I'm so excited for my new name! I'm finally going to be Angelo K Saxon.
A lot of people in the outernet have asked me how/why I chose that name. Well, that requires a little explanation. But I think I'd like to type it all out.
Where to start? I guess at the beginning. My mother had two names picked out for me. She knew I was going to be male. She had Angel and Antonio picked out. I don't know why she had Angel on the list, but Antonio was there because her friend's brother's name is Antonio.
She went, obviously, with Antonio. I've never had a connection with any part of my name. I've always hated the way it looks. I've hated my initials. I've hated the way people say my name. I hate that they ask me if I'm Mexican (there's nothing wrong with being Mexican, by the way, but I do NOT look at ALL Mexican so it's really annoying when people ask me because of my name). I hate the way EVERY person I meet says my name. I hate that people call me Anthony sometimes. I hate that they call me Tony. Only a few people have ever been able/allowed to call me Tony, and chances are you're not one of them.
I hate my middle name. Joseph. I'm not a Joseph. I'm not a Joe. It's not me. I've never liked the idea of middle names. I've always just wanted a letter. Just a single letter.
I'm less hateful of my last name. It's actually pleasing to the eye. But I hate that no one can pronounce it. It's not a hard name. Youness. You. Ness. Like the motherfucking Loch Ness Monster, is what I say. It's not Yow. It's You. As in you. You and the motherfucking Loch Ness Monster. It's not that hard. And it's not You. Nez. And it most CERTAINLY is not Yow Nez. I'm not French. I hate that it begins with a Y. That means I'm always last, or near last.
I've hated my name since I was 4. I'm pretty sure that tells you something.
Okay, let's get onto my new name. When I was 14, I started researching and trying on new names. I originally had the name Gabriel picked out. I've always loved that name. And Gabriel is my favorite angel. Gabriel Hunde. I was going through a major German kick, and I loved the way the name looked and sounded. It felt right. But I couldn't find a middle name/letter that fit with it.
I was looking through baby-naming books when I was 15. I came upon Angel and was like "yes, that's my name". I told my mom and she told me that she almost named me Angel. Something in me clicked. Angel. It was my name. She'd chosen the wrong name for me, and I knew it.
So I began working with Angel. I tried on different last names, and eventually decided upon my father's last name. Harrison. Angel Harrison. I liked it a lot. I was on this rebellion thing. Still am, but in a different way. But I like, really really really wanted to hurt my mother. Like, I'm renouncing your name and taking my father's name. I hate you that much that I'm going to change my entire name away from you.
There's another reason why I knew Angel was right for me. All my life, ever since I started drawing, I was drawing angels. Every person had angel wings sprouting off them. Sometimes a halo. My animals were all winged too. All celestial-like.
The inspiration for my last name, Saxon, was a dog that I'd frequently drawn. He was a winged dog, most of the time. All black with dark blue ear tips and a dark blue streak across his eyes. Right back paw and tail tip were white, and one red back paw. He was basically my favorite thing to draw/have drawn.
You know why Angel works for me? Because my life has been influenced by angels at every step. I've always felt something like an angel. Like, a legit angel. An evil one with a wicked soul, of course, but an angel nevertheless.
As I thought about it, however, I decided to masculinize it and make it a little more Italian. So I added an o to the name. And I still loved it. The K doesn't mean anything. It just sounds good and I like the way it looks. And they're not the worst initials. AKS.
Some other fun little hidden reasons behind my name. I'm Italian. Which is why I wanted it more Italian sounding. I'm also German. The Saxons are a group of Germanic peoples. I really like the homonymity Anglo-Saxon (even though I'm not English at all), simply because I think it's funny how something that is so meaningful to me and has almost no relationship to the term is so similar looking/sounding.
So there you are. My name. Inspired by Angels and my history. Encompassing who I am, who I should have been, and who I can be.