call me late to the party but i just heard of ricci's passing.
and it shook me. the last death i've had to deal with was my grandmother's and that was ten years ago. i can't say i've been around for the past several months, or the past year, really, and a part of me just felt like it got ripped out.
i spent last night digging through my box of mementos to find the christmas card he sent me two years ago and i read it, read it twice, thrice, and seeing in his handwriting "i'm really glad we met" just hurt so much because this was ricci in his brightest days, when i didn't go into the cbox worrying about his panic attacks and feeling stressed that i wasn't actually calming him down
as a buddhist i do believe (to some extent) in the idea of reincarnation. and i hope wherever his soul goes, it'll be one where he'll struggle with less. because karma-wise he's done pretty damn great. he listened, unfailingly, with the patience and understanding that you don't very often from the people around you andĀ just listened, offered words of reassurance, and that was all i ever really needed.
today in school i sat there throughout class listless and unable to do anything of consequence Ā because i was so shattered and a part of me just felt like it had broken. i've known ricci for five years, and it's been a joy to know someone like that. and he'll always be something special to me. that $40 shipping i spent on sending his birthday parcel over will hopefully be testament to that.Ā
with regards to anrui - it hurts a fuck ton for me to go back now because i had been struggling with muse problems, but this kind of was like the nail to the coffin. i can never go back without seeing thinking that hey, all these plots we were supposed to have and everything... it won't come to fruition any more. anrui won't be the same without one of my best staff members, who did their duty diligently and stuck to the site even through its several deaths and revivals, who dared to call me out on shit because i'm a terrible person.
wherever you may be, ricci, nums, i hope you're happier. because you deserve all that happiness in the world.
i'm going to keep away from anrui for as long as this takes for me to heal. that and school has just been eating away at me, and the last thing i need now is to let that funk drag me under now that university is starting. bearlyepic, bandicoot-curtlesnoot and everyone else because i don't have your tumblrs, i'll always be on my main sirree if you ever need to find me.
