🏝️ Angry Beans Part 1 ☕
An Island!Rook & Friends Adventure | Crossroads Island AU
Rook was falling.
…Quite a long way actually.
And, unfortunately, the seconds that seemed to drag on as she slowly fell like syrup rolling down the side of a stack of Lenora’s famous pancakes gave her much too much time to think about what was going to happen to her once she wasn’t falling anymore.
Glancing down towards her likely point of impact, she saw a pit of thorny vines and blood red roses come into focus, tangling up and around one another, almost eagerly, as if they couldn’t wait to meet her and tear her to shreds. The vines writhed menacingly before morphing into snakes before her eyes—acid green, aggressive, and with markings Rook knew meant the damn things were extremely venomous.
Fuck.
Rook wasn’t sure she believed in the Maker, but she sure as hell said a prayer as she hurtled towards the earth, the pit of certain death getting closer and closer with each passing second as the inexplicable sound of marimba music blasted into her ear.
…What??
Just as she was about to make impact, Rook started violently awake, drool embarrassingly trailing from her mouth onto her pillow, her hair a total rat's nest, and the alarm on her phone loudly buzzing with the jaunty tune she had thought was funny approximately one night and one too many ales ago.
Her anger at being awake before the sun was even fully up was quickly eclipsed by the horror that twisted her guts when she noticed the time.
Shit.
The island’s caves had seen a rapid increase in nefarious activity lately, and when Rook volunteered to join the monster-hunting guild to help with the increased patrols, she had no idea it would mean getting her ass out of bed at such an ungodly hour.
And to be honest, what was even the reason for it?! It’s not like the monsters still wouldn’t be there in another hour or two!!
Grumbling, she stumbled out of her raggedy tent and set a kettle of water to boil on her definitely not up-to-code camp stove before shrugging on a tank and what felt like a somewhat decently clean pair of pants. Rook shoved her feet into her favorite combat boots before checking the watch Sancha insisted she take after she was late one too many times over the past week, and let out another curse when it indeed confirmed that today would be no exception.
She haphazardly dumped a few scoops of coffee grounds into the bubbling pot, not bothering to measure, and smirked when she thought about what Lucanis would have to say right now.
Using a hair tie from the stack on her wrist, she hastily pulled her dark, unruly curls into a messy high pony and let out a very long, exhausted sigh when she caught a glance of herself in the shiny stainless steel of the kettle.
Oh well. She was just going to have to accept that this was as good as it was going to get today. Not like she was going to be winning any beauty pageants down in the caves anyway.
Rook slapped her belt around her waist and proceeded to arm herself to the teeth, attaching both her sword and what Athos liked to teasingly call a ‘ridiculous amount of knives’ with a practiced ease that came from years of spending mornings getting ready in the exact same way.
With a final curse, she added a splash of cold water to the kettle to force the grounds to sink to the bottom, and after waiting not nearly enough time at all, poured the brown sludge she laughably called coffee into her thermos before setting off.
While she could certainly do without the lack of sleep, Rook had to begrudgingly admit there was something peaceful about being up so early. She liked getting to see the cozy little town of Pharos Cove slowly start to hum to life each day, a sight she had never seen before when adhering to her previous schedule of sleeping in well past noon.
“‘Morning, Rook!” Jericho cheerfully waved at her from across the square as she hurriedly made her way to Dellamorte Coffee Co. The man always seemed to have a pep in his step, and despite her grumpiness, his friendly greeting made her smile. He had a cup from the café in his hands, apparently having already visited Lucanis’ coffee stand on his way to the school.
“Hey, Mr. J! Lookin’ sharp, as always!” Rook shouted, with much more enthusiasm than she currently felt inside, even stupidly pointing two finger guns his way, a gesture that made him chuckle.
He tipped an imaginary hat at her in response and fired back an outrageously kind, “You too!”
Rook laughed and yelled after his retreating form, “You’re full of shit, Mr. J!” and heard him let out another loud chuckle before he turned the corner out of view.
She skidded to a halt in front of the coffee stand and cracked a huge grin when she saw who was just ahead of her in line.
“Hey Turvi, how’s the foot?” she asked with a sly grin, bumping into him with her shoulder before kissing him on the cheek.
He smiled and replied, “Fine, thanks. And good morning to you, too, Rook.”
…Was he blushing?!
Rook bit down a giggle. She had never seen the confident, unflappable elf so bashful before—the man wore even less clothing than she did, for Maker’s sake.
They both moved a step forward in line, and Rook prodded further, her lips curling into a devious smile. “A little birdy told me you’re hurting yourself on purpose to spend time with a certain someone…” she teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
“Rook!” While Turvi continued to beam at her with his trademark grin, she could practically see him start to sweat bullets. “And was this ‘little birdy' named Sabine, by any chance?” he asked, adding, “You know she’s mad at you by the way.”
Rook laughed, but her stomach flipped a little at his comment, which was very much news to her. “I can neither confirm nor deny the name of the birdy in question,” she said. Turvi smirked, taking it as a confirmation of his suspicions—quite correctly too.
She reassured him, “I practically live at the clinic—I’d be happy to talk you up to the good doctor Sabi if you’d like.”
Turvi held his hands up, “Oh! Uh…no. Thanks, though.”
She cocked an eyebrow at him. “What? Why!?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and replied, “Er…I’m looking for a more subtle approach.”
“You don’t think I could be subtle?!” she exclaimed, affronted.
Now Turvi raised an eyebrow. “Do you want the honest answer, or the kind answer?”
Rook playfully glared at him. “Honest. Hit me.”
Turvi’s face took on a mischievous expression, and he let out a long sigh. “Rook, I don’t think you could be subtle even if your life depended on it.”
They both burst out laughing, Rook cackling so loud she drew the attention of a few passersby.
“Alright, fine,” she agreed. “Well, you’re welcome to come down into the caves with me anytime. You’re bound to get hurt! It’s practically a Rook Trademark Guarantee.” She leaned over to him and whispered conspiratorially, “The trick is to be a reckless idiot, just not reckless enough that you accidentally kill yourself.”
Turvi let out a large laugh. “Thanks, Rook—I’ll keep that in mind. But I think I'm good.”
She snorted, rolled her eyes at him, and teased, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Considering you somehow managed to turn walking across the beach into a dangerous activity.”
He opened his mouth as if to make a sarcastic remark in response, but was interrupted.
“Turvi!” They had made it to the front of the line, and Lucanis warmly greeted her friend as he started preparing Turvi’s regular coffee order before narrowing his eyes at her, pointedly staring at the thermos containing her cowboy brew.
“Rook. Why are you even here, anyway?”
Ah, good ol’ Lucanis. They had formed a wonderfully antagonistic friendship ever since he saw how she made coffee at her campsite. She believed he called it, in his exact words, ‘an abomination’.
“Oh god, Lucanis, I can smell it from here,” Akela chimed in from behind her in line. “Do you really boil it?!” he asked Rook incredulously. The handsome Antivan was the island’s biggest coffee snob, second only to Lucanis, but he gave her a warm grin as he dramatically gestured towards her thermos.
Rook let out a large, boisterous laugh. “Alright, alright! We get it. You hate my cowboy coffee.” She rolled her eyes. “Damn y’all, it’s not like I’m making you drink it or anything.”
Akela’s mouth twitched into a playful smirk. “As if it would ever make it past these lips. I don’t think even Viago would consider using it as a poison…too inhumane,” he added, shaking his head with a wink.
“I’m here for moral support!” Rook interjected, nudging Turvi with her shoulder again and finally answering Lucanis’ question in her eagerness to change the subject. “And also because I know it annoys you so much,” she added, batting her eyelashes coquettishly at him.
“Oh, ok,” Lucanis snickered. “So does that mean you don’t want one of these then?”
He held up one of Baker Lenora’s heavenly granola bars and temptingly wiggled it at her. Rook had been practically living off of the things lately, and they were the reason she was even there in the first place. They were excellent fuel for a jaunt in the woods or a sweep down in the caves, and they were damn delicious to boot.
Her smirk turned into a sheepish grin. “Ok, yeah, you got me.”
Lucanis chuckled and shook his head as he tucked a few into a paper bag for her, “You really should learn how to cook. My offer still stands, you know—I’m happy to teach you.”
“Excuse me,” Rook scoffed. “Just because you don’t like my cooking doesn’t mean I can’t cook.”
They all looked at her like she had sprouted multiple heads.
“Rook, the last time I visited your camp, you made us buttered noodles,” Turvi countered.
She held her hands up in protest. “AND?! It was delicious, right?”
Turvi said nothing. He simply stared back at her, arms crossed over his chest.
“Fineee. I guess it was a little crunchy,” she conceded.
“Merida,” Lucanis muttered under his breath, absolutely appalled.
“But it didn’t kill you or anything!” she protested.
Akela laughed. “Kind of a low bar there, Rook.”
“Aw, come on now, guys, give her some credit,” a warm booming voice interrupted, as the towering frame of Athos came into view.
“Thank you, Athos, my gallant defender!” she said with a smile, grabbing onto the large qunari’s arm and dramatically holding her hand to her brow.
He laughed at her ridiculous display and quipped, “Rook’s buttered noodles are a HUGE step up from her cooking when she first got here.” Athos smirked and looked down at her. “What was it you used to make again? It had cut-up hot dogs or something in it.”
Lucanis let out a displeased hiss and shook his head as he handed Rook her bag. “Please leave before you scare the remaining customers away with your talk of such horrid things,” he chastised them in a terse tone, laughing before shooing them away after she paid.
They turned to leave, and Rook waved goodbye to Akela, who called after her, “Hey Rook—stop by my workshop sometime soon, will you?” He gestured towards her feet. “Those boots of yours need some TLC. Especially now that you’re down in those caves all the time. Don’t need them falling apart on you down there!” Laughing, he gave her a sarcastic little salute, “Even the island’s worst coffee maker doesn’t deserve to be eaten by monsters,” he joked before stepping up to order a cup of his precious artisanal roast.
She gave him an over-the-top salute back, “I will, thanks, Akela,” and smiled at the two coffee aficionados before heading out.
Turvi gave a little wave of his own, “Well, that’s my cue! Don’t want to be late for yoga class.” He playfully punched Rook on the arm. “You should swing by sometime, Rook! Use those muscles for something other than swinging that sword of yours. Bonus: everyone gets a ticket to the gun show.”
Rook laughed and nudged Athos, “Hah! If that’s what you’re after, you need to get this one to come. I swear to the Maker he gets bigger every time I see him.”
Both of them laughed. “That’s just because you’re so short,” Athos teased. Glancing at Turvi, he added, “With how ridiculously loud she is, you’d never know it, though.”
“Hardy, har har. Hilarious.” Rook dryly replied in response to Athos’ good-natured ribbing. “What are you, a stand-up comedian now? Honestly, Athos—Sabine and I dragged you up on stage literally one time, and now you’re a performer or something?”
Turvi let out another laugh before turning to leave. “Sorry, but I really gotta go, I’m late,” he said with a final wave. He scooped Rook up in a goodbye hug so big it lifted her feet off the ground, and kissed the top of her head before setting her back down.
Rook and Athos watched him make a run towards the beach, both shaking their heads at the sight of him running so fast in nothing but a Speedo and a cup of coffee in his hands.
“Watch out for those shells, babe! They’re deadly!” Rook yelled after him, cracking up when Turvi lifted his middle finger high above his head in response as he continued to run without even looking back at her.
Rook and Athos continued chuckling as they set off for the caves at a brisk pace.
“You’re late again,” Athos gently admonished her. The increased need for patrols meant everyone had to get up earlier than usual, and as another night owl himself, Athos looked almost as tired as she felt.
“I know. I’m sorry—I slept through my damn alarm somehow.” She cheekily dangled her bag of goodies in front of him. “Could I interest you in a yummy breakfast in penance?”
“Do you even have to ask?” he answered with a grin.
Rook tossed him a granola bar and bit into one herself. “Hey, have you finished Mistress of the Scarlet Moon yet?” she asked. “I’ve been raving to Sabine about it, and now she’s begging to read it. I’ve never seen her read anything other than fashion magazines the entire time I’ve known her, and I’ve gotta get her invested now while she’s showing literally any interest at all.”
“Almost. I’ll drop it by the tavern whenever I’m done.”
Rook nodded in thanks. The two of them had started swapping books regularly after she discovered the deceptively imposing man shared her love of trashy romance novels, much to her surprised delight.
“She’s mad at you, by the way,” Athos said, in between bites of his granola bar.
Andraste’s tits!
“Hmm, so I’ve heard,” she mumbled. Rook cast a curious glance at him. “Er…do you happen to know why?”
Athos let out a loud booming laugh and took another large bite of his granola bar before replying, “Oh, Rook. You’re screwed.”
Shit.
👉 Read Part 2!
Well!? What do y'all think Rook did to piss off her bestie Sabine?? Lmk in the comments! 😂 👀
I had so much fun writing my first little AU fic it became not so little at all & I accidentally wrote over 5,000 words...🫣 Part 2 has already been written and I plan to post it in the next few days! Stay tuned!
🏰 Cast of Rooks in Order of Appearance:
Lenora - Baker, @strugglinggranola Sancha - Monster Hunter/Weapons seller, @casa-dei-corvei Jericho - Teacher, @sandcastlekings Turvi - The guy who lives in the van by the beach/ Mermaid, @davrinsleftpectoral Sabine - Tavern Singer, @guacamolleee Sabriel - Doctor, @seaglassmelody Akela - Coffee Stand Attendant/Leather Works Artisan, @brightbreezeblog Athos - Monster Hunter, @serstolas
TY SO MUCH for trusting me with your precious blorbos! 💕
This was my first time writing other OCs & I had a blast thanks to all your lovely selves as well as the incredible Rooks y'all have brought to life. I deeply enjoyed 'getting to know them' + talking to everyone I reached out to while writing pts. 1 & 2 of this, y'all are the sweetest! 🥰
Interested in writing your own island adventure but not sure where to start? You can read other community stories by visiting the Side Quests post linked on the pinned community board, which I've updated to include how I approached adding other OCs!
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I almost always ft. a song in my posts & while Rook listens to 95.2 FM DATV Radio in the mornings, the song below is definitely what she listens to when she sneaks in an ear bud for cave sweepin'!
Sure it's dangerous, but a gal's gotta have her tunes!!!
