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Apr 26, 2014

[fic] Aorei: Chance

Written on request from meandrousoul. I did my best, but I'm not good with this pairing. I hope you like it anyway. (u‿u✿)

Fandom: the GazettE Coupling: Aoi x Reita Rating: T

"He's having one of those days," Uruha told him when they went outside to smoke.

"Again?" Aoi asked quietly, taking a small puff.

"Yeah, again."

"Girlfriend again?"

"Ex-girlfriend. Mmhm."

"Aren't you helping him?"

"I'm doing my best. You could try to help too, you know."

"He smiles and says he's fine." It made Aoi's heart ache a bit to see Reita hiding his feelings, but it was to be expected of the bassist. He didn't like inconveniencing others. "I'm trying."

Uruha let out a long stream of smoke, closing his eyes. "It's about to the point where I think he and I should be lovers. Just so he has something steady."

Aoi didn't respond for a few moments. Uruha said this after each breakup Reita had, and while Aoi couldn't blame him, it still hurt to hear. It didn't help that he could easily see the two together, a happy couple, only at the next stage of the friendship they'd had so long. But it wasn't like Aoi was a newcomer, either.

"I mean, lover is just the next stage after best friend, right?" he murmured, lifting his cigarette to his lips again.

"Right?" Uruha nodded. "He needs a best friend, not some girl he barely knows who's clingy and wants him there all the time. I don't understand why they expect that. They know we can't do that."

"But you could be with him all the time."

The younger guitarist paused in his talk, taking another drag on his stick. Then he added, breath wisping out in grey smoke, "You could be, too."

Aoi cracked a laugh, leaning back against the wall. "I'm not gay."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it."

He was quiet for a bit, wilting slightly under Uruha's gaze. "You'd be okay with it?"

"Why not?"

"Because he's your best friend."

"Well, isn't he one of your best friends too?"

"Yeah, but..." But what? What was he arguing?

"I mean, if you like him, Aoi... just ask him out. The worst thing he can do is say no."

"I guess so."

"Is that a confession?"

"Shut up," Aoi grumbled, shoving Uruha to try to move the grin off his face.

"Ask him," Uruha repeated, dropping his cigarette into the ashtray and moving back to the door. "Better than wasting away in doubt."

Aoi watched the door shut, then lifted his gaze, staring up at the sky. His annoyance at Uruha's joking faded quickly, and he drifted into thought. Could he tell Reita? Would the bassist even acknowledge it, or would he think Aoi was playing around?

He wouldn't blame Reita at all, he supposed. He was always poking and prodding and teasing him with all degrees of affection. Honestly, until recently, he hadn't acknowledged the feelings himself. He'd been too absorbed in other things. It was only when it had all started crashing down on him, when he'd reached his end and his lowest, that he'd begun to realise.

Reita had come and sat with him when he'd isolated himself during those practises before their decade live. Aoi had stayed silent, not wanting to talk. He'd been in too much pain to. And he expected Reita to just leave after a bit of silence, but to his surprise, the blonde spoke first.

"Have you made a decision yet?"

"No," Aoi replied after a few moments of silence, not looking at him. "And I don't need anyone pressing me to stay."

"I'm not going to. It's up to you. You do what you feel you need to do. I get it. You're going through a tough time, and you need to decide what goes and what stays to make things better. Honestly, I wouldn't blame you for deciding this can't stay."

He'd felt a bit cold and scared as Reita had said it. The bassist's tone was even and calm, and still warm. When he'd looked at his friend, he found the familiar soft smile in place, amber eyes understanding.

"It's hard. It takes a lot out of you. You give up a lot for it. I wonder sometimes if it's worth it, myself. If it isn't for you anymore... I understand."

"Rei..."

"But even if you decide to go, you should know we're all still here for you. I am, at least. You mean a lot to me, and I wouldn't just cut you out because you aren't on stage with me anymore. Even if you don't feel the same way, I just want you to know that."

The pang that had seared his heart at Reita's honest words had confused and frightened him, and he'd been wordless as his friend had clapped his shoulder, stood, and gone back to the rest of the group. The pain was beyond the confusion he felt in his life. It centred on Reita alone.

Ultimately, of course, Aoi had stayed. He'd stayed for the fans that had so supported him through the years. He'd stayed for the staff, the friends he'd made. He'd stayed for the music, the passion that had brought him through. He'd stayed for the other members of the band, who were more his family than almost anyone else, and all he'd had left. And he had stayed, because he hadn't been able to bear the thought of how much leaving Reita would hurt.

It had taken him awhile to work everything out, so he could put a name to his feelings. What he felt for Reita, the one he'd always been so close to on stage, had dizzied him when he'd realised it. But how could he not? Reita had always been there at his side, quiet and reserved and shy. He'd taken all the hits and teasing with good humour, always smiled, always made way. Offstage, he had always been caring, he'd been reliable and gone out of his way to help Aoi. He'd always supported, even when he had challenged. They could say they were rivals, and they were. Reita made him work harder. Reita made him look higher. Reita made him want to make himself better. And what wasn't there to love about that?

Love and lust, he'd come to split. He loved the other three of the band, of course. He loved them all to degrees that he couldn't feel for almost anyone else. But the affection he showered on them physically was closer to friendly teasing, or a base, curious lust. Ruki was godly, Uruha was beautiful, Kai was strong. He lusted after that. That was the driving force behind the way he touched them. But for Reita, he wanted to be closer. He wanted more intimate affection, more than sexual. A kiss here and there, nuzzling and grinding and licking? Sure, why not. It sated whatever was flaring in him. But after that was done, he still wanted to be close. He still wanted to make Reita smile and to see himself in those fiery eyes. He still wanted to hear Reita's voice and feel his touch. It was a bit humiliating to have to reduce it to physical sensation like that, but it was the easiest way for him to understand.

And that was why it hurt so much when he knew Uruha had a far better chance of getting to be a lover than he did. He knew Reita loved and trusted Uruha more than anyone else. There was nothing he could do about that. There was no getting the ten-odd years Uruha had on him. So all he could do was watch over Reita and do the best he could to make the man happy. If that meant being quiet while Uruha took him, so be it.

That was the worst part of love, Aoi had come to realise. Doing what was best for them. Ruki had said it, but he had never quite understood.

Confessing to Reita, asking for a chance, scared him. It was probably because, more than any fantasies or dreams about them together, was the heavy chance that the reality would be an apologetic smile and a turn away. Aoi saw that just as often, if not more, than anything else. He didn't know yet what he would do if he faced it. So he simply hadn't tried, and he'd let himself deal with the pain of watching Reita hurt instead.

"Dammit," he muttered, snubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray and going back inside for the night. He slouched into his hotel room, distracting himself with a shower and long bath. After he'd climbed out and half towel-dried his hair, he went out to get a drink, and on his way back, he saw a familiar blonde head leaving Uruha's room. His heart plummeted a bit, but he managed to smile when Reita faced him.

"Thirsty?" Reita asked quietly, offering a tired half-smile.

"Are you? I'll buy you something."

"No, thanks though."

"Shacking up with Uru?" Aoi asked, nodding towards the other guitarist's door, trying to joke.

"Heh... not quite." Reita followed him, his hands in his pockets. "Just visiting him before bed."

"Is he asleep already?" Aoi's heart was twisting. He didn't want to talk about this. But he was scared to speak openly.

"Yeah, he was sleepy, but he stayed up for me." Reita's smile widened a bit now. "He's reliable about some things."

"Sometimes. Can I come in for a minute?" Aoi asked when Reita stopped by his door.

"Sure."

Always, Reita pretended he was okay. Uruha was the only one he opened to. Aoi felt a sudden stab of intense jealousy. Didn't anyone else warrant that sort of trust? He stepped inside, still holding his drink loosely.

"I've been worried about you," he said after a second of awkward silence. "It's hard to see you so down."

"You don't need to worry. I'll be okay. I always am." His smile widened again, though, as if he took comfort in Aoi's concern. The darker one felt a small bit of blissful relief that he'd been the source of that. "I just need some time, I guess."

"You can always talk to me. I'll listen."

"Right... I just... Uruha loves me, you know? He's probably the one person that does."

That just about knocked the wind out of Aoi, it hurt so much. He reeled a bit, unable to keep himself from staring at Reita. How could he say that? Aoi was right here!

"I know everyone else cares about me too," the blonde continued, not seeming to notice Aoi's shock, "but Uruha's the one that's always... been..........." A pause, and a funny expression. "Aoi?"

He'd noticed. Aoi swallowed hard. His mind was blank, he couldn't think of anything to say. Maybe he should encourage it. Uruha would take good care of Reita, and he knew they adored each other. Reita would be happy. That was what he wanted, more than anything.

But when he opened his mouth, he ruined it.

"Do you really think Uruha's the only one capable of loving you?"

Reita's face blanked. A wide spectrum of emotions ran through his eyes, easy to see, and then his expression morphed to looking absolutely shaken. Aoi couldn't tell what might be crossing his mind right now. He regretted speaking. He hated himself. That wasn't a confession, it was a passive-aggressive whine. But the damage was done, and the best thing he could do would be to backpedal and attempt to smooth it over.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't what I meant to say."

"Aoi...?"

"I just..." He chewed on his lip, his heart beating in his throat uncomfortably. He almost hoped it strangled him and he could drop dead on the spot. He shouldn't have said anything! "I wish you knew how much I cared."

"What are you saying?" Reita asked, his voice weak. He didn't seem to know if he should register it as a joke or as a serious statement. His frame had bristled slightly, too - Aoi could see the muscles in Reita's arms more defined now, telling him Reita had tensed up. He half-wished Reita would just hit him, so he had an excuse to escape.

"I guess I can't do anything else now, huh..." Aoi tried to laugh, but it was nervous. It sounded hideously high-pitched, and it made his own head hurt. "I love you, Reita."

A long pause, and then a weak smile crossed Reita's face. "I knew that already, Aoi. I shouldn't have said Uru's the only one that cares. I knew already that you -"

"No, you didn't. I love you, Reita. I'm in love with you."

The loudest silence Aoi had ever heard fell between them. The smile had faded from Reita's face again, and he was blankly looking at Aoi, devoid of emotion. Not even his eyes displayed anything Aoi could read. He began panicking, but to his own credit, managed to somehow keep himself in control.

"I have been for a long time, I guess. I didn't realise it until a couple of years ago. I've been in love with you. You're really... one of the best things in my life. And you deserve to be happy. I don't want to get between you and Uruha. I just wanted you to know... he isn't the only one that loves you. So don't be hard on yourself. You're a wonderful man, and I... I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy."

Still silence. Reita's expression remained blank, but something that seemed a lot like grief had filled his brown eyes now, and it almost killed Aoi. He mentally floundered for a second before he forced a smile.

"I'm not trying to push you into anything. Just know, okay? Uru and I love you a lot. Don't let anyone else get you down." Aoi wanted to just disappear for making him so uncomfortable. " I should go back to my room. But uh... goodnight. Sleep well."

And, desperate to escape, he turned and let himself out. Reita didn't stop him or call after him, and he all but ran back to his room. As soon as the door was closed, he hit himself with the bottle of soda he was clenching in his fist, almost crushed.

"You fucking idiot!" he groaned, sinking down onto the bed. "What the hell was that... why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut...!" No way Reita would respond favourably to that. Aoi groaned again, dropping his head. "God, just kill me where I sit..."

Unfortunately that prayer wasn't granted, so as soon as he stopped hating himself enough to move, he put his soda aside - he had no more thirst or appetite - and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over his head to try to hide from his shame. There was almost nothing else he could have done wrong for that. He wasn't even over his girlfriend yet. This wasn't a shoujo manga or a movie, where a confession would make everything better. Hell no, Aoi would have been pissed if something similar had happened to him. He poked his head out of the covers to get fresh air, staring at the dark wall.

Well, there would be no blaming Reita if he avoided Aoi for the next century. He would be well within his right to. Aoi sighed, rubbing his temples now.

"I need to work on my interactions..." He rolled over, pulling the covers a bit tighter. "Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll just pretend it didn't happen and he'll forget it in a little bit."

Rejection was imminent. It had been pretty clear from Reita's lack of reaction at all that he wasn't interested. Aoi had totally blindsided him. If he just brushed it over and acted like it hadn't happened and forgot it with time, maybe it would be easier than hearing a direct "no".

Not likely, but Aoi could hope.

Reita hardly looked at him the next morning when they all piled into the tour bus, yawning widely, to head to the venue to start setting up. Aoi tried to ignore how his heart plummeted when the blonde leaned against Uruha, and the other guitarist rested his head atop Reita's. Of course, it was to be expected. It was okay. As long as Reita was happy...

He didn't push himself on Reita, and did his best to keep his distance. When his gaze met Reita's, he tried to offer a friendly smile, but usually the blonde quickly looked away. Aoi did his best to not let it get to him, even though his heart tightened a little bit every time. There were a couple of times that, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Reita staring at him, and when he looked up, the bassist looked like he wanted to say something. But he would look away and move aside instead.

"Are you okay?" Ruki asked him as it got close to the time to go out on stage.

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"Do your best."

"No one will know once we get out on stage." He hoped Reita would do the same, the two of them almost always were playing with each other the entire live. "Just watch."

"You'd better keep up your end, or I'll bite your face off."

"Please do," Aoi said with a wide grin, matching the one Ruki flashed him.

"Calm it down you two," Kai sighed. "Keep it to backstage."

He saw Reita watching, but he chose to not look that way. He'd leave Reita alone until they were onstage and hope the blonde would just play along.

The roar of the audience made him feel much better when he stepped out and immediately put a smile on his face. He put the entire thing out of his mind, just for this. It wouldn't do any good to carry it with him here. Looking over his shoulder at Reita halfway through the first song, he found his friend grinning too. Their eyes met briefly, and Reita stuck his tongue out, showing no sign of the hesitance he had earlier.

Aoi felt so much relief he couldn't help but make his way over to tease Reita for a few moments. The blonde played right back, then nudged him off with his shoulder, not losing that smile. Aoi let everything go now. Nothing was wrong, not on stage.

Reita and Kai stuck together when they went backstage to change for the encore - Reita paid him no mind at all, and then he was out. Aoi sighed, waiting for his turn, fidgeting a bit. The main part of a live was easy to pretend, he and Reita didn't interact too much. But the encore was when they all let loose and have fun. He waited just offstage, nervously watching the bassist, powerful in the middle of the stage. His eyes traced the line of Reita's back more than a few times. He got so absorbed in watching the blonde that he missed his cue and it took a shove to get him to go out on stage. Uruha watched him, his lips pressed into a thin line, as he hurried out and jumped up on his stand.

"Aoi, you're late!" Kai said into his microphone, making the audience break out into laughter. Aoi smiled and bowed, making the gesture to apologise. Reita counted down and they started the song, and Aoi stayed where he was, looking out over the audience. He heard Uruha's voice join Reita's, and looking back, he found the other guitarist had joined Reita in the middle of the stage. He debated for a second before he went over to join, taking a spot on Reita's free side.

The bassist looked at him, eyebrows raised. His expression was calm and warm, like it always was... as if Aoi had never blurted out his feelings the night before. Maybe he had just completely forgotten it, like Aoi had hoped. It made him hurt, but he grinned and leaned in, pretending he didn't feel the pain. A teasing kiss that Reita would avoid and then brush away like usual.

He didn't expect Reita to lean into him and kiss him.

Aoi jerked back, taken by surprise at Reita's forwardness, and didn't hear the crowd screaming in approval at all. There was nothing but him and Reita, for those few moments. The blonde's grin had widened, and he turned back to shout into the microphone again. Confused, Aoi retreated a bit, his heart beating almost through his chest. Reita had kissed him. Reita had never done anything like that... he had leaned in before, but hadn't taken the kiss. He could still feel the soft, brief peck that had graced his lips.

Was it out of spite? Reita had kissed him because he knew it would hurt? No, Reita wasn't that kind of person, and his expression had been kind. Accepting, almost. Aoi almost felt like he was spinning. Had Reita accepted it...?

He didn't dare ask, not onstage, not backstage when the live was finally over and they all gathered in a flurry of heat and tired movement. He didn't ask when they went out for dinner. He felt too uneasy. He smiled and brushed Ruki and Kai off, just saying he was tired. He ate what he could manage to stomach and excused himself from the restaurant, saying he wanted to walk back. He needed to clear his head.

"I'll go with him," he heard Reita's voice say as he began taking a few steps, and he froze in place. Slowly he turned as Reita approached him, still wearing a soft smile. "Let's go."

"Sure..." Aoi said, a bit rattled. So much for organising his thoughts.

They exited the restaurant into the cool night air and began walking down the street. Neither of them spoke for awhile. Aoi wasn't sure how to start a conversation. Reita seemed completely normal, compared to this morning. His head was up, eyes watching their surroundings as they walked. Aoi felt his heart squeezing painfully, with fear that he was misreading, but also with the longing affection for this quiet and loyal man.

"Reita," he managed to say after a few minutes, and the amber gaze came around.

"Yeah?"

"Um... last night..."

"That kiss wasn't for fanservice, Aoi."

He stopped, staring. Reita turned back, smile still in place.

"Did you think it was?"

"I... didn't know what to think of it." Not for fanservice. Against better instinct, his heart was lifting. "So it was...?"

Reita turned his head slightly, eyes falling to the ground. "I don't doubt your feelings for me, Aoi. You're very honest. If you tell me you love me, I know that's how you feel."

"How do you feel?" Aoi asked quietly, calming himself. He still felt a bit high, though. Reita wasn't angry at him. That was the least he could have asked for. But he wanted, needed to know Reita's feelings, so that he didn't cross his boundaries. He didn't want that. He'd had a taste of it last night, and he didn't want it again.

A small laugh, and he returned his gaze to Aoi's. "Not as strongly as you do, I don't think. But... strongly enough to want to try to see if I can feel what you do."

He was dumbfounded. All he could do was stare.

"I don't know if you remember what I said to you, back when you were thinking of leaving."

How could he not remember? It was what had brought him here. "Of course I do. It's... what made me realise my feelings for you."

Reita blinked, his cheeks darkening a bit. "Oh...?"

Aoi drank in that surprised, but flattered, expression. It was adorable, in the way only Reita could manage it. Aoi didn't know anyone else so masculine that could retain that when embarrassed. He couldn't help but let his own smile return.

"I could never forget it."

"Well... when I said it..." His red had gotten a bit darker still. "I meant it. It would have hurt to lose you, so I'm glad you stayed."

"I am too." Was he sure this was real? "You're... sure, then?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." Reita shoved his hands in his pockets, fidgeting a bit nervously. He was more than Aoi could handle. He wanted to grab his friend and kiss him right on that nose, and then that soft mouth. "I do love you too."

He couldn't hold himself back, not entirely. He pulled Reita into a tight hug, locking the blonde close. He could feel himself trembling a bit. He hadn't expected this, ever. He'd never expected to hear words like that from Reita.

"Reita...!"

A moment, and then hands slid across his back, wrapping him in an embrace. "I can be happy with you, Aoi."

God, he hoped so! "I'll try to make you happy. I'll be better than those girls."

"I'll try to be better than your girlfriends were, too."

Reita's arms were so strong... they were warm and comforting, just like his smile, like his eyes. Aoi felt protected. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he was loved. Not like Ruki and Kai and Uruha loved him, but the possibility of more. He knew he should let go, they were probably getting stares, but he couldn't manage it. He didn't want to let Reita go. He had already almost let this go before, he wasn't going to do it again.

"I love you, Reita," he whispered into his friend's ear, feeling like his chest was about to burst with the swelling emotions. "Give me a chance."

"Of course I will. Why shouldn't I? If anyone deserves a chance, it's you." Reita pulled back now, expression still soft, still a bit flushed. He didn't look like he was entirely sure this was happening now. "Your stupid teasing aside, you've always taken good care of me."

"That stupid teasing was flirting."

"You're terrible at flirting."

Aoi laughed, raising a hand and rubbing his eyes. He felt like he could cry with happiness. "I guess I probably am."

"Let's get back to the hotel. We'll get too much attention here."

"Sure." He slowly let Reita pull away, but as the blonde turned, he allowed himself to slap Reita's ass. He yelped, whirling back around, and Aoi grinned widely. "You have a nice ass."

"Oh, don't even."

He caught up to his friend, and they hadn't walked even a few feet before he felt a swift, harsh grab on his butt. Aoi jumped, reaching back to grab Reita's sharp wrist. The bassist's eyes were bright as he said, "Your ass isn't bad either."

"Thank you, I've shown it off to you enough."

Back to normal. But there was something better about it now that hung in Reita's voice and his eyes, and even clung to his smile. At least, that's how Aoi felt. There was no way they'd act hugely different, they were already so close. Even just these little things were fine. When they got back to the hotel and up to their hallway, Aoi stopped with Reita at his door. He hesitated for a moment, but the taller man watched him patiently. Aoi cupped Reita's face in his hands.

"If you're fucking around with me, Reita..."

"What will you do?"

"Kiss you."

"What if I'm not?"

"I'll still kiss you."

"Then it's your deduction what I'm doing."

"Fucker." Aoi pulled Reita's face down and kissed him gently. The one quick peck onstage hadn't given him the full feel of Reita's mouth. It was soft, but surprisingly strong, like the rest of him. The blonde's scent heightened the feel and taste of the kiss. Aoi wanted to hold it forever, but he let it go after a few moments, staring into the amber eyes. Reita laughed a bit.

"I'm feeling better now."

"You'd better be." Aoi took another second to brush his thumb over Reita's flushed cheek before he let the bassist's face go. "And you'd better still be in a good mood tomorrow." He slapped the back of Reita's thigh again, smirking at the double take. "I'll be making sure you're cheerful."

"Thanks a lot." Reita opened his door. "You know I'll still be upset. I cared about her a lot."

"I know you will be. But you can still be happy, right?"

"I guess so. I'll work hard, Aoi."

Aoi smiled and said, "Take a shower."

"You too, country boy."

He disappeared into his room, but Aoi stayed outside the door for a few minutes, trying to steady himself. Reita wanted to try. He'd let Aoi kiss him. His whole body was humming with wild excitement. This was something he'd never thought he'd have. He had to be dreaming.

Aoi hardly noticed as he went back to his room, showered, bathed, got into bed. His mind was fixed on the touches and words he'd shared with the bassist. He didn't think he'd sleep, but he did, and quite comfortably so. When morning came and they all climbed back into the tour bus to head to their next location, Reita seated himself next to him.

"I wasn't dreaming, was I?" Aoi murmured as Ruki started sulkily bickering with Uruha over seats.

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

Aoi looked at him, at that reassuring expression he wore, and then smiled a bit. "I'll keep that in mind."

Reita yawned widely, and with a laugh, Aoi laid his head on the blonde's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I think I'll sleep even better right here."

He felt a light weight press against the top of his head - Reita had returned the gesture, like he had done with Uruha the day before. He opened his eyes and saw Uruha, who was in the row in front of them, looking back at them with slightly-narrowed eyes. Aoi cringed a bit, expecting Uruha to give him a poisonous look. Instead, his guitar partner merely half-smiled before turning back around.

"He said, and I quote, 'If he makes you upset, I'll fucking kill him'," Reita murmured, a laugh in his voice.

Aoi groaned, realising the downside to this happiness. "He will, too."

"You'll just have to be better than my girlfriends, won't you?"

"If not for love of you, to save myself."

"Asshole."

"I've a good one."

"No more, or you can sleep in the trunk."

"Alright, alright." Aoi closed his eyes again as the bus doors closed and the engine started. When he felt the vehicle pull out into the street, he whispered, "I love you, Reita."

"I know it."

He couldn't help but smile. This chance was more than he could have asked for.

#my work #myfic #fanfiction #Aorei #Aoi x Reita #the GazettE #Aoi #Reita #no otp name for them haha

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