seen from Russia
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seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
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seen from United States
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seen from United States
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seen from China
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seen from China
Society is too easy to manipulate emotionally. Like it’s worrying. They’re more swayed by emotion than fact and that’s an issue. Collectively as a whole, society is just a big pansy that can’t do shit. Too rife with inner turmoil that’s driven by vulernable egos to do anything. Bitches need to toughen up.
Most of the time I’m putting on an act or I’m doing something or watching something which helps distract me so I forget what that emptiness feels like. Like absolute boredom of nothing. It’s nothingness and it’s astonishing. You ask yourself how can I feel this empty? How can I feel..nothing? But it’s just there. You’re just blank and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t feel sad about it. You can’t feel happy about it. You can’t feel.
I’ve always noticed a big difference in my dreams from my friends. My friends tend to dream about protecting others or dream about loved ones. They’ll dream about sex or romantics but I don’t. My dreams are very practical and straight forward. Most dreams I’m running from something or someone in one way or another. They’re not nightmare cause it doesn’t scare me, I just run and strategize. Other dreams involve death. Normally it’s me doing the killing. I haven’t had those recently though, probably cause I’m not super angry at the moment. But one thing I’ve heard in common from my friends is that they die in their dreams either often or sometimes. I’ve never died once in a dream. I just think that’s kinda interesting lol. Oh oh also people in my dreams don’t have faces. Never. Probably because I have a very difficult time recalling faces. I can recognize them I just can’t recall them to memory especially if the person is blonde. Dreams and meanings behind them are sooo fascinating to me.
Fuck. I have to take my medication and I don’t fucking want to.
I’ve been off it for a little over two months for an experiment and I was doing great! And now I’m not. I hate having to take ittttttt. I just don’t want to fucking have to do it. But I gotta now. They make my mood swings worse, which was the reason for the experiment, but I cant function without them. I get too paranoid and anxious. I could barely get in my car earlier in fear that it was going to fucking explode. At points I’m ready to rip someone’s head off. My mind, me, my personality I suppose, clash with my anxiety so hard. I have a dont fuck with me attitude. Like try me and I might fucking kill you for the hell of it kind of mindset, but my anxiety and paranoia kind of hinder it cause think someone is just gunna come up behind me and shank me. Why?? I have no idea. Probably cause I’d do that to someone and I project myself onto others thinking that they’re all like me. We love that.
Does anybody else get so bored to the point where a slight depression kicks in??
How did I never get in trouble for kicking boys and stabbing them with pencils in school???
Wow I was an asshole as a kid lmao I once made two boys fight for my love in third grade, even though I only liked one of them and was going to pick them anyways lmaooo. I kicked a boy and he kicked me back and I got mad and repeatedly stomped on him when I got the chance. Then he got in trouble and I lied my way out of it because I was the good kid who would never. Manipulated my friends into hating this one girl cause she pissed me off. Steal kids stuff and blame it on others. Sharpen pencils as sharp as they could be and just stab people in the hand with it. I probably did more shit but I can’t remember. Oh elementary school.
???? How did no one notice???? Alright fr I realizing how narcisstic I was as a kid and how much of a bully I could be. Damn, I could be flat out volatile. HOW DID I GET AWAY WITH IT?
I was talking to a guy in a politics/bullshit gc and we were talking about being introverted and what’s fun. I told him that doing anything illegal is the only way I can have true fun and excitement and he said that was weird. I lean more libertarian and he said if I was libertarian and against laws then how could I have fun if nothing was illegal anymore (hypothetically) and I told him you can still break moral laws. Then he told me I sounded like a serial killer....👀 and I ooped out of that conversation before it fell down a too real rabbit hole. He’s kind of hypocritical like all people but that’s another rant post for another time
