prior to this. I was scheduled to have a D&C on March 3rd. My husband quickly grabbed his keys and a me and we rushed to the hospital. Once at the front desk I said “I think I am having a miscarriage” the look of the two women at the front desk made me want to cry but I kept it together. They gave me extra mesh underwear but I was bleeding so much, right through everything. I finally got a room, I felt the blood and the blood clots coming out... Before they hooked me up I asked them if i could stand and use the bathroom because I felt like there was so much blood. I sat on the toilet and blood just coming out. As the day went on my doctor came and we set up the emergency surgery. Everyone was so nice and understanding. I didn't cry not once. But as soon as I went home the tears never stopped that week. I was in pain physically and mentally. I could not understand why this happened to me, us. I kept to together in front of friends and family so much so that after 2 weeks it seemed like nothing happened. Every-night since March 1st i have cried. I felt like a failure andI questioned God. The world goes on but this feeling never goes away. I look at the pregnancy announcements and get instantly sad, thinking that was going to be me soon. I open my closet and I see the little outfit I had bought and my heart breaks. Everyone tells me that i am not alone and that this happened for a reason but in all honestly that doesn't help one bit. 

[skylargenesisfoundation]

Sometimes finding the right words can be so difficult- They really are no “right” words. They are warm embraces, comforting presence & empowering moments. Repost:- @apeaceofgrief (@a_diamondx ) {As we sent words of comfort and love to each other today, she spoke these words to me “May our beautiful boys find each other in heaven too” and it lit up my soul}. SGF is joining in the space where we can stand together in our fears, pain, confusion and anger. Together we are present in our & without judgement in our GRIEF and our sufferings without our babies. 💜🌏🇯🇲 #bereaved #grief #babyloss #bereavement #grieving #prematurelabor #stillbirth #miscarriage #griefsupport #childrensgriefawareness #griefandloss #griefandlosssupport #griefandhealing #griefjourney #healingjourney #bereavedparents #bereavedfather #bereavedmother #healingafterloss #healingprocess #sgf #SGF #tenaciouslysteeringthewounded #individuallyyouhurttogetherweheal #skylargenesisfoundation #skylargenesisfoundationsupportgroup #skylargenesis #skylargenesisbarrant 🎀 (at A Place of Peace) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPBI61iDxkl/?utm_medium=tumblr