I’m so excited to finally share the first part of my 5-part Drarry saga:
“The space between” — the beginning of A Hero Is Defined Not by Power—(But by Who They’d Lose).
I haven’t published anything in a while, nor written fiction (except papers, lol), but as I was finishing my PhD, I found myself revisiting Drarry as comfort reading—it helped me get through some of the hardest parts, and it gave me so much inspiration.
I haven’t been back to this ship in a long time… but oh, how much I love them.
I hope this story can bring a little of that enjoyment to others (even if agnsty, because I love angst, but I promise a happy ending).
This has been greatly inspired by all the incredible fics I have been reading this past months (I will surely make a post about it in a close future) and I am still reading, as well as @viria incredible art.
Summary:
The war is over, but peace feels fragile. Harry and Draco are finding their way in a world that’s supposed to be rebuilding… but some wounds, and some bonds, don’t heal easily.
This first part focuses on life returning to “normal” after the war, friendship, grief, and the subtle tension that will grow over the years. Drarry is teased, and the slow-burn journey has only just begun.
✨ Content notes: post-war, grief, friendships, worldbuilding, slow burn, subtle Drarry tension.
💌 The 4 first chapters are out! From now, weekly updates will follow—bookmark to stay caught up!
Also I will create a read from this post bellow so you'll have small hints of each new chapter before it is out!
Read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/5686176
Angsty Quarantine Drarry, requested by, like, three people
(TW: talk of past child abuse) This takes place before my previous Quarantine Social Media AU
- Harry is having a hard time with quarantine despite being stuck in his house with his dads.
- Draco is living with Blaise and has only been at their flat, the grocery store, or visited their mums since quarantine began a month or so ago.
- He and Harry FaceTime at least once a day and text constantly
- Remus is always asking Harry if Draco is staying up on his English assignments and when they say they’re working on another class he always scoffs and says English is obviously most important with a wink as he walks away
- Sirius is enjoying staying in bed longer in the mornings and waking up with Remus instead of waking up at the ass crack of dawn to help open the cafe as he usually does. He is already starting to miss it though. (But Remus and Harry benefit because Sirius will make them the best coffee or pastries some mornings)
- Draco notices something is off before Remus and Sirius because he’s constantly talking to Harry and the other two think Harry is in his room working on his online assignments and talking to Draco. Which he is, they’re not totally wrong.
- But his grades are starting to slip and Harry is getting very lonely and depressed. Some nightmares are starting to return, and his appetite is waning.
- Being stuck in one space, despite it being a house rather than a cupboard, is getting to him.
- Harry doesn’t talk about this because he thinks it’s ridiculous, it’s been over 15 years since he was removed from the Dursley’s and he’s had therapy for it for years how can this still effect him. He fears looking ungrateful for everything Remus and Sirius have done for him at times like these.
- Draco notices that Harry seems more tired than usual and is confused about his assignments more than usual. At first Draco chalked the assignment thing up to changing to the online system but then he noticed the other things too. And he starts to get a bit worried but he tells himself that it’s probably nothing.
- Until he keeps noticing these things and it feels like Harry isn’t contributing much to their conversations, as well as pulling away from Draco.
- Harry usually only spends time with his dads at dinner now. He tries to paste on a smile and always offers to do the dishes so his dads don’t notice how little he’s eaten. After dishes, he usually claims he’s going to play video games or talk to Draco and his friends or go to bed so Sirius and Remus don’t bat an eye about it. They just hug him goodnight and tell him they love him.
- One night Draco has had enough of the worrying and guessing. He can’t get much out of Harry anymore and he’s getting worried. More so than before.
- At this point Draco knew a bit about the Dursley’s and what they did to him but the two never really sat down and talked about everything. Draco didn’t want to push Harry about it and Harry didn’t want Draco worrying about him or to scare him off.
- Draco’s mind, because of the lack of information, doesn’t immediately go to Harry’s history. But he doesn’t know what it could be thats affecting him like this. Draco knows Harry was in an abusive household as a child but that’s about it.
- So. One night Harry is very quiet during their FaceTime. He’s laying in bed in a blanket burrito and half asleep when he mumbles out that he misses Draco a lot and his blankets aren’t as good at cuddling him as Draco is. A minute later he falls asleep with the FaceTime still going.
- Draco watches him for a couple minutes before ending the call and leaving his flat.
- He’s never snuck in to Harry’s room before, especially without Harry but he’s determined. He knows they have a spare key and that Sirius and Remus are probably watching TV in the back room together.
- He finds the key and as quietly as he can, opens the door.
- Normally he would just knock and have one of Harry’s dads let him in. But he feels like this is an important conversation to have between the two of them before he decides to bring his dads attention to the possible problem.
- Plus he’s not worried about Sirius and Remus, they love him and yeah they wouldn’t love him sneaking in but they’d listen to him before forming an opinion about why he was doing so.
- The only thing he’s worried about is them not letting him stay because of the quarantine.
- He successfully gets in, and locks the door behind him. He can hear the tv like he assumed, and slowly makes his way up to Harry’s room where he finds a still asleep Harry with his phone still in hand.
- He can hardly even make out Harry’s head, he’s buried so far in his blankets.
- Draco quietly makes his way over to Harry, sits on the bed, and gently shakes the sleeping boy.
- Harry mumbles and tells Remus to go away, but rolls over and opens his eyes when Draco doesn’t leave.
- Harry bolts upward, eyes wide when he realizes that it’s Draco who’s waking him up.
- “Wait.” He rubs his eyes and looks back at Draco, “what’s happening, why are you here?”
- “I snuck in here, darling. I need to talk to you.”
- Harry’s eyes widen “my dads don’t know you’re here? Are you okay?”
- “No they don’t. I found the spare key and they didn’t hear me over the TV. I’m okay, Harry, but I don’t think you are and I was worried and needed to check on you and talk to you in person rather than through a screen.”
- Harry calms a little when Draco says he’s okay, but avoids Draco’s eyes when he says he wants to talk. “What do you want to talk about?”
- “Babe, are you okay?”
- “What do you mean.”
- “I mean... I feel like something is wrong. Since quarantine started you’ve slowly seemed, I don’t know, not yourself. You seem withdrawn, and like you’re not sleeping well. You were worrying about school which I thought was just because of the online thing but now I don’t think it’s that. I’m just worried and wanted to see if you were feeling okay or if you were sick or just needed a cuddle.”
- “Well I definitely need a cuddle.” Harry mumbled, he laid back onto his bed and unfurled some of his blanket so Draco could be part of his burrito.
- Draco joined him, laying so they were facing each other. They just watched each other for a minute until Draco leaned forward to kiss Harry’s nose. Harry scrunched up his nose and giggled, making Draco smile.
- “Really though, Babe, are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?” Draco asked, honestly quite worried about his boy.
- Harry sighed. And started playing with Draco’s fingers while he gathered his thoughts.
- “Well. I think-“ Harry paused, looking frustrated with himself.
- He tried again, “so you know that for a few years when I was little, I lived in an abusive home.”
- Draco nodded, “I don’t know much more than that though.”
- “Right. Well, my parents were killed when I was 2 years old. Apparently no one could find a will or anything saying that I was supposed to live with Sirius as my godfather, I still don’t understand that part. Anyway, so I was handed over to the only blood relatives I had left, my mums sister and her husband. And I lived there until I was almost 6.”
- Draco could tell that opening up like this was costing Harry. He pulled the other boys hands up and kissed them and then leaned forward to kiss Harry properly before allowing him to continue. Before he did though, Harry scooted closer to snuggle into Draco’s chest, and Draco wrapped his arms around Harry, and rested his chin on top of his head.
- “The social workers, they didn’t check on us much. And I think they told the Dursley’s they were coming because they never caught them doing anything to me. Or maybe they ignored it. I don’t know. At least until I was assigned a new social worker, Janie. She made a surprise visit, Vernon made me answer the door because they were eating. I was taken away from them that night, especially after I showed her my bedroom because my bedroom was the cupboard under the stairs.”
- Draco tensed up, immediately livid at these people who he’d never met, and who Harry hadn’t seen since he was 6. He didn’t want to interrupt Harry though, now that he was opening up to him, so he just hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head before taking a deep breath and continuing to listen.
- “I was like a servant to them. Especially to their son, Dudley. I had to wake up and make them breakfast, clean the house, tend the garden. If I messed up, which happened because I was a toddler, I was punished. There was a lot. I still remember a lot. No one ever believed me because my aunt and uncle made me out to be this troublesome child. I didn’t have time for schoolwork because I had so many chores. I wasn’t allowed to eat much, and I got scraps when I did. I was apparently pretty malnourished. The doctors believed that this all stunted my growth, and that’s why I’m shorter than I should be. And probably why my eyes are so bad too.”
- Harry stopped speaking for a bit then, lost in thought. Draco just continued to hug him while he waited for the rest. “They’re in prison still for what they did to me. I don’t know what happened to my cousin.”
- Harry sighed deeply, “So because of quarantine, I think, and being stuck in one place for who knows how long even if it’s a whole house this time and with people who I know love me it’s starting to bring back bad thoughts. I’m having nightmares again. Which I haven’t had for a few years now and I think I’m getting depressed and my grades are slipping and I’m worried about covid and I feel like all this is so stupid. I haven’t seen the Dursley’s since I was 6, it’s been what, 15 or so years? I’ve been in a loving home for 15 years and yet I get nightmares as soon as I’m not allowed to leave. I feel like it’s all so stupid and I’m stupid for being like this and not appreciative of my Dads for all they’ve done for me.”
- “You’re not stupid, Harry. Not at all.” Draco could tell Harry was getting emotional and trying to let it out. He could feel a wetness on his shirt from tears of frustration and anger and sadness. But Harry continued on, unable to stop without getting everything off of his chest now.
- “They fucking took the door off of my closet because I thought I was stuck in there when it closed on me in my first month of living here and had a panic attack. They made our cupboard under the stairs into a good and happy space for reading or hanging out. They have done everything for me and they never gave up on me. I remember them trying to come see me at the Dursley’s all the time, even though they never let them in. I love them so much and I feel like I’m ungrateful for it all when I feel like this-” He broke off, crying harder this time. After a few minutes and some deep breaths he continued again.
- “Being stuck here is bringing back nightmares, as well as my claustrophobia and I constantly feel trapped, so I just come up here to my room and nap in bed because I’m just so exhausted all the time and I have nowhere else to go. And I try to fake it in front of my dads. I don’t think they’ve really noticed anything. I got good at lying and hiding at the Dursley’s and I hate it even if it helps sometimes.”
- It seemed that Harry was finally done. Draco hoped he hadn’t left anything big out. He wanted to know and understand Harry on every level, and something this big was a good thing to understand, or at least to know about.
- Draco leaned back so he could finally see Harry’s face again. He wiped his tears away, and kissed his forehead, “thank you for telling me this, Harry. I want you to know that this will not scare me away, I’m here to stay.”
-Harry squeezed his eyes shut as a few more tears leaked out, he grabbed Draco and hugged him fiercely, “Thank you, Draco. For letting me talk, for listening, and for still being here.”
- “Of course, Harry.” He let the hug go on for a few minutes before tapping his shoulder and pulling back. “C’mon. Up you get.”
- “What? Why what are we doing?”
- “I just need you to get up and grab us another comfy blanket.” Harry looked confused but obliged anyway. When he came back, Draco was up and waiting for him at the doorway and holding out his hand for Harry’s. In his other arm, was Harry’s duvet. Still confused, Harry grabbed his hand. Draco led him upstairs and out onto the roof. He walked to the middle and layed out the blanket Harry had been carrying before grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him down onto it. He then took Harry’s duvet and rolled them up into it, and manoeuvring Harry so he was resting against Draco's chest again while looking into the night sky.
- “Oh.” Harry mumbled when he looked up and saw all the stars reflecting back at him.
- Draco smiled, “You said you were getting claustrophobic being trapped in your house. This way. You’re not trapped inside, but still quarantining at least. And you get to look at the beautiful sky, and feel the breeze.”
- Harry was speechless at the thoughtful gesture. He felt so loved in that moment. Draco snuck here, just to make sure he was okay. He hadn’t run off when Harry told him about his past. He keeps comforting him whenever he needs it. And now he’s doing all he can to help fight everything negative Harry has been feeling over the last month.
- Harry wiped away another tear before he turned, leaning over Draco. He leaned down and kissed his boy. Trying to convey all of his feelings in that one kiss. He pulled back and stared at Draco for a minute, committing everything to memory. He never wanted to forget this moment.
- Harry looked into Draco’s eyes and thought he could see his emotions reflected back to him.
- “Draco.” They looked at each other for another moment, Draco moving his hand to cup Harry’s face, while the other went around his waist.
- “I love you, Draco.” It was the first time either of them had said it. Draco's eyes widened slightly before a big grin broke out over his face.
- Draco surged up to kiss him again, then, “I love you too, Harry.” They continued for a few minutes before setting back down to where they’d been, smiles on both of their faces.
- “Harry?” Draco asked after awhile of pointing out constellations, and certain stars.
- “Yeah?”
- “You’re going to talk to your dads about everything right? Soon? I feel like they will really be able to help you, love.”
- Harry sighed, but nodded. “Yeah, I’ll talk to them tomorrow. Will you be there with me?”
- “Of course I will. I’d do anything for you. But that’s tomorrow and I think we should probably go to sleep. It’s pretty late and you’re not sleeping enough as it is. Mind if I sleep over?”
- “Of course not, Draco. You can sleep over whenever you want. Especially if we sleep in my bed.”
- “Well I certainly didn’t want to sleep on the couch or the floor.” The two boys got up and took the blankets back inside and down to Harry’s room before snuggling back in Harry’s bed together.
“I love you, Harry James Potter-Lupin.” Draco said with a kiss.
- Harry smiled and replied, “I love you too, Draco Lucius Malfoy.”
Draco stared at the plate in front of him, his eyes glazing over.
“No thank you,” Draco mumbled from behind his door. “I am not hungry.”
“Honey, you haven’t eaten in days...” Narcissa pushed the door open only to see her son hadn’t moved an inch. “We can go for a walk if you like?”
“No thank you.” Draco rolled off of his back and towards the wall away from his mother. “I am tired.”
“Lucius! Do something! He hasn’t eaten in days, he won’t even leave his room.” Narcissa fell onto the chest of her husband, tears welling in her eyes, tears rolling down her pale cheeks.
Lucius wrapped his arms around his wife, of course, he was concerned. He was concerned because he knew his son wouldn’t listen to her. He was concerned because as soon as he would tell his son to eat, he would. He would because he had been told to. His son was turning into a robot. A lifeless... order taking... emotionless robot.
Lucius gently let his knuckles hit Draco’s door. “Draco.” Lucius was surprised to see his son hadn’t seemed to acknowledge him. Lucius pushed open the door, seeing his son laying straight out, silently. “Come downstairs... I understand you aren’t feeling well, but you are upsetting your mother. Just have some food.” Lucius tried, he tried not to show how much the war had changed him. He tried not to show how truly worried he was. He hoped that if he acted like his usual self, so would Draco.
“I was willing to kill him... and he forgave me.”
“Draco... will you at least go to school tomorrow, it is your last year.” Lucius tried harder, letting his guard down for a moment, sitting beside his son.
“I... I wanted to kill him,” Draco choked out, turning to look at his father. Draco’s puffy, red eyes seemed to be sunken back, his skin was as white as a sheet. He looked like death was inviting him. “I don’t want to go to school... I don’t want to go anywhere.”
Lucius pulled Draco up and into a hug. When Draco was a lot younger, Lucius wouldn’t mind hugging him, but they had both been through a lot. “Draco, there is a difference between wanting and feeling the need to. You need to try to eat... for your mother and me.”
“Yeah...”
So that is how Draco ended up sitting at his lunch table. He had zoned out, a very common thing he had found himself doing. It was only the shuffling of feet behind him that snapped him back into reality.
“Hey... Malfoy.” Harry shifted awkwardly on his feet. “Haven’t seen you in awhile...”
Draco winced. He wanted to say something, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to say a word. He just let gave a nod of his head, got up, and left. Or he would have.
Harry’s hand shot out and locked on Draco’s arm, not roughly. It was so light, that Harry hadn’t even realized what he was doing. He didn’t realize what was even happening. One moment he was staring at a blonde head of hair his first year, and now that little head of hair was buried in his neck.
As Harry pulled Draco into a tight hug, Draco’s heart stopped. He hated it. He hated the fact that Harry forgave him... the fact that Harry managed to give a shit about him.
“Draco...”
“Yes, Harry?”
Harry wasn’t smiling because he could feel Draco’s tears. He wasn’t smiling because he could hear how broken he was. He wasn’t smiling because he knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. Harry was smiling because Draco wasn’t too far gone. “Are you... alright?”
I put that thing I wrote on ao3 to make it more reader friendly. Very slight changes made.
Don’t Have to Say the Words by jeni_andtheafterthought (aka @drarrymylove)
Summary: Draco is having a hard time separating his own insecurities from the difficulties in his relationship with Harry.
Tags: Established Relationship, Auror Harry Potter, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Domestic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Insecurity, Anxiety, Healer Harry Potter, Smut, Anal Sex, they have a cat, PWP, EWE
This is a little bit different from what you requested but... I got carried away! I hope you like this! (Two posts in one day? What...?) Also this is set after Harry and Draco go back to hogwarts and finish their 8th year. Draco and Harry are still adjusting to life, and are newly together since they got together at the end of the year. Draco finally has someone and he won't open up....
Is there any really angsty drarry fics you'd recommend?? I have no real preference if they have a happy end or not 💜💛💜💛
Hello! Here’s my angst with a happy ending list and a rec I did the other day for the angstiest fic I’ve ever loved.
Unfortunately, anyone looking for angst with open/unhappy endings is asking the wrong girl, because I usually avoid those kinds of fics. I like to be healed after having my heart stabbed hahahahahaha *sobs*
