Apartment Hunting, Social Media Detox, Tryna Do Better
It’s been a minute since I wrote on here. I be lurking. It’s fun to just scroll and see what’s up.
But I really wanted to get some shit off my chest.
Due to my roommates(including ex-friends) not paying their part of the rent, I’m getting evicted in Oct.
I knew this since Aug so I’ve been saving and looking for my own space.
I’ve always wanted an apt of my own. A small quaint, bright, & cozy space where I can rest and grow. An environment that I can control.
And I finally feel like I live in a city and have a job where I can actually afford to have a place of my own.
I found that space but due to my income right now, the landlord wants me to have a cosigner. I didn’t want a cosigner because that’s a burden on someone. I did reach out to my sister as a cosigner and she backed out at the last minute.
When I tell you I cried. I CRIED. I’ve been looking for several spaces and things aren’t fitting the way they should. It’s too tight, too much money, in a rough location. I don’t think i’m asking for much. And despite my good standing with my old landlord (where I rented a room for $645 consistently and on time for two years), it’s not enough.
Time is crunching and I gotta start at square one. Praying that the landlord changes their mind or an apt that meets my criteria comes up this week.
I don’t want to settle. This process is stressful but I’ve learned so much about myself, the people around me currently, and my environment.
I didn’t think I could save the substantial money for first month’s rent and security deposit but I did. I am so proud of myself for that.
But now, the space gotta come to me. I don’t want to back down and succumb to living in a space that’s detrimental and unsafe to my being. That’s what happened in the last two places that I’ve lived in (let’s also include college dorms in that equation, so 4 places).
Pray for me y’all. It ain’t over til it’s over my guy.
Due to the stress of this move and the emotions, I felt about the “friends” and people around me, social media became to feel so overwhelming. People showing their highlight reels, philosphies, and drama had me really drained. I wanted to disappear. And that I did. I mean really disappear too. Like I stopped my phone after the contract was up because I wanted to change to a cheaper provider. So only a few people can contact me.
You know that saying “you are the average of the five people you spend your time with”? Lately, I’ve been really thinking about that. I don’t really have 5 people that I spend my time with but I did have two and those two were not on the shit that I was on.
Here I am trying to work and change for the better and I felt like they were anchoring me down. One didn’t give a shit about me as much as I cared about them and over the weeks they felt like a passerby than a friend.
And the other is full of drama. And their life started to overwhelm me. Every week it was a different thing. And anything that they suggested to me became a total disaster.
Both didn’t take true responsibility for themselves and their life. And even though, my relationships with them lasted 5 years plus, I had to detach and go ghost to preserve what I had left of myself.
Maybe ghosting wasn’t the greatest of tactics but I'm ghosting everyone else. I want to live an intentional life and It has to start with my environment and the people around me. I felt that my relationships with them and social media was clouding my personal growth and I had to let them go.
Yes, I know that Tumblr is a social media platform. But I guess the difference about this is that:
I haven’t been on here in a minute.
I see this platform more so a journal than a media platform.
Most times, people don’t care and I’m really talking to myself.
But if you do care and have any tips on apartment hunting or something else, feel free to share.
As for future Mykalee who overcame this obstacle and reading this...
Hey girl! Remember this time? How you doing? Are you accomplishing the goals we set? What’s next? BTW you look cute. Your hair and skin is glowing. Your pockets are fat with money. And you look and feel happy as fuck. I feel your energy and brightness from right here in the past. You go girl, I’m proud of you. I hope you are proud of me too.
