@archeracrosstime asked ; She had been worried about him, worried about him for several days now. It was clear to everyone, but especially her that something was wrong with Ja'far. He clearly had not slept in days, and he seemed much more on edge and irritated. Kagome had tried to get him to go to sleep. However, any attempts were fruitless as he refused her help again and again. So, she switched her approach to being a bit more subtle, the queen deciding to bring him some lavender tea to hopefully help.
Brown hues suddenly widen as she hears a noise in his office, deciding to ditch the tea and run off towards him. She opens the door, seeing him panicked with his knives in his hands. Kagome moves to kneel at his side, eyes examining over him and placing hands on his shoulder.
"J-Ja'far! A-Are you okay?! Please, please talk to me! I'm here! I'm here!"
He rarely sleeps, if he’s being honest. Found too often slumped over his desk with ink dotting his face just as much as his freckles. But this is worse.
It’s been five days since he last laid in his own bed, finding that he can outwit those looking for him after hours but taking his work into his personal chambers, spread on the floor with a brush in hand until it’s an acceptable time for him to return to his proper desk. And normally, he only goes to such lengths during the busy seasons; at the start of tax season, just before an international fair or a renewed trade agreement. But this time, it’s a nightmare gnawing at him.
Dark images started flashing in his mind earlier in the week, twisting him up and pulling him sharply in all directions. And the last time he laid in his own bed, he woke up soaked in sweat, gasping for breath like he’d been drowning. There’s always death in his dreams, always something blood stained and cold. And he’s always the one at the end of the trail, knives in hand, blood on his hands, down his legs, in his mouth. There’s always a shadow standing over him, guiding him, pulling him along, a darker part of himself or a shadow of his past. A specter he can’t quite shake.
Tonight it’s the same, as his cheek slides from his hand and onto his desk. There are several mugs lined across his desk, empty and coffee stained and a pile of paper he’s trying to parse through with little to no success. But it’s all forgotten when he finally gives into exhaustion.
And the shadow is back, the weight of it. He stands at the end of a hall way, every door open, every door knob blood printed. And when he turns around, the shadow stands before him, his face is hidden but Ja’far can feel him grinning, offering up congratulations. He did it, he finally completed his mission. It took longer than expected but he’s dealt with his target and more.
And it’s then that the Ja’far in the dream starts to panic, starts to protest. No no no, he didn’t, it’s not his fault, he didn’t mean to, didn’t want to. The body’s are stumbling out the doors, sobbing for him. He doesn’t look at their faces even if he knows who they are. He won’t see what he’s done.
Back at his desk, Ja’far is curling in on himself. He has his knives in hand, gripping so tightly around the blades that his hands bleed. His jaw is clenched and he’s sweating. All it takes is one swipe of his hand and one of his mugs goes clattering to the ground. But the sound of the door opening startles his mind more than the mug falling. It’s the voice calling to him that blends too well with the voices in his dreams. The footsteps coming closer. It sends him shooting out of his chair, feeling endangered, feeling threatened. His eyes flash open and he’s up just as quick, knives held out until he has Kagome’s back against the wall.
He doesn’t hurt her, just pins her for a moment before his eyes catch up with reality and he stumbles back, clapping his hand over his mouth. His hair clings to his forehead and he falls back against his desk. He bows his head quickly, unable to look at her.
“Forgive me... forgive me. I didn’t-- I’m sorry. Please forgive me...”