#annaka

[tikuo2007]

『Too Hot...』

20240707

[4evrnocturnal]

is it wrong to want her in this way? To want her because I crave her attention, her affection, her sweetness?

I do everything in my power to shift and see her whether it be her as an actor or her character. I shift nightly just to be around her, to feel that happiness again and every time it comes back in waves.

But here? I don’t have her, I don’t have her character and she herself would never notice me but is it wrong to want to have her here? With me? I’ve done so much to pretend like she is, like she’s actually here. Painted her jersey on a canvas, made bracelets with her name both her character and actor, spent money on things it seems she would like, i’ve hand crafted her characters baseball t shirt and hat and I’ve even ordered a hoodie that looks like hers and a perfume that I assume would smell like she does.

But is it wrong? Sometimes it feels that way. That she fills me with such happiness that I get dressed happily. That I do my makeup with a smile. That I look in the mirror and think “I like this version of me” with a genuine expression on my face. I can’t think about her or look at her too long without feeling this overwhelming feeling. Like a tsunami crashing over me and drowning me in ecstasy.

I look at her a bit too long and I start hyperventilating and squealing because gods she’s amazing. Can I even say that she’s amazing? I’ve never truly met her, not here.

little scenarios and scenes fill my head at school. At home, I maladaptive daydream about her, pacing back and forth listening to the playlist I’ve made about her till my feet go numb and I’ve chewed away at the skin on my fingers. Acting out scenarios in my room that feel too affectionate, too romantic.

Reading others words late at night, about her that bring me to tears, that make me cry ugly tears. Reading these and putting myself in that situation and feeling warm, comfortable even. My friends getting sick of me because I talk about her and show them pictures and edits all while covering my face because I’m smiling so much.

Yet I can’t help but ask myself if it’s wrong to feel like this. That it’s wrong to want to just talk about her, wrong to wanna look at her so often, wrong to want to see her. It feels wrong to want her at all.

[nicktandy]

graduating from it's joever to gojover

[porsches]

i will literally not kill myself until Annaka comes to visit me

[josoup]

pyon

[mushroom-furniture]

Nagashi Somen in the Park is fully realized.

[mai-is-gai]

This is one of the greatest doodles I have ever made.

[shadehlyne]

I drew a thing on my phone WITH MY FINGER! It's hard but when the urge to draw hits and you don't have access to art supplies you make due.