This is my first post on the subject of dating in your 40s, I have posted on other social media and get some good laughs on those but I keep them tame, here I will not. Let me be upfront and say I am not a writer, I do run on sentences, etc. I write how my mind thinks and it is chaotic, I will get there in time. I am writing at the rate my brain is going, I'm also high and my mind is wonderful then. I am staying anonymous, I speak from the heart, blunt and swear..a lot and sex will be brought up A LOT, just a heads up. I have been told so may times that I am hilarious, so just testing the waters. All of my writings are 100% honest, I have Depression, PTSD and Major Anxiety Disorder, I will be sharing all sorts of personal info.
I need to write this immediately because I yet again did not trust my gut. I have had so many shitty relationships where the guy just does a complete U-turn in dating these days. I miss the days of high school whispers, he/she likes you, would you date them or flirting in class.. I am going to call them the good ole days because they are, dating is so exhausting these days.
So I have recently been speaking with my therapist about the current trend of calling someone a narcissist but what is a huge sign of this disorder is love bombing and it is scary as fuck. Love bombing is defined as an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it. So to my story I want to share this moment, I DID NOT TRUST MY GUT, once again and boy was I fucking duped. So I always get asked for dating advice but I can give amazing advice but I don't listen to my own words. If a guy is overly nice right at the beginning...slow it down immediately if it is genuine they will respect your wishes and actually slow down. If they don't want to, its a huge red flag, like giant flag, don't ignore it. So I began talking to F, I will never reveal true names, I'm actually in love with F but I need to end it because it dawned on me over the weekend that I was fucking love bombed..again...and I know the signs, well I put myself to the back burner so much in my life that I won't do it again. F was amazing, I felt something the moment I met him and that has only happened to me two other times in my life, so I fell hard. The sex was amazing, he made me cum like no other man has before, stupid feelings..lol but this past weekend he with held sex from me all weekend to "see if we got along outside of the bedroom" like what does that mean?? We get along great, finish each others sentences, we vibe, so what did he need to see? ? He actually admitted that to me, but said it was a test for "us" it hit me like a ton of bricks of what I fell for, the facade, the whole fucking reeling a person in with all the warmth and kindness, the help, the phone calls, gifts.....if its to good to be true, guess what it is. I wanted to note too that I am brand new to this site so if you can ask me questions, feel free. I'm making this my daily task because I have way to many stories up in my noggin. So yeah, back to this past weekend. I asked him if we could kiss on three separate times, and he made an excuse each time, one being he was "hangry" and we were just sitting there waiting for our food. We were heading to dinner on the Sunday and I offered to blow him and he said " no, we are going to your moms" like...what?? does this make any fucking sense? Well my soul feels crushed right now.