Thinking of you
abby anderson x fem!reader
warnings: reader is heavily implied to be a closeted bisexual, reader is borderline bullying abby, heartbroken reader, sad abby, arguing, angst angst angst.
The moment Dylan had yelled at you that it was over between the two of you and slammed the door of your guys’ shared apartment a sense of numbness fell over you. A small ounce of sadness was felt but you were almost completely numb. That lasted a day, you went about your chores like normal with a bright smile on your face. You half worried you were some kind of sociopath for the lack of emotion you felt but that came crashing down the second day of the breakup.
You paced the apartment, full of an uncontrollable anger that couldn’t be tamed no matter how hard you tried. Tears, thick and hot rolled down your cheeks. You had thrown everything that reminded you of him into a bag, even destroyed some of it.
Your apartment was a clear indication of your mind. It was impossible to understand why you were mad, maybe how it ended or how abruptly it had happened. A year and a half down the drain, and for what?
A gentle knock pulled you from the loudness of your thoughts. Tossing the bag full of his stuff down you wipe tears from your eyes and make your way to the door. Throwing it open you half hope to see Dylan, maybe he realized his mistake and was coming back to apologize. Half of you wondered if you would even take him back if he did.
Much to your shock it was Abby Anderson, your ex-situationship. Friends who had a casual crush on each other but never took it farther than that. Soon after you and Dylan began dating, the friendship the two of you shared crumbled like it meant nothing. Sometimes you’d see her around or talk for a bit but never more than a few minutes at a time.
Her dirty blonde hair was tied back in its signature braid, she wore more casual clothes, a simple sleeveless t-shirt that showed off her arms and some baggy pants. She held a black food container in both hands and nervously played with the plastic lid with her thumbs. She swallowed nervously at the sight of you but forced a gentle smile.
“Mel told me Dylan and you broke up and um… I- well.. I didn’t see you in the cafeteria tonight so I thought I’d bring you some dinner so you make sure to eat.” Her voice shook a bit but she forced herself to maintain exposure. “Can I come in?”
A flash of panic filled you knowing the state of your apartment but with a sigh you nod and open the door wider for her to come in. She took a few steps in and froze as she looked around.
You took the container from her hands and tossed it onto the table before going back to packing his things, messily shoving his shirts into the duffle bag. Abby just stood there near the door fighting herself to figure out what to say to you, how to help.
“You deserve better than Dylan.” Abby blurted. “I just mean… you can do better.”
“It doesn’t even matter.” You snap but not necessarily at her, just putting your words out into the universe.
“Of course it matters, you two were together for a long while.” She walks more into the apartment towards you.
“It really doesn’t. None of this fucking matters, none of it! We sit here and pretend everything is normal but it’s not!” You turn to her, eyes pooling with tears. “I’ve got nobody Abby! He’s all I had and he left!”
“I know we aren’t as close as we were but you still have me.” She tried to comfort you.
“Do I though? We hardly talk anymore, I tried so hard to keep you in my circle but you left like I was nothing, like our friendship meant nothing to you! You’re a coward, Abby!” At this point your anger was pooling out of you uncontrollably.
“You're angry. I know I left and I’m sorry but I’m here now and I want to help you.” She kept her voice low, low like the voice she used when waking you up. “I messed up but you will always be the most important person to me.”
You cover your face as you cry loudly and unapologetically. Everything felt like it was falling apart, after Abby withdrew the others did too and that was fine because you had Dylan and as shitty as it sounds that was enough… or at least close to enough.
Abby almost cried with you but decided to try and comfort you. She walked over and tried wrapping her arms around you and pulling you into her chest but you shoved her back. She stood there in shock and flinched when you shoved her again and again.
“YOU LEFT! You all fucking left!” Your throat ached from the crying and from how loud you were yelling. “First you, and then the others and now Dylan and everyone is fine but what about me?! Why am I so disposable!”
“You're not!” Abby cried out, tears pricking her eyes.
“I am!” You cry, your arms moving to hug yourself.
“No, you’re not!” Abby yelled louder this time.
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because I couldn’t stand to see you happy with him when all I wanted was for it to be me!” She blurts, the tears falling down her cheeks.
“What?”
“It was more than a crush to me, it was so much more than that and still is! When you got with him I tried to be happy for you and be supportive but it hurt so bad. When he held you or kissed you all I could feel was a jealousy I can’t explain. I know you didn’t want anyone knowing you liked girls too so I kept it all in but it hurts!” Abby choked on her words. “God… I was in love with you and I couldn’t even say it, I tried but it never felt right.”
“You were in love with me?” Your voice was hoarse as you stared at her in complete disbelief.
“Hell, I still am.” She wipes her tears and clears her throat. “I should go.”
“No, please, wait-” You reach for her in panic, your hand gently clasping her hand causing her to stop. “Stay.”
Her eyes locked with yours. You’d never seen so much emotion in them before, it almost knocked you over. She was more beautiful than you remembered, her soft lips trembled as she held back sobs, her cheeks had faint scars that weren’t there before.
An uncontrollable urge to kiss her flooded you… so you did. Gently placing your lips on hers going up on your tippy toes in order to reach the taller woman and cupping her tear covered cheeks with your hands. She froze before leaning into the kiss. It felt like old times, quiet makeout sessions that nobody knew about but this time it held more weight than it ever had before, much more weight.
A quiet grunt of disapproval came from her throat and she gently pulled back but kept your body touching hers.
“I don’t want to be a rebound, I don’t know if I can deal with being heartbroken again.” She rested her forehead against your own.
“You won’t… We can take this slow.” You promise. “We can stay friends just… please don’t leave again, please don’t ever leave me again.”
A small smile formed on her face as she cups your cheeks with her own hands.
“I wouldn’t ever dream of it.”
a/n: i was recently dumped by my boyfriend and decided to write this which is heavily inspired by a conversation my ex-best friend aka ex-situationship and i had last night except we didn't end up kissing or anything like that.. :/