A Rose By Any Other Name
Chapter Summary: Janus learns how his absence affected the sides, and Logan likes flowers.
Ships: kinda hints at loceit and past intruceit.
Warnings: illness, breakdowns, flashbacks, (kinda) repression, its based off of dwit and pof, so keep that in mind...
Chapter 3
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“Pardon me Logan, but may I have a word?”
Logan was in his room, reading a book about amphibians. Janus had come in, and was waiting in the doorway.
“Sure, what do you need?”
“I wanted to ask you about something.”
“Go ahead, you may ask me.”
“I’m Thomas’s desire, and I know when he has a big desire, and recently he’s given up on one. It was a really big one too, something he wouldn’t easily give up on. What happened?”
He knew, of course, how the callback originally went. But he played a major role in the courtroom. How had his absence changed things?
“It’s a complicated issue Dee, one I’m not sure I can explain properly. It would be best if I showed you. Would you be adverse to a trip down the memory archives?”
Dee hadn’t ever gotten to go down the archives before, atleast, not with full access. He could steal snippets here and there, but full memories? He was curious now, what he would find.
“That sounds excellent Logan, would you be alright leaving now?”
The logical side rose from his seat, straightened his tie, and moved out the door past Janus, the side in question following quickly behind.
“After you’ve learned the way, you should have full access to the memories, since you’re a ‘light side’ as Roman puts it. Ah, here we are.” Logan had stopped in front of a door, labeled “MEMORY LANE.”
The hallway, or lane, was long and filled with seemingly endless rows of shelves, much like inside out. Instead of glowing spheres though, each memory was a flower. It was a haven of petals and sunshine, and Logan walked through the rows, carefully tending to each plant like a devoted gardener.
“It’s one of my roles to attend to the memories, and I will admit, I find it quite relaxing to tend to the plants. They need close care to stay in good condition. Weeding the plants helps to keep the memories accurate, and it prevents cognitive distortions. Watering them keeps them fresh, and makes it easier for Thomas to retrieve memories. The sunshine simply keeps them bright, and helps Thomas remember the details.”
“He really has a subconscious thing for flowers, huh?” The comment slipped out before Janus could think about it, and he quickly regretted it. Logan had turned back to face Janus, and his expression was openly curious, and Janus knew he wouldn’t be getting out of this one.
“What do you mean? Have you seen some other flower-based phenomena within Thomas’s psyche? To my knowledge, it was only the memories.”
Janus sighed, and praised whatever god was out there that he could still think on his feet. “If I tell you, would you promise not to tell the others?”
Logan raised an eyebrow, but nodded. “I will not disclose anything you share with me, unless it would be harmful to Thomas for it to remain secret.”
Well, he’d take what he could get. With another sigh, he rolled up the sleeve of his left wrist, exposing a few of his roses. In this light, he could now see what the dimness of his room hid, and the sunshine revealed the different hues of the roses. Some were a soft yellow, while others were tinted more orange. Even the reds had mixed shades, some being vibrant, while others were darker, a deep shade of crimson. There were even a few shades of coral and white in the mix. It was, for lack of a better word, beautiful.
Janus stared down at his arm, having pushed up his sleeve all the way to reveal the roses twining up his arm, entranced by blossoms. Logan too was staring, though his gaze was more calculating, and Janus realized he had to say something, before Logan took it upon himself to discover the meaning behind his markings.
“They’ve been there since I appeared, but they haven’t changed at all since then.” He felt the lie clog up his throat, and he turned away to cough up a couple petals into his hand, discarding them before Logan noticed. “I’m not sure what their purpose is though, I probably haven’t been around long enough.” There, that was close enough to the truth that it shouldn’t cost him a rose.
Logan seemed to accept that explanation, and with a reluctant promise to discuss the matter more later, he moved down the aisle, finally stopping at a row a little ways in.
This section was packed with flowers, too many for Janus to name. He saw roses and daffodils, holly and tansy. He recognized carnations, chrysanthemums, columbine, and hydrangeas. But even hidden among the hues of reds, purples, and yellows, he saw so many shapes and sizes of petals he wouldn’t know where to begin.
“This was a very emotionally charged event for Thomas, so there is more variety then you’d find in most memories. There is a total of 36 plants in this section, so I advise to get the gist of it, you look through the aloe, amaryllis, anemone, begonia, belladonna, black-eyed susan, carnations, columbine, crab blossom, hyacinth, hydrangea, hyssop, marigold, myrtle, roses, and tansy, to start. Simply sniff a blossom, and you’ll enter the memory, see it exactly how it happened.”
Well that wasn’t a lot to take in. But he still moved towards a flower, picking what he was pretty sure was a begonia, and took a deep whiff.
----------------flashback-----------------
Thomas burst in, yelling about his callback. Roman freaked out, and Patton was supportive, until he learned the date, nothing had changed there. This time though, “Foe-gan” didn’t appear, and there was no courtroom. Patton said it was wrong, and so Roman quietly gave up, pushing his dream behind him. Thomas never admitted he’d rather go to the callback, and that was that.
Until Remus came. Without Janus to rein him in, he’d gone off the deep end. It hurt to see him like that, and Janus felt the regret welling up inside him.
The darker twin was almost feral, tearing savagely into Thomas’s mind, bringing out everything Janus had worked to hide away, forcing Thomas to confront all his worst fears. It took all four of the light sides to rein him in, and they locked him in the subconscious, where he wouldn’t have nearly as much influence. Where he couldn’t hurt anyone but himself.
Thomas went to the wedding. That didn’t change. He came back though, and he snapped. All the stress, the anger he’d been repressing, Thomas had reached his boiling point.
Patton and Roman came in to defuse the situation, though that didn’t help much. Patton insisted that they had done the right thing, even if it didn’t feel right. Roman finally spoke up, saying that he wished they’d gone to the callback, and that maybe Patton wasn’t always right.
Logan came in then, saying that it was impossible for Patton to be correct 100% of the time, and that in this case, it was more likely then not that he’d made the wrong call. He pointed out how the callback had more to offer Thomas, and the huge decline his mental health had taken since choosing to go to the wedding. How even now, Thomas had gained no joy from the event.
Patton continued to insist that they’d done the right thing, that it had to be right, that it couldn’t have been a mistake because then he’d madeamistakeandhewaswronganditwasallwrongandwhatwasevenrightanymoreand-
Patton blew up, screaming and howling, holding his head as Lilypadton burst forth. Roman and Logan tried to calm him down, but Patton was gone, and he no longer knew what right and wrong were. He was being forced to re-examine everything he’d been taught, and this time Janus wasn’t there to help him through it.
Luckily someone else was. Virgil finally came in, and told Patton to breathe, to let Thomas breathe. The anxious was able to calm Morality down, and then explain that he was pushing Thomas too far, and that he needed to ease up. Thomas couldn’t keep going like this, giving every bit of himself to others, and Patton was finally able to see how he was hurting his host.
He apologized, and finally admitted that the wedding wasn’t the best choice, that maybe they should’ve gone to the callback, and explained the situation to Lee and Mary Lee.
Then it was Roman’s turn to be angry. Everything he had sacrificed was for nothing. His dream was about to come true, only for Patton to pull him back, and change his mind later? He was furious, that no one had listened before, that Patton hadn’t even given him a chance.
Janus heard Roman’s words echoing in his mind as the memory ended, harsh and broken. “You said you trusted me, I thought I meant more to you then that. Thomas, I thought I was your hero.”
------------------End Flashback------------
When Janus came too, he was holding an anemone, a flower he knew meant forsakenness. He wasn’t sure how to process what he’d learned, so instead he turned back to Logan, who’d been tending to the plants while Janus reminisced.
“What happened? After Roman left?” The logical side turned and faced Janus, placing his hands behind his back.
“Well, we made a plan to prioritize Thomas’s mental health in the future, and how to start putting him first. When we went to check on Roman, he said he needed some space, but after a few days he seemed to be back to his normal, extra, self. That was about two weeks before you appeared, so I supposed your existence is in response to Thomas deciding to start putting his desires first.”
Logan turned and gathered up his tools, before heading towards the exit. “I hope this was an enlightening experience for you Dee, now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more work to attend to in my room.” With that, he left, leaving Janus alone with the memories.
Knowing what he knew now, Janus had only one move in mind for the future. Whatever it took, he was going to find a way to see Remus again.
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so this chapter kinda had a funky format, sorry bout that, but it was late
Taglist: @steampunk73
