Part 44 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I’m sorry for taking so long to update!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
The next few weeks pass pretty much like that-Bellamy goes to work early in the morning and when he comes back, he picks Clarke up and they both do arounds for the people in Factory or Farm or even Arrow who had contacted Harper and asked for medical help. Then they'd come back home a little after curfew and have dinner together with a half-asleep Gus who always insisted on waiting for them and a very worried Aurora who kept eyeing her son with angry looks whenever he so much as coughed.
Word quickly spread that the former doctor who ran medbay in Factory for a while, the Alpha princess who saved lives, continued doing so and that in turn scared Bellamy because he knew that the more everyone discussed Clarke and her services, the more exposed she was to being possiby caught by the guards and locked up.
But as much as he feared everything, he knew that there was no stopping his princess. She was helping so many-patching up frostbites, saving kid’s lives as well as adults, stitching work wounds or trying to ease the pain of those most unfortunate-people like him who had chronic conditions or those who suffered from incurable diseases and were simply slowly dying out without any medical help whatsoever.
In the short amount of time in which Clarke began helping the people of Factory and Farm, she quickly gained popularity, even more so than before when medbay was opened for everyone to visit her. Some have heard of her before but most of them hadn’t and despite them being a little reluctant to trust her or even ask for help, the moment she stepped in someone’s home, greeted them and took onto fixing the problem, they all fell in love with her.
Bellamy always kept watch. By now he was familiar with most of the guards on rotation in the different stations and passages but he had also taken notice as of when the teams were completely switched up which was the first or second date of each month. He carried a small notebook in which he wrote down the names of the guards that let them through as well as those who patrolled the hallways and soon enough, the more word spread about Clarke and her helping everyone out, the more allies they found.
It wasn’t just Harper now, no-she was assisting her but some nights she went on to Arrow or Factory on her own to deal with the less severe cases or simply kept a book with all of those who needed help in the upcoming days. Bellamy had to assist Clarke too on some occasions when the cases were more severe, even if he was squirmish and could barely look at her when she was giving a shot.
But it was not just the three of them anymore. Monty helped Harper find medicine and since he worked in Factory he also had access to some of the pain relievers like the pot that went for all Alpha residents. He had figured out how to grow it at home, hidden under the floor and lit up by battery lamps so they were using it to help those in their final moments or the patients that were in severe pain.
There were two women who sneaked around antibiotics as they worked in the pharmacy detail in Alpha and got Clarke medicine for the worst cases, the sickest people and Jasper and Maya who worked with Bellamy on level 11, turned out to have a secret brewery of sorts so they supplied them with endless bottles of moonshine for cleaning up the wounds.
They even had a guard who was helping them out-a young boy at about twenty from Farm who always made sure to be the one to let them pass right before curfew. He was a sweet fella called Alex with red hair and freckly face like Bellamy and he had quickly become their friend. Clarke helped his mother who broke her leg in a work incident and could’ve lost it, actually keep it, and he swore to god he’ll be indebted to them for the rest of his lives.
Thanks to Alex they knew when guard rotations were coming in and if some of his coworkers noticed Bellamy and Clarke moving in between stations too often, he was quick to distract them or call them out for someone else he noted as suspicious so that they could cross by safely.
To say that Clarke was happy with what she was doing would be an understatement-she was back in her waters, navigating them exactly as she wanted to despite the difficulties but what really broke her was the lack of access to real medicine or technology that she could use to help people.
As much as she loved this job, Bellamy could say this was also taking a mental toll on her and he was trying his best to take her mind off things. He had made it clear to Harper that the weekend was reserved for resting and they tried to spend it together as a family especially since Bellamy was missing Gus a lot lately with his work and then going out with Clarke in the evening and he was trying to compensate for it.
His baby boy missed him too and on days off and at night when they were back, he wrapped himself around his dad and didn’t let go. He wouldn’t even want to walk or play around with his friends as long as Bellamy was there and Clarke just loved seeing them like this.
Gus had gotten back to day care after successfully recovering from his frostbite. He had been limping a little even then and Bellamy was reluctant and very scared to let him go which was cute. Gus had been the one consoling his dad when they left him at the gates of the place and promised that he’ll be a good boy, listen carefully and definitely not run around.
The weekends were spent lazily with Clarke usually waking up to Bellamy’s soft kisses on her neck, then lips and his dick pressing into the crack of her ass. They’ve learned very quickly how to be quiet so they don’t wake Gus up but even so, Clarke had trouble keeping all of her emotions in, especially when he always insisted she came first and he had to go through his climax mostly alone which was still the hottest thing she’s ever seen. Then when they were both done they’d get lazy and snuggly in bed. Bellamy liked being held, spooned, got very soft after sex and Clarke found that she liked it as it was the only time he actually let her do something for him-he let all walls collapse, all responsibilites go to hell and it was just him-her beautiful freckly boy.
She got lost in his body herself then-mapped the freckles on his back or shoulders, then moved to his face. She loved most of all climbing on top of him and kissing every part of his body away, giving him all his love.
Sometimes she got him hard by just grinding a little against him and they had a second round, very close to the time Gus usually woke. Then one morning he caught them with Bellamy in her, surprisingly sneaking out of his bed and pulling at the improvised curtain they hung on at night for privacy as well as to kind of consolidate the warmth around the beds since electricity still stopped at about eleven through the whole night.
In that particular morning it seemed to Gus as if they were just snuggling so of course he wanted in on it too, he jumped in bed just fast enough for them to manage to pull away from each other and pick their underwear up. Later, Bellamy joked that he felt like he sprained his dick and Clarke laughed at him but she knew there was nothing better than having the kid there with them whenever he felt like it.
On a lazy Sunday afternoon after Clarke had managed to convince Bellamy to massage his leg and let him rest as much as he could, Gus has snuggled up for a story after lunch but fell asleep midway on his dad’s arm while Clarke rested her head on her hand, and stared at Bellamy stroking Gus’ hair.
“He’s growing up too fast.” Bellamy mumbled looking down at him “It was only yesterday he’d pee on me right after I gave him a bath or let me change his diapers.” Clarke cracks a smile at that and runs her hand up and down Gus’ back making the boy push into her on instinct. “Won’t be long before he is a teenager that wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.”
“That’s not true.” Clarke argued stubbornly “This boy loves you more than anyone-you have a special bond.” Bellamy shrugs but she knows that he agrees because he blushes a little. Still, to this time he didn’t think of himself as a good parent, he still constantly beat himself up. “Have you and Gina ever wondered...about...if the Ark allowed more kids, if you’d want one?”
“We did-” he smilled softly, genuinely “We’ve had those conversations. She wanted another boy and I-” he shakes his head.
“What?”
“I wanted at least five kids.” he had admitted a little sheepishly and Clarke gasped.
“Bellamy, no-” she moved up on the pillow to get a better look at him “You didn’t!” but he just nods and shrugs a little.
“I’ve always dreamed of a big family. I wanted Gus to have a sister, I think he’d have made a great big brother.”
“And the others? Don’t tell me you had the names figured out and everything?” he blushes again and she slaps his chest when she realized that she guessed right“Tell me!”
“Well after Gus, there’d be Cassie, short for Cassandra.”
“Poor girl.” he scoffed and furrowed his eyebrows at her.
“You asked for this, princess, now don’t make fun of me.”
“Of course, sorry-” she tried to keep herself from laughing, covering her mouth with her hand, eyes glistening with her typical devilish charm that he knew meant she was absolutely laughing in her head but he just loved her too much to be angry “Cassie, okay, then?”
“Then Rory, after my mom Aurora.” he continues uncurling his fingers from his left hand with his right index one and looking up at the ceiling as if he could all so clearly picture them “Then there’d be Andromeda who we’d call Andy.”
“Dear God, those poor babies.”
“Hey-you’re named Clarke!” he points out “Your parents weren’t exactly ordinary about picking a good Alpha girl name.” she knew he had a point here.
Most Alpha girls had quite the old-fashioned names like Grace, Karen, Edna, Elizabeth and so on which thankfully weren’t what her parents picked for her. Factory and Farm names as well as Arrow were quite unusual, which came with the history of the people who inhabited those stations back on Earth as well as when the Ark became one whole with the decision to unity all stations. She quite loved Bellamy’s name, as well as Aurora and Augustus was just so sweet and fit the kid perfectly. Deep down as much as she was mocking Bellamy in that moment, she quite liked the names he had picked and tried to picture the kids in her head as he spoke about them.
In her mind, she could see Bellamy sitting on a chair by the table with Gus by his side, reading from a book, a girl on his shoulders, another one tucked by his right side and an even smaller one on his left one-they’d all or at least mostly have his curly black hair and freckles except for Andy who’d have light brown hair and Rory who’d bear blue eyes instead of her dad’s brown ones.
“What about the youngest one?” she asked next, peeking up at him curiously while he kept daydreaming, stroking her head with his hand mindlessly. “The fifth one?”
“Another boy.” he whispers “I’ve always liked the name River.”
“Not greek?” she teases but he shakes his head without a smile.
“I’ve always kind of been fascinated with water when I was a kid studying earth classes. I remember so vividly, when I was a kid how I looked at a picture in one of the books and I saw this small thin river making its way through the strong mountain rocks and I thought how it is a metaphor of life-” he got a little choked up on his feelings in that moment “our life.”
“In Factory.” he nods agreeing with her statement.
“The government makes it hard for us to live but somehow we find ways, we deviate here, find a path there where there was none and somehow we keep on flowing...keep on living.”
“That’s beautiful, Bellamy.” he had stared into her eyes then and spent a moment losing himself in her blue ocean, after which he shook his head as if to get rid of his dreams that were never possible and leaned down to kiss her forehead “Anyway, none of this will ever happen.”
“Maybe not for you or us...but one day for Gus? Or for his children perhaps? We don’t know when Earth will be survivable again but maybe they can have your little family.”
He smiles and pulls her closer to his chest.
“I won’t envy them. I don’t think life down there will be any less harder than it is up here. Especially if we keep that government.”
Clarke liked those conversations in the dark they had when the place was all quiet, Gus was asleep or mumbling little dreams under his nose about chasing a dog or playing with Jordan that made them laugh-it felt to her as if a smaller universe existed within theirs, one in which no one could ever hurt them, when they were together and everything was just good and warm and...soft.
Because they were so soft when they were entangled in one another and Clarke just needed him in her before she fell asleep, that became a habit of theirs.
But she knew all too well that things weren’t all rosy, that life wasn’t a fairty tale or a story or a daydream they could discuss in each other’s arms at night. Bellamy often woke up from the shapr pain in his leg-that is what brought her back to reality faster than anything else. Some nights it was so bad, all he could do was curl up on himself and let her spoon him or pull him to her chest and rock him like he did Gus.
She’d move up, go to the bathroom, drench some bandages in cold water or use whatever she had left of the special paste against swelling to plop over his knee and back before wrapping him up and propping his joints on pillows.
Still, he couldn’t sleep well and she’d often just sit up and talk to him or go do laundry by the sink while he moved to the table chair and tried to find a position that didn’t make him feel entrirely trapped as it often happened in bed.
It was similar when she was suffering from her own nightmares or terrors. She’d wake up gasping in his arms, sometimes outright yelling, waking even Gus up with her desperate screams, calling Jackson’s name and shaking. Bellamy would hold her hands to his chest, make her count his heart beats, breathe with him but sometimes when it was too extreme, he’d take her to the bathroom and dip her in some cold water to bring her back to him since he had no other way of helping her.
After, he’d strip her of all clothes and hold her to his body until she warmed up enough to be able to move. And when she did, she’d either pass out from the exhaustion or need to kiss him, hold him, even fuck him which he didn’t mind but he knew that this sex was different from the other times-it was love born out of need and softness and the desperation to feel something and in those moments he was often slow, very slow in pushing into her, gentle and sweet as he kissed her everywhere, sucked her breast, her neck her entire body.
He wouldn’t even cum those nights, he said he didn’t have to or that he could take care of it himself in the morning and in those times, her heart felt with love and warmth for her man who always put himself first.
She could see work was taking its toll on him and that Aurora kept giving him the cold shoulder when it came to that but even she couldn’t deny that they were doing better especially in terms of food.
In just a week Gus had gained back the weight he lost after the frost bite. Bellamy was bringing in lots of fruit and vegitables as well as bread, meat and even eggs that Gus seemed to love. The kid was for once eating healthy and good and so were they. Bellamy was still rationing in his stupid 'I-have-to-be-the-responsible-dad' way, he barely touched his plate while he gave Clarke dirty looks trying to make her finish hers.
That’s how she came up with the plan to prepare one whole bigger plate for the two of them and push him to eat his half while she finished hers and in a way it worked. When her fingers ghosted over his stomach at night, she still found it flat but not sunk on him and though she could feel his ribs, he was feeling less dizzy in the morning and she knew part of that was because he ate.
He had mentioned they forced them to have lunch at work too, so they could be the most productive but she still had no idea what was it they worked on exactly. She had heard her father talk about Level 11 and how they wanted to recover the engines there after the big fire from over three years ago but she also remembered her mom mentioning that the environment is unhealthy. Still, whenever she pushed him about it, he shook his head and shrugged it off saying he can’t really talk about it and though it made her angry she was trying to pick her battles.
Despite his reluctance and even flat out disagreement when it came to her practicing medicine in secrecy, his support never wavered. He came with her every evening, even when he was extremely tired, coughed a lot and barely walked. She had often tried to argue with him when she saw him coming home before they had to leave in the span of barely five minutes.
He was so tired that the only thing she wanted to do was push him in bed and command him not to move, tie him up if she had to but he always insisted and cut her protests off with a single glance-”No way I’m leaving you alone, princess. Ever.” and she wanted to cry when he said that.
Harper had gotten her more than one fake ID and they carefully switched them up so she wouldn’t raise suspicion but on a couple of occassions when there were surprising guard rotations and Alex wasn’t the one on call, Bellamy had had to use his charm as well as his work ID card for them to pass through.
Though she had worked as a medic and a doctor before, even for the brief time in Factory, things now felt...much more personal. They were going into people’s homes and she could see truly how horrible everyone’s living conditions were.
On occassions, like the one time they visited one of the older mechanics from Factory who Bellamy knew by name of course and respected as his elder, the first person who showed him how to fix an engine and work mechanics, they found themselves in a room which was literally two by two. Henry had a small cot and a little metal table with a chair pressed opposite of it. All his clothes that were so meager were hung on a little hanger on the wall, he had one pair of boots, a photo of his diseased wife who died in Farm after working the gardens for many years and after his kid left home too he was moved here.
It was more of a closet than a living place really and with his broken leg he was barely making it up as it was without hitting another part of his body. Then there were families of three living in the same conditions with all of them huddling on the small cot or outright living on the floor on matresses and pilled up holey blankets. Some didn’t even have a table but used chairs or old metal drawers as such.
“See, I think that we can call ourselves lucky with our one room and our own bathroom instead of a common one.” Bellamy had said on their way back when Clarke was so stunned she couldn’t talk.
And yet everyone met her with warm smiles and tight hand-squeezes. She realized for them she was a beacon of hope, a ray of sunshine from a star they’ve never seen but only imagined, a dream, a myth, for some perhaps, a saint.
They couldn’t pay them in any way and though Clarke insisted she doesn’t charge, they still shoved cans of beans in her or Bellamy’s hands, mashed potatoes, green peas or small pieces of cloth they knew could be used to mend something. Clarke refused to take them especially when the families were so poor they couldn’t even afford medicine but some were stubborn and said if she didn’t, they’d be offended.
“They don’t want you to see them as a charity case” Bellamy had explained “Those are people with their own pride and dignity and even if they don’t eat anything tonight, they’ll give you the little they have to pay you for what you’ve done for them.”
“But I don’t want them to starve!” she had opposed somewhat desperately and he had smilled, leaning on his newly fashioned metal cane that he had made himself with her help on a slower Sunday afternoon.
“Oh, princess, it’s not about that.” he tries to explain despite her angry stubborn frown that he just wants to kiss away “This is how we do things around here. We trade to survive, we give each other the smallest of presents to bring joy and those people...they skip meals daily, so this is nothing new for them. They give you this can of corn because they have pride, they have dignity and they know they’re not lesser than any Alpha citizent or the chancellor but also...they are different because they have good in them.” he smiles at her “Despite the tough times, they are good.”
Clarke stares down at the can in her hand but finally sighs and nods in agreement.
“Okay.” she says “But I still feel bad.”
“Don’t. And anyway, I’ll make sure they have something to eat tomorrow, okay?” he had promised as he kept on limping back home and she looked at him confused before rushing back after him.
“How? What do you mean?” Bellamy stops and leans on the wall, picking up a small notebook from his jumper’s front pocket which she knew he used for work or to make notes of things they needed so he could get the money to buy them but now he turns on a page where she sees his big block letters denoting the names of people and families “I keep track.” he says “To those we’ve helped and then I talk to Monty and Harper or Jasper and Maya and some of the other people I know around here.” he tucks it back in and zips his pocket before he keeps on “Next morning the Jameses will wake to a bag of rice and a few bean cans by their door step, don’t you worry.”
“But....but how?” she asks confused “Where do you get that from? How do you guys do this?”
Bellamy smiles again and keeps on walking.
“I’m not just your guardian, princess. I can’t simply sit outside and do nothing, I had to find a way to help too.”
“But-” she shook her head completely stunned. Some days, despite his good job now, they still couldn’t afford much so what was he doing? How was he getting people what they needed? Unless-”Are you spending your own ration points on others?” he avoids her look but she grabs his elbow and forces him to look at her “Bellamy-”
“Hey, I know what I’m doing, alright?” he insists “Plus, I can’t spend more than a few cans of beans or corn. Monty helps some with the rest.”
“The rest?”
“He has access to the storages.” Bellamy whispers when a few people pass them by and he fastens his step “He can grab a few ounces of flour here, some potatoes there, not much but enough for those people.”
Clarke’s heart fills with warmth again-here was her beautiful, intelligent, kind and yes, sometimes stubborn man, trying to find ways to help those less fortunate than him even though he himself couldn’t be considered even middle class by any Ark or Alpha standards. He was giving some of his own to help others, maybe that was why he still rationed his own food and picked at his plate and as angry as that made her for he was putting as always himself behind, she couldn’t help but just...love him.
When she stops abruptly and throws herself in his arms, he is so surprised he doesn’t hug her right away, unable to take his hand off his his crutch and keep his balance.
“Hey, easy there, princess-” he laughs a little in her ear “We’ll both end up on the ground.” she shakes her head and buries herself in his chest for a moment, letting him rub his hand up and down her back soothingly and kiss her hair “It’s okay, princess, it’s all fine. It’s not just me.”
“Don’t undermine your efforts.” she whispers, making his chest reverbarate for once instead of him filling her being with love and warmth “We started this because of me. You insisted you kept me company, not that you’d...start a Robin Hood initiative.” Bellamy scoffs at the comparison.
“Robin Hood? Princess...please find a better hero out there.”
“Batman?”
“You’re the Clarke from the two of us, doc.” he points out and she pulls away, cupping his face in her hands and moving up for a deep kiss. He kisses her back just as warm and hot as she was and when she pulls back and stares in his eyes he kisses her nose like he loved doing, always saying he finds her to be too adorable for his heart to handle.
He had two kiddos, he said-Gus and her and both of them were as equally grumpy in the morning, making his life harder.
“You are my hero, Bellamy.” she says then, fanning his face with her breath as she tucked his curls behind his ear. His hair had grown out in the past few weeks again and she needed to give him another haircut, hopefully a little more professional than the last one which made his head look uneven “There’s no other like you.”
“Come on now-”
“I’m being serious.” she insists, making her voice serious trying to force his stupid thick head to understand what he means to her “You have saved me-”
“We’ve talked about this, I don’t want to go back to that day.” he argues and she knows what he means and that yes, they have indeed talked about it.
“I don’t mean just the bombs, I mean...in general. You have helped me so much without even realizing it and you had given so much of yourself out to others too.” he blushes and looks down a little uncomfortable like he and Gus always did whenever someone praised them. Her hand slid to his chest with ease and she smiled at him “Your heart is so big, Bellamy,”
“Clarke, come on, that’s not true.”
“Yes it is, don’t do that.” she scolds him mildly “Don’t try to shake your head and shut me down-I want you to know this because I don’t think you do-” she looks into his eyes again “You matter, Bellamy.” she says soft but serious “You matter so much more than you can possibly imagine.”
“Clarke-”
“And you forget that you can put yourself first sometimes too.” she continues, not letting him interrupt her “I know Gus comes before you, always, but you...you have to remember that you are important as well. You can take time to rest, to heal, to feel broken, to recover, okay?” he sighs, shakes his head still disagreeing with her but she picks him up and digs her nails into his cheeks to prove her point again “Please...I know it’s hard for you, but you have to try and do this for me, alright?”
He scoffs and while his hands remain on her back and he presses his forehead against her, he doesn’t seem to have let her words sink, which in turn makes her mad.
“You’re wrong.” he whispers “I never saved you-” he continues, this time being the faster one of the two of them so she fails to interrupt him “You saved yourself, Clarke. I think you always have even before we met and that is why we fit together-you see beyond what I am...what we all are and you bear hope not just for me but for everyone that things could get better.” he presses his lips against hers and rubs the back of her neck “You are a light in my life, Clarke.”
This time she disagrees with a scoff but he silences her with a kiss and urges her to go on.
That is how most of their nights went on-they talked a lot on the way back, discussed ideas, ways to help people, made mental lists for supplies or how they could get this medicine or that one for some of her patients.
And as much as Bellamy refused to admit it out of fear that he’d jinx it, things were mostly going well-yes, they were working their asses off, yes, he barely slept because of the pain in his leg at night and Gus missed him too much he clung on him like a koala bear and yes work on level 11 was hard. He had another vent to fix this week with the help of Jasper and Maya again and all three of them passed out from the lack of oxygen and ended up in the small medbay with once again Abby Griffin angrily scoffing and moving around their cots, pushing masks on their faces and treatening them not to move.
She still avoided his look but he knew she was itching to ask for Clarke yet she never did-she treated him as coldly and calmly as she did the others and yelled at him for not taking any care of his leg or back but one time when Clarke’s bandages from the night before had stayed on him and he had to strip for the mandatory examination they had every week, he noticed her fingers ghosted over them and she knew that this was done by her and it was her way of touching something her daughter did.
He had seen Wells and Jake once too. They came to inspect the progress of their work on a surprise visit that sent poor Sinclair into a sweating fit with his cheeks red and his hair a mess. Bellamy had smiled as he kept on working his vent with Jasper whose hands shook when he realized what was happening-even the Alpha councilmen and best mechanics were subjected to inspections.
Wells was wearing his typical Commanding Guard’s uniform looking cold and stern. He only ever glanced at Bellamy once but he couldn’t make out his face from under the mask both him and Jake wore at all times inside like the rest of them.
Jake didn’t stop staring at him, though-Bellamy swore he could feel his eyes pinned on his neck the entire time and that in turn made him sweat about as much as Sinclair had.
When they were lined up before the three of them-Wells, Jake and Sinclair and their boss was explaining their best qualities and how much each has helped in restoring the Level, Jake was smiling and nodding eagerly while Wells remained a dark cloud with furrowed eyebrows and his arms crossed behind his back, reminding Bellamy so much of Morgan, as if any second he’d take out his baton and beat him up in the middle of the room for everyone to see.
Wells didn’t seem impressed at all, he kept prodding Sinclair with different questions and finally before they left, he said that with the time and resources that the Ark was lending them, they should’ve done better by now and that the chancellor expects results sooner rather than later while Jake mumbled something in Sinclair’s ear and patted his shoulder which Bellamy took as a good sign.
When they were leaving work that day, Wells and Jake were still outside talking over plans and logistics with Sinclair so when Bellamy was coming out of the locker rooms, he heard Clarke’s father make an excuse and rush after him, but only when they’ve turned around the corner towards the elevator that would send him back to Factory, to his home.
Bellamy had stopped, leaning heavily on the wall when Jake stood in his way.
“Is she okay?” he had asked cutting right through the chase which Bellamy liked. The man probably knew they didn’t have that much time to spare, with Wells coming in to leave soon as well.
“She’s fine.” Bellamy assures with a small smile recognizing a concerned father when he saw one.
“Is she healthy? Are you guys okay? We heard of the engines getting broken and the night you spent without electricity.”
“She was a little shaken, but she’s fine, I promise. I’m taking care of her.” Jake relaxed at that a little and clasped his arm.
“Thank you.”
“Do you want me to tell her something?” Bellamy asked and Jake thought about it for a moment before finally shaking his head and sighing.
“It’s too dangerous now and maybe it’s better for her if she doesn’t know about any of this. When some time passes I’ll find a way to contact you.” Bellamy agreed and though he felt bad that he’d go home that night and not be able to tell her that her father was out there asking if she’s alright, he agreed with Jake-some time had to pass for things to be safe so they could perhaps even see each other.
He knew that Clarke missed her father very much. Often times when he was playing with Gus or holding him, there was a different glint in her eyes-one that wasn’t her being hot for him or wanting to kiss him and strip him of his clothes but instead something nostlagic, sad. He knew she was thinking of her dad holding her the same way, talking to her, loving her like he did Gus and she missed him dearly. She had always been a daddy’s girl, he knew that, she had admitted as much so no matter how good he was trying to do at giving her a home and a family, he could never replace her father.
It’s come to my attention that I apparently never posted these. Probably because I was planning on painting them but never did because I’m terrible.
But here are some scribbles I did a few weeks ago of Melvin from some of my various AUs. There was originally more on the canvas, such as the werewolf!AU, naga!AU and my original post canon AU that I started with @blacksapphiredragon years ago, but I never finished cleaning up the sketches so I just decided to save these three.
Here we have Melvin as he appears in the Ark!AU, band!AU and finally the family!AU which I’ve never really talked about because it wasn’t well received xP
It was actually pretty therapeutic to draw Melvin smiling for a change <3
Part 45 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I’m sorry for taking so long to update!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
The weeks passed like this, some nights were busier than others for her and some were quiet and they went back home to Gus earlier than expected. He knew work was hard on Clarke-taking care and making sure humans survived these horrible conditions took its toll on you but he only ever realized how bad and serious it can be on her a few nights ago when she lost a little girl, about Gus’ age to a very bad case of pneumonia.
He knew her parents vaguely-they were from Farm, friends of Harper and Monty, both of them working the solar panel fields, growing vegitables. Their baby girl, Charlotte has gotten sick during the electricity cut off and Clarke has been treating her for weeks. Some days she got better and Clarke was convinced she almost beat it but others, they’d come to find her curled up on her own in the bed, her mom holding her hand and singing to her as she barely breathed.
Charlotte was only this bad because last year she caught the flu again and it got just as serious but they never treated her with proper medication because they didn’t have access to any doctors or antibiotics. As a result, her lungs were severely damaged and she often got sick after that, catching colds constantly and quickly getting sicker in a short amount of time.
But the night she spent much like Gus, curled up to her mother’s chest and freezing more and more by the minute, seemed to be what was the last straw-she didn’t only get frostbite on her face, hands and toes, she caught a horrible cough and no matter how hard Clarke tried and she did try very hard, the girl wouldn’t get better.
The nights before Charlotte died Clarke knew what was coming but she still persisted and tried out different medications, wanted to change the antibiotics too but when they went there on that unfortunate evening, her mom and dad were holding her in her arms as she barely breathed and watched as the life was slowly leaving her body.
Bellamy recognized what was happening right away, so when Clarke wanted to push another vial into her little body or listen to her lungs, he simply put his hand on her shoulder and softly pulled her back to the chair he had brought closer to the bed.
He shook his head at her and nodded at the girl’s limp hand, hanging from her side.
Clarke took it, kissed her white knuckles with trembling lips while Bellamy cupped her little foot and rubbed his thumb over her frostbitten toes.
They watched as Charlotte took her last breath and died in her parent’s arms. Her mom was talking to her till the end and her dad was stroking her head with his big calloused fingers.
“I’m so sorry-” Clarke had hugged her mom tightly “I’m sorry, I tried.”
“I know you did.” her mom had said whispering back in her ear “Nobody has ever fought for my girl like you did. Thank you.”
They had left them all alone that night and Bellamy had insisted they don’t visit any other patients, radioing Harper on the private line they had established over the past few weeks and asking her to cover for Clarke because he had to take her home.
And he had, he did. She was barely walking straight on the way back and when they finally made it in, he gave his mom a sign that they had to be left alone, so she kissed his forehead goodbye and let them be. Gus, the poor fella, knew something wasn’t okay either because he grew quieter as well and ate his plate without any fuss or arguments. Soon enough he was asleep in his bed and Bellamy was pushing Clarke to his chest as she cried her guts out and fist his shirt, whispering how this wasn’t fair and she should’ve done better.
“You did your best.” he promises as he held her “You did everything you could for her. Not everyone can survive Factory-it’s a hard lesson that we learn in the worst ways.”
“I wish you didn’t have to.” she had whispered as the tears kept rolling down her cheeks.
“Me either, princess.”
He had carried her to the bathroom after, helped her wash up, shampooed her hair and her body, dried her off, dressed her in her PJs. She was as limp and as broken as she had been after Jackson died and it scared Bellamy, but he hoped things would be okay with him there, that she could recover and keep going.
Next day she had tried to march on, forget her feelings and what happened to Charlotte and just keep helping others but he knew she wasn’t fine-it was the light tremble of her hands, the whiteness of her cheeks, the sadness in her eyes.
He let it go for a day but then tonight, when she saw how wobbly she was on her feet, he realized he’s had enough of this stupid-pretending-to-be strong charade and when they were leaving the house of an elderly man with a broken leg who’s she’s been fixing for a few weeks, he grabbed her elbow and pulled her back in one of the hallways.
“Let’s go home.” he said looking into her seriously.
“What? No! I still have three more patients to see.” Clarke had protested and tried to get away from him but he stood in her way and blocked her from walking it off like she usually did.
“They’re not severe cases-it’s just changing bandages, I’ll radio Harper and she’ll take care of them for you.” he did know there was an older seamstress with a bad arm cut, a boy with a dislocated shoulder and a man about his age with a busted knee which Clarke was rewrapping in a similar way that she did Bellamy’s. “I think we should go home early tonight.” he repeated and Clarke jutted her chin at him.
“No. I want to keep going.”
“You can’t-” he had cut her off, raising his hand a little “You don’t feel well and that’s alright, after what happened the other night, everyone would be shaken.”
Clarke looked away, snapping her head and closing her eyes for a moment, breathing in.
“I’m fine. Losing Charlotte sucked, but there are other people who need my help. I have to go and-”
“No, you don’t have to do anything if you’re not feeling mentally fine and I know you aren’t.” he insists, gripping her hand with his fingers and forcing her to look at him again “Clarke, you don’t have to be strong for me, you know that. You don’t need to pretend.”
“I’m not pretending, I just want to...I want to keep going.”
“I know but you can’t. You need to get home and rest, let it all sink in. I don’t want you to live through something traumatic and then wake up the next morning and keep going like a machine-” he had scolded mildly and looked up at him with big broken eyes “This isn’t Alpha. You can’t just take a breath, then another and ignore the pain of others or your own.” she bows her head again and he pushes her to his chest, wrapping his arms tight around her.
“This isn’t the person I fell in love with, okay?” she tightens her hand around his back and he feels them slide from his middle to his lower back.
“Sometimes you make too much sense.” she whispers in his chest before looking up to find him smiling at her a little “I don’t like it.” he chuckles and pats the brow between her eyes with his index finger before leaning in for a kiss.
“Sure you don’t, princess.” he jokes and kisses her again before finally pulling back and tugging her down the hallway. “Let’s go home.” he says again and this time she nods, agreeing with him.
They’re talking quietly as they cross the square back to the gates between Farm and Factory, lost in their heads, discussing what to eat tonight or which game to play with Gus who they were sure would be happy to see them back earlier than usually.
He’d been doing so well at school lately, acing all his reading tests and reciting poems on a few day care celebrations. He was all ready for Wheat day that would be in just a few weeks and Clarke couldn’t wait to see the biggest and most important holiday for Factory and Farm stations and participate for the first time.
They were so lost in thought and conversation that they didn’t notice Alex wasn’t the guard on post. When Bellamy finally approached the gates, he felt Clarke tensing to him because she too felt there was something wrong-the guards, instead of just two or even one by the gates at that point of night, were five, wearing heavier guns than they usually did.
Bellamy glanced around the square and found that it wasn’t just those few that looked somewhat different, there were a few more little groups of three or four guards on each side of the square and he felt a shiver run down his spine.
“Maybe they’re cautious of this word about a protest going out?” Clarke whispered as they slowed their pace.
There has been a rumour going around that Factory was preparing a strike of sorts joined by Farm and Arrow folks to peacefully protest for better living conditions. Everyone were riled up and angry after the electricity was cut off and the engines stopped working-so many had gotten sick or hurt but now, now they were recovering, in many ways thanks to Clarke who went from house to house trying to fix the damage done and the people were ready to come out and tell the chancellor that this can’t happen again.
Bellamy had thought it was just another protest, nothing out of the ordinary, there had been many throughout the years, most of them very unsuccessful in changing something and very quickly shut down by the guards.
But now he realizes he should’ve at least considered the possibility that Alpha would send extra forces in those stations, even if something was just a rumour or a “peacefull protest”. Jaha would never allow anything to undermine his power, even an insignificant event like this.
“Probably.” Bellamy whispers back already mentally scolding himself through for not thinking this better.
This morning he had woken up with a sinking feeling in his guts, one that he hadn’t felt since the day Gina died and it had scared him but he had tried to push it down-it was just a feeling, nothing else.
Now it came back washing over him like an ocean wave, hitting him hard and making him stumble on his feet.
“Are you okay?” Clarke had asked, coming in before him, helping him steady himself up. She had no idea this was just an act on his part until he looked at her eyes and squeezed her hands.
“Do you have your ID?”
“Yes.”
“The Farm one?” she nods. Harper and Monty had managed to fabricate her more than a few fake IDs as her official paperwork was still not done with probably Alpha slowing it down on purpose so that Clarke couldn’t cross stations.
“I used it to pass through.”
“What about the Factory one?” she nods again, after checking her jeans’ pockets and finding the one identical to his old one that had her photo and the name Josephine Blake, an alias that was his wife, born a few years before him and working as a seamstress in their station.
“Good, we’ll show this one.” Clarke nods and he moves closer to softly kiss her lips before pulling away and giving her a look saying they could do this, all they had be is remain calm.
When they approach the gates, Bellamy plasters on a fake smile at the guard and Clarke tries to do the same.
“Good evening, guardsman.” he greeted but the man who was definitely more heavily armed than the usual guards passing people through, squeezed his rifle hanging from his chest with one hand and gave Bellamy an angry look from under his black helmet.
“Name and IDs” he simply barked at them and Bellamy tugged Clarke closer as they handed him over their cards. Bellamy kept his work one tucked in the back pocket in case of emergencies but he always showed his regular one first-Sinclair had reiterated more than ones that the less people know where he works, the better and he shouldn’t be waving that red work ID pass anywhere but when he’s coming in and out for his shift.
Still, Bellamy had used it on couple of occassions, just to persuade the guards to let them pass through faster and not give them any trouble.
It usually worked like a miracle.
Usually being the key word here.
“I’m Bellamy Blake and this is my wife Josephine.”he gestured at her but the guard only grunted in their way and looked at them carefully from head to toe.
When he scanned Clarke’s card his machine beeped three times, flashing in red and he immideately blocked their way.
“Your ID won’t go through.” he mumbled angrily “What was the purpose of you visiting Farm?”
“We were just seeing some friends, they recently had their baby and they wanted us to be godparents.” Bellamy spoke perhaps a little too fast as he stood before Clarke, putting himself between the guard and her “Maybe her IDs expired, we know she should change it soon but we could’ve missed the date. Would you scan it again?”
The guard eyes them suspiciously and Bellamy feels his back sweat as he squeezed Clarke’s hand tightly.
“Please, sir, would you?” the guard swiped it again through his scanner but it burned in bright red once more and he dropped the machine by his leg, reaching for his cuffs.
“I’m going to have to detain you.” he said moving a few steps trying to get to Clarke but Bellamy stood in his way again and tried to look calm.
“Bellamy-” Clarke whispered in his ear scaredly and he just squeezed her hand in return, trying to reassure her.
He raised his hands to the guard and tried to keep his cool.
“I’m sorry, guard, that’s all my fault, I should’ve made us check the ID before we left but we didn’t think something could be wrong with it.”
“It’s not expired-” the guard cut off harshly “Which means it could be fake. I have to detain her. And you.”
“Sir, please-” Bellamy tried again, reaching for his back pocket and taking out his red flashy level 11 card, handing it to the guard as if swiping a bribe in his hand “Would you make an exception-” he nodded at the card and the guard opened up his big rough palm, his eyes widening at the pass. “Just this once. It’s my fault really.”
The guard took a step back, picked up his card and swiped it through the scanner which now came out in flashing green but the man didn’t deflate or change his position as Bellamy had hoped he would.
“This isn’t your wife.” the guard mumbled and Bellamy shook his head, taking it as an opportunity to give them the perfect cover, hoping to apologize to Clarke later when they were back home.
“You know how it is...Farm girls...much more prettier than Factory ones.” he swallows hard, wincing as he says the next part “Me and a few buddies just wanted to have some fun and the girl is just trying to make a living, so-” the guard glanced at Clarke again, trying to estimate if she looked like a prostitute that Factory men above the average level of ration point recieving could actually afford and whatever he saw, he must’ve decided Bellamy’s words were credible because he finally moved away and nodded at them to pass through.
There was something different in his expression, though, something too self-satisfactory in his eyes that made Bellamy doubt this really worked-he was too easily swayed and he definitely wasn’t a Farm or Factory guard, no, the insignia on his sleeve showed he came from Alpha, Wells' special forces even, something Bellamy noticed only when he and Clarke began walking through the gates.
The guard smiled at them smugly as they passed and Bellamy saw him picking up his radio, moving a feet away and talking fast and quiet.
They had just about moved over the gate and into Factory when he turned to Clarke who’s face was so pale and sweaty that he thought she’d pass out any moment.
“I’m so sorry-” he began but he never got to finish his sentence because they heard loud voices coming from behind them.
He should’ve known that the gut feeling was there for a reason, he should’ve realized that something was wrong about the guard if he didn’t ask him more about Clarke or where he was taking her, even if she was just a girl for one night, as they presented it to be.
He should’ve known that something was wrong when they crossed over and he didn’t feel relieved.
“THIS IS THEM!” the voice yelled and they turned around to find the guard who had scanned them yell at a squad of five others that were running to them “GRAB THEM! IT'S THEM!”
It all happened so fast that Bellamy could only remember looking at Clarke for a moment that both felt so short and like an eternity, their hands were still clasped together between them, he felt himself dropping his crutch probably in panick and he read the fear in her eyes.
This was it-they knew it was a possibility, deep down they had the understanding that they had made peace with, that they could be caught.
As he heard the guards running towards them and everyone yelling, he grabbed her other hand and pulled her in to him, holding her tight and kissing her lips as if it was the last time.
Clarke who had been scared up until that point relaxed in his embrace-they had talked about it before, what would happen if they get caught, they knew when they started this that there was a great chance they may not make it back one night. Bellamy had changed his will, written down Aurora as Gus’ guardian and Clarke had written a letter to her father, Bellamy and Gus that she had tucked away and hidden in 'Anne of Green Gables'.
They’ve talked about what to do if only one of them dies and the other lives, though Bellamy had hated that conversation most of all but he still insisted she took in Gus as her child if he passed and asked if she was okay with it and Clarke had instructed him how she wants to be floated and which ones of her stuff would go to him and Gus, and what to her dad.
So in this moment they were both scared, they wouldn’t be human if they weren’t, but when Bellamy kissed her, Clarke felt herself breathe a little better and when they pulled back he smiled.
“I love you.” he whispered and it was both a statement and a promise, she knew. A promise that went on beyond their lives here-a light that went out in the universe and kept on burning long after they were both gone.
“I love you too.” she felt the guards grab her by the arms and try to pull her back just at the same time as they were taking him in too. Both of them fought against the strong men and managed to come in just as close as to touch their foreheads together and look into each other’s eyes once more.
“Everything will be okay.” he said and she smilled, nodding, knowing nothing ever will be again.
“Cuff them well and make sure he doesn’t have a way out!” they heard another voice rise above the yelling guards who were barking orders at each other or huffing and puffing while restraining them.
Clarke’s head snapped in the direction that it came from mostly because it sounded familiar and she knew, in her heart who it was, so she wasn’t surprised when she saw Wells walk through the small army of guards they had enlisted with catching just two people.
“Wells-” she gasped as she saw the guard at the checkpoint follow through with a smug smile on his face, puffing his chest and jutting his chin proudly. “What is this?”
“You know what it is.” he says coldly as he approaches them. Bellamy was already restrained cuffed both behind his back and his ankles with a tight rope while she was still fighting against the guards behind her. “Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin, you’ve both been arrested for performing illegal activity in the stations of Factory, Farm and Arrow which includes giving medical help, stealing medical supplies and food and using fake documents as well as abusing your work positions and instigating riots.”
“What?” Clarke raised her voice to a high angry pitch “We’ve never-”
“Take them to their cells and keep them separate.” Wells cuts her off without giving her the chance to speak up and just before both her and Bellamy have some black bags put over their heads, she catches his scared expression and lurches to him but the guards twist his body away as he fights against them and she sees him wince from the pain in his back.
“Don’t fight!” she tries to yell but the guard shoves a piece of cloth in her mouth, puts a black bag over her head and start pushing her or more like dragging her down what seemed like the hallway.
“Be careful with her!” Wells barks as they start moving “She’s important.” Clarke wanted to scream because she could hear Bellamy struggling and fighting against his guards and Wells only ever cared about her.
What would happen to him? What would they do?
Panic crawled through her entire being and she tried to command herself to stay calm like Bellamy had taught her to, especially in the nights when she had anxiety attacks-he’d wake up with her from her kicking him with her limbs or screaming out loud and he’d pull her to his chest, push her hand to his face, make her feel his cheeks, his eyelids, his nose, his beard, then his neck, his stomach and then he’d count with her to a hundred until she breathed normally after which point she’d cry until she passed out again and when she woke up in the morning, he’d still be looking down on her, making sure she’s fine and stroking her head, whispering how much he loved her.
That was gone now. It was over-they were caught and they could be floated. Not just her but him too.
Gus would lose the only parent he had left and it’d be her fault.
They walk for a long while before they finally reach what seems to be the prison station but she can’t see anything she only hears doors opening and closing, guards talking between each other, pushing her to walk when she tried to fight them.
They must’ve taken a different route with Bellamy because she lost track of him just a few minutes after they covered her head-she heard him fight them, try to kick them and what scared her the most she remembers the sizzling sound the guard’s baton made when it touched a part of a person’s skin and she knew they had shock lashed him to tame him.
Stupid, stubborn Bellamy.
She hears them open a door and push her into a room that somehow before she even sees it feels small and dense to her.
“Put her over there, untie her hands.” another voice, not Well’s but still familiar.
“Take the bag off and leave us be-three by the door, two in with us-keep your radios close I’ll need you.” that was her friend, though, she could tell when it was Wells right away and she realizes much too late than she should’ve that it was his hand on her arm, guiding her through to this door but she had been too panicked and stunned to let herself fully understand what was happening.
It was only when they took off the black bag off her head that she squinted a few times against the hard flourescent light and realized after focusing on the three figures before her, that she wasn’t in the Prison station.
She was in the Alpha guard interrogation rooms with chancellor Jaha and vice chancellor Kane both staring at her, leaning on the wall on both sides of a big glass window that she couldn’t see through.
Wells circled around and nodded at them as he came to the opposite side of the table they had put her sitting on and gave her a serious look.
She sucked in a breath and felt the world spin when she realized how seriously fucked up this was-they wouldn’t just arrest and float her. Whatever was going on here, having both the chancellor and vice chancellor in an interrogation room wasn’t good.
Clarke looked around and saw the two guards by the door, hands on their batons, standing straight and looking ahead.
She tried to command herself to breathe through her nose and straighten her body in the chair despite the pain she felt in her wristsand sides-she had fought against the guards on the way here and she knew her ribs were already bruised but it was probably nothing compared to what Bellamy went through knowing he always pulled a damn fight when it came to being restrained.
Bellamy.
Where had they taken him?
“I want to see him.” she said and when she did, she realized how weak and shaky her words came out, echoing in the small room. “Where is he?”
“That will come in later.” Wells says calmly as he sits down and pulls out a few brown folders, opening them up before her, allowing her to see her own file with her picture in the right upper corner as well as Bellamy’s next to her. “Please don’t make me restrain you-we’re trying to have a civil conversation here.”
Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“A civil conversation?” she stared at Well’s eyes with anger and wondered what the hell happened to the boy who used to think all stations should be equal when he was eleven and even wrote an essay on the subject which his dad burned in a bin in his office right before his eyes, trying to break his spirits. “You arrested us and dragged us here like animals-nothing about this is civil.”
“Well you haven’t exactly given us any reason not to, have you now, Clarke?” Kane spoke for the first time since she entered the room and walked closer to the table, leaning heavily on her left side. “Or have you and your little Factory rebel scum not been sneaking around for over a month, helping people out? Doing a number of illegal activities?”
“Bellamy had nothing to do with this! You have to let him go!” Kane barked out a laugh at that.
“Or really? Nothing?” Kane asks a little too smug for her liking, crossing his arms over his chest again.
“It was my idea. You have to let him go, he has a child-”
“Then he should’ve known better!” Wells cut her off then, bringing her attention back to him “You have both been incredibly stupid and I can say that I expect it out of an idealistic Factory mechanic to try and defy the government and the chancellor but you? You should know better, Clarke.”
“He’s not being idealistic! We were just helping people.”
“So it’s a 'we' now, not just 'you'?” Jaha’s deep voice echoes through the room again as he finally moves closer to the table as well “What is your truth, Clarke? Was it just you or was it Bellamy Blake as well?”
“It was me!” she fights back angrily, staring right into Jaha’s eyes “None of this is his fault. He should be let go.”
“And you should be floated?” he cornered as well but she didn’t show fear of any sort, instead she kept staring at him until she finally gave him a nod “That’d be so easy, wouldn’t it? Fair too, not just for you but for the people of Alpha as well, perhaps some would even call it educational...a cautionary tale of sorts.” he starts walking around in circles commanding silence from his partners with his prensence, forcing Clarke to keep track of his movements “The Alpha rebel girl who left her station and went to help the poor Factory people live a better life, have access to medicine.”
“I didn’t leave my station-you kicked me out!”
“For stealing antibiotics!” Wells reminds her “Which your friend Bellamy kept doing for you in the past month.”
“Still-” Thelonious gave his son a look suggesting he let him finish and Wells deflated under his father’s stern gaze “It would be easy, wouldn’t it? Floating you, getting it all swept under the rug, reminding people what happens to those who defy us?” Clarke doesn’t know what to say, confused by where the chancellor was going with this “Except we can’t do it this time.”
“Why not?” it’s funny, she realizes, she was asking why her own death was impossible right now and instead of being relieved, she only feels herself get more and more anxious the more time she spends in the room with the three of them.
Something was wrong.
“You see the thing is, Clarke that when you started this Robin Hood initiative of yours with Bellamy Blake, you became somewhat of a ...miracle to those people. A hero, even. Perhaps to those you’ve saved, even a saint of sorts.” Jaha explains carefully leaning on the back of Wells’ chair and staring into her eyes, perfectly calm “It may be historic in terms of everything we know from back on the earth times but I think you are the first person to become someone’s symbol to a fight in such a short amount of time.”
“Symbol of a what?” Clarke asks even more perplexed than before “I’m nothing like that!”
“Sure you are.” Jaha continues calmly, starting his short walk around the table again and circling behind her “People fell in love with you. You didn’t just heal them, your brought them hope. An Alpha princess coming in to the rescue and fighting for everyone’s equality-sounds like a fairty tale almost, doesn’t it?”
“That’s not what this was, I just wanted to help people!”
“Or you just couldn’t help yourself?” Kane chimes in as well “Or perhaps this is just your nature-to go against every boundary someone has ever set before you. You may be Alpha born but you act like every Factory fool out there.”
“They’re not fools-they’re just people who want to live like we do!”
“And what happens if we allow that?” Jaha leans on the other side of the table and stares at her now, anger glistening in his eyes “You think we’ll all live in peace? You think Factory and Farm won’t take down this government and establish a tyranny over everyone else? Destroy the great minds of Alpha, GoSci, Hydra just to gain control, just to take it back!”
“They have a reason to want revenge” Clarke tries to calm herself down “You’ve been taking everything away from them! Those people die out like flies out there from the lack of food, from their poor working conditions or the non-existant medical care and you don’t care! You’ve become so calloused for the feelings of others that you don’t even consider what you’re doing to these people.”
“Don’t talk to your chancellor like that!” Wells stands up abruptly kicking his chair back as he goes “Remember where you are.”
“I know exactly where I am!” Clarke barks back feeling suddenly big in the presense of the three man surrounding her on all sides “I’ve been living the hell they do for just a few months and I barely would’ve made it if not for Bellamy! I’ve had children die in my hands out of pneumonias that could’ve been treated, I’ve had elderly pass from the wounds in the Factories you force them to work in, so you can have electricity at night, flourishing table and bright yellow dresses for your pretty Alpha society girls!” Wells opens his mouth to argue but his dad garbs his shoulder and pushes him back down on his chair, suggesting that he’s taking over again.
“And that is why you are dangerous, Clarke.” he says calmly again, back to his stern and strict composture “This way of thinking could tip the scale of everything we stand for.”
“Maybe the scales should finally be tipped!”
“Oh, they could be!” Jaha agrees “So very easily. You know the reason we arrested you tonight wasn’t random. We’ve been following you and your accomplices for weeks, we could’ve done it at any moment really-we had your lives in our hands.” Clarke swallows hard and feels the world go a little black before her eyes “But when we realized that the rumors of this so-called “peaceful protest” are very very real, that there are some powerful working leaders involved and that they had gotten their hands on guns and armory, we knew we had to act fast unless they stormed coincilmen Harrison’s chambers and took him down before we could react.”
“I don’t see how this has anything to do with me or Bellamy.” Jaha smiles again and starts walking with his hands clasped behind his back this time.
“Oh, it has everything to do, Clarke. You see, the problem with saints or symbols or whatever it is you want to call what you became for the people of Factory, is that if we kill you, it’ll only make them angrier. They’ll lose their beloved Alpha doctor who helped so many and that just may be the thing that starts a revolution.” he stops again and stares right through her. Clarke could feel the tension in the room being so thick, she could probably cut it with a knife “And you see...that’s the last thing I want.”
Clarke swallows hard and looks around at Wells and Kane who seem just as angry as Jaha was but even more so ready to fight her.
“So what will you do if you don’t kill me?”
“I thought long about that-” Jaha continues in the same calm manner “Believe it or not you’ve been a pain in all of our heads for a while now, Clarke. I had multiple council meetings, listening to my advisor, vice chancellor Kane,” he glances at the man who doesn’t flinch and keeps his angry eyes on her “even my son who spent endless sleepless nights trying to come up with a solution to the problem but in the end I just figured it out on my own.” he clears his throat and rests his hand on the back of Wells’ chair again “The only way to make a saint hated is to break the image that they have. The only way to destroy a symbol is to pull them back to your side and make people see, convince them, that they will always go back to where they came from.”
Clarke feels her head spin and she has to grip the side of the table to steady herself.
“No!” she shook her head stubbornly “No way!”
“You’re coming back to Alpha. You’ll be a good doctor girl and forget everything about Factory station. Moreover, you’ll join me on the rallys for my reelection, become part of my councilmen circle, support my every doctrine, law and decision.”
“NO!” Clarke yelled now finally standing up. Wells immideately glanced at the guards by the door who rushed in and took her by the arms “NO WAY!”
“You will prove to everyone-” Jaha continues calmly “That you were simply acting as a love-struck fool who came to Factory following her lover and happened to help a few people by but that you’re true to your nature, you were stupid and you’ve found your way back home.”
“ONLY OVER MY DEAD BODY!” Clarke yelled struggling against the guards who squeezed her arms so tight, she knew they’d bruise “I’M NEVER GOING BACK TO ALPHA!” she struggled hard against her restrains, pulled at the guards, scaring Kane away, making him back up but Jaha only stood proudly tall unimpressed by her defiance “NO! NO, LET ME GO! LET MY GO I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I’m not a saint, I’m not some symbol-” she kept struggling “Let me go! LET. ME. GO!”
“Do you want me to tease her?” one of the guards asked, pulling out his baton and Clarke was sure Wells would nod as much as she could see he didn’t want that but at the same time his father raised his hand and stopped them.
“Don’t!” he simply commanded and the guard dropped his hand “Bring her to the window.” he added “Wells, radio your guards.” Clarke was confused. Radio who? For what? Were there more guards coming in to torture her? Restrain her?
They began pushing her to the big window on the opposite side of where she was sitting up until a moment ago and when they pushed her there and she finally managed to focus on what was on the other side, she gasped.
“No-” she cried out “No, Bellamy! No!” There he was kneeling on the floor, hands bound behind his back, surrounded by the guards. He looked awful, they had already hit him across the face more than once because he was bleeding pretty badly and his left eye was swollen shut. She pressed her hands against the glass and called him out again but he didn’t react.
“He can’t hear you, so save your breath.” Wells warned as he picked up his radio and looked at his father who nodded at him “Pick the prisoner up, strip him to the wall and use your batons on him.” he commanded.
“NO! No, no, stop this no!” Clarke yelled, banging her hands against the glass, hitting as hard as she could “No, please, THIS ISN’T HIS FAULT, HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING, ALL HE WANTED WAS TO HELP ME!” Jaha seemed completely unmoved by that and he gave his son another look as he barked more orders at the guards. Clarke watched as they raised Bellamy on his feet, strapped his wrist in a tight rope that they threw over a metal beam on the ceiling and pulled his body up in the air, making his feet sway just a few inches from the ground.
“No, Bellamy, no-” she screamed, feeling the tears run down her face as they stripped him from his jacket and shirt and picked up their batons. Wells barked the order in the radio and they bagan hitting him with their batons as hard as they could “NO! NO PLEASE, STOP! TAKE ME, TORTURE ME!” she begged turning to Jaha and reaching for his shirt but the guard stopped her by pulling her back right on time “TAKE ME!”
“And what would be the point of that?” Jaha asked “Why torture you? What would that help me? I think it’s much more painful seeing someone you love die for you, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Please, please don’t do this, don’t kill him! He was just trynig to help me. He did it for me!” she fell on her knees and heard Wells radio crack with the noises coming from the beating the guards were giving Bellamy, making her sick to her stomach.
“Then he’ll suffer for you!” Jaha says kneeling down to her level “Die for you.”
“No!”
“Unless you agree to join me! Come back to Alpha.” Clarke breathed heavily with her head bowed dug her hands in her arms and tried to compose herself before finally looking up at Jaha who was staring at her with confusion and worry and then-
then she spat right in his face.
The guards grabbed her up and hoisted her to her feet, Wells started barking orders, Kane rushed to the chancellor who pushed him off and brushed her spit with the back of his sleeve as he rose to her level again.
“This was a mistake.” he simply said and nodded at his son again “Go on, Wells. You two-make her watch.” he told the guards and they pushed her to the window, pressing her face to it so hard she felt her head split. Her hands were pulled to her back and one of them was shoving his knee uncomfortably inbetween her legs.
She glanced over and saw Bellamy’s body covered in bruises and cuts-they weren’t just using their batons-they kicked him hard, shock lashed him, she saw his body arch on number of times in just the span of seconds, they had a whip of sorts that one of the three guards was using to hit his back with.
“No-” she cried out “Please, Bellamy...Bell-”
“Which leg was it your friend got hurt when he saved you from the bombs?” Jaha asked whispering in Clarke’s ear “The left or the right?” Clarke cried out again, feeling the guard pull her by the hair, demanding an answer but she simply squeezed her mouth shut and closer her eyes. “How about we try the left one, it looks somewhat crooked to me, must be that one.” he added before addressing his son again “Wells.”
She heard the radio cackle and Wells’ commands go through.
“Aim for his left leg and lower back.”
“No!” Clarke tried to move away but they kept her face pressed to the glass.
“Break it.” Wells adds and she watches Bellamy fight and curse, struggle and try to kick as they hit him hard in the back before moving to his leg.
He screamed and though she couldn’t hear it, she saw his mouth open and his face twist in pure agony. He was trying to fight but when they lowered him a little and one of the guards hit the bone under his knee so hard she could tell it cracked even without being able to hear it-the bone just twisted, there was blood, his body arched on its own accord. He screamed again but they didn’t stop-they kept on hitting every part of him over and over and over again.
Clarke couldn’t take it, not anymore.
“Please, stop! Please just stop!” she begged, crying out loud “It should be me...it’s not his fault, it should be me, please, please, just stop.”
“I’ll stop when you agree to my terms.” Jaha said again and Clarke squeezed her eyes shut and struggled against the guards trying to free her hands, press them to the window, get somehow closer to Bellamy but she was so out of reach it was surreal. “You’re coming back to Alpha, joining your mother in surgery, going back to the good perfect girl you were before.” he said.
Clarke stared at Bellamy who was on the verge of losing consciousness but somehow persisted-his strength gave her hope to keep hers too, to refuse to break in the face of Jaha, to remain as stubbornly standing as Bellamy always had been.
She kept crying, so many tears she was feeling her head hurt but she couldn’t stop-the only thing she could do is think that the last thing Bellamy would want from her is to break.
And yet she was so close because it hurt...it hurt so much to watch him suffer like this.
She swallowed hard, looked at Jaha again and tried to keep her voice steady.
“I said no.” Jaha was seemingly surprised by her stubborness but he only let it show for a second before his face hardened and he looked at his son again, giving him another commanding nod.
“Wells.” he said and she heard the radio cackle again.
“Break his other leg too.” her former friend commanded and Clarke pressed her forehead against the window imagining it’s Bellamy, closing her eyes briefly and whispering.
“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.”
“Make her see it!” Jaha commanded and she felt one of the guards pulling her head back and forcing her eyes open with his big black gloved fingers. She watched as they used their batons on Bellamy’s other leg too until it cracked again right by what was anatomically called the tibia or the bone between the knee and the ankle and his leg hung unnaturally crooked just like the others.
“No...no, please, God, please!” Clarke cried out again when they moved to his tigh and hit his kneecap with the teaser “Bellamy....Bellamy-” he was barely holding on now, his head was lolled to his chest and she couldn’t see his face anymore, but she could see the blood dripping from the cuts on his face, his head and his back that were covering the floor-by her estimations if they kept going like this, they’d kill him.
“You see, you are the only person who could make this stop, Clarke.” Jaha kept on and she turned to him angrily.
“You animal! LET HIM GO!” she fought against the guards again “Let him go!”
“Only you can do that, Clarke.” Jaha explains patiently and nods at the guards to turn her around with her back to the window glass so he can move right before her “You see I can kill this boy. I can leave his son an orphan and have you live with what you’ve done to him for the rest of your life or I could do something worse-” Clarke’s heart was beating so loud she was sure it’d soon leave her chest “I could fire him from his job at Level 11 and I could make sure he never gets another one.”
“No-”
“He’s already pretty hurt, I doubt he’d be able to stand on his feet and walk the same way without feeling every ounce of pain of what we did to him today but I could still ensure he doesn’t have any source of income, not even as a janitor.”
“You wouldn’t!” Clarke barks again “You can’t!”
“Oh, Clarke...I’m the chancellor! I can do whatever I want.” he reminds her with an evil smile “I’ll starve him and his son out. Fire his mom from that seamstress job too, make sure his son never gets an education or a proper job himself. I will ruin that entire family-”
She shook her head, sobbing out loud at the treats and bowing her head down.
“If he lives to see his son growing up, that boy will be ashamed of him and he’d wonder why this happened to them.” Jaha kept on “And the answer would be you.”
“Please...please, just let him be.” her voice broke again “Let him be.”
“I won’t stop with him either.” Jaha continues “I know about everyone involved in your little network.”
“We’re not some terrorists! We were just trying to help people!” Jaha smiles at that and she can see he doesn’t believe her for a second-he was so full of himself, so drunk on his power that it was unbelievable.
“Harper and Monty Green-I hear they have a little boy too. What do you think will happen to him when I fire them both from the plants?” Clarke’s eyes filled with tears again and she shook her head, out of pleas to give Jaha any more, he wasn’t listening to her anyway “And Jasper Jordan and his wife Maya-did you know her mother was sick with cancer?” she did, she was trying to help her out but she had no medication. That was the reason why they started growin pot illegally in the first place-it was to help with Mrs. Vie’s pain “I’ll float them for distrubution of drugs and let this poor woman die suffering immeasurable pain.”
Clarke fisted her hands despite her restrains and clenched her jaw hard.
“Or I could let them be. They’ll still suffer some consequences but at least they’ll live.” his voice changes pitches and Clarke can feel he’s about to add something else “Unlike that poor boy Alex that you had roped into your operation.” her head snapped at that and Jaha smiled, seeing he produced the desirable effect in her. “That’s right, we caught him and he was floated earlier this morning. You should’ve seen his poor mother cry and break down before Kane pushed the button.”
Clarke’s eyes filled with tears again-poor Alex...he has been helping them pass through safely. He was just a kid, barely twenty, he had his eyes on a boy from Farm and Clarke was pushing him to try his luck out and ask him on a date.
Now...now he was gone and he’d never get to do any of it.
All because of her.
Again.
Just like Jackson lost his life, so had Alex and so would Jasper and Maya, Monty and Harper and worst of all...Bellamy.
She couldn’t let that happen, she couldn’t be the reason why they suffered for the rest of their lives or were floated out of pure spite for her trying to treat people and help them survive.
Clarke closed her eyes again, bowed her head down and let her body go limp in the guard’s arms.
She took a few deep breaths, watched as her tears fell quietly to the ground, commanded herself to stop crying and finally looked up, meeting the chancellor’s eyes as she spoke.
“Okay,” she said “I’ll come back to Alpha. I’ll play by your rules, just leave them alone.” Jaha’s face twisted in a bright, almost insane smile he nodded at the guards to loosen their grips and gave Wells a sign to stop Bellamy’s torture.
“You made the right choice, Clarke.” he said as he came close to her and gripped her shoulder.
All Clarke wanted to do was kick him in the stomach and make him hurt the way he’s made Bellamy feel.
That wasn’t everything, though-he made the guards bring her to the table and Kane bring in some documents-she had to sign to the terms she agreed to, as if it was a contract and in case she broke it or tried to play him, he’d make sure all her friends were floated except for Bellamy, who’d he make suffer for the rest of his life until he died starving.
Clarke didn’t have a choice, in fact, in that moment she just felt numb, resigned. The news of Alex’s death as well as everything that she had witness happen to Bellamy was too much for her to handle and she had finally given up-this was it, the end for her, the end of absolutely everything good she could have.
Jaha may have thought he was taming the saint of Factory but what he really was doing was that he killed her.
She didn’t have the time to read through the documents carefully and frankly, she didn’t care-she simply let her hand sign in every corner Kane pointed at while Wells watched her like a hawk and Jaha sat opposite of her smiling satisfied.
When she was done and Kane tucked every paper away in a new folder with her name written in the upper left corner Clarke put the pen down and rest her back against the chair, diligently waiting for whatever was next for her.
“That’s not all.” Jaha spoke again and she raised her head, meeting his horrbile look once more-his eyes were brown but they were nothing like Bellamy’s warm ocean she lost herself in “You have to go in there and talk to him now. Convince him that you were playing him all along and that you’re going back to Alpha on your own terms.”
Clarke swallowed hard and opened her mouth to protest when Jaha moved up on the table and leaned over her.
“Do I have to remind you what I’ve promised to do in case you deny me, Clarke?” she swallowed hard and fisted her hands again forcing herself to take deep breaths until she finally nodded. “Guards, take her to him, make sure he’s awake for it all but restrained.”
She felt herself being lifted by the guards and pushed outside of the room. Clarke was moving as if in a dream-like all of this was happening but to someone else and she was simply an observant. Her mind was buzzing, her hands shook and when she walked, she swayed so hard, they had to support her by gripping her elbows and forcing her to stay up.
It must take them less than a minute to move from her room to Bellamy’s but it feels like forever to her and when they open the door and push her in, she feels so dizzy again, it goes black before her eyes and she almost falls.
“Clarke!” she hears him call her out “Clarke, are you okay?” his voice is very weak, barely there and when she steadies herself with the helf of the guards who let her be once they’re sure she’s stable on her feet, she finds him chained to the wall opposite of her, sitting on the ground, both of his legs broken and his hands tied in his lap.
He looks awful-his face is a beaten swollen blue and red pulp that she can barely make out. He still had his shirt off and she could see the result from the beating and whipping but his legs were what seemed to be the worst-he had them both out extended and motionless right before him.
He was barely alive.
How he was awake was beyond her.
In that moment something in her broke and she couldn’t help but rush to him, kneel before him and throw herself in his arms.
“Bellamy-” she sobbed and his head lolled against her chest “Bellamy!” it was like a breath of fresh air, seeing him, feeling his body heat, knowing he was here, alive, severely hurt but...alive.
“Princess...” he mumbled and she pulled back cupping his bruised cheeks, god she couldn’t even make out his freckles-it was all just red, blood thicking from his head-two gaping wounds on his side, his eye swollen shit, his nose crooked, his cheeks marred with multiple cuts and bruises.
She couldn’t help herself-her hand peppered down his face, his neck, his chest that was whipped too and she founds so many injuries. He coughed as she held him and blood dripped from his mouth-he’d be lucky if he made it out of this alive.
“It’s okay, you’ll be okay.” she cried out holding his head up “I need you to listen to me now, Bellamy, cause we don’t have much time.” she clearly remembers Jaha instructing her that she had about five minutes before the guards forecefully escorted her.
“What...what’s happening? Are you alright? Are you safe?” her heart broke at that-he was barely conscious, severely hurt and delusional but his first thought was for her.
His stupid selfless ass.
God she loved him.
She couldn’t help but lean down and kiss his swollen lips for the briefest of seconds, tasting in the blood dropping from his mouth to hers and forcing herself to take his pain as hers-it was the least she could do after what she did to him today and what she was about to add to it.
“It’s okay...it’s okay.” she kept sobbing when she pulled away and pressed her forehead against his.
He was burning up and he felt so limp and barely there that she wasn’t sure he understood what was happening right now. His one open eye was filled with pain and confusion and he hissed from the pain, clenched his jaw and she was forced to push his back to the wall to give him something to lean on.
“Come on, just rest here, try to breathe okay?”
“What happened? Are they floating us?”
“No.” she said stubbornly “It’ll be alright. You’re going back home.” his eye opened and he looked at her trying to force himself to remain conscious. He had noticed the way she said it, only mentioning him and not herself.
“What about you?” she cried and shook her head, pursing her lips and tasting his blood on them.
“I’m going back home too.” she said voice breaking “To Alpha.”
“No!” he hissed right away reaching with his bind hands to her “No, way, Clarke! No!”
“It’ll be fine, I’ll be okay and so will you.” she promises “I’ve made sure of it.”
“No, Clarke, please, you can’t. What did they want?” he asks panicking now “What are they using against you?” Clarke shakes her head at him but he keeps insisting “If it’s me, I’ll be fine, okay? We’ll figure it out.”
“It’s not them. It was my choice.” she tries but it comes out so weakly that even she can’t believe it.
“Bullshit, your choice! Are they treatening your mom? Jake? Who is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just time for me to go back home.” she tries again, forcing her voice to get serious “This isn’t about you, Bellamy. I never belonged to Factory and I never will. It was stupid of me to think that I can do it.”
“This isn’t you.” he calls her out on it “You’re lying to me.”
“I’m not.” she tries but again, as before, it comes out way too weak to be convincing “I hated it there.” she tries once more and there’s hurt in his eyes now “Can’t you see? This was just a game for me-I came to see if I can live there, have a taste of a different way of life-it was just an experiment for me.”
He stares into her eyes and shakes his head stubbornly.
“How about you stop with this nonsense and tell me what’s really going on?” Clarke stands up, unable to keep her eyes on him and forcing herself to turn her back to him. “What does Jaha have on you? Did he treatened to kill someone?”
“He already did.” she whispers sadly and turns back around, meeting his confused and scared face “Alex is gone.”
“No.” it wasn’t just his voice that broke, it was as if the guards physically hit him again and broke his leg once more.”No-”
“I have to go, Bellamy.” she said trying to keep herself from breaking anymore. She should’ve never let it slip about Alex-she was supposed to make him believe that this was her choice so he wouldn’t try to break into Alpha or do something stupid like start a goddamn revolution over a single girl.
This wasn’t Troy and she sure as hell wasn’t as beautiful as Helen.
People won’t die for her. She won’t let it happen, ever again.
“Clarke, please, stop, let’s just talk!” he begged and she turned around again finding him trying to sit up, maybe even stand as if he had forgotten that both his legs were broken.
He pathetically fell back on the ground and sighed painfully, reaching for his hand and clasping her chest as if his heart hurt which worried her even more.
“This isn’t you.” he said when whatever pain he was feeling passed through his body “I know it. We agreed that no matter what happens, we’ll face it...together.”
“We can’t face this.” she says coldly, remembering Jaha’s treats in her head-I’ll kill the Greens, Jasper and Maya, I’ll destroy their lives. “Because there was never a 'we', Bellamy.”
“Clarke-”
“It wasn’t real!” she raised her voice, echoing through the small room and watching as he crumbled upon her look “I was stupid. My mom and dad were right-I don’t belong here.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it!”
“No it’s not. Wells sending me here was a lesson and I only realize this now.” Bellamy’s head snapped in confusion again “It was never real, Bellamy. It was just punishment.”
“You can say what you want, Clarke.” he smiled a little “I know this isn’t you. They’re making you say this and I don’t believe it for a second.” Clarke felt desperation wash over her and she forced herself to kneel down to his level again and take his hands in her.
He couldn’t be fooled.
“You have to stop fighting them, okay?” she tries desperately and he shakes his head stubbornly.
“Never.”
“You have to let me go.”
“I won’t.” he squeezes her hand back in his bruised ones and then he says something she never expected him to, not in this moment anyway. It comes so out of nowhere that she freezes in her spot and is unable to move for a moment.
“Marry me, Clarke.” he tells her, pulling her to him.
“What?” she croaks absolutely stunned.
“Marry me.” he insists, gripping her fingers, knowing they’re running out of time “If we’re married, you officially become Factory citizent and they cannot make you go back.” Clarke smiles, bows her head down and thinks how sweet he is in his naivity.
“Of couse they can, Bellamy.” she meets his eyes again “This won’t change anything.”
“You never answered.” he insisted “Come on, Clarke. You know what we are to each other. This isn’t just about getting us out of this situation-I love you, you know that I do and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and Gus-the three of us together.”
Clarke shakes her head again-this sounded great but it was impossible, Jaha would never let it happen. What was Bellamy thinking? That they’d get an official here and be wed in a prison cell with Jaha watching from the other room and giving them their congratulations?
No, this would never work.
And even if it did, it’d only make the chancellor angrier, he’d find a way to hurt them worse, probably kill Harper and Monty or Jasper and Maya, take Gus away or fire Bellamy-anything, really, to destroy them.
He was right-he had all the power, not them.
“Clarke, look at me.” he begs again and she squeezes her eyes shut “Please, will you look at me?” she finally does and he tries to smile through the pain when he meets her eyes “Say yes.” he begs her “Just, please...Clarke, say yes.”
She feels the tears roll down her cheeks and she squeezes his hands so tight, she’s pretty sure she’ll add to the bruises.
Her knees fall to the floor and she kneels to his level-if she’s about to break his heart, she has to face him properly.
“No.” she finally says and it comes out as a broken whisper as much as it does like a strong wind that blows Bellamy off and makes his whole body crumple again, fold in on himself and shatter him into a million pieces.
He was a dendelion she sneaked under the cracks of and detonated into the world, sending all its parts off to circle around and never come back.
“I won’t.” she adds “I don’t love you.”
“Clarke-” he tries again and he’s crying now too “No-” he shakes his head in disbelief but she squeezes his hands forcing him to look at her.
“Yes. I’m not capable of loving anyone, I never had and maybe what we had was nice for a while but...it’s not me, Bellamy.” she insists and it comes from her heart now “Sooner or later, it would’ve ended and I would’ve found my way back home, I think we both know it.”
“Please-” he tries again and this time she stands up and stares at him from above, his broken body resonates with her broken soul.
“I don’t belong with you.”
“You can fight this! We will find a way!” he tries desperately but she just smiles sadly.
“Maybe-” she lies knowing it’ll set his reality in motion faster than anything else “But I don’t want to.”
“What about me? What about Gus? Will you just leave us behind? After everything!” he raised his voice again and though it was weak and hoarse it still came out angry, shattering her whole being.”You made a promise.”
“I’m sorry.” she said “You should’ve known not to trust me.” the guards open the door and come in to take her. Bellamy rages against his restrains and calls out to her, begging her, yelling that he doesn’t believe her, asking her to please come back, cursing Jaha, Kane, Alpha...everyone.
But it is useless. It was over.
As they’re dragging her away all she wants to do is run back to him and tell him how much she loves him, kiss him one last time, beg him for forgiveness after everything she’s done.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she hears the door behind her close and his yells coming in from inside, desperate to reach her.
They don’t. Clarke shuts them out and closes her heart forever as she slides down the metal wall and curls up on herself, crying quietly.
He’ll hate her for the rest of his life-she thinks.
Part 42of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I’m sorry for taking so long to update!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
The morning came faster than Bellamy ever wanted it too but for once it wasn’t him who woke up first-it was Clarke. Apparently having him in her was provoking some hot dreams because he woke to her eyes still barely opened and her pulling his head down by the neck to kiss him. He wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or if she knew what she was doing but he smiled and felt her move up and down a little, fucking herself on him.
He groaned and gripped her by the waist, grunting in her mouth as he kissed her back.
“Princess?” he mumbled “Are you awake or are you having a hot dream?”
“Both.” she mumbles when she pulls back a little and opens her eyes. The softness he finds there overwhelms him and he can’t prevent himself from pushing in her too, desperate to find some friction as he was pretty sure he could feel his dick twitching even when inside her.
“Can’t get enough of me, can you now?” he whispers when he kisses her cheeks and then meets her lips for a wet and hot kiss while her hands roam on his ribs under his shirt.
He hissed when he felt her hand run over the worst part of his back, the most fucked up and hurt one and she suddenly stopped, opened her eyes wide awake and took his head in her hands.
“How bad is it?” it was bad, that much he could tell, he could barely feel his leg right now and he knew that in just a moment as he started moving around, he’d feel even more numb and then he’d get that horrible thingly feeling after which the sharp bouts of pain that felt like him being shock lashed would come crashing in and he’d have to squeeze his eyes shut and try to ground himself.
It was the same thing every morning-the pain was so overwhleming that some times he had to drag himself to the bathroom, lock himself up and slide to the floor praying for it to just be over until it eventually let go.
But most mornings, he couldn’t make it out of bed so he just lay there, away from Clarke so she doesn’t feel it, gripped his thigh and squeezed his eyes shut in a quiet prayer for it to just pass.
“I think you’ll have to be on top this morning.” he jokes and she shakes her head at that but when he thirsts a little into her and she kisses him all hot and wanting, she can’t help herself and when he is the one to roll them over yet again, this time with him under her, she really wants to stop and ask him if he’s sure but he doesn’t give her the time to do so.
With his eyes so big and bright, so full of love and want, she can’t help herself, she leans closer, kisses him, lets her hands roam over his chest despite the shirt he had on and then starts moving, slowly, lazily.
Clarke knew they didn’t have that much time-the clock on the wall by the door told her it’s half past five-he had to get up at around six to grab them rations, then get himself ready for work, wake Gus and help him eat, prepare him for a day without him there.
They couldn’t allow themselves the pleasure of taking all their clothes off and marveling or paying attention to each and every part of their bodies-that would be reserved for the night but they could still enjoy each other’s company, bring each other over the edge before the beginning of a hard day.
He’s in pain, that much she can tell because even when he sits up and sucks her nipple through her shirt, he groans and not all of it is from the pleasure. He’s tense and his eyebrows are furrowed but she hopes that she can take his mind off of it at least a little as she fucks him and tugs the back of his curls, exposing his neck for her to suck on.
Just as last night, she’s the first to come and when she’s over the edge, he’s quick to slip away from her and she groans unhappily, too used to having him in her after spending the night together. When he’s off, he reaches to stroke himself a few times and she swats his hand away when she sees it.
“No, let me-” she insists breathlessly, her cunt still convulsing and wetting the sheets underneath them, yet again. She had to do laundry today as much as she hated it. He chuckles a little and drops his dick, let’s her pump him a few times, squeeze his balls and soon enough he comes as well, stifling his groans and leaning down to kiss her to try and quiet himself.
“Fuck, this is awesome, princess.” he whispers, glancing at the clock to check how much time he had before he needed to be up. He determines they could spare ten more minutes fooling around, kissing each other soo he pulls her over his chest since he was in too much pain to be the one in charge and they kiss each other lazily as their hands roam up and down under the sheets.
Bellamy’s about to move his head down and pay some attention to her other boob which he ignored during their fun times when they hear Gus’ voice loud and clear.
“Dada?” he asks “Clarke? What are youw doing?” Clarke jumps from her place so hard she hits her head in the top bunk and grunts loudly while Bellamy scrambles up with the blankets and pulls them over himself even though he’s technically dressed.
When they look at the kid they find him standing up in his PJs, rubbing at his eyes that were a little drowsy and sleepy but definitely wide awake.
“Gus-” Bellamy sits up on his elbows and tries to stifle a groan as Clarke rolls over by her side of the bed and breathes heavily, hiding behind his body for the time being. “What are you doing up, son, it’s still early?”
“I wasn’t sweepy anymow, dada.” he says and tilts his head at them “What awe you doing?”
“Nothing, Clarke and I were just uh-” he clears his throat and looks at her for support but she’s trying very hard not to laugh and he rolls his eyes at her childish behavior “We were just cuddling, cause Clarke’s cold.”
“Are you awkay?” Gus prods, taking a step forward and limping to the bed. Bellamy curses, shoves his hands under the blankets and pulls his boxers before picking Gus up in his lap.
“We’re good.” Bellamy assures. “Are you okay? Did we wake you?” Gus shakes his head and nestles on Bellamy’s chest, staring up at him and peaking at Clarke behind his dad’s back curiously. She tries to compose herself and comes closer to the boys, rolling on her side and reaching for Gus’ little hand, kissing his fingers as she moved up too.
“Dada, were you kissing doctor Clarke?” Gus asks next and Bellamy swallows hard, cursing quietly under his nose “I saw youw kissing hew.”
“I uh-...” he takes a deep breath and gives Clarke a look, suggesting he’ll definitely need her help here so she sits up in bed and he feels her arm hanging over his shoulder while her other hand stroked Gus’ head. The kid seemed a little confused but not spooked-he was looking between him and her surprised and Bellamy could see all the little gears running in his head trying to make sense of what he had just saw.
This was the worst possible way this could’ve happened, Bellamy thinks. They haven’t discussed much about this but they thought that when they told him, they’d sit him down and explain it slowly, carefully, so that he had the time to sink it in.
What was happening right now was just proof that Bellamy’s plans always went to hell. He glances at Clarke once more and she gives him a little nod as she sits by his side and holds Gus’ frostbitten foot in her hand, gently rubbing over it in a soothing manner.
“I was kissing her yes.” he admits and Gus stares at him for a moment, not saying anything. He looks between them and holds his hands together like he did when he was trying to make sense of things.
Bellamy decides to give him a moment and waits for him to speak up first, simply keeping his hand on his back, arm wrapped tightly around him pushing him to his side.
“Grandma Rory says that when people love each othew they kiss.” he rubs his chin before looking up at them again “Do you love each othew?”
Bellamy smiles and meets Clarke’s eyes as he leans closer and rubs his forehead against her for a brief moment.
“Yes, we do.” Bellamy says finally when they pull away “How do you think you feel about that?” Gus looks at them for a moment and Bellamy’s heart trumps loudly in his chest-he’s trying to prepare himself for a full four year old meltdown but then Gus surprisingly smiles brightly, claps his hands and yelps a little.
“I was right!” he exclaims and it’s Clarke and Bellamy’s turn to exchange confused glances as the kid shuffles in Bellamy’s lap and keeps beaming at them.
“You were...you were right, son?” Bellamy asks tilting his head at his baby boy and Gus keeps clapping his hands joyfully like he hasn’t been since the night when the electricity stopped and he got the frost bite.
“Gus been wondering if dada and doctor Clarke like each other more than friends.” he explains and furrows his eyebrows for a moment “Fwiends don’t kiss wait?”
“No, they don’t.” Bellamy assures running his hand down his hair and leaning over to kiss his forehead “But back up a little-you’ve been thinking about this?” Gus nods a little too enthusiastically again and Clarke doesn’t miss the way his legs jerk up and down as if he’s about to hop off his dad’s lap and do a happy dance any second now.
“Yeaw, Gus had been asking gwandma Rory questions.”
“What kind of questions?” Bellamy keeps prodding “Why didn’t she tell me anything?”
“Bellamy-” Clake reaches over to squeeze his arm and gives him a look that suggests none of this is important and he was overthinking it yet agian. Bellamy sighs, clearly very much confused-they’ve both been very scared as to how Gus may take the news of them being together, they had been preparing for a total meltdown this entire time and to have him...happy and somewhat expecting this came more of a surprise to them than Gus seeing them kissing.
“Gus, do you want to ask us any questions about this?” she chimes in next, cupping the boy’s cheek and running her thumb under his beautiful green and brown eye, the same as his mother's obviously “Maybe we can give you more answers than grandma Rory, especially after what you just saw?”
Gus hmms and rests his back against his dad’s arm as he thinks over Clarke’s suggestion.
“Have you been together long?” he asks finally and they both shake their heads simultaniously before Bellamy speaks up.
“Not that long, son.”
“But you didn’t tell Gus?” he sounds a little hurt, offended even, as if up until now he was their biggest supporter and he ended up being the last one to know. Frankly, Clarke realizes he had the right to be angry about it.
“We were trying to figure out the right time to do so. We didn’t want to overwhelm you, baby boy.” Bellamy continues and looks at Clarke for support.
“That and we were....a little scared. More like I was.” she admits something she hasn’t let out loud not even to Bellamy who’s head snaps a little surprised at that but she keeps her eyes trained on Gus who gives her a confused look.
“Why wewe you scawed?”
“Well...I didn’t want you to feel like I am trying to replace your mom, which I am not or that I want your dad to focus on me more than you.” she blurts out and she feels Bellamy’s hand sneak on her back, rubbing it softly in support “I didn’t want you to...hate me.”
“I could never hate you, doctor Clarke!” Gus exclaims in loud protest “I love you!” he blurts out next and throws himself in her arms, wrapping his hands in a dead lock around her neck.
Clarke’s eyes fill with tears and when she looks up at Bellamy, she finds that he wasn’t much better off. His hands shook and he was dabbing at his eyes with his shirt, blushing in the most embarrassing of ways for being the first one to crack.
He was so soft and emotional that she couldn’t help but reach over, put her hand on the back of his neck and push him to her chest, next to Gus.
“I love you too, Gus.” she says kissing his head and then moving onto Bellamy’s “I love both of my boys so much.”
Gus peaks up when they rub their noses against each other and smirks a little devilishly.
“Kiss!” he exclaims.
“Gus, baby boy-” Bellamy tries but the kid is relentless.
“Kiss!” he demands and Clarke chuckles a little before meeting Bellamy’s eyes.
“Your son asked you something.”
“I think he asked us something, princess.” he whispers back “And he’s our son now.” it’s her turn to get teary eyed and she chokes on her emotions which he quickly takes in and shares with her when he presses his lips against hers. It’s not a deep tongue passionate lusty kiss, no, it’s nothing like that-it’s just soft and vulnerable, just as they were right now. A kiss that brought them together in the next most important moment of their lives-sharing this with Gus.
“You happy now, son?” Bellamy asks when they pull apart and Gus stretches over his little feet on Clarke’s lap while he keeps his back pressed against his dad’s side. Gus hmms like an old man, rubs his chin and shrugs a little.
“It’s okay, dada.”
“Okay?” Bellamy asks in disbelief before looking up at Clarke “Did you hear him? He said it was okay?”
“I think that he’s bound for a punishment what do you say?” she suggests giving him a wink, making his lips stretch in a smile as he nods.
“I agree.” he looks briefly down at Gus who’s confused about their conversation “You ready?” he asks her and Clarke nods before both of them lean down and start peppering Gus’ body with kisses all over-his forehead, his cheeks, his hands, even his legs and toes. Bellamy sneaks in his fingers too, tickling him a little and soon enough the boy is squirming in joy underneath them.
They move him to the bed and roll around in it together over the blanekts of course, since the sheets were once again a mess. Gus laughs and climbs on them, most of all on his dad, then tries to tickle him and Clarke too and she can see that Bellamy’s heart eases a little to see his son like this. After all the pain and suffering of the past week, Gus going back even if a little to himself was a loud off Bellamy’s weary shoulders.
“Okay, dad will go grab us breakfast.” he finally says when he sits up and Clarke notices how his hand shoots for his knee right away. He stops briefly, closes his eyes and sucks in his breath.
Gus must feel something’s wrong because he sneaks from under his right arm and looks up at his dad like a puppy.
“Dada, are you okay?”
“I’m good.” he lies but Clarke covers her hand over his on his knee and yet he doesn’t move, not right away. She leans over so that Gus doesn’t overhear them.
“Is it too bad?” she asks and he just shakes his head stubbornly, refusing to give her a real answer “I’ll take care of it when you come back, alright?” she adds “Gus will help me too.”
“Yey!” he claps his hands again happily but then leans into his dada’s side and perches his chin on his chest, looking upwards. “Dada, is everything gon be olrait?” Bellamy runs his hand down his head once more, seemingly his favorite sign of showing his son’s his love apart from holding him and kissing his forehead.
“Everything will be fine, my boy.” Bellamy promises and kisses him and Clarke’s sides once more before getting up and dressing himself. He hides in the bathroom on purpose, Clarke knows this, he didn’t want Gus to see him struggling to even put his clothes on or notice his scars-he hid his pain away or at least tried to not just from her but from the boy as well and while she understood why he did it, she was pretty sure that Gus could handle it just as well as she was.
On the way to the door she reminds him to grab his cane as his crutch got ruined last night and he smiles but takes the old metal rod he used as one even if he didn’t feel like it. She had to figure out a way to get him a new crutch as it provided more support for not just his leg but his whole side too.
When it’s just her and Gus, she helps him to the bathroom. He still can’t or more like is too scared to walk on his own but she insists she holds his hand and he tries to do it himself instead of her carrying him. She pushes him a little which is what he seems to need but she still helps him up the chair on the bathroom sink when she notices him wince from the pain and she hands him his toothbrush and helps him wipe his face away with the towel.
She lets him pee on his own and trusts him to change into his clothes while she fixes the sheets and prepares some formula fo him. When he exits the bathroom, she picks him up in her arms and he folds in on herself like he often did with Bellamy-trusting her to give him the warmth he needed.
Gus was still sleepy that time of day, it was before his usual kindergarden awakening and it’s what Bellamy called, the pre-proper wake so he doesn’t fight her as much on eating as she expects but he wakes up more when she sits him down on the chair and holds the bottle to his lips, instead of falling asleep.
He sucks on his milk eagerly, much better than he had yesterday and she smiles somewhat relieved at that, knowing it’d make Bellamy breathe a little easy too. Gus snuggles into her chest when he’s done with the bottle and Clarke lets him suck on her index finger like he did with his dad often, knowing it sooths him even more but his eyes are wide awake and staring at her.
“Do you feel alright, sweet face?” she asks leaning over to rub her nose against his and make him squirm “Is something on your mind?”
Gus shrugs a little but lets her finger go and rests his cheek against her chest.
“Dada loves you now, right?”
“He does.”
“But does he still love mama?” Clarke’s heart clenches at that and she has to swallow hard and take Gus’ hand in hers, squeezing them tightly as she responds.
“Gus, I can assure you that he loves your mom very much and that will never go away.” Gus ponders on that for a bit, eyebrows furrowed, clearly not entirely convinced by her words so she tugs his arm a little and tries to bring his attention to her “The thing about your dad is that...his heart is very big.” she smiles at Gus and he look up at her eyes big and concetrated on her words “It is the biggest one I’ve ever seen in my life and I’ve done open heart surgeries.”
“Really?” Gus asks in awe making her smile even brighter and touch the tip of his nose.
“Absolutely.”
“But you haven’t seen my dada’s heart...have you?” Gus asks confused and she shakes her head.
“I don’t need to. I know that it holds all the love that it can for your mama, for you, for grandma...for me and for all his friends and somehow it only seems to grow.”
“Hm” Gus says quietly patting his cheek with his finger like a grown man until he comes up with his next question and his eyes get a shade of fear in their irises “Do you think it can burst?”
“No.” Clarke assures “Of course not.”
“But how do you know?”
“Because he doesn’t keep it all in there-” she pats Gus’ chest “His love for those cloesest to him is in every action, every little thing that he does.” Gus keeps looking at her curiously as she takes his hand and runs her finger over his little knuckles “He does so many things out of love, it just radiates from him.”
“Like the sun warming the ground in ouw lesson the othew day?”
“Exactly.” Clarke praises and runs her hand down his curls again “Smart boy.” Gus gets blushy at the praise as he usually did and buried his face in Clarke’s chest in order to hide from her but she knows that what he’s really seeking is her warmth and comfort.
“Clarke?” he asks after a while of just being there with her in the soft and sweet embrace she could provide for him.
“Yes, baby boy?”
“Are you my mama now?” he asks peaking from under his curls up at her looking smaller than he actually was and Clarke is a little bit taken aback at first so she sucks in a breath before helping him raise up into a more sitting position, desperate to see his face better. Gus squirms in her, plays with his fingers and tugs at his shirt nervously before she speaks up.
“Gus, you already have your mom, you do know that, right?” Gus nods eagerly “Nobody can ever replace her or what she did for you. Your dad and I...we’re not trying to do that, do you understand that?” Gus shrugs a little but nods a little tentatively.
“I know mama is always with me.” Gus mumbles under his nose “And I know you’re not my real mama but...I’m not sure what...what it feels like to have one.” Clarke’s heart clenches at that and she has to bite back her tears and keep herself together and before she can say something Gus keeps on “I have a dada and I know what that’s like but what does a mama do?”
“It’s not that much different, Gus-they love you and care for you more than themselves or the world just like your dad.”
“Weally?” Clarke nods and smiles a little.
“Sometimes people say that the fathers tend to spoil the kids more while moms are more strict but I think your dad...he manages to do both of those things perfectly.”
“I think so too.” Clarke smiles at him as he keeps going “Gwandma Rory says dada spoils me too much sometimes but I know when he says something has to be done, Gus gotta do it laik homework.”
“That’s right. And he’s only being like that because he wants the best for you, you know that, right?” Gus nods and pushes his index finger to munch on again, probably because he was still hungry and Clarke hoped Bellamy will be back with breakfast soon as apparently a bottle of milk was no longer enough for a growing boy like his son.
“Gus, your dad and I ...we’re not trying to fill in that place in your heart that is reserved for your mom, okay?” she explains carefully “We just love each other and I want to help him raise you, spent time with you. You don’t have to call me anything but just Clarke,okay?” Gus nods and she can see he still had many questions going on in his head but for now that would have to be enough. She was sure that later when Bellamy was home after work, he’d find the time to talk to him and ask him if he had any questions too and she was sure he’d be great at it. “Now do you want us to draw some while we wait for dad?” Gus nods eagerly and they take out his notebook and the pencils she bought him all those months ago.
He asks for a giraffe, his new favorite animal, then for a dog with ruffled hair and a parrot with colorful wings. Clarke starts getting worried that Bellamy’s taking that much time and keeps glancing at the clock every few minutes. Gus notices it because he stops coloring and leans his back on her chest reaching his tiny hand for her cheek and cupping it softly.
“Don’t wowry, Clarke, there’s a big line for breakfast in the mowning. Dada just has to wait.” he explains and Clarke kisses his fingers softly, rubbing his back and promising him she’s all good.
Bellamy does get home a lot later than expected, just before he has to go to work.
“I’m sorry, it was crazy this morning but I grabbed you coffee.” he comes in limping, carrying a small tray of two bowls of porrige, some jerky, grape, two apples and two cups of coffee as well as some toest with butter and honey on it. He kisses the top of her head and ruffles Gus’ curls. “I have to change and leave for work.”
She scoffs at that angrily-her plan was to take care of his leg this morning but it seemed like she won’t get the chance to.
“Bellamy-” she tried, gripping his hand and pushing him back to the table but he shakes his head.
“I have to go, princess.” he leans down to capture her lips with his and rub his nose against her for the briefest of seconds “We’ll do it tonight, okay?” she sighs and is about to let him go when she tugs at him again.
“At least get some toast.”
“Let me shower first.” he promises and she makes a mental note to force the toast in his hand later which in fact, she does. He’s at the door limping heavily and coughing his lungs out once again when she gives him the piece of bread and helps him take a few sips of his coffee while he adjusts his hat and kisses Gus’ head goodbye, promising him to be good today, do his homework and listen to Clarke.
She thinks that tonight, she’ll force him to sit down while she massages his leg but as usually their plans all go to hell mostly because she is swamped by work in Factory and Farm that they have to cross again for more than one patient.
By the time they come back home, Bellamy is barely forcing his leg to move, he’s coughing hard and Gus is asleep in his cot while his mom works on mending some clothes by their metal table.
He’s so exhausted, they both are really that they don’t eat-they simply lie in bed together. She still manages to force two spoons of cough syrup before he passes out in bed and as Aurora leaves, eyes filled with worry and sadness, she grabs Clarke’s hand and squeezes it tight.
“This new job...” she says “I’m worried about him.”
“Don’t! I’ll take care of him.” Clarke promises but the truth is that she doesn’t, not really. She knows his leg is stiff, she made him promise that he’ll let her take care of it and still all she can do that night after spending hours saving lives is lie by his side and have him pull her to his chest.
He grunts in pain, she hears him and it’s not a one time-occurance-he hurts a lot because she can tell he squirms under the blankets and suck in his breath. Her eyes water and she reaches to hold his hand in quiet support but it’s not enough, not for what he’s going through anyway.
She tries to stand up, thinks that she can force herself to get back on her feet and wrap his leg in a cold compress to take some of the swelling away but she simply falls asleep.
At some point at night, Gus wakes up and calls out for his dad, she hears Bellamy talk to him and lift him up, settling the kid between the two of them. Gus buries his nose in his dad’s side and his back in Clarkes.
Despite everything, all the pain and misery, all the worries and complications, all the stress they went through in just one day, she thinks that this-being in bed with her favorite people, well...this must’ve been what her dad always wanted for her-happiness.
Part 42of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I'm sorry for taking so long to update!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
Though she may not officially be a Factory one she knew where she belonged and her home had no station names or section numbers-it was a place of her own made up by the two boys she loved the most right now-Bellamy and Gus.
Despite the circumstances, that thought made her smile.
When they crossed over, Clarke hurried to help Bellamy lean on the side of the wall and catch his breath. Now that his crutch was gone because of the guard, he was even more unstable on his feet and his left hand flailed for something to hold on to, so she gripped it tight and gave him a moment to calm himself down.
“This may just have been the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.” she whispered in a quiet angry hiss and he smiled a little while trying to catch his breath but she felt his fingers grip her back.
“You know me...” he said through ragged breaths “Stupid is my middle name.”
“Oh, please-” she scoffed rolling her eyes at him and he finally looked up at her only for her to notice the bruise already blooming on his cheek right under his beautiful brown eye hiding his freckles away and she cups his cheek with her fingers making him wince. “Do you hurt?”
“I’m fine.”
“Why did I not expect a different answer from you.” she sighs again and notices the way he’s cradling his side with his hand right where the guard kicked him so she grabs the hem of his shirt and lifts it up touching the tender skin of his stomach and feeling his ribs, making him wince again. “I swear if you keep this up, your ribs will never not be broken.”
“It’s okay, I think he hit my stomach not...not the ribs.”
“That’s not good either, you can have internal bleeding.” it’s his turn to roll his eyes and shake his head stubbornly.
“I’m going to be fine, let’s just go home before Gus freaks out we’re gone.” he pushes off the wall but he’s definitely unstable on his feet again and she can tell he overtired himself and pushed himself too much by coming with her tonight. They’re both thinking it but neither one of them is saying it as they refused to argue in the Factory station hallways.
He stubbornly tries to walk on his own but of course he staggers and she grabs his arm and throws it over her own shoulders, pushing her body to his side and slowly walking ahead. He tries to rush it in, probably worried about Gus but the pain must be severe because he stops out of nowhere and grips her side where his hand was wrapped around her waist in a quiet plea to give him a second.
“It shouldn’t be this bad.” Clarke huffs angrily when they stop again just a few feet from their hallway.
“I had been off for almost two days.” he protest and she rolled her eyes again.
“Yes and then before that you worked for over fifteen hours non-stop and had a very hectic week.”
“It’s work.” he cuts off a little too harsh probably because of his pain “I have to do it, you know that.” he sounds tired but she senses the judgement in his voice and knows what he’s implying, so she stops abruptly and pulls away from him for a moment.
“And I don’t, is that what you’re saying?”
“Clarke-”
“I don’t have to go to Farm or Factory and help people, right?” she snaps and moves them to a quieter corner, even though there were barely any people walking around now that everyone was mostly home after crossing back to their homes.
“That’s not what I’m saying.” he tries to explain but it comes out too weak and it just confirms to her that this is exactly what he’s been thinking-she didn’t have to go out there and he did.
“But it’s what you’re thinking and it shows through all your actions.” she barks back, forgetting for a moment that she no longer held his arm as tightly, that she had mostly let him go and he was leaning on the metal wall with his other hand, barely keeping himself standing.
He shakes his head and tries to take a step on his own but he almost falls in the process and she grips him tightly again, worry washing over her-why was he so bad? This didn’t make much sense to her, he was supposed to have rested at least a little and he still seemed absolutely wrecked as if he’s spent every possible minute working his ass off.
“The bench-” he nods at the nearest metal bench just a few feet from them and she slowly helps him there, sitting him down and watching as he struggled to take his breath. He looked so broken that it made her feel bad for aguing with him. She took his hand in hers and gripped it thightly in quiet support while he caught his breath.
“You should ask for more days off.” she suggested but he shook his head hard without looking at her, eyes still closed and his other hand gripping his bad leg.
“If I do, will you stop going out there?” he asks raising his eyebrow at her when he finally manages to lean on the bench and breath a little better.
“You know I can’t-” she protests “Just like you.”
“It’s not the same.” he argues again, getting angrier once more which she senses and in turn that makes her own flame burn brighter.
“Except that it is!” she raises her voice a little and he clenches his jaw at her, both because of her stubborness and also clearly because he was still in pain despite sitting down. She had to take care of it when they came back home, that’s if he allowed her to...knowing him he’d probably fight her. “Bellamy, people are hurt out there! I cannot just let them suffer when I could help them.”
“You know that you’re literally forbidden from doing so! Goddammit, Clarke you almost died last time, your friend died-”
“I don’t need you to remind me of it, I know what happened!” she snapped and he bowed his head down at her “I can’t believe that after all this time, you’re no different than any of those Alpha assholes including my mother, who try to control my life.”
“I’m not doing that!” he raised his voice, offended at her accusation, clearly unhappy that he was compared to the one person he knew she couldn’t stand being around, especially lately. “Don’t you get it, princess? I just worry!” her face softens at that but for just a moment before she remembers to stand her ground.
“And I worry about you too, but I don’t stop you from going to work!” she points out again and he rolls his eyes gripping his leg again which she didn’t miss.
“I don’t think you realize how dangerous this is” he stated seriously, trying to knock some sense into her “You could get caught and when you do, the chancellor won’t be as forgiving this time, Wells won’t be able to help you or your mom and dad. Or I.”
“I don’t need saving!” she points out “I know damn right what I’m doing.” she’s glad there aren’t any other people in the hallway or they’de have brought a lot of attenion on themselves “These people need my help, Bellamy. Just like you did when you were hurt! I can’t leave them behind, not right now, not after everything they’ve been through!”
“What about Gus and I?” he points out next, leaning on the bench once more, stretching out his leg and trying to relax it “Did you ever think about that?”
“What about it?” she asks confused and he looks a little hurt when she does.
“It’s no longer just you going off against your parents or the system, Clarke.” his voice goes desperate, sad in a way it hadn’t been before “When you came to live with us...for better or for worse we became a family.” she bows her head down in shame-he did have a point here. “Whatever is going on between us it’s new but...it’s important to me and Gus....Gus adores you and losing you after everything that has happened in the past year...that will destroy him, Clarke.”
She sighs, he had a point here, she truly hadn’t stopped to think about what this would mean for him or Gus and she suddenly felt herself guilty. She had promised the kid so many times she’d be there for him, that she’d take care of him if something happened to Bellamy but the first chance she got, she was ready to throw it all away.
“You’re right...” she admits, shoving her hands under her thighs and staring down at her feet “I didn’t think about that.” he doesn’t say anything to this, waits patiently as she closes her eyes and thinks it through “But you risk your life every day, despite your injuries, despite the fact that you should work half a day or not at all considering your physical state.”
“Clarke-”
“No, please hear me out. You and I both know that the way you’re pushing yourself now...it will worsen things long-term but you do it for Gus and for me.” he clenches his jaw, not being able to argue with that logic, not really, knowing that it’s not wrong “You can’t simply stay idly by.” she swallows hard “And I need you to understand that...I can’t either.” he sighs at that but grits his teeth and shakes his head but she’s faster than him this time and interrupts him before he can argue with her.
“I know you’re afraid, I do, Bellamy.” he looks into her eyes all sad and broken when she says it like this “I know it well because I worry about you too, every day. I wonder all the time if you’ll come back in one piece, if you’ll be fine-there’s no difference here between your fears for me and mine.”
“Except there is-” he argues feverntly again “You were so close to death, Clarke.” he whispers scaredly “So close.”
“And so were you. So ARE you, every day but Gus, I and your mom...we still let you go in the morning.” he sucks in a breath clearly disagreeing with her but refusing to argue with it and she knows why-a part of him agrees, he is slowly letting sink in the fact that she could possibly be right. “Can you understand that?” he bows down his head and grips his leg again, clearly in so much more pain than she ever supposed at first.
“I’m...trying to but you have to understand me too, Clarke-” he doesn’t look at her now, instead he focuses on the wall ahead, stubbornly refusing to meet her eyes and clenching his jaw “I lost Gina. I lost the mother of my child, my first love...” he stops for a second and finally looks at her “I can’t lose my second. I can’t go through this again.”
She feels bad for him in this moment, so awfully bad because she never thought that much about the point he was making now, she never realized what this actually means for him but now that he says it, now that he’s looking into her with his eyes big and broken and his hands shaking, his body breaking apart on a damn Factory bench, she feels horrible for making him go through this.
But then there’s also another side of things, a side that she just can’t let go of-maybe it was just who she was as a person but she couldn’t change it and if Bellamy really loved her then he’d understand that.
For a moment there they sit in silence and she covers his hand in hers, rubs her thumb over his calloused palm, made notice of the skin there, the way it broke on the outside, how harsh it felt, like sandpaper and how it swell on the inside, caused blisters that hardened. She takes her time to feel his fingers, his knuckles that had broken more than once-there was a big cut on his left palm which she had took notice of before after they fooled around for the first time and he pushed her to his chest, his hand ending up on her bare stomach, rubbing up and down. She got ticklish when she felt him there and at first she thought it was just his bruises but then she picked up his hand and looked at it, saw the long jagged scar inside and asked him how he got that.
“My first serious work injury when I was twelve.” he had said watching as she traced it with her fingers “I worked in the Factory mess hall. They made me open up cans of fish and meat for some of the councilmen that had come to have lunch there after a meeting. I was in a rush and my boss was pretty awful. He used to beat me and the other cooks with a stick on the hands when we weren’t fast enough-” Clarke had winced then but then clenched his hand in both of hers “I slided my hand when one of the can openers slipped through my fingers. There was so much blood I almost passed out.”
“Did you go to medbay? Get it taken care of?” he shook his head and smiled.
“Medbay?” he had said in disbelief “My mom stitched it up with a red thread and bandaged it in some clean rags. Put me to bed and kissed my forehead-that was it.”
She thought of their conversation then, wondering what would’ve happened if she had gotten a cut like that as a child-surely her mom would’ve freaked out, taken her to medbay or stitched her at home, probably give her a local anesthetic and meticiously wrap her wound in a gauze and bandages. Then put her to bed with her dad, play some cartoons for her. Her dad would pamper her for days after, kiss her forehead and fingers to take the pain away, maybe even carry her on a horseback for a while to lift her mood up.
Bellamy was hardened by life-he got hurt, he stitched it up somehow and then he moved on because that’s how life in Factory worked. There was no time for pampering, smoldering or spoiling. You took a breath, then another and you pushed-for your mother, for your child. He had no other choice, never knew anything else.
Until he lost Gina. And then despite it all he kept pushing but his world was crumbled. It got totally fucked up then, his life changed completely and then it did once more when he choose to protect Clarke from the bomb and got hurt instead-first he lost his soul and then with her, he lost his body. Or at least he lost what he used to have and his life inevitably changed making everything even harder. If he hadn’t done what he had, she wouldn’t be sitting here today with him. She’d be dead or at least as fucked up as he was.
“Bellamy,-” she begins again taking a deep breath and staring down at their joined hands “You know you’re the bravest person that I’ve ever met right?” she looks up at him and of course, in his typical Bellamy fashion, he seems confused, like what on earth are you talking about Clarke-Brave? Me?
He shakes his head and shrugs it off just like she thought he would.
“You are.” she insists, squiezing his hand again “And I know that you get up every day and you chose to be braver no matter what challenge life throws at you.” he swallows hard but listens carefully to her “I do realize that what I’m asking from you is a lot-” she continues “To send me out there, to know that I could be caught but-” she takes in a breath and stares into his beautiful brown eyes, pleading “Bellamy, I have to do this.”
He snaps his head away as if she’s burned or slapped him and pulls his hand back from hers which she tries not to think too hard about-she was hurting him, of course he was acting like this.
She gives him a moment and watches as he squeezes the side of the bench with his fingers, grits his teeth and thinks hard over her words before he finally speaks out.
“You’re wrong, you know?” he whispers “I’m not brave.” he admits “I’m just scared.” she opens her mouth to protest but he is the one to interrupt her this time “But one thing is true-you can’t base relationships on fear and I don’t want to be some controlling ass like your mom or Wells.” Clarke’s face crumbles a little and she reaches for his hand again which he takes this time between both of his.
“I don’t agree with this but I won’t try to stop you.” he finally says and Clarke smiles a little before scooting closer to him and reaching out to hug him. He hugs her back but weakly and she knows it’s not because he doesn’t want to but rather because he’s tired and in pain.
“I’ll come with you, though.” he adds next and she looks up confused “If you’re going to do this, you need someone to have your back. We need to be smart about it-you can’t go around jumping stations whenever you feel like it-someone will notice and you’ll get caught.” Clarke thinks over his words and knows that even if she wants to fight him about pushing himself even harder just to let her have what she needs, she won’t win “We’ll do it after I’m done with work. Harper will get you a fake ID, maybe even a few and I’ll be keeping watch while you work, how does that sound?”
“Okay.” she nods pursing her lips a little “But on one condition.”
“There’s no room for conditions, princess.” he points out, raising his eyebrow but she juts her chin and crosses her arms over her chest.
“I need you to promise that you’ll let me take care of your leg every day.” he shakes his head stubbornly at that but she squeezes his fingers once more “Every day, Bellamy.” she insists “In the morning before work or after. The weekends too.” he opens his mouth to argue but she shuts him off “I won’t take no for an answer-if you want to come with me, keep me safe then I need to find a way to make sure you’re safe out there too. You said it before when we first started this-it’s not a one-sided thing. We’re in this together.”
Bellamy keeps his eyes on her for a while and when he sees that she won’t back down, he finally relents, huffs like a particularly tired angry horse neighing after a hard argument with their master and then shows his agreement with a small barely visible nod.
Clarke smiles, takes it as a win and her heart screams that she just wants to hug him so so badly but she decides to pace herself-there was time for that at home, right now they just needed to get there.
They slowly get up and he lets her support him without much of a fuss-just like before he knew that he needed the crutch to get to Farm station-he was a stubborn idiot but not that stupid, he’d never let himself fall and put her in a situation where she wouldn’t know what to do or how to help him.
When they finally made it home, Gus jumped from the bed the moment they opened the door, even though his grandma was reading him his favorite Anne of Green Gables, only apparently the next part, which Bellamy had somehow managed to find in the black market and buy for the kid.
“Dada!” he had squeaked and reached his little arms up to his dad, since he couldn’t run on his own with the frostbite. Bellamy let go of Clarke and limped to them under both Clarke and his mom’s scrutinizing glances. He noticed they exchanged a look that he knew perfectly well-they were communicating without words, typicall that was reserved for his and Clarke’s relationship but his mom and her had grown close and bonded ovre their mutual worry over him.
“Hey, sweet boy.” Bellamy rubbed his back tiredly and kissed his head “Had a good time?” Gus mumbles a quiet "Mhwm" and pulls the back of Bellamy’s curls as they slowly come forward and Aurora stands abruptly when she notices Bellamy’s bad limp and how Clarke pulls the chair for him and gives him a stern look, insisting he sat down.
“Was everything okay?” she asks with worry and can cealrly see something was bothering Bellamy but he shook his head as Clarke went on to explain about Tor and his daughter, as well as the other girl she tried to help. Aurora listens intently but keeps her eyes on Bellamy, who clearly isn’t happy about this but focused on Gus, who was tired after dinner and the story, and was already starting to fall asleep in his arms.
“It’s dangerous for you to go out there alone, Clarke.” Aurora comments when Clarke tells her about her plans for the upcoming days and in his mother’s eyes Bellamy can read the genuine worry, one she carried around for Gina when she was still alive.
“She won’t by alone.” he chimes in for the first time since Clarke started talking “I’ll go with there, so we’ll need you to take care of him while we’re gone.”
“You know I will, Bellamy, but that’s not the point-” Aurora keeps on, furrowing her eyebrows a little and reaching to squeeze his hand “This is dangerous. You could get caught.” she turns her head to Clarke who purses her lips but not in annoyance, more like because she was tired of having the same argument over and over again.
“She won’t be.” Bellamy speaks up before Clarke can try and convince his mother “I won’t let that happen.”
“Bellamy-”
“That’s enough, mom. We’ve discussed it and I support Clarke even if I have my concerns as well.” that warms Clarke’s heart and her eyes grow wide upon hearing those words. He meets hers and gives her a light smile in reassurance before turning back to his mom “Will you be able to help with Gus or not?”
“Of course I will.” Aurora settles down, ultimately agreeing that this was their decision and not hers even if she disagreed with it-they were a family now, a unit, despite not being married. They lived together and took care of Gus themselves-she could advice them and worry about them but she couldn’t tell them what to do.
“I should go now.” she stands up and leans over to run her fingers through Gus’ curls and then pick Bellamy’s chin up. “Please be careful at work, okay?” he nods and she kisses his forehead before giving Clarke a nod and leaving.
They talk for a while after, Clarke brings some food for them since they never had dinner and Bellamy nibbles on his bread and jerky, mostly leaving her more of the food they cut and put together in a mutual plate. They’ve figured out they liked eating like this-from one place, both of them pushing little cuts of the cheese or dry apples or bread to each other and arguing about the other eating them with insistant angry glances.
Gus grows tired in his arms but never trully falls asleep and when Clarke stands up and insists she took care of Bellamy’s leg like he promised he’d let her do, he perks up and rolls over on his dad’s lap so that he’s facing her.
“Can I watch?” he asks as Clarke pulls up Bellamy’s pant leg up and reveals the cut under his knee from the accident as well as his swollen joints. “Does it hurt, dada?” he shrugs it off and shakes his head.
“I’m good, baby boy.” he kisses his cheek and Gus squirms in his arms, always happy to have his dad’s love and attention. His own little foot was wrapped up in a good tight bandage that however needed to be changed as well.
“I have to fix your bandage too, Gus, okay?” she says and after taking off Bellamy’s boot and sock, she reaches for Gus’ one. The kid stares between his and dad’s legs and after a moment, looks up.
“Dada, we’re getting patched up at the same time.”
“Yes, we are son.” Bellamy kept running his hand over his curls softly “Doctor Clarke’s good, isn’t she?” Gus nods and gives him a light smile.
“One day I’ll be as good as her.”
“Of course you will be, sweet face.” Clarke assures when she undoes his bandage “Maybe even better than me.” Gus smiles and shakes his head in his typical shy fashion much like his father.
“We can work together, right?” Gus asks with his tired sleepy voice while Clarke applies more of her frostburn cream over his leg and little toes. Bellamy couldn’t look at that for too long so he averted his eyes-it just hurt him too much to see his son in pain “We’ll have our medbay...and I’ll learn from you...and help you out.”
“Of course, baby boy.” Clarke says though her heart clenches at Gus’ words. She doubted the chancellor would consider opening another medbay, at least not anytime soon.
“I’ll study fiwst...and then...I’ll pass my exams...and then we’ll hewp people together, wait?” Gus was growing more and more sleepy with every passing minute which was good for Clarke who was wrapping his foot up in a fresh bandage and reaching for the syrup they gave him to ease the pain and prevent inflammation. Bellamy helped tilt his head up and let her give him a few sips, urging the kid to swallow.
After, his head rested on Bellamy’s chest, his eyes closed and he was fast asleep. Clarke brushed the curls from his forehead and kissed his cheek before focusing on Bellamy’s leg.
“I think it’s best I put him to bed and we move to our cot-it’ll be easier for me to take care of you there, okay?” Bellamy agrees but insists he is the one to put Gus to bed which gives Clarke enough time to get ready for bed and use the bathroom.
By the time she’s out Bellamy’s sitting in their cot, Gus is all tucked in and he’s trying to take off his overalls though unsuccessfully so Clarke rushes to help him out with it or she’s pretty sure he would’ve tripped over himself and ended up on the floor if she hasn’t.
“Okay, easy there, mister overalls.” she scolds him mildly and looks up to see his reaction except he’s pursing his lips and trying to swallow down what looks like yet another bout of pain. “Hey, what is it?” she asks and he opens his eyes briefly just to let her know the amount of pain he’s in which rushes her to her feet and with her gentle hands she pushes him down in a lying position. “Does it hurt too bad?”
“It’s fine.” he says through gritted teeth but she can see he’s holding his hip with his hand and squeezing his eyes shut. “It’s...I just need a moment that’s all.”
“I’ll go grab my supplies.” she tells him before moving up from the bed but he grips her wrist and pulls her back down next to him shaking his head stubbornly.
“No.” he says slowly before taking in a deep breath and meeting her eyes “No more ointments or bandages...no more compresses. I don’t want any of that.”
“Bellamy-”
“No offense to you, princess, but it doesn’t help.” he blurts sadly “This isn’t Gus’ frostbite, okay? It’s fucked up from inside and you know it.” Clarke sighs and bows her head down staring at his fingers wrapped around her wrist.
“Let me at least massage it, okay?” she insists “That’ll help relieve the pressure and numbness of your muscles.” he smirks a little at that and she knows he’s about to say something extremely dumb but she finds it in her heart that she doesn’t mind it.
“A massage, huh?” she rolls her eyes at him and scoffs.
“Or I could just go to bed and let you suffer all night long.”
“No, no-” he reaches up for her other hand too and pulls her closer to him “Please, I’ll take the massage.”
“I thought so.” she moves over the bed and starts on his bad leg, first up at his thigh then lowering it to his swollen knee and down to his ankle. It clearly hurts him a lot and though she still uses the anti-inflammatory cream she had for Gus despite his protests on the subject, she can tell she’s not doing much to ease his pain at least not at first.
“So will you ever tell me?” she asks when she’s running her hands over his swollen ankle while he’s thrown his arm over his eyes, trying to control his breathing and pain.
“Tell you what?” he groans when she applies more pressure over the joing and shivers underneath her-his whole leg was fucked up. It was a miracle he put any weight on it at all.
“Why did the guard let us go when he saw your ID? Why your mom is so worried over your job that she comes in here always hand shaking, eyes wide as if she’s expecting not to find you back home at all?” Bellamy perks up a little from under his arm but just for a moment before he speaks.
“It’s not important.”
“Don’t give me that-” Clarke stops and lets her hands drop “I know you’re hiding something. You have been for a while now, I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.” he tries staying calm but she can feel the newly-appeared tension in his voice. Still, he avoids her look.
“The food you bring in-all the fruit and vegitables, the bread and meat. The cake on Gus’ birthday too as well as the fact that you come home even more tired than before, your cough worsening-there is a reason for that.”
“Clarke-” he says it as a warning, trying to tell her not to prod. But Clake has never been one to ever let go easily.
“As hard as I know your job is, this is something else.” she crosses her arms over her chest “It’s different, I can tell.”
“You can now, can’t you?” he huffs and she reaches over to grab his arm and snap it from his face so she can finally, truly meet his eyes.
“I thought we were going to be honest with each other? Share everything?” his face grows serious at that but she keeps her eyes on him, her lips pursed and her hand on his wrist, refusing to let go, trying to let him know that he’d either talk to her or he can go to hell.
“I can’t.” he finally mumbles and she is about to roll off the bed and tell him she’ll sleep on the ground when he grips her fingers and pushes her back “You don’t understand.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“I can’t.” he whispers and his face crumbles “I literally am not allowed to tell you.” Clarke raises her eyebrow in confusion but doens’t move, settling back on the bed. “It’s classified.” he adds and her head starts working all the words out, figuring what he means.
It’s a while before she finally speaks up.
“You no longer work on Level 2 do you?” he shakes his head “They’ve transferred you?” he nods “And you telling me what you’re doing now will potentially put me in danger?”
“Yes.” he finally says and moves up on his elbows which clearly also causes him pain and it’s in that moment that she realizes most of his suffering now came from his back, not his leg and she wants to slap herself on the face-of course the problem was there-it was where he was hit the worst, it was why he couldn’t walk. She had to flip him over and take care of his back, check for swelling, but for now he was simply staring at her eyes big and pleading.
“I’m trying to protect you. All of you.” he insists tightening his grip on her fingers again “Please...princess, I beg for you to understand.”
She deflects at that for a short moment, thinking over his words before finally speaking up.
“How dangerous is it?” she asks and he falls back on the pillows “If your mom’s that worried, if your cough is this persistant, if your leg despite the rest gets bad so fast...then this is putting a serious strain on you.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. Mom’s exaggarating.” he tries to keep his voice steady but she shakes her head stubbornly once more.
“Be honest.” she insists “Please, Bellamy.” he keeps his eyes on her for a moment too long, then sighs and finally spekas up.
“It is dangerous.” he says and Clarke’s heart jumps in her throat “But no more than any other job in Factory.”
“That last part was a lie.” she calls him out on it and he shyly bows his head down and stares at his stomach “Why then? Couldn’t you have said no to whoever was offering you this?”
“Perhaps I could have but I didn’t want to.” he admits “I have to do this Clarke. Just like you have to go out there and help the people that are hurt.”
“For Gus?”
“Mostly, but for us all too. This gives me so much more than I could ever imagine-ration points are good, I can bring enough food on the table and put aside for him.” he explains carefully swaying on his elbows a little, almost falling back on the pillows but somehow he manages to keep himself up “You heard him tonight, Clarke. This is becoming his dream and even if it changes, even if he wants something else then this gives me the opportunity to give it to him.”
Clarke nods thinking over his words for a moment, trying to let it all sink in.
“You get it, right? Why I am doing this?” he asks when she doesn’t say anything for a while and reaches to tug her over his stomach, resting himself down on the pillows. She ends up on his chest, her head resting over his beating heart for just a moment before she forces herself to look up and meet his eyes. He lifts himself on the pillows so that he’s half-sitting and pulls her up a little.
Her fingers ghost over his cheek, then her index finger moves to his lip and traces it, after which she goes up to the freckles on his nose, his eye which she forces him to close so she can move over his eyelid. She marvels at his beauty despite the pain and torture and sadness written all over it.
God, he was so much in all the senses that it made her whole being feel as if on fire-she’s never had that before, all of those things coming together at once to make her believe she can be more than a shell of an Alpha princess. And each and every one of those amazing qualities he possessed his bravery, his selflessness, his vulnerability and even his stubborness, often came crashing right through her heart-it’s as if he stumbled on her and went through her entire being like a wind she’s never felt but only heard of and he found his perfect place inside her, a little corner of his own that grew over the months to consume her whole.
And she couldn’t fight it.
Moreover she didn’t want to.
”Clarke?” he asks confused when she doesn’t answer his question but her fingers fall to his lips and allow him to meet her eyes while her index finger taps on his upper lip and her thumb brushes his chin.
“You know I love you, right?” she says instead and his eyes widen, his breath hitches “I should’ve said it earlier and I don’t know why I didn’t but-” she swallows hard and moves up, he follows swiftly as well, sitting straighter, allowing her legs to sneak around him and her feet to lock up on his back. She was sitting in him with his arms wrapped around her back and his face so close to hers, she swore she could count on every freckle “I do, Bellamy. I love you.”
“Clarke-” he chokes on it a little, it came out desperate, maybe even surprised and she smiles at him as her hand keeps moving over his face, her hands cupping his cheeks. God, she could never be tired of holding his face in her hands. Ever.
“It’s okay if you can’t say it now or if you do not feel the same way, I just had to tell you.” she blurts out when she realizes she totally sprung this on him “The life we’re living, it’s just...so dangerous and I didn’t want you to go out there and not know or think that I don’t....that I don’t love you, Bellamy because I do.”
“Clarke, will you listen to me-” he tries but she’s on a roll.
“You knocked me on my feet, you stubborn ass and goddammit I get angry all the time with you but I just-” she rests her forhead against him “God, I love you.”
He wraps his hands around her wrists and she feels his breath fan her neck with her eyes closed for the time being.
A beat.
And then.
“I love you too, princess.” he says and it’s the softness of his voice that makes her open her eyes and stare into his brown ones, it’s the warmness that she was certain would’ve send her staggering on her feet had she been up.
“You don’t have to say it just because I did.” she blurts out again, trying to reassure him and he chuckles at her cuteness, catches her face in his big calloused ones and moves up to kiss her.
“I’m not.” he assures when he pulls back, leaving her breathless “It’s been on my mind for a while now, I just hadn’t had the guts to say it out loud, too afraid you’re not ready or that it’s not the right time but-” he rubs her cheek again and kisses her nose, her forehead, her cheeks, then her lips once more “I love you too.”
“You really do?” she sounds small, vulnerable.
He takes her hand and moves it over his heart that’s trumping loud and a little erratic but steady.
“I do.” she smiles and lets herself exhale a little against him, keeping her hand on his chest and resting her cheek on his other side at the crook of his neck. He rests his back against the pillows once more probably because he got tired of keeping up and she feels him relax a little and stroke her hair inbetween the soft kisses he gave her on her forehead and lower, catching her lips now and then-it’s soft and slow for now but she can feel the bulge in his boxers that presses against her center and makes her hot and more than a little wet.
For now they’re taking their time, though, needing to just be here in this moment.
“Did you really question me?” he pats her nose with his index finger as she adjusts herself on his lap and moves up a little before going back down and eliciting a hiss from his as his dick grows harder against her and his hand grips hers over his heart.
“I’m sorry.” she whispers looking back up at him innocently. “I just...I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone tell me this.” he cocks his eyebrow at her “That they love me. Well...other than my parents of course.”
“Well here I am now too.” he catches her lips again and this time it’s her who groans in his mouth.
“Here you are.” she whispers when his hand moves to stroke her face and then sneaks down to her chest and then lower to her left boob which she carefully squeezes over her shirt making her back arch. “I love the way it sounds.” she gasps against his neck when she moves up and down again, tesing his cock that she can tell is painfully hard now.
“What is that?” he asks between kisses allowing her to move up a little and grant him better access-his lips trail to her neck and suck on her pulse point, making her jab her fingernails in his arm as a way of trying to ground herself.
She keeps grinding against him as a small way of retaliation while his other hand sneaks under her shirt and takes her boob in, softly kneading on it like a kitten as his fingers patted over her sensitive nipple and hardened it.
“You saying you love me.” she says between breaths as the wetness pools more and more in her panties, embarrassingly drenching her pjs that was actually his ones only cut shorter by herself the other day.
“Oh yeah?” he asks sliding his other hand in there and sneaking through the blond curls of her cunt until he reaches her chenter “Goddammit, Clarke, you’re so wet.” he whispers and she drips over his fingers before he’s even fully entered her.
He starts pumping her a little and she gasps trying to keep her voice quiet knowing that Gus, despite the syrup that would knock him out for the night, could still wake up. Bellamy must read her thoughts because he briefly stops, looks behind him and checks on the kid before pulling in the small curtain made of old canvas Aurora brought to separate their beds and give them some semblance of privacy.
“Then all I can do is keep saying it, shouldn’t I?” he asks when he brings his attention back to her and starts sneaking his hand back in her panties while his other never left her breast. She had noticed he liked that-teasing her boobs, licking them, sucking on them, kissing them-it brought him immeasurable joy.
Just before he actually mananges to get back in, he grabs his wrist and pulls it out and a little away from him, meeting his confused expression.
“No more of this-” she says not leaving room for discussion “I want you-” her hand goes down to his bulge and covers it, making him suck his breath in “In me, okay?”
“Clarke-” he shakes his head “We can’t.”
“Yes, we can.” she insists running her palm up and down his still hidden by the boxers cock “You’ll pull out before you-” she blushes at that and he smirks a little “I’ll find some of that tea that I know Factory women use.”
“That’s not exactly reliable.” he argues “We can’t get you pregant.” he says seriously “If you sneaking around doesn’t get you caught or punished, then this surely will and I won’t risk it.” she knows he’s right-if by any chance she got pregnant they won’t have access to any medical falicity, she had no way of getting an abortion, at least not one that won’t endanger her life. She knew the statistics even if nobody talked about them-at least twenty percent of the deaths in Factory and Farm each year came from women trying to get an abortion through various unsafe ways and it always made her furious. While Alpha had condoms, something she was sure Bellamy had probably never seen in his life even if he surely must’ve heard of it, as well as birth control pills, Factory, Farm and Arrow had nothing but old women’s tales, bad teas that didn’t work or worked only halfways and their own desperate ways of doing this just so they’re not floated.
“I won’t get pregnant.”
“You don’t know that.” he insists though he gasps again when she squeezes his dick through the thin paper boxers “Clarke, fuck I-” she cups his cheek again with her other hand and tilts his head up.
“We can do this.” she insists “I know we can and Bellamy, I-” she digs her nails in his cheek a little as she grinds on him some more, purposedly lifting herself up and then lowering her center right on his hard cock, looking for release “I really need you.”
His hands slide from her boob and her middle to her waist and he grips her hard there before he speaks, through ragged breaths.
“Are you sure?” he asks “Are you really sure you want this?” she smiles at that, always the gentleman, always asking her if she’s okay with anything, before his fingers ghost over her cunt or her nipple, before she wraps her hand around his cock even though it was her idea to jerk him off or before his lips taste her wetness as he eats her out-always, always asking god-
It was too much, she couldn’t handle the softness that was this man.
“I’m sure.” she whispers staring into his eyes “Take me.” she insists.
“You’re no one’s to take-” he insists as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear “You’re someone to love.” he kisses the corner of her lips and waits until she gives him another small nod before he flips them over.
She’s honestly not sure where he gets the strength to do that, considering how bad his back and leg were and she doesn’t miss the way he winces at the sharp movement but he ignores it for the sake of this, for the sake of them.
He grabs the hem of her shirt, that was his shirt really and pulls it off so hard she hears the seams protest at the movement and she can’t help but chuckle at it.
“Eager, aren’t we?” she jokes when he takes a moment to just stare at her bare chest and marvel at her boobs.
“Can’t blame me now, can you?” he asks when he moves down to kiss her again and tuck at her PJs and panties with one swift movement. She wraps her arms around his middle again, trying to be mindful of his back because he does tense when her heel ends up near what she can feel is one of the bigger scars from the bomb but there’s nothing she can do to ease his pain.
“Are you....are you okay?” she asks him when he pulls away for a second and is about to move to give some attention to her other boob and he gives her a confused look “Are you in pain?”
“I’m fine.” he promises and moves over to kiss her forehead in reassurance while her hands ghost over his face and pull his lips to her once more-she swore she couldn’t get enough of him right now and she only grew hotter, dripping over the sheets and rubbing against him impatiently.
“Who’s eager now?” he jokes when he rubs against her to tease her a little and she gasps.
“You have too many clothes.” she pulls at his shirt and she’s almost halfway through when he grips her wrist.
“Are you sure you want to see this?” the question confuses her and for a moment she has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about until he grabs her hand and slides it over his front and then back where his scars were “This could ruin the mood.” her heart drops at that and her eyes widen.
He was ashamed of himself, of his body, she realized and it hit her like a train. It made all the sense to her now-why before he kept his shirt on when they fooled around, he wouldn’t let her hands sneak to his back or leg, how he was too shy and embarrassed when she was blowing him, her hands and face too close to the scar on his leg and why he finished so fast, almost making her wonder if she did something wrong.
God no, did he really think that he was ugly? That he could ruin something with his scars?
“Please tell me you’re kidding?” she asks then, letting herself fall on the pillow for a moment breathing heavily as he kept hovering over her, resting on his strong arms. “Bellamy, this is nothing to be ashamed of.” she insists and drops her feet lower so she could put her hand over his scars and cover them with her palm.
“It’s not exactly sexy.” he says and she can hear his voice tremble.
“Yes it is.” she insists and he shakes his head clearly in his head for the moment so she picks his face and forces him to meet her eyes “It is. They’re part of you and if you’re making me embarrassingly wet then so are they, got it?” he chuckles at that and she tugs at his shirt “Now take this off and fuck me before I have to do it myself.”
“So bossy.” he laughs a little, quietly so that Gus doesn’t hear them and lets her pull it off. She knows the conversation’s not over, that they’ll go through that later when they’re done but for now they were both hot and crazy for each other and needed to be together, truly together, for the first time.
She blushes at the sight of his chest as much as he had when he saw her but it is when she pulls his boxers down and sees how hard he is that she unvoluntarily spreads her legs even more and makes him chuckle again a little before she nudges him with her hands on his back, urging him to come to her.
He maneuvers himself closer and she can feel the tip of his cock at her center and yet again, right before he enters her, he looks into her eyes and asks once more. She gives him a small nod and finally he pushes in and Clarke gasps out louder than she thought she would, making him scold her lightly as he ran his hand down her forehead and stroke her face.
“Shh, it’s okay.” he whispers as he plasters kisses all over her face. Clearly he wasn’t her first one but as embarrasing as it was for her to admit, she hasn’t been with a boy in a while, mostly fooling around with girls back in Alpha during her residency and then just one boy before in her high school days, who was unfortunately not good at this.
The thing was, Bellamy was big, she knew that, it was one of the reasons why she got so wet just thinking about having him in her and he stretched her out in a way that was both a little painful and amazing at the same time.
It was too much, god, it was so much she could probably come just from having him in her like this.
He waits until she adjusts to him, keeps giving her small reassurances that made her heart fill with even more love-he was so gentle, so soft but she could feel his hips tremble with anticipation and she knew this was too much for him especially for someone with a very fucked up back and a barely working leg, so she wraps herself around his waist once more and puts her hands on his shoulders.
“You can...you can move now” she tells him and he smiles moving himself up from the crook of her neck and pulling away a little before slamming into her slowly. He is still gentle, still considerate of it all but soon enough it’s too much and she just needs him to be faster so she urges him with her heels pressing into his back and he is pulling in and out faster inbetween kissing her and teasing her breasts.
His hands roam freely everywhere, her chest, her nipple, her stomach-he knew that was her soft spot so he ran his calloused fingers there for a bit making her shudder with lust and want before sneaking his hand behind her back and pulling her up, closer to him as he fucked into her fast and hard. She closed her eyes and rest her chin on his shoulder, wrapped herself entirely on him, her hands locked on his back as well as her legs.
They both knew they wouldn’t last long but he was adamant at making sure she comes first, so he carefully sneaks his hand down to her clit and runs his rough finger over it making her scream a little.
“Shhh, you’ll wake him!” Bellamy stops and moves his hand away from her when they wait for Gus, who they hear move in bed, settle down.
“Sorry, shit...sorry, it’s just...you’re too much.”
“Oh, am I?” he asks with a smirk when he pulls at the curtain to check on Gus and thankfully finds that the kid just rolled over on his stomach like he loved sleeping and had his mouth open, drooling on the pillow. “He’s all good.” Bellamy promises when his hand moves back down to her boob which he was holding a moment before and cups it gently as he moves down and rubs her nose against his “Now lets get you good too, princess.”
She nods and watches as he moves his hand lower over her stomach and down to her crotch-it’s a beautiful sight, seeing him pull out of her and then back in, she finds herself mesmerized by the moment until he whispers in her ear.
“I love you, Clarke.” he says and she meets his eyes once more smiling as she cups his cheek.
“I love you too, Bellamy.” his eyes are so soft that she’s sure she can come from the look of his alone but it is his thumb pushing over the most sensitive parts of her that gets her done and she comes so hard she drags her nails over his back to ground herself and buries her head in his chest, trying to stifle her screams.
She coats his cock in so much come that she’s surprised by herself and it’s not until he strokes her head and shushes her that she realizes she had actually bit his arm as a way of grounding herself and when she pulls away she sees the imprint of her teeth over the skin on his shoulder.
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing.” he whispers “And it’s better than waking a four year old.” he kisses the corner of her lip as she slides down on the pillows “I need to ...I have to cum too.” he whispers and she realizes how strained his face seemed just then, feels bad that she ignored him up until that moment and scolds herself mentally for it.
She gives him a nod and moves up a few more time times, pushes into her just to get himself there before he pulls out, grips his cock and spills all over her stomach.
The sight makes her cunt convulse once more and she realizes she’s dripped so much on the sheets she’s made a total mess of them but she finds out she doesn’t mind even if she’s a little shy and embarrassed about it.
“Hey...it’s okay.” he promises, pulling her over his chest for a brief kiss while she stares at his now soft cock and the cum he’s spilled on her. This could’ve happened inside her, she thinks, in another life, this could be the start of something new. “I’ll take care of this.” he promises and she watches him stand up and hobble to the bathroom.
She furrows her eyebrows when she realizes what a strain this is for him and his back and how selfish she had been but she’s still so spent and soft and vulnerable that when he comes back and wipes her stomach clean, she can’t help but inch closer to him. He chuckles and picks her up in his arms only halfway so he could kiss her forehead.
“I have to change the sheets if we want to sleep in a clean bed.” he rubs his nose against hers “Okay, princess?”
“Mwhm.” she mumbles but grips his shirt that she unhappily finds he put back on with her fingers.
“You’re totally spent, aren’t you?” he asks a little too smug and she groans “Did I take all your strenght away?”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Bellamy Blake, I was already pretty tired from saving all those lives.” he laughs quietly and kisses her again before pulling back.
“If that’s what you want to tell yourself, princess.” she doesn’t know how he manages to pull her up and move her to what is a metal chair by the table, she just realizes she slumps there and starts dozing off while he shuffles behind her with the sheets and pillows.
When he picks her up again she doesn’t miss the painful groan that leaves his lips or how bad he’s limping.
“Put me down!” she tries as she pats his chest weakly “I can walk.” he chuckles at that as he puts her down and cradles her face.
“Not to sound so smug but-” he tucks the blankets over her legs “I kind of doubt that, princess.” she grunts at that but lets him tuck her in and when he slides besides her she immideatelly snuggles into his chest. He chuckles a little again but pushes her to him and allows her to rest her head over his beating heart.
He’s tired and in pain, that much she can tell considering how tense his body is underneath her so she makes herself a promise that tomorrow, the first thing she’ll do is take care of his back and leg, before he has to go to work or feed Gus or even go out there to grab them rations.
She feels his hand rub up and down her back and every now and then he’d kiss the top of her head or tuck a strand of hair away. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of her and she understood this because her hands never really left his body either.
Clarke’s pretty sure that if they weren’t as tired, she could sneak her hand down his now fresh pair of boxers and get them going once more. It was enough to just be lying on his rigid chest to get her center pooling and he must feel this, he must know because he leans down to kiss her and it’s hot, wet, messy and sleepy.
“Princess-” he warns a little when they move sideways, looking in each other’s eyes and her hand teases the hair on his stomach before desperately reaching for the hem of his boxers. He grabs her wrist and shakes his head “We can take it easy, you know? The one thing we have is time.” she groans unhappy, protesting quietly at that and he smiles cupping her cheek again.
“I want you in me.” she begs and he rubs his nose against her.
“I was just in you a moment ago, Clarke.”
“Again.” she whines and she knows that she does sound like Gus, a kid who desperately asks for more candy or to play just a little longer or not to go to bed so early and Bellamy can’t say he minds that side of her.
He’s never been that wanted before. Maybe with Gina when they were still in their honeymoon phrase but after...after they just had so many things going on that sex was a one time occurance every other month-they were both so tired and broken, busy to make sure she’s okay or that Gus is fine and that they had enough to eat. Problems overwhelmed them for the time being. He often thought if later the more the kid grow, the more time they’d have for themselves but he never got to know, not really. He lost her too soon.
He sighs, buries his nose in her hair and breaths her in-did he really deserve all this? Did he deserve to be loved?
He scolded himself mentally and let her hand go, allowing her to reach down and tug at his boxers, grab his already half hard dick. He didn’t need much-just to have her nipples rub against his chest or her lips kissing his neck or her fingers...god her fingers-
He was like a horny teenager. Frankly, he wasn’t sure he’s been that hot even when he was seventeen. Back then he had too many things to worry about as well.
He lets her pump him a few times and when he’s hard enough, he easily spreads her legs and pushes in her. He manages a few slow thursts but that’s pretty much it-they were once again together.
He tucks her in the crook of his neck and feels her give him a small gentle kiss there while her hands roamed up and down his still bruised sides.
“You haven’t gained any weight.” she comments and he smiles-Clarke, always the nurturor, always the carer “And you hurt.”
“It’s bearable.” he whispers “With you and Gus here, I can take on anything.”
“I wish you didn’t have to.” she mumbles and he knows she’s on the verge of sleep “I wish you were happy.”
“I am.” he insists and she looks up at him with tired eyes making him so soft for her that he can’t help himself and just pushes her closer to his chest “I have everything I could ever ask for.” he promises and kisses her forehead one last time “Now sleep, princess.” she tucks her head under his chin and he smiles at how affectionate she was in this moment. She was so small in his arms yet she fit so perfectly.
If someone had told him that he’ll fall in love again after Gina, he’d have never believed them-frankly, he had no idea how he even survived and if he had to be completely honest, he wasn’t sure what happiness truly felt like but he knew he had experienced it at least a few times-first when he married Gina, then when he held Gus in his arms for the first time and now...
Now he was pretty sure was the third time if only because his heart was bursting with joy, he felt light and he just couldn’t, even when he knew he was already falling asleep, stop smiling.
Part 41 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I unfortunately can’t tag everyone as some new Tumblr rule forbids me to do so! Sorry!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
“Who is it?” he asks feeling Gus tremble in his arms and whimper a little. Poor kid was terrified of anyone coming to their door who wasn’t his grandma or any of his friends from school.
“Bellamy, it’s Harper!” he hears his friend’s voice and exhales a little, bowing his head down for a second “Please, open up!”
“It’s okay, kid.” he whispers in Gus’ ear as he rubs his back up and down with his big hand “Just Jordan’s mom, it’s fine.” the boy doesn’t relax until Bellamy pulls the door open and he carefully peaks at it, finding indeed, his friend’s mom there, looking up at Bellamy with the most worried expression on her face.
“Hey, Harper, what’s going on?” their friend looked flustered, hands shaky and eyes wide with fear.
“Is Clarke home?” she looked around but Bellamy was too broad for her to actually glance in the room “Can I come in?”
“Of course, sorry, we were just having dinner.” he apologizes as he moves away and lets her in, Clarke was already up on her feet and rushing to them.
“What’s up? Are you okay?” Clarke asked right away as Harper reaches for her with trembling hands that Clarke takes in and squeezes hard “Is it Jordan? Does his hand hurt?”
“We uh...we need your help.” she says and only now does Bellamy notice that some of her shirt sleeve was painted with a deep dark red. Someone had been bleeding. Bellamy looks at Aurora and motions for her to come and pick Gus up which she does and the kid surprisingly pulls away without much fuss, probably being too scared of even finding Harper at the door, knowing something is wrong without having to hear everything. He still clenches his arms around Bellamy but he whispers in his ears that he has to go with grandma for a moment and he’s thankfully too tired and sleepy after eating to fight him. “Our neighbor, mister Lemkin, he was involved in fixing the engine the other day, he’s one of the few mechanics from Farm.” she explains and Bellamy nods, he thinks he’s heard the name and if he’s right it was a man a little older than with bright red hair and kind eyes.
“Doesn’t he have a girl?”
“Yes, Reese...she’s a little older than Jordan and Gus.” Harper explains frantically.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He hurt his leg while you guys were trying to fix the engine, more like...his foot really, he got it stuck inbetween some metal while they were putting back the parts together so he got a bad cut and I think some of it is broken too.” she blurts out and Clarke nods seriously “I didn’t know who else to ask for help. The nurses’ station doesn’t work this late and I have no way of getting him there anyway. Reese has been staying with us most of the time but she’s worried and doesn’t know how to help her dad.”
“Okay, I’ll come with you.” Clarke jumps in action right away, making Bellamy’s heart go crazy “I have bandages but we’ll need moonshine.”
“I have two bottles at home as well as cotton swabs and some of the Factory miracle rub if it’ll help with anything.”
“Clarke-” Bellamy tries intervening, this was happening too fast “Wait a second here-” Harper looks at him confused and Clarke sends daggers his way like she did only when she was very angry “You can’t just...you can’t just go there, you have no ID, just papers.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, you won’t be. If someone catches you practicing medicine when you’re clearly forbidden from doing so, you’ll be floated!” he raises his voice a little and takes her hand, squeezing it tightly, trying to prove a point.”And if a guard stops you, they can lock you up for not having a clearly defined citizenship and keep you there for weeks just out of spite!”
“Bellamy-”
“It’s dangerous!”
“I know it is, but I won’t leave this man out there to die when I can help him!” she keeps her eyes on him determined “We talked about this once.”
“Yes, we did and I disagreed!”
“And I told you you don’t have the right to when you clearly risk your life for us all without even letting me know what you’re doing!” Clarke raises her voice making his jaw drop a little before he painfully clenches it again and bites back his words so as not to completely blow up in front of their friend and Gus who was talking quietly to his grandma behind their backs, probably worried as hell already.
“Okay, I’m sorry, I don’t want you to argue because of me I just-” Harper adds but Clarke raises her hand.
“No, don’t be. I am coming and Bellamy can’t stop me.” she insists and he huffs frustrated but squeezes her wrist a little harder, trying to make an emphasis.
“Clarke-”
“You won’t win this one, Bellamy.” she cuts him off “I-”
“Will you let me speak?” he cuts her off surprising her with the softness and defeat in his voice “I won’t fight you.” he relents “We’ll go help them but I’m coming with you.” she opens her mouth to disagree but he shakes his head “If you get stopped, I can intervene, I can help, okay?” her shoulders sag.
“Okay.” in truth she didn’t want him to come, not with the way he was barely walking after work or with how he was still coughing-he needed the rest, she knew it but there was no changing his mind just like there was nothing to be done about her decision to go to Farm.
“Grab your things and let’s go.” he nods at her but avoids Harper’s look. He understood why she was doing this, she only ever wanted to help and she must’ve been trying for a while considering she shadowed Clarke and helped her before when she and Jackson were working the clinic in Factory.
While Clarke gets ready, he goes to his mom and Gus and explains the kid what’s happening. He seems to understand that they’re going to help but he’s still a little scared. Bellamy promises they won’t be long and Gus wraps his arms tightly around his dad letting him hold him for a moment before they separate. Aurora tells them to be carefully as she sends them off the door, clearly worried about the whole thing as much as Bellamy was which warmed Clarke’s heart but she knew she had to focus on the task at hand.
Bellamy walked side by side with them at first but then went ahead to scout the hallways for guards and wheather or not they could present a treat. He had his crutch on because Aurora had basically shoved it in his hand before he left and though he had tried to protest about it, Clarke could see he leaned heavily into it as he made his way forward.
Harper held Clarke’s hand as she too remained alert while explaining everything she knew about mister Lemkin and his condition but also added that Monty himself got a bad cut at work today that she’d like Clarke to check if she could and Jordan’s wrist was healing but the frostbite on his fingers and face worried her a little.
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out, I promise.” Clarke assured her and Bellamy heard it too because he threw his head back and she could see the anger in his eyes. Their argument was far from over and she was well-aware that once they came back home, Bellamy would raise the issue of her risking her life again.
There was no official border patrol between Factory and Farm as of lately despite guards lingering by the gates and stopping people at random to ask them where they were going and why. Too many people had families in both stations and the line of those crossing was quite big. After the bombings the control had tightened but now things were back to being somewhat a little looser when it came to the migration of people in those three stations. Still, Bellamy knew that if he didn’t swipe his card on his hallway machine before ten am, they’d come looking for him, possibly Clarke too and escort them out of Farm.
People had to be back to their own homes by curfew-if they weren’t they could be locked up and questioned for a few days, probably punished by taking ration points from them but that wasn’t something Bellamy ever wanted to happen, most of all because he was scared for Clarke.
When they approached Farm station’s main entrance that was marked by a sign on the door painted green and some plants, mostly wheat and algae drawn on the side, one of the guards measured them with a look before they even got there and Bellamy tensed.
He waited the girls up and when Clarke was by his side he took her hand and squeezed it hard.
“Play along and don’t talk-” he whispers in her ear “He’ll figure out your Alpha accent and catch us, okay?” Clarke nodded but kept her determined look staring ahead at the guard who was about their age. Harper sensed the tension but instead of panicking, she simply smiled when the guard stood their way.
“IDs please.” his voice was very child-like and he tried to look tough but it seemed as if he hated stopping them-it wasn’t annoyance per se but he didn’t hold the enjoyment or grudge more guards did when they stopped Factory and Farm folks for a random check up.
Bellamy steps before Clarke and passes his ID over.
“Me and my wife are just visitng our friend from Farm here.” he explains and Harper hands over hers too which he waves off when he sees it’s from the station they’re crossing to. Clarke tenses next to him and he isn’t sure if it’s because of their fake marriage or the guard himself and the rifle hanging on his left side.
He scans Bellamy’s ID but his eyes trail on Clarke for a moment.
“And yours, ma’am?” he prods as he returns Bellamy’s card and raises an eyebrow in quiet suspicion.
Bellamy could feel the sweat trailing down his back but he steps closer before her.
“She forgot it at home actually, it was my bad, I kind of rushed her.” he says and the guard opens up his mouth to say something but Bellamy reaches for his inner pocket and pulls out his red Level 11 pass card handing it over to the guard who’s mouth hangs a little upon seeing it. Surely Bellamy with his cane and his old uniform, his ruffled hair and his tired eyes didn’t seem like a top mechanic working on a secret level but the pass was there-with his name and picture and nobody could dispute it or call it fake.
“You can surely make an excuse for a silly man like me who got his wife in trouble, right?” at the sight of the card the guard tenses, he looks back at Bellamy and the girls, doesn’t even scan it and quickly pushes it back to Bellamy’s hand.
“Go ahead.” he gestures for the entrance “But don’t let it happen again, okay?” Bellamy nods with the most fake apologetic look he can muster “And don’t wave that off around anywhere or you may get suspended, mechanic.” he warns.
“I’m sorry, guardsman, I just-” the men waves them off and lets them through.
“Come on, get out of here.” he urges them as if Bellamy was suddenly carrying some diesase he could contract him with just for working at level 11. Bellamy didn’t miss the way he uttered the words “Factory scum” as they passed by and he has to squeeze his eyes shut not to react as he leaned heavily on his cane.
He feels Clarke’s hand sneak between his fingers and squeeze them tightly but she waits until they’re out of the guard’s earshot to give him a look and whisper.
“Thank you.” she knew how much that cost him, she knew that the psychological strain of putting himself between her and the guard was devastating and would probably give him nightmares tonight. He already shook hard, just after a minute-long interraction and it was understandable-he has been beaten by the wolves as they called them so many times he was marked for life.
When they passed away, long enough to be out of earshot, Bellamy stopped and leaned on the wall, closing his eyes briefly and letting Clarke and Harper pass by him. On the outside it’d look like he was just taking a second to relax his leg, since they’ve been walking pretty fast, trying to get to Farm as quickly as possible, but Clarke knew this was something else.
She gave Harper a look and whispered for her to go on, that she’ll need a second before she returned back to Bellamy.
“Hey-” she calls out to him but he doesn’t open his eyes right away, instead he just shakes his head a little and she notices the way his breathing is too fast and shallow, like when he was panicking. His hands shook and the one gripping the crutch was treatening to actually drop it, so she reached out and stedied him.
When he couldn’t stand on his own, she’d be there to help him. She wouldn’t let him fall. Just like he wouldn’t let her get blown up by that bomb-after all, she was the reason he was here in the first place...she was the reason that he would never be the same man again.
“Bellamy, look at me.” she commands as she picks up his chin and forces him to look at her.
He does and for a moment she almost wishes he hadn’t-there was so much pain in his eyes, so much fear and anxiety that she feels like something kicked her in the stomach and made her fall on the ground herself.
She even feels herseslf physically sway and he notices it, because he reaches with his other, free hand for hers and grips it tightly making her heart skip a few beats-that was her Bellamy, he’d always put everyone else before him even when he was barely breathing.
Clarke quickly gets a grip of herself though and shakes all her bad thoughts away, forcing herself to be strong for him. God, they were both so fucked up sometimes it was unreal how that many things happened to them and him most of all in such a short span of just a few months and they were still standing.
“You’re okay.” she tells him but he’s too stunned and scared to say something back-she could see something else was plaguing him, something he hasn’t talked to her about, something he hasn’t shared. Maybe it had to do with that pass he waved at the guard...but no, he had met with other guards before and he had held his ground-something made him scared this time...something shook him harder ”You’re okay, Bellamy, please just look at me-” she lets his hands go and instead cups his face, digging her nails in his skin a little and staring into his eyes with determination now.
“Clarke-”
“Listen to me-you’re okay, nothing happened, we’re fine and we will be fine, alright?” he stares into her with such vulnerability that it just breaks her heart “That guard won’t hurt you. I won’t let him.” Bellamy nods a little “I won’t let him hurt you, do you hear me, Bell?” she repeats “Do you understand?” he nods again still shaking and she smiles a little.
“Take a breath now...deep breaths...just like this, yes, good job! Let’s breathe together for a moment, okay? We can take a minute, we’re not in a rush.” technically that wasn’t true-they were indeed in a rush and when she quickly turned around and found Harper standing at the end of the hallway, looking around impatiently, she knew they had to hurry but Bellamy was her family, he always came first, so she had to help him before she could treat anyone else-otherwise her mind wouldn’t even be where it should be.
“That’s right, you’re doing great.” she assures when his breathing goes back to normal slowly and she pushes his head to her chest, making him lean in a little but desperate to hold him in a tight, short hug, knowing how much he needed it right now.
When he wraps his arm back around her waist-that’s how she knows he’s back to her, that he’s okay now and his lips find her neck, give her a small sweet peck that makes everything in her body on fire-god, the effect he had on her- before whispering “Thank you, princess.”
She pulls away and he tries to brush the tears from his face with the back of his sweater but she cleans them up with her thumbs instead and moves up to kiss his lips quickly, despite knowing that everyone passing by and Harper, most of all, was watching them, but not giving a damn about it.
When she falls back on her heels, her arms wrap around his neck and she looks at him seriously.
“We have a lot to talk about when we go back home.” he nods as he swallows hard and shakes his head, trying to chase away the demons.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” she cuts him off “You just had a full blow panic attack in the middle of Farm station’s hallway.” he bows his head down to the ground as if in shame “No, don’t hide, I don’t want you to be ashamed-” she picks his head by the chin again and gives him a softer look “I just want you to talk to me.”
He leans his head down and rubs his nose against hers, then kisses her cheek and pulls back.
“I promise that I’m fine...it was just...I don’t know what it was, but I’m okay.” she can see him going back to his strong and serious bravado that he tries to emphasize by straightening himself up a little and taking a deeper breath “We should go. Those people there need you.” he insists and Clarke opens her mouth to fight him but he shakes his head and squeezes her hand tightly again.
“It’s okay, Clarke.” he insists but she doesn’t believe him for a second.
Yet, they don’t really have a choice-they do need to move and when Clarke turns around he finds Harper has approached them and was about to urge them to keep going again.
“We really need to-” she says and Clarke nods.
“I know...I know, let’s go.” they start moving again and Bellamy follows as swiftly as he can but when they take another turn, he tells them to stop and insists he’s the one to lead before them in case they meet other guards that may cause them problems which Clarke definitely isn’t happy about but can’t really argue with since she had absolutely no documents or IDs and could end up in a cell in case someone decided to blow this out of proportions.
Let’s also not forget the fact that she was about to give illegal medical help.
When they make it to Tor Lemkin’s place, Harper nods in a particular code way before a girl, no older than maybe ten opens up. She had beautiful long brown hair, pale face and big green eyes and was dressed in what looked like her PJs.
“Harper!” she throws herself in her friend “You brought help.”
“Of course I did, kiddo. I promised, didn’t I?” they all look up and find her dad sprayed on the couch, his leg propped up on a pillow with a very haphazard bandage on the wound under his knee. The whole thing was bad, even Bellamy could tell, considering how blue and bruised his skin on top of being way too swollen and red. Tor glances up at him and despite what is probably the fever raging in his body he recognizes him.
“Bellamy Blake?”
“Hey, Tor.” he greets him when they make it in and Harper introduces Clarke to both Reese and Tor.
Bellamy can remember seeing the man working on Level 1 and sometimes 4 where most of the cooling systems were but he hasn’t talked much to him. Most workers in Factory knew each other by face or where they worked and if not their jackets always denoted that too in case someone need to find a mechanic from another level for help. Bellamy could see Tor’s one now, hanging on the chair by the couch-the wrench patch on his left arm as well as the numbers one and four and a small snowflake patch under them which described everything there was to his job. Bellamy’s one still showed he worked on Level 2 as a mechanic since officially Level 11 was closed after the fire and no one was suppsoed to know something was happening there.
Tor and him exchange a few words while Clarke and Harper get to work on his leg-it turned out he really did get hurt the other day during the engine fixing-his leg got stuck between two big metal patches and they had to basically drag him away to keep him from forever being stuck there which is how he got his wound.
When Clarke unwraps it, she finds it’s oozing yellow and upon touching his forehead and finding it burning and taking his temperature, she’s worried about blood poisoning.
“I’ll clean the wound and dig out all the infected flesh but we’ll need to find some antibiotis or at least...something to prevent a sepsis.” she tells him and Harper, surprisingly then, chimes in.
“We’ll figure out a way.” she tells Clarke and Bellamy cocks an eyebrow “I know a guy who can maybe help.”
“Harper, it’s dangerous.” Tor warns her carefully “I don’t want you risking your life or Monty’s for me.”
“I’ll be okay, I promise.” Harper rubs her hand over his foreharm while Reese peeks behind the two girls with worry and curiosity “Clarke and Bellamy will help me.” Bellamy wants to snap and tell her not to involve Clarke in this but he knows better than to start a fight here so instead he grips Reese’s shoulder and brings her attention to him.
“How about you and I go outside and play for a bit, kiddo?” he suggests and glances at Clarke telling her that this was also him keeping watch and making sure nobody finds them but also trying to take the kid away from the room knowing that Tor will probably have a hard time keeping his screams while they cleaned the infection.
Reese looks at her dad for approval and he nods.
“Go on dear, Bellamy’s a great story teller, maybe he can tell you something I haven’t yet, right?” Bellamy nods and leans down a little to Reese.
“Have you heard about the myth of Europa and Zeus?” Reese shakes her head “It’s my son’s favorite, maybe you’d like it too, huh?” Reese glances again at her dad and he waves his hand at her, begging her to come closer. When she does, she hugs him tightly and he whispers something in her ear that Bellamy doesn’t catch apart from the words- “you gotta be brave now, little warrior” before letting go of Reese and allowing her to follow Bellamy. Before they leave, though she runs back to her dad, takes off her pink hair pin and puts it in her dad’s big palm. Tor immideately wraps his fingers around it and lets Reese kiss his forehead as she slowly walks back to Bellamy.
“We’ll be at the end of the hallway by the benches and the swings, okay?” he tells Clarke and Harper as he takes the girl outside.
Reese is very smart and headstrong-she’s a badass kid and asks Bellamy lots of questions while he tells her more than one story. She makes him smile and provokes him but in a good way. Half an hour in and she’s already fighting about Europa and how she should’ve kicked Zeus’ butt which makes Bellamy laugh though he agrees with it too.
But when Bellamy’s done telling his stories and suggests Reese go to the swings for a bit, she shakes her head and just rests her back against the metal bench, leaning a little closer into Bellamy.
“Do you think that....do you think that my dad will die?” she asks after a moment which Bellamy spent staring around for every figure that wore a guard uniform and kept glancing at the clock on the other side of the wall, desperate to make out the numbers and knowing they had less than half an hour to leave the station before they had to go back to Factory.
“No, of course not.” Bellamy opposes and Reese gives him a look of disbelief.
“How do you know?”
“Because Clarke’s the best doctor there is.” he promises but the girl still doesn’t seem convinced “I’m the living proof of that, you know?” now that catches the kid’s interest.
“How come?” she asks curiously and crosses her arms over her chest as if preparing for a fight with Bellamy but willing to give him a shot and hear him out.
“I got hurt in the bombings. That’s why I use a crutch.” Reese looks down on him and then back up, her features softer now “I was very sick after, had fever like your dad, they weren’t sure I’ll make it or even walk but...Clarke did it.”
“Really?” Bellamy nods with a small smile himself, wrapping an arm around Reese and tugging her close.
“She brought me back on my feet and she will do the same thing with your dad, I promise you.” Reese sighs and leans a little into his side, a clear sign that she now trusted him but something was still bothering her. “What is it, kiddo?” he asks softly, stroking her head like he did with Gus.
“I just...there’s nothing I can do to help him.” Reese admits finally “I feel useless.” Bellamy’s heart breaks at that and he has to take a minute to squeeze his eyes shut before he takes a deep breath, tightens his grip around Reese’s arm and forces himself to be strong.
“Of course you’re not useless!” Bellamy opposes her feverntly “Your dad doesn’t need you to do things for him, he just needs to know you’re there and you love him.”
“But he can’t walk...and I...I want to give him food and help him sit up but he won’t let me.” Reese protests softly “He wants to do everything himself.”
“That’s because he doesn’t want to burden you, sweetheart.” Bellamy insists feeling like he was having a conversation with Gus years from now right at this moment.
Was his son feeling the same way?
Sure, he was younger and he didn’t understand the extents of his injuries or what it meant for Bellamy to work with his body wrecked like this but it was enough that he saw him in pain.
And his son, despite his young age, always the selfless one, always wanting to help, to give...
Bellamy couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him when he got Reese’s age. In fact, he didn’t even want to think about it. It was awful enough now when Gus was so little yet so anxious and worried about everything conscerning his father, so for him to grow up and have a better grip of their reality would make everything all the more harder.
“He thinks he always has to be strong but he doesn’t.” Reese continues, breaking Bellamy out of his thoughts and back to reality “He can be weak...he can let me help.”
“You’re just a child. He doesn’t want you to have to grow up faster than you need to, Reese.”
“Why are you defending him?” she suddenly snaps, angry at his words and behavior, like he wanted to lecture her instead of actually bring her comofrt and Bellamy realizes he may have done just that.
“I’m sorry.” Bellamy raises his hands in defence and lets go of her “I wasn’t trying to make it worse for you, I just wanted you to understand.” Reese keeps glaring at him, though, unhappy about the situation as much as Bellamy was trying to explain himself. “I have a son too and he worries just like you do.”
“So then you get it.”
“Of course I do but I also wanted to give you my perspective of things...because it’s the same as your father’s.” at that Reese’s shoulders sag and she bows her head down, thinking over Bellamy’s words as she fidgets with her fingers, twisting her thumb around between her index and middle ones.”He just loves you too much.”
“I love him too.” Reese admits softly “Ever since mama died it’s just been me and him.” Bellamy swallows hard at the horrible comparison between their family and his-he remembers vaguely that Tor’s wife died a few years after she gave birth to Reese from the flu going around at the station during that time which was pretty awful. He had gotten sick then too but that was before he even met Gina. He remembers his mom being worried about him and forcing him not to go to work so he could get better.
“He’s my hero.” she adds “But he doesn’t know that...he doesn’t have to be one all the time.” Bellamy’s eyes fill with tears at that and he leans closer to Reese.
“Come here, kid” he opens his arms for her and she throws herself in his embrace, letting him give her a warm hug for the first time today. Even though they met barely an hour ago, kids were awesome like that as they were pure and unafraid to meet people and make them their best friends in minutes. Plus Bellamy was warm and kind and he was honest with her, which is what Reese loved the most.
“Do you think we should go back and check on them?” Bellamy suggests and Reese nods after finally pulling away. When Bellamy has a hard time standing up, she grabs his hand and despite her age and size, she actually does manage to help him get stable on his feet.
By the time they come back to their place, though Tor tells them that Clarke’s been called down the hallway by another woman and Bellamy feels his face burn with uncontrolled anger.
This was all so fucking risky-they had barely twenty minutes left before they had to cross back to Factory, if she was going to risk her life like this, he wasn’t sure how many times he could pull out the Level 11 ID card trick and hope it works.
It certainly won’t hold on forever.
He tries to control his breathing and swallow down his pain but the more he stays up, the more the pain in his back increases and when he finds Clarke at the end of the same hallway as Tor’s appartment, she’s fixing a girl’s broken leg and a dislocated shoulder that her mom got after helping fix the Factory engine too.
He calls her out and gestures at the clock above her patient’s bed which makes Clarke grit her teeth and give him a curt nod as she whispered “Five minutes”. He rolls his eyes and closes the door but leaves it ajar as he kept guard. Harper was in there with her, calming down the girl with the broken leg and he rested his back on the metal wall, listening her talk to them, instructing them not to move too much and then daring, actually fucking daring to promise them she’ll be back in a few days to check how they’re healing.
She comes out of there exactly five minutes before curfew and he’s furious with her but he doesn’t show it in any other way than clenching his jaw and gripping his crutch tightly, trying to keep himself from passing out in the middle of the damn hallway when he was out there to protect her.
“Thank you, Clarke.” Harper says when they start walking back to the gates “What you did for them...it’s nothing short of a miracle for those people.” Clarke shook her head clearly unhappy with herself.
“That’s nothing. I need real bandages, moonshine, antiseptic, medicine...antibiotics.” she clenched her jaw and let Bellamy walk before them, keeping an eye on the guards but she didn’t miss how rigid his posture was or his glistening with anger looks he was throwing her way-he was mad and partly, he was right to be mad, she should’ve finished earlier but the mother and the little girl...they needed her.
So many people have heard of the doctor who fought the system and opened up a clinic in Factory-to many she was a savior and Clarke had only realized her popularity amongst those less fortunate today with Harper, Tor and this woman. Her friend had mentioned there were others who have asked for her, some who believed the Factory clinic was still running but that the guards refused them to pass so they wouldn’t be helped, third believed it was secretly operating but only for certain folks and fourth simply begged for her help.
There were many more that needed her. Harper mentioned at least a dozen more cases, most of them severe-broken bones, open wounds or bad cases of the flu going around this time of the year agian.
Bellamy was listening carefully to everything they talked about and every now and then he’d look back and she swore that if they had the time for it, he’d have stopped and started yelling at her for being an idiot about half an hour ago.
He was clearly unhappy about this but she wasn’t the only one who did dumb things-whatever this ID he showed to the guard meant, it couldn’t be good, not if they let him be so easy and she wondered what kind of mess he managed to get himself into.
“Do you think we can see each other again tomorrow or...the day after?” Harper asked once they reached the gates. There were only two guards and they were talking between each other, holding some sort of satchel and inspecting its content-probably something they had confiscated from a poor Farm or Factory person, which didn’t matter to Bellamy as long as it kept their attention away from the three of them.
He’s about to open up his mouth and argue when he sees Clarke’s hands wrap around Harpers and squeeze them tightly.
“Of course.” she states and he feels his heart fall to his feet. Goddammit that stupid self-sacrificial princess of his “Tomorrow.”
“I can come get you after I’m done with work.” Harper says “That way we’ll have more time.”
“No!” Bellamy cuts off coming a little closer to Clarke, stepping before her and facing Harper “This is dangerous! She was almost floated barely a month ago, do you want to sign her death sentence!”
“Bellamy-” Clarke stepped up glancing at him and furrowing her eyebrows “We talked about this! I’m doing it!”
“Only over my death body are you crossing the stations twice a day without proper documents!”
“I can get her another fake ID.” Harper joins in, clearly as stubborn about this as Clarke was and he shoots her another angry glance-what the fuck was wrong with Harper? She was supposed to be on his side. He knew how much he already cared about Clarke and she was willing to risk her life for this?
“It’s too risky-they can catch her.” Clarke takes him by the elbow and squeezes it tight trying to bring his attention to her but he wouldn’t budge-he kept staring at Harper with the angriest of looks but the woman seemed unafected-she was just as stubborn as Clarke was and she only jut her chin up at Bellamy in a quiet way of trying to say “Fuck you!”
“We don’t have time for this now!” Clarke urged when the warning sirens started going off, reminding people that they had two minutes to cross back to their stations “We need to go, Bellamy!” she started pushing him and she must’ve applied a little too much pressure or he was simply that tired that he swayed hard on his feet and when he did he collided right into the arms of one of the two guards that was back by the gates, checking the few passengers that had lined up.
“Hey, watch out, you cripple!” he scoffed at him and Bellamy grit his teeth as Clarke pushed him back and tried to steady him on his feet again. “Come on, line up and give me your IDs” he yelled as he started moving over the right side where the button to open the doors was.
“I’m not a cripple!” Bellamy scoffed and Clarke gripped his elbow tightly. Usually he was good at keeping his cool around the guards, well...most of the time but the events from this night and all the arguing with Harper who was now about to leave as Clarke gave her one last reassuring nod and whispered that “They’ll talk again tomorrow”, was sending him on edge.
Unfortunately the guard heard him talking back and turned around.
“What was that you said?” he asked, stopping a few feet from them but not coming closer-he was trying to treaten them with his angry look and his hand on the gun in his holster.
Clarke felt herself freeze at that and she begged the universe that Bellamy would come back to his senses but when she glanced up, she found him still staring at the guard like he was about ready to use his crutch on him and kick his butt.
Which she knew in normal cirucmstances he could probably do, but not right now and not like this-if they were caught and locked up, they’d end up at the very least punished and Clarke surely floated especially if they looked into the reasons why she was in Farm or the lack of proper legal documents on her.
“I said I’m not a cripple!” Bellamy bit back and Clarke felt a rush of fear run down her spine. The guard walked to them and this time it was her who stood up before Bellamy and raised her hand, trying to remember to sound as Factory station like as she could-she had been practicing the accent for a few weeks now but she knew she hadn’t mastered it perfectly.
“Please forgive my husband, guardsman-” her eyes looked for the name tag on the left of his chest “O’Conner” she gave him the smile of a sincere but worried wife and did her best to appeal sweet and quiet as any Factory girl should be when she had a meeting with a so-called wolf “He’s cranky because he forgot our anniversary and I gave him a speech about it.” the guard pulls back a little but his eyes don’t leave Bellamy who’s as tense as before and still looks like he’s about to tear the guard apart. His hand was now wrapped around Clarke’s wrist, ready to pull her back the moment he felt like she was in immideate danger.
“Is that so, cripple?” Clarke winced at that and felt Bellamy push from behind her, ready to fight again which of course, in turn only made the guard smile smugly. He took another step closer and reached out for Clarke’s chin, picking it up but staring still right ahead in Bellamy’s eyes “Perhaps I can make up for you, give your little Factory slut the time of her life?”
Now that send Bellamy off and he pulled Clarke away and stepped forward ready to use his crutch on the guard, but he was faster, he took it in, tore it off Bellamy’s hands and with one swift move of his hands, pressed it to his knee and used his force to break it in two and toss it away.
Bellamy let go of Clarke’s hand and tried to swing at him with his fist but again, as before, the guard was faster-he punched him in the face and then used his knee to kick him in the stomach. Bellamy swayed violently and almost hit the ground as Clarke screamed and tried to break them. The rest of the people around looked at the scene unfolding before them but they definitely weren’t surprised-it was as if this has happened a thousand times before and they were so numb to the violence and brutality the guards used on them that they simply moved away from the commotion and looked around like scared but impartial to the world animals.
“Please-” Clarke rose one of her hands again as she leaned over to grab Bellamy’s elbow and keep him up with the other “We’re sorry, just let us pass.” Bellamy looked up from under his curls angrily and just as Clarke was pretty sure he was about to provoke the guard, he got called by the other boy who had been passing some of the passengers through while the argument unfolded and O’Conner clenched his jaw unhappy that he was interrupted.
“Hey! I need some help over here! This one’s drunk!” the boy yelled and Clarke noticed he was supporting an elderly man from Factory who looked much worse for wear than her and Bellamy and someone who would definitely give them trouble unless they dealt with him right now.
He had taken out his baton, ready to use it on either one of them but now he gripped it, looked at Clarke and simply sighed angrily.
“Go on, I’ll deal with you some other time.” he gestured at them to pass through without even asking for an ID which Clarke welcomed as a silent blessing right now. It wasn’t too unusual, though-it was clear that those who waited to pass between stations at the last possible minutes were either drunks like the elderly man who came to Farm for cheap alcohol or folks like her and Bellamy probably visiting relatives before coming home for the night. Clarke noticed that he still looked at the insignia on Bellamy’s sleeve, the wrench patch and the Factory section number so he probably decided this, his poor state and both their clothes and outlook left no room for doubt.
She almost laughed at the irony of it all-this entire time, all she’s ever wanted was to leave Alpha, to be something better than what they taught her there, to help others and not just the few selected by the chancellor and she had finally done it-she was dressed in the old dress Aurora got her, had the Factory simple three-strand plaid, no make up of any sort, her shoes were Bellamy’s old ones and she looked so tired she could probably pass out if the guard had so much as simply pushed her back.
Part 40 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I unfortunately can’t tag everyone as some new Tumblr rule forbids me to do so! Sorry!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
The next few days go mostly smoothly or as much as they can, considering everything. Bellamy returns to work on Wednesday, though he could’ve had it off as well, simply because he had zero points in his ration card after spending more on cough syrup and extra bandages for Gus’ leg. Both Aurora and Clarke try to talk him out of it, let him have another day off, at the very least but he’s adamant.
Clarke knows he’s not okay-he still hurt and he hurt bad. His cough was only a little better but only because she forced him to drink the syrup three times a day despite him arguing with her constantly about it, but his back and his leg in particular, they were bad. The cut under his knee put even more of a strain on his walking abilities and despite having the brace on, he still used the cane or his crutch around the house.
He swallowed down all pain though, all because of Gus who...wasn’t doing well either.
The frost bite was healing, slowly but surely, as Clarke observed. She could wish it happened faster but it could’ve been from the lack of better nutritious food in his every day meals and the constant cold he was exposed to that his skin healed much slower than any case of frost bite should.
He wasn’t the only one, though. When all three of them had gone by the playground the other night, there were many other families, including Monty, Harper and Jordan who had suffered frostbite as well, worse than Gus even, that were struggling with their kids, helping them walk or mostly carrying them around-it broke her heart-all these young tiny souls, barely four or five and they were already in so much pain.
The playground looked more like a big quiet room with swings only swaying here and there and mostly consisting of concerned parents sitting next to each other with the kids on the benches, talking and exchanging strategies of how to help them, what paste to use or which pill to ease their pain, rather than a happy place for kids to run, scream, yell and just be...children.
It was much more a ghost town than anything else and it broke Clarke’s heart.
The first few days they carried Gus around everywhere. Mostly Bellamy did, even though he should not be lifting anything heavy with that leg but the kid simply refused to let go of him. He’d wrap his tiny arms around his dad’s neck like a spider monkey and let Bellamy walk around the house with him like that all day long, even when they slept, he refused to let go.
He couldn’t walk on his own at first but they had tried again last night and he had limped heavily. It was like what Clarke imagined learning how to walk again was before-Bellamy held him by his hands as Gus walked slowly between his dad’s ones.
Problem was neither was stable on their feet but Bellamy somehow kept on, for his son, he made his knee bend, he forced his leg to stay strong.
At first Gus had whimpered and refused to try anymore-it really did hurt him, Clarke knew from all she had read in her text books that frostbite hurt like hell, no matter the age. She had only treated one patient before with it but apparently in Factory it was a common thing that everyone had experienced at least once in their lives.
By now, she was pretty certain that Bellamy could’ve suffered some that unfortunate night too, but his skin had simply hardened and he didn’t feel it as much because when she changed the bandage on his shin, she noticed the redness of his toes too since his sock was miraculously off (or more like he didn’t have a clean pair since they were behind on laundry) and when she touched them he hadn’t felt much of anything. The tip of his fingers too were red and swollen, peeling a little but that could’ve been from the burns that were still healing and making his hands shake.
They built a sort of routine since she knew that she can’t talk him out of going to work, she just had to do something to make sure she’s at least sending him off in a way he wasn’t hurting as much.
She started waking up early as well, checking his knee, helping him put his brace on, changing the bandages on his hands and wrapping his ribs, then giving him some cough syrup and forcing him to eat at least a toast and some biscuits.
He hadn’t talked about work but she knew that something was different from before-he had started coming home more tired than he had before and he somehow had the rations to buy bread every other day as well as not just formula and the regular algae but more corn cans, beans and fruits and vegitables-a few tomatoes here, some oranges there and apples-the cheaper ones but they were something that she knew he couldn’t afford before.
She had also noticed Aurora stopped prodding him about it as well, which meant she probably knew what was going on and she was definitely not happy about it but somehow she tolerated it. Clarke had decided to let him come to her with it and not pressure him but she could see the mental and physical toll that he was suffering and she was worried.
He was barely dragging his skin in the evening and though he slept, she could see he was sadder, worried.
Part of it was because of Gus. In the past week since the accident on Level 2 and the unfortunate night they spent cuddled in the bathroom, he had grown quiet. Typically he was a shy boy out in the world, in day care and even on the playground but at home he was a blabbering happy cute little munchkin.
Now, though...now he wouldn’t utter a word. He just stopped talking or answered with only yes and no’s making everyone, including Clarke and Aurora worry. Clearly he’s been through something traumatic just like after the bombings when he had grown anxious and bursted out but now he was just...sad. He’d stopped eating too and if it wasn’t for Bellamy to patiently force him, he wouldn’t be convinced to try anything-not even the buscuits or chocolate that Aurora brought to try and boost his appetite.
Needless to say his feet hurt too and he’d spend his day sitting all the time-either in bed or in his chair. Bellamy insisted he still did homework-their teacher, miss Karen sent them tutorials on the old tablet Bellamy has had for ages, so Clarke went through things with him every morning.
Most children were still at home recovering anyway, so Gus wasn’t an exception-many parents were at home as well, suffering injuries like coughs and frostbite too, so they helped the kids out. The station was hit really hard after this particular electricity cut and every time Clarke went out with Bellamy and Gus on a short walk or to the mess hall, she could see people barely walking by, coughing all the time just like Bellamy, with various injuries, usually limping or clenching their hands to their chests in pain.
It has been a week and the chancellor hadn’t done anything to help Factory medically-he still refused to reopen the small medbay office Clarke was running with Jackson or increase the rations or bring in medicine to the pharmacy which was by now almost empty safe for Tylenol. The only thing he did is let the electricty at night be cut to six hours instead of seven and he considered it a blessing. The Factory councilmen was an idiot who hid in his whole because he knew people were angry and never did anything to fight for their rights-in result, people were not just hurting, but dying. An old neighbour on Bellamy’s hallway had passed just last night from the exposure and the bad cough she had and Aurora whispered that one of her coworkers, a woman a little older than her had too passed out and died yesterday morning on their way there.
And Clarke.
Clarke wasn’t just angry. She was furious.
But she’s also never felt more helpless.
Even at home she could do little for both Bellamy and Gus. She knew Bellamy was tough and by now used to his pain but watching Gus suffer...watching this tiny adorable kid who loved the world and took on it with his pure big heart wake up at night, moan and clench his dad’s shirt as he cried quietly...
That broke her.
She fiercely wanted to protect him, to be there for him and he let her-he liked when she tutored him and drew with him. He sat fascinated in her lap and asked for different animals she’d outline for him to color but he was still quiet and barely talkative. Making him eat was an effort she couldn’t succeed in and one that even Aurora failed in whenever she passed by.
But when Bellamy came home, that was a whole different thing-Gus would perk up a little and immideately throw his hands in the air and ask to be picked up. He’d wrap around him and refuse to let go-he could even be coaxed to eat or at least finish his bottle of formula. Bellamy would sit with him and watch him draw or read to him and he’d get calmer, fall asleep easier but he was still quiet, small, sad.
It broke all their hearts.
Now that Bellamy was opening up the door of the small appartment, Gus immideately turned his head to his dad who came in limping and tired-face covered in dark machine oil as well as most of his jumpsuit, his hair a mess sticking to his head, his fingers covered in bloody cuts.
But Gus didn’t care about any of that, he smiled a little and so did his dad. Aurora, who had come by to show Clarke some stitching tricks and brought her clothes to mend (which Bellamy disagreed with), looked up at them curiously.
“Hello, everyone.” he said as he closed the door behind him and carried the brown cloth bag filled with food on the table, taking off his jacket and reaching for Gus who was already begging for him. “Hey, little man.”
“Dada!” he almost moaned as Bellamy picked him up and he immideately wrapped his arms around his neck “Dada!”
“Hey, baby boy.” Bellamy stroked his head and peppered his face with kisses “Dad’s missed you.” Gus leans his head on his shoulder and rests in his arms as Bellamy kisses the top of Clarke’s head and squeezes Aurora’s shoulder.
“Hey.” Clarke whispers as she looks up at him while he carefully slides down on the chair Gus was occupying and immideately stretching his bad leg out.
“You’re dirty.” Aurora comments “You should really clean before taking him in.”
“If you have any ideas about making him let go, I’m all ears, mom.” he says lightly, not a trace of annoyance in him, only worry and Clarke doesn’t miss how his hand never stops running up and down Gus’ back. “How was your day?”
“Good. We studied some, then I gave him a bath, then he watched some cartoons and drew.”
“Lunch?” Clarke shakes her head.
“He wouldn’t.” she whispers “Your mom tried too.” he nods and rocks the kid up and down a little before pulling away some. Gus keeps playing with the straps of his jumpsuit instead of looking at him and Bellamy just takes the time to hold him, let him know he’s here now and he’s safe, kiss his forehead again, smile at him, run his hand down his curls and clear his forehead so that he could look into his eyes.
“How was your day, buddy?”
“It was good.” he mumbles quietly, barely audible.
“Did you do your homework?” Gus nods as he keeps playing now with the zipper of his jacket “I hear you haven’t eaten again. You must be hungry?” Gus shakes his head.
“No, dada.” Bellamy drops his hand to his stomach and covers it whole, then leans into it and pretends to listen.
“Hm...I think your tummy disagrees.” he says “It just told me it’s empty, huh?” Gus looks up and smiles a little and Bellamy rubs his nose against his. Then tickles his sides a little and Gus squirms but fights his chuckles “Am I right?”
“No, dada.” he answers but he’s fooling around out of sheer stubborness by now.
“Are you sure, wait-let me see, oh, what was that tummy?” he pulls Gus up on his feet on his thighs and leans his ear to his sides and Gus wiggles in his arms, smiling a little, holding himself by wrapping his tiny fingers in Bellamy’s curls to steady his weak composture “Oh, oh what’s that Mister Tummy? Do I hear that you’re...you’re hungry?”
“Dada!!!” Gus wiggles but he’s laughing now, for the first time today, it sounds honest, sweet, like his old self. “Dada, no!”
“No, you say little Gus?” Bellamy asks perking up at little and Gus shakes his head.
“No, dada! No hunwgy!”
“Hmm-” he presses his ear to his tummy again “But I can hear Mister Tummy complain, he needs oh what is that? You want milk? Or maybe...some biscuits?”
“No, dada.” Gus shakes his head and Bellamy pulls up his shirt and pats his stomach that had blown out a little from the lack of proper meals, making Gus’ ribs stick out by his sides and Clarke wince-it wasn’t anything you wanted to see on a child and she knew Bellamy’s eyes darkened at it too, in a much angrier manner.
“No?” Bellamy asks surprised and looks up at Gus who’s eyes are still sad but there was a sweet honest smile to his face that made Clarke’s heart clench again. “What if I told Mister Tummy and Mister Gus that I bought home something special?” he asks and reaches over to unwrap the cloth bag he always used for groceries revealing a small bottle of what Clarke knew by now was Algae refined oil, Factory’s only means of cooking any meal-it came in bottles sometimes or small metal jars looking like a white snow cream concotion in those cases, making it one of the most precious possessions in every appartment, as well as a small package of salt and some spices and...a bag of potatoes.
Now that made Aurora’s eyes widen as much as Clarke’s had-potatoes were expensive, maybe one of the most expensive goods in Factory coming even above the jerky they could only buy so much of and chocolate, which ration points had fallen since Alpha’s production of it increased during this part of the season. If Bellamy had managed to afford not just one but a small bag of what was about 6-7 potatoes that in reality wasn’t that much but was a lot for Factory, then it meant he had either agreed to work an extra day this weekend or had already done something stupidly dangerous to earn this neither of which she liked as an option.
“POTATOES!” Gus had exclaimed mouth agape, clapping his hands for a moment, happy at what he was seeing. “Dada, that’s potatoes!”
“I know, son.” Bellamy smilled kissing his tummy again, making him squirm in his arms “How would you like it if dad fried some tonight and put the special tasty herbs or added grandma’s sause, huh?” Gus was already nodding. It seemed that every Factory’s child favorite meal was french fries in comparison to Alpha’s pizza’s, burgers or donuts that most of the Factory population hasn’t even tasted once in their lives. “Would Gus like that?”
“Yes, dada, pwease!”
“Okay, come here now, give dad a big hug!” Gus threw himself in his arms again, wrapping his hands tightly behind his neck and his legs on both his sides that were still bruised even if a little better, mumbling a quiet “Thank you, dada.”
“You’re welcome, big boy.”
“You’re spoiling him.” Aurora mumbles quietly when she comes by his side and picks up the products, leaving the remaining contents of his bag on the table.
“Mom, wait, I’ll make them.” but Aurora simply waves her hand and shakes her head at him.
“You’re barely standing on your feet as it is, just get some rest.”
“Mom, I-”
“I know you can do this, I know you can take care of your son, but right now, I’m telling you that you can simply sit there and be with him and Clarke while I make the french fries, okay?” he grumps at that but lets her run her hand through his curls, lean down and kiss the top of his head motherly.
“You’re spoiling me now too.” he mumbles.
“What choice do I have, you’re my son.” she jokes but Clarke can see how warm and motherly it sounds still but she doesn’t prod about how he got it even if Clarke knew she was surprised too and decides she’ll be the one to ask later. Bellamy smiles, keeps rubbing Gus’ back until the boy slips from his arms, turns in his lap and picks up his drawing again.
“What’s that, buddy?” he asks as he stretches out his hand and gestures for Clarke with his other hand to scoot closer, which she does by moving her chair next to them and letting him sneak a hand to her waist and pull her in for a brief hug as she carefully, secretly kisses the side of her head and rubs his nose against her forehead as Gus focuses on his drawing.
“Clarke dwew me a tigew.” he mumbles as he picks up one of his pencils, the small pack that Clarke had bought him so many moons ago at the black market visit before she and Bellamy were anything close to what they were now and colors the body of the animal in orange.
“Looks really nice.” Bellamy comments as he keeps swiping the curls away from his forehead. “What else did you do today?” Gus shrugs a little, going back to his quieter self and Bellamy exchanged a worried look with Clarke “What did you and Clarke learn?”
“We read about the Earth before...pwant and animals.”
“Did you like it?” Gus nods but doesn’t elaborate “What about reading? Did you guys read the poems miss Karen sent you? Did you practice on your letters?” Gus nods and this time moves up from his place, pushing some of the papers aside and picking up his only notebook-a blue one with his name meticiously written in block letters by his father, before opening it up and stopping at the last page Gus wrote in, showing him practicing the letters K and H in both cursive and regular handwriting and Bellamy’s chest swells with pride at how good his son was doing.
“Much better than my ugly blocks, wouldn’t you say, little man?” Gus looks up and smiles some.
“They’re not ugly, dada.” he whispers “I like them.”
“Thank you, my boy.” he kisses his forehead again “Dad’s proud of you, this is really beautiful.” Gus blushes a little and looks down at his work again, much like his dad, bad at accepting a compliment and shrugging a little.
“Gus messed up a wittle hewe-” he points at a shaky line on the letter H he did and Bellamy’s heart clenches in pain-he always thought that he had to be perfect in everything, it was a quality Gina possessed-her stubborn perfection into her work, much more consistent than his haphazard yet good mechanic work, though he wasn’t far behind-he too strived to be his best, for his family, for his coworkers, but he usually failed at it and hated that Gus felt like he has to perform at the highest level every time even though he was already amazing at his studies and progressed beyond any of his peers.
“No, you didn’t.” Bellamy assured “It’s great work.” Gus shrugs a little again, not truly believing him and Bellamy looks up at Clarke for support.
“He read a few sentences on his own today.” she praises sliding her hand on Gus’ back, softly rubbing it up and down. Behind them Aurora had already cut the potatoes and the room was starting to smell like fry potatoes which in turn made Clarke’s mouth water.
“He did?” Bellamy looks up surprised before turning back to his boy “Did you do it, little man?” Gus doesn’t look up again, just nods a little “Which book did you read from?” Gus looks around the table again and moves up to grab the small hand-made book that Clarke had given him for his birthday that was 'The Giving Tree' which he had fallen in love with and asked his dad or Clarke to read it to him all the time. “Of course...your favorite at the moment.” Gus goes back to his drawing and now does the tiger’s stripes-he’s back to his quiet and sad self, refusing to really talk but never really letting go of his dad “Do you want to read some to dad?” Gus ponders for a moment, stops drawing and looks up briefly at his dad with his big sad brown-green eyes.
“Mawbe water?”
“Okay, we’ll do it later.” Bellamy strokes his head again and turns his attention back to Clarke. “Did he try to walk today?”
“Some...but he was in pain so he only took a few steps really.” she explained sadly “I need to change the bandage again but he doesn’t want me to unless you’re here too.” Bellamy knew that-Gus would only ever let Clarke look at his toes if Bellamy was here, so they changed it mostly in the morning and later in the evening when he came home.
“Okay, let’s do that now, shall we?” Clarke nods in agreement and Bellamy picks Gus up and turns him around, so they’re face to face.
“Hey, little fella, we have to take care of your foot now, okay?” he says and Gus’ look changes from indifferent and sad to scared but he purses his lips and nods. “I’ll be here the whole time, alright? Then we’ll eat fries and play some, okay?” Gus nods, shoving his fingers in his mouth like he did when he was both hungry and nervous and let his dad put him sitting on the table.
Clarke rubs his forearm gently, whispers that everything will be okay before she brings in her small bag of supplies that consisted of old cloth pieces turned bandages, the frostbite cream, some antiseptic and a needle and a thread that Gus thankfully didn’t need now.
Bellamy takes off the slippers Gus used at home as well as the two pairs of socks to keep him warm enough and the kid shivers as he does that but says nothing.
“You know what else dad got you today?” he asks Gus and the boy shakes his head, still munching on his fingers nervously. “A special something for a good boy.” Bellamy explains and Gus’ eyes grow sizes at it, the barest of excitement sparking in his eyes that follow his dad’s movement to the bag and watches him take out a small grey box.
“Dada?” he asks confused when Bellamy carefully places it in his hands.
“Look up.”
“My birthday passed, dada.” he whispers back. “Gus don’t get mow pwesents now.”
“It’s not a present, it’s more like something you need which dad got you for when you go back to day care or the playground with us.” Gus seems confused but under his dad’s nudging look he opens up the box and Clarke sees a pair of new shoes, a size bigger than the one Gus was previously wearing. She knew that his old ones were torn up at the soles and too small for him. Bellamy had tried to duck tape them to secure them into a semi-decent condition but he’s been hoping to get him a new pair for months now.
And he finally had suceeded.
Only she had no idea where he got the rations for it and she was starting to worry.
“Shoes!” Gus exclaims, clearly very happy with it. His hand hovers over them as if they’re the most precious possession but he doesn’t dare pick them up or take a better look at them. “But dada...how did you do it?” he asks and Bellamy rubs his thighs gently.
“Dad worked on fixing this special engine and he managed it so he got extra ration points.” it’s a lie or at least a half-lie, Clarke’s sure of it and even Gus seems a little surprised because he adds.
“Would you have to work Saturday again to make up fow it?” Bellamy nods with a sad smile.
“Yes, but only half a day and we can spent the afternoon together.” Gus nods more seriously now, he’s somewhat feeling both happy and sad at the same time and Clarke and Bellamy can both see it because they exchange a look before Bellamy speaks up again.
“What is it, buddy? Don’t you like them?” he asks “They’re easy to put on, no shoeslaces and they’ll fit you right up, I promise.” Gus shakes his head.
“It’s not dat, dada.” Bellamy waits a beat but Gus doesn’t add anything so he prompts him.
“Then what is it, big boy?”
“I just...wish you didn’t work that hard fow Gus.”
“Oh, son-” Bellamy pulls him up to his chest and holds him tight “I don’t work as hard, I promise. I just want you to have all the things you need because I love you.”
“I love you too, dada.” Gus whispers when they pull back “But Gus pwefews you home on Satuwday than...shoes.” Bellamy’s eyes fill up and he pulls Gus into a tight hug again. They loved each other so much it was breaking Clarke’s heart and she noticed that Bellamy got teary himself and brushed his eyes away before he faced Gus again.
“I’ll keep that in mind, big boy, I promise.” Gus smiles a little at that and stares down at the shoes once more.
“I like them, dada.”
“You do?” Bellamy asks hope returning to his voice after he worried that this isn’t what would make Gus at least a little bit happy and the kid nods eagerly “Maybe later when Clarke changes your bandages we can walk some with them around the room, huh? Or down the hallway?” Gus kind of folds into himself at that and shrugs with uncertainty.
“Gus don’t know, dada.”
“You have to start walking again, Gus. I know it will hurt at first but Clarke says you’re healing fine, so with time, it will get easier, alright?” Gus doesn’t answer just keeps his head bowed down and Bellamy sighs, once again running his hand down his head and pulling him close to give him a small kiss on the forehead before removing the shoes from his lap and giving Clarke a small nod “Okay, let’s do this.”
“Can I have Wainbow too?” Gus asks and Bellamy whispers a small “Of course” before he stands up and limps to the bed where he fishes out the colorful stuffed giraffe Clarke gave him when he was last that sick. She loved that he was enjoying the stuffed toy so much that he wouldn’t really go anywhere without it.
Bellamy lets him wrap his arms around it and push it close as Clarke approaches him and starts undoing the older bandage.
There was some blood on it from the big toe that had peeled the most hurt Gus worse than the others and Bellamy winces when he sees it, giving Clarke a concerned look but she shakes her head.
“It’s okay, it’s normal.” she promises but he doesn’t think any of what was happening to them was ever normal. He grits his teeth and tries to calm his anger down by simply giving her a nod in agreement, yet she squeezes his wrist before she takes a look at Gus’ toes. They definitely looked better than before but Bellamy couldn’t keep his eyes on them much as it hurt his heart and this was his child...his baby boy, who was in pain because the electricy went off for over twelve hours.
He focuses on Gus instead and he notices that he’s squeezing Rainbow really hard and burying his face in the toy, trying not to cry as Clarke applied the cream paste and praised him for doing so well.
Something in his chest twists and he takes Clarke’s hand in his gently stopping her.
“Wait a moment, will you?” he asks of her and she nods despite being surprised by his interruption “Gus, will you look at me, son?” he asks and it takes a moment before Gus unwraps himself from his tight grip around the toy and looks up, resting his chin atop Rainbow’s head. “Are you trying not to cry because of us?” Gus ponders a little and avoids his dad's eyes
“Gus, please look at me-” Bellamy insists, using his serious dad voice now that Clarke knew Gus never argued against and indeed now the kid looks up all big bright eyes filled with pain and misery “I know you hurt now, son, but if you’re trying to hide your pain away from us to protect us, you don’t have to do it, do you understand me?” Gus furrows his little eyebrows at his dad’s explanation “You don’t need to be strong all the time, okay?”
“Why not?” he counters surprising both Clarke and Bellamy “You do it all the time, dada.”
“That’s not true, Gus.”
“Yes, it is. You hide pain. You huwt all the time but you don’t cry.” Gus continues, raising his voice a little and Clarke hears Aurora turn around too, probably worried when she heard the argument but the pan was still sizzling which meant her focus was elsewhere. “You never cwy.”
“Of course I do.” he insists “I cry all the time when it hurts me too much.” Gus doesn’t seem convinced so Bellamy continues “I just don’t do it when you’re here because I don’t want you to worry, but I cry, you can ask grandma and Clarke, they have seen me.” Gus looks at Clarke who nods a little. “You can’t swallow your pain down, Gus.” Bellamy insists “If you do...it will turn into this dark horrible thing that you carry inside you all the time. It’s like...a monster of sorts, that makes you angry and sad. And I know you’re sad now, son and it’s okay to be sad too just...I need you to know that you can cry or whimper or scream if it’s too much and not be ashamed to do so, okay?”
Gus ponders on it for a moment.
“But you’re so strong, dada.”
“There’s strength in the tears too, there’s strength in showing your pain, okay?” Bellamy keeps on and Gus, the smart boy that he was, seems to be thinking over his words and letting them sink in a little “I’m sorry that I made you think otherwise. I’m sorry that you thought you have to just take it all the time without showing any emotion. That is not the right thing.”
“You really cwy?” Gus asks carefully.
“Yes I do.”
“It urts you?” Gus asks again and Bellamy nods “It urts you like it urts me?”
“Yes.” Bellamy admits and feels like they’re finally making some break through after all the days since the accident. Gus needed to have this conversation, obviously, as painful as it was.
“Dada-” he asks next and Clarke uses the distraction of their conversation to wrap his toes and foot gently. “Will I...Will Gus limp forever like you?” she suddenly stops her work upon hearing that and feels Bellamy freeze next to her.
She watches him clench his jaw in a desperate attempt to probably force himself not to break down as he looked into Gus’ sad eyes and then finally cleared his throat and spoke up.
“No, son. Where did you get this idea?” Gus shrugs a little. “You will heal, you already are healing, you will be okay. It is not a permanent thing, alright?”
“And it will stop hurting?”
“Yes, it will, Gus. It will all go away and you will walk like before.” he turns to Clarke and adds “Right?”
“Absolutely.” Clarke promises as she finishes his bandage and pats his knee “You will recover, Gus.” it seemed like depiste them already talking about it and telling him everything will be alright, he didn’t believe it, especially since it took him longer to heal up “You need to try and walk and eat, though, okay? Your body needs the strength to help the wounds close faster so your toes feel better, alright?”
“You’ll try to eat for us, right, Gus?” Bellamy asks and the kids nods.
“Gus just don’t feel much like it, dada.”
“I know, but you need to.” Gus ponders a little, seemingly still lost in thoughts and Bellamy prompts him “Do you have other questions? Something you want to ask us?”
“If Gus gotta eat mow to get better...does that mean if you eat mow your leg will heal too, dada?” Bellamy winces at that and bows his head down for a moment feeling Clarke’s hand on his elbow squeezing it tightly.
“It doesn’t really work like that, Gus.” Clarke answers for him but Bellamy gives her a look suggesting that he’s got that.
“My injury is different, Gus.” he tries explaining “It can’t really...get better, okay?” Gus’ face falls at that and his eyes well with tears which makes Bellamy wince “But that’s why I got Clarke here and grandma and you too, helping me out when I’m tired or in pain, okay?” Gus doesn’t seem to like this answer.
“You’ll always huwt then, dada?” he asks and Bellamy swallows hard.
“I...yes, I will.” Bellamy admits, not really wanting to lie to his son after everything they’ve been through. “But I will be okay. It’s not always that hard, it doesn’t always hurt.” he lies and Clarke knows that he does but she just doesn’t have it in her to say anything so she just looks away for a moment trying to compose herself.
“Dada...” he begins again but stops himself as if wondering wheather or not he should actually keep going “You got huwt because...because that group...wanted better things for us?”
“Yes...yes that’s right.” Bellamy answers, furrowing his eyebrows a little, not sure that he gets where Gus was going with that “But we’ve talked about how what they did wasn’t the right way, remember?”
“Because they bombed the squawe?”
“Yes.”
“And others got huwt...not just Alpha or wolves but us too?” Bellamy nods.
“They didn’t have the right...the right approach, the better way of doing things. Remember how we’ve talked that when someone teases you at school, you can’t fight back, you have to be smart and strong, defend yourself in other ways, maybe using your words, rather than your fists?” Gus nods a little but his mind is obviously somewhere else.
“They were...killed those people, right, dada? Floated?” Bellamy nods and Gus keeps staring somewhere at the floor before he speaks up again “And me and my fwiends and Jowdan too...we got huwt because electricity stopped?”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“But...electricity stops every night, right?” Bellamy nods again “But only in Factory and Farm, not in Alpha. It was warm when we were in Clarke’s place.”
“Yes, son.” then Gus finally looks up and stares into Bellamy’s eyes, confusion but also frustration written all over his face.
“Why, dada?” he asks and Clarke sees Bellamy’s hands fall to his lap and him swallow hard “Why is it bad for us but not for them?” Clarke didn’t envy Bellamy right now-how does he exlpain to a four year old kid who’s just coming to realize what it means to actually live in Factory?
“It’s...it’s complicated, Gus.” Bellamy says not sure how to continue really and Clarke sees with her periphery vision that Aurora takes the pan off the hot plate and brings in three steaming plates of french fries covered in some herbs with her special kutchup-like sauce on the side, placing them before them.
“Gus-” she calls him out as she sits down on the only empty chair and smiles softly at her grandson, reaching out to cup his cheek “You know your dad used to ask me the same questions you’re doing now and I didn’t always know how to answer.” he looks at her curiously and Bellamy exhales a little at her intervening as well, not sure he could’ve handled it on his own. Clarke herself had absolutely no idea what to say to Gus’ question either and she, least of all, could explain how come Alpha was so much better off than Factory. “I used to ask my dad too why we starved while Alpha thrived back when I was your age.” Aurora continues patiently.
“Weally?”
“Yes. And the truth is...the more you grow up the more you’ll ask yourself these things and why certain stations are worse off than others. That is after all what these people who bombed the square were trying to understand too and provoke the chancellor to change it.”
“But he didn’t?”
“No, he didn’t. It only got worse for us because violence is not the way.” Aurora continues “You remember how you learned about the stations coming together for the Unity Days celebrations, right?” Gus nods reaching out mindlessly to pick up a french fry and pop it in his mouth, which made Bellamy very happy and he pushed the plate closer to Gus, who immideately reached for another before having even chewed the first one properly.
“They all came to be from diffewent contwies that inhabitit the Eawth?”
“That’s right. And countries back then were much like what the Ark is now-some were poorer than others, some had doctors and others didn’t, some had electricity and others only used candles.” Gus ponders about that for a while.
“But the stowy says that when the Ark came togethew we were all to be the same.”
“That’s right, son-” Bellamy chimes in now too as he watches Gus stuff his mouth with the potatoes and feels his heart finally ease a little in his chest. He wouldn’t touch that plate, wouldn’t eat for days if it meant his son would go back to his healthier habits.”But it didn’t really work that way.”
“It’s not faiw.” Gus finally says after thinking a little bit on his dad and grandma’s words “Rait, dada?”
“No, it isn’t, son but...there is hope.” he looks up at Clarke and his mom.
“Howpe?”
“Yes. We may not be able to change the system but we can still fight it and not in a violent way like the Arrowheads. People...change-there are kind and decent men and women on Alpha, like Clarke-” Gus turns to her and she smiles at him, rubbing his leg up and down softly “They understand the inequality and want to help us. There are kinder guards too, not all of them are wolves. There are...people who try their best despite the way our system works to erase the line separating us.” Gus looks up at his dad and he leans down to kiss his forehead “Dad tries too, even if he isn’t too great at it. One day...I hope for you to be able to do the same-to help others or work something that you enjoy but that helps everyone regardless of their station.”
“I will, dada.” Gus says enthusiastically “Gus will be a doctor!” he exclaims patting his now greasy, covered in spices hands, his adorable face messy with the red sause but his eyes beaming with a light that hadn’t been present in the past week. “Gus will help othews laik Clarke.”
“Whatever you want, son.” Bellamy assures rubbing his head softly and pushing him to his chest “Dad, grandma and Clarke-” he looks up at her with another smile “We’ll always be here to support you, okay?”
“Awkay, dada.”
“Never let your spark go out, kid. Always remember to be kind, to be good. No matter how hard it gets, this is what matters, do you understand?” Bellamy adds and Gus turns around a little covering his chest with his tiny hand and smiling some.
“Like you, dada?”
“I’m not always right or good, but I try. I don’t want you to be like me, Gus-” at that the kid furrows his eyebrows a little in confusion and Bellamy pushes the curls away from his forehead “I want you you to be yourself, okay? To make your own path in life and do what you feel is right in your heart.” he pats Gus chest next and the kid looks down at his dad’s patched up finger on himself. “Even if what you want disagrees with my opinion.”
“Awkway, dada.” Gus agrees and Clarke smiles as she watches them-Bellamy loved his boy so much it was unreal but Gus too adored his dad to the point where watching them have a conversation like this brought Clarke to tears and she had to look away and brush at them a little, hoping no one would catch her even if she did notice Aurora giving her a look.
“Now you won’t get to do any of this if you don’t eat, so come on, dad wants to see you finish this plate.” Bellamy turns his attention back to the food and Gus picks up another potato from the half-destroyed plate.
“What about you,dada?”
“Dad will eat too, here-” he picks one and munches on it but Clarke and Aurora exchange a look, knowing well-enough he’s simply trying to distract the kid, so Clarke moves her chair closer and elbows him in the ribs a little, pushing her plate in his direction.
“You won’t get away with this, Bellamy. You eat too.” she insists. He rolls his eyes in pretend annoyance but sneaks his hand to hers and squeezes her fingers.
“And you won’t get away with it either, princess.” he whispers seriously.
“Dada, when we eat can we play doctow some?” Gus asks almost finishing his plate and looking up at both Clarke and Bellamy whose faces were so close and itching for a kiss but that split away the moment the kid turned his attention back to them. Sneaking around was harder than they had thought and the only time they could kiss and hold each other or...like this morning when Bellamy pumped her in with his fingers after moving Gus to his own bed, were...a rarity. Especially in this past week when Gus insisted he slept with them, refused to let go of his dad and only after he was sound asleep could they move closer and kiss or simply hold each other. It’s not that Gus was a burden, on the contrary, Clarke loved waking up feeling his warmth and small soft baby breath on her neck, it was that they had to hide it from him. In a way there was a thrill in it but mostly Clarke and she was sure Bellamy too, wanted to be free in expressing their emotions.
They knew they had to talk to him soon about it, but they were being patient in and had decided to wait until he recovers and feels a little better before they shook his already unstable world.
“Yes we can, sweet face.” Clarke answers for Bellamy who is too stunned at the kid’s request, finally seeing some of his old behavior reappear and being utterly lost at words “In fact, you can help me take a look at dad and his leg, listen to his lungs and check his cough, how about that?”
“Yes, Clarke, Gus will help!”
“What are you two now-ganging up on poor old me?” Bellamy jokes as he buries his nose in Gus’ curls and rubs against his head while his fingers move to his sides and tickle him. His plate was now empty and Bellamy carefully nudged the other one in his direction, hoping the kid would eat more while his mom shook her head at him while fixing a shirt that she had brought over for Clarke to mend. She had been coming every day, showing Clarke some stitches and bringing in clothes for her to work on as a way of getting rations on her behalf too. She still didn’t have an ID, Bellamy knew it’d be months probably before the Ark approved of one, if they did, but she got at least temporary papers that he had brought in the other night which didn’t guarantee or give her any privilleges but at least she wasn’t an absolute ghost in this station.
They stated she applied for citizentship in Factory station but he knew that in cases like hers the paperwork was dragged on purpose, so people who were punished the way she was, would have no way of receiving rations or working at all. If she was to marry someone then the documents and new IDs would be done the same day but now...now he knew Alpha was going to drag this for as long as they could, leaving Clarke helpless.
Well...not totally helpless, he was here and so was Aurora. She brought her clothes and with the rations Clarke earned she earned a bowl of algae which was something in these conditions. He knew Clarke wasn’t happy about it, she always wanted to do more, to be of a better help to them and despite his reassurances he knew she felt bad.
And he had every intentions of changing it or at least convincing her that things will look up, they just needed time.
Just as Bellamy is about to force Clarke to eat some too, there’s a knock on the door and all three of them jump in their seats a little. Gus immideatelly wraps his arms around his dad’s neck in a dead-defying grip and Bellamy glances at his mom who furrows his eyebrows.
“Are you expecting someone?” she asks and Bellamy shakes his head when the knock continues, frantically, reminding him of the guards that forced themselves into his home and beat the crap out of him in front of his son.
“Dada!” Gus whimpers in his ear and Bellamy simply wraps his arm tight around the kid as he forces himself up on his feet.
“Don’t worry, kiddo, everything will be fine.”
“Bellamy-” Clarke tries too but he shoots her a look.
“Stay where you are, princess.” it doesn’t come as an order, more like a plead, hoping she won’t be stubborn enough to try and fight him on it and thankfully though she was half-up, she recognizes the desperation in his voice and sits back down.
Bellamy carefully walks to the door and wraps his arm around the handle.
Part 37 of the single!dad Bellamy fic is posted! Here are the people who asked to be tagged (if you want to be removed please let me know): @pendragaryen, @takamurasposts, @star-sky-earth, @blakecholls, @theturquoiseoillady, @sarcasticcommentsetc, @peggysousfan, @whiteoleander, @chickens474; (I unfortunately can't tag everyone as some new Tumblr rule forbids me to do so! Sorry!)
(moodboard by @star-sky-earth):
The way home is much harder than he aniticipated. He has to stop all the time and the guards positioned out in all the hallways and smaller intersections, watching him and the other workers intently, weren’t helping things.
Every time he tried to take a break and lean on a wall or support himself somewhere, he got a scowl from one of them, an angry grunt or a “Keep moving, mechanic” that forced him despite his pain to keep going.
He coughed a lot but the more he approached his home, the better the air was but also the colder it got. It was such a big difference from the heat and stuffy air on the level to being here in the compartment hallways.
And that scared him and made him walk faster-if it was that cold out here, then it was even worse at their place and Clarke and Gus, God...
Clarke and Gus-
He hobbled over and fell to his knees, not once but twice. Sometimes some of the workers passing by helped him move up and he hated it though he couldn’t have done it without them, other times he just touched the wall with his hand and cursed his stubborness-Clarke had been right, he should’ve used the crutch more-his leg felt like it was burning from top to bottom and it kept buckling underneath him, refusing to hold his weight. That and the cut under his knee wasn’t helping things either-he knew he was leaving a trail of blood behind him but he couldn’t care.
He had to get home.
Finally, he burst through the doors and upon sensing the freezing air that made his breath come out in small white clouds, he pancked.
“CLARKE!” he called out “Clarke! Gus!” he coughed again, this time not because the air was too hot like in the site of the accident but because it was so sharpingly cold that it made his lungs contract painfully. “Clarke, I’m here!” he called out as he started limping to the bathroom.
He opened the door up with a bang and what he saw made him stop abruptly.
There they were, Clarke was curled up on the matress with his back to him, dressed up in the jacket he left her with and three of the blankets on top of her with a smaller lump pressed to her chest on one side and to the pipes on the other. The air was so cold he could see the mirror has frozen and there was some frost on the walls around him, except for the place where the pipes were just above Clarke and Gus.
This was bad. This was worse than ever before, he realized.
“Clarke! Gus!” he ran to them as much as he could, all pain in his leg forgotten, his cough ignored despite it being there, shaking his body. He didn’t matter, not now, all he had to make sure was they were fine.
He kneeled right next to her and grabbed her shoulder shaking it maybe a little too harsh.
“Clarke! Clarke, wake up! Clarke!” he saw her face was as white as the sheets underneath them and when he picked it up in his hands, he found it freezing cold. She had pressed Gus to her chest, pushed him under the big sweater and her shirt, undressed him so they could exchange body heat, so she could keep him warm and Bellamy couldn’t even get a good sight of his boy “Clarke! Clarke, oh god, no, come on, wake up!” he patted her cheeks but there was no responce and he felt his eyes fill with tears “Clarke! Clarke, please, Clarke! Gus! Gus, son-” he put his hand on his head and felt it warm, much warmer than Clarke’s but his boy wasn’t moving either.
In panic, he picked them up in his arms and held them tight, patting Clarke’s cheek gently. Then he leaned closer and felt her breath coming out of her mouth despite it being shallow and uneven and then his fingers slid to her throat and found a pulse-weak but again, it was there and he exhaled.
They were alive.
They didn’t freeze to death.
But they were bad, they were really bad.
“Clarke, Clarke, please wake up!” he begged as he held her close to his chest and moved his hands up and down her arms and back trying to warm her up “Come on, princess, don’t give up on me now.” he was begging so hard as if she could actually hear him. He looked around and saw all the bottles that he’d warmed up were sprayed around them but were frozen now and the electric blanket was cold upon him touching it. God knows how and when they lost any source of meager heat. “Clarke! Please, please, come on, don’t give up on me now, you’re more stubborn than that, princess!” he leaned over and kissed her forehead holding her tight in his arms and begging whatever was out there in the universe to please not take her away from him.
And then-
A cough.
“Bellamy, you’re going to suffocate me.” he hears her say weakly and when he pulls away he finds her eyes barely open, staring up ahead drowsily, tiredly but they were opened, she was alive.
“Oh, thank god!” he cried out, seeing his tears fall freely from his cheeks down on hers making her blink a few times “Thank god!” he kept mumbling and before he could stop himself, he leaned over again and kissed her on the lips. They were freezing cold against his but it seemed that this act alone made her warmer and soon enough she kissed him back slowly, softly.
When he pulls away he cups her cheek and moves her up in his arms.
“You’re...you’re home.”
“We fixed it.” he says with a gentle smile, all events from last night rushing back into his brain only for him to push them back again-none of this mattered but her and Gus. “How is he?”
“He’s cold...very cold. I stripped him of his clothes and pushed him to my chest to wram him up but Bellamy I think that-” she looks down on Gus who remains unmoving “It’s bad. We need to wram him up, his feet are frozen.” Bellamy feels his hear trump in his chest and he carefully moves Clarke up and presses her against the pipes, feeling as they were growing hotter now, even warming up the wall around it. Soon enough he knew the electricity would swarm through all of Factory-he had to get up and take care of them, make sure they got better.
He carefully peels off the blankets from her and Gus, unzips her jacket and gives her an apologetic looks when he does so, noticing her wince a little and cough herself but when his hand moves to pull the sweater up and he sees Gus’ tiny feet pressed to her side he loses his breath for a moment.
“Clarke-” he calls out to her and she leans forward her arms still wrapped around Gus tiny body around his back, pressing him to her chest in a death grip that had no undoing. “Clarke, his toes-” he picks up Gus’ feet and Clarke gasps when she sees the redness covering his feet-his first, second and third finger were an angry bright red, swollen and puffy and it went all the way like this to almost the middle of his little foot.
“Frostbite.” she whispers when she touches it herself and her movement from Gus’ back sends the kid wiggling in her arms. “He has frostbite, Bellamy.” she looks at him and meets his eyes, finding him in shock-he was so scared, the same way he was when Gus was sick and he came begging for her help “Look at the other one, come on-” she urges him, sending him into action knowing that this was the only way she could snap him out of it.
Bellamy pulls her clothes away and carefully takes Gus other foot in his hand lifting it up enough so they could both see it under the light coming from the small lamp that remained in the corner, batteries almost running out.
Bellamy sighs a little relieved when he doesn’t find anything too scary on his other foot-it was a little red and cold but his toes were fine.
“We need to check him out-” Bellamy mumbles “And you, we have to make sure you’re...you’re fine. I’ll-” he covers Gus and her back with the blankets and tries to stand up but he sways so violently he almost falls on top of them.
Then her eyes fall on his leg and sees the blood on his pant leg.
“You’re hurt!” she exclaims and finally takes a better look at him seeing him covered in saw and dirty from head to toe, barely breathing but still struggling to do his best.
“I’m okay.” he cuts her off “I’ll go turn the heating on, then I’ll come for you guys, alright. Just...try to keep up a few more minutes.” he begs and before she can protest, he’s already limping outside.
He’s panicking, dying on the inside but he cannot do this-he can’t be weak now so instead, he gets into action-he turns all radiators on to the highest possible point, not caring if he’ll have to pay extra rations for that, then turns all the lamps and heats up water in a big pot on the stove since the hot water from the sink hasn’t gotten to a higher degree yet and he also puts in some formula because he knows he’ll need to feed Gus, that it may even help him warm up.
When he goes back to the bathroom he finds Clarke dozing off again and he carefully undoes the blankets and the jackets again and picks Gus up in his arms first.
“Here you go, my boy, here you go, easy-”he takes Gus’ frozen limp body in his arms and the kid stirs for the first time but doesn’t wake up. He’s so small in this moment, so tiny in his arms just like when he was as a baby-he’s curled up on himself and he doesn’t even shake which means the cold had taken all control of his body.
Bellamy commands himself to be strong as he carefully takes him back to the now much warmer living room. He puts him on the bed under the blankets and places six hot water bottles around him before going back for Clarke.
She’s not much better and she’s coughing loudly and sickeningly, mirroring his own state, which scares him even more.
“Bellamy-” she says through ragged breaths, her fingers, her toes, her face-she’s all so damn cold.
“Shh, princess, I’ll take care of you, I promise.” he gently pushes her on the bed next to Gus and brings more hot water bottles, almost falling in the process of doing so.
“Bellamy, we need to take care of this cut.” she tries but he shakes his head.
“It’s good, it doesn’t hurt and it’s not deep.” he lies pushing her down “Please don’t move, you have to warm up.” but Clarke’s relentless and tries to move on her elbows though she’s barely able to before she falls on the pillows with a thud. It’s much warmer now in the room and he knew soon enough they’d feel a little better but after a night like this, the chill didn’t leave your body for days after. Clarke was already weakened from not eating enough and trying to adjust to the Factory station conditions-if she got worse now, if she got sick, he would never forgive himself.
“Bellamy-”
“Clarke, please!” he begs her pushing her down again and bringing in the big duvet, adjusting it over both her and Gus. The kid hasn’t moved at all since Bellamy found them and he was scared senseless but he was pushing all his panic down and forcing himself to just keep going.
He was filling in the bottle of formula when Gus stirs and cries out, sending Bellamy rushing there in a second.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, my boy, it’s okay!” the kid struggles under the blankets and tosses left and right before he looks up at his dad all confused and somewhat delusional. “Hey, Gus, I’m here.”
“Dada?” he asks and Bellamy exhanges a look with Clarke as he feels Gus’ forehead.
“He seems feverish.” he tells her just as confused-the kid was cold up until half an hour ago and now he was burning up like when he was sick.
“That’s the frostbite-” she tells him after another cough shakes her too “Side-effect.”
“Dada, I’m cold!” Gus cries out, he’s so scared and shaky that it breaks Bellamy’s heart “Dada!” he reaches out with his tiny arms and Bellamy picks him up immideately, deciding that he himself was warm enough to keep him there but still throwing one of the blankets on top ot the boy’s tiny shoulders.
“I know, I know you are son but we’ll warm you right up, okay?”
“Dada, please hold me!” he begs “Don’t let me go!”
“I won’t, I promise that I won’t.” Gus speech comes slurred and his head hangs over Bellamy’s shoulder-the boy’s limp in his arms, very weak and when Clarke sits up and shakes the dizzyness off herself with a shake of her head, he doesn’t stop her.
“We need to check him up, see if there’s any more of this.” she whispers sitting up in bed and pulling the blanket down a little. Gus whimpers immideately and wraps his arms tighter around his dad’s neck.
“Hey, it’s okay we just need to see how you're doing, kiddo.” Bellamy whispers stroking his head over and over again. Gus doesn’t say anything but just whimpers when Clarke pulls up at his clothes, checks his back, his butt, his arms, then Bellamy pulls him away and tugs the shirt on the front to see his chest and stomach. Gus cries now, begs them to stop and Bellamy’s heart breaks when they do this to him but he had no other way of checking him out.
“Hey, Gus, can you tell me what hurts?” Clarke asks carefully when the kid is a little calmer in his dad’s arm for just a moment. The tears keep streaming down his face, he’s lying in Bellamy’s chest in a baby-like position, gripping his shirt with his fingers and burying his face in his chest.
“My foot.” he mumbles “My foot urts, dada!” he tells Bellamy and he grips him tighter.
“I know, son, we’ll wrap it up and make it better, okay?” he looks at Clarke for confirmation “Doctor Clarke will fix it. She can fix anything, you know? She’s the best doctor on the ark.” Bellamy keeps rambling rocking Gus a little in his arms while Clarke stands up, wobbly herself and heads to grab some bandages and that oil that she brought ages ago for when she wrapped his wounds after the bombings. Bellamy had kept it hidden in the corner and not used it, leaving it for emergencies like this one.
“Here, you go, baby boy.” she comes back and sits by Bellamy and Gus. The kid’s whiny, sad, annoyed, all at once. The night had been horrible for them and he was in pain and anxious all at once.
Clarke wraps his fingers one by one and Gus squirms and begs in his dad’s arms, wanting to be released and when it gets to be too much Bellamy reaches and grabs Clarke’s hand.
“Wait...give him a moment.” he begs and picks Gus up, walks to the stove and takes the bottle of formula he had filled. He talks to him in Tagalog now, soothing him, rubbing his hand up and down his tummy and making him quiet down. Gus is still anxious and scared but he settles, especially when Bellamy gives him the bottle and he starts sucking on it.
The room is warm enough now that his bare foot out in the open is not such a problem and Clarke watches as Bellamy walks around the room with Gus and rocks him carefully as the kid ate.
And then...then he sang.
He leaned his back against the kitchen sink, held him, stared at him and he sang. It was quiet, gentle, his voice was hoarse and steady despite the tears in his eyes-Clarke couldn’t understand the words, they weren’t English but they were soft and they threatened to put even her to sleep.
She was mesmerized by seeing him there like this, holding his son against his chest, feeing him and singing to him-he was covered in dirt from head to toe, hadn’t even had the chance to clean or wash himself up but he was there for her, for his son.
Gus’ body got limp in his arms and soon enough the kid was asleep, so Bellamy carefully maneuvered him back to the bed, to her and watched as she finished wrapping his leg.
“What will happen to him?” he asks quietly, voice breaking now.
“We have to keep it warm and wrap it up like this, give him some pills for the fever and not let him walk on it until it gets better.” she explains as she finishes up the bandage and carefully puts the sock back on Gus’ foot. “There’s this special paste for frostbite. If we can get it somehow, it’ll help him heal faster.”
“I’ll find the rations.” he promises tightening his grip on Gus’s body “They should pay me some tomorrow and I’ll get it right away.”
“Bellamy-”
“Do you think it’s expensive?” he cuts her off before she can argue with him.
“Not that much, I don’t know. Maybe at least fifty points.” he swallows hard at that-this would probably be the amount he’d get tomorrow which meant if he spent it all on medicine, he couldn’t bring any food home.
But maybe he could get to work and earn extra, at least enough to bring a warm dinner for Clarke and Gus. Yes, he’d do that. Sinclair’s plan to let him rest would have to be put on hold-this wasn’t happening, not until both of them were better.
“Do you think that he’ll lose....that he’ll-” Clarke grabs his arm and squeezes it tightly, looking into his eyes, expression determined and set on figuring this out.
“No.” she insists “I won’t let that happen.” Bellamy almost whimpers when she says this but he hides his pain away from her, bows down and kisses Gus’ forehead as he kept a tight grip on him and whispered reassurances in his ear, even though he was asleep.
Clarke reaches over and picks his face in her cold hands.
“Hey-” she strokes the dark circles under his eyes and forces him to come out in the open instead of hide away from here “We’ll figure this out, Bellamy.” she assures him “Together.” he smiles a little and leans forward just as she did as if he could read her thoughts and when their lips collided she felt safe for the first time since last night. He moved his hand to cup her cheek too and when they pulled away because both of them were coughing now, he rubbed his nose against hers she felt his breath fan her lips.
“Clarke-” his voice came out a little more broken than he probably intended to but he stared into her eyes again before he continued “Thank you. For keeping him safe.”
Clarke felt her whole being light up at that, despite all the pain, despite her body shaking all frozen to her bones, despite the shiver that ran down her spine and the fact that she just had the most horrible night of her life.
“You know I always will.” she smiled as she said it and he exhaled, having held his breath this entire minute, wondering if he maybe said or did the wrong thing and then he leaned in for another kiss.
This one was messy, too damn messy but it was filled with love and passion. It’s like this entire time they couldn’t truly breathe without each other, their bodies freezing not just from the cold but the fact that they were separated and only now were they truly coming together-igniting the fire in them back up and bringing each other to life.
They kissed like this for a while, a little awkwardly, a little too messily since none of them were in a good physical condition, until Gus stirred in Bellamy’s arms and they both pulled away at the same time.
She coughed a little again and he furrows his eyebrows.
“Lay back down, rest. I’ll wash up and make food.”
“No, you’re hurt-” she tries to stop him and gestures at his leg “I have to patch it up.”
“It’s not a big deal” he promises squeezing her hand as he easily overpowers her to lay back down on the bed and gently puts Gus next to her, covering both of them with the blankets.
They were much warmer now, he could tell by just touching them but he still adjusted the blankets on both their sides and kissed their foreheads before standing up and heading for the bathroom.
He leaned on the sink and breathed heavily, trying to let everything that had just happened to him today sink through-he was bone tired but he had to keep pushing, it was just the beginning of the day and he had to take care of Clarke and Gus, put all his efforts and strength there, so he could get to work tomorrow and figure it out.
His son was hurt...so hurt-frostburn was something Bellamy never wanted to happen to him and yet it had.
He let his tears roll and fall in the sink as he leaned over and pushed his shirt off his head.
For a moment he couldn’t breathe, not because he was hurt or because of all the bad air he’s inhaled today but because his son almost froze to death, the woman that he loved was passed out from the horrible conditions in the station and he pushed himself to his limits to fix a giant engine, so they can get warm again yet he’s never felt more helpless in his life.
He takes out his clothes as he feels the anxiety bloom in his chest and when he turns on the shower, he cries so they wouldn’t hear him-he breaks down in a way that he hasn’t since Gina had died but he knew he had to do it now, here, so when he left the bathroom, he could go back outside and be the person that they needed him to be.
Somehow his tears won’t stop, though-it’s like a river pouring out of him, even when he puts on his shirt, even when he sits on the toiilet lid and wraps his leg in a tight handmade bandage after pouring some moonshine on it-it wasn’t that deep, he thought, he wouldn’t bother Clarke with it-all he had to do was hide it.
Hide all of his pain away, cover himself in big ragged clothes and push forward for his son whose toes and foot were frozen, for Clarke who was now coughing much like him.
All clean and freshened up, he comes back to the room now much warmer than it has probably been all week and checks on them-Gus is sound asleep, curled up with his back to Clarke’s side and she’s spooning him, her hand thrown over the baby boys' middle. Bellamy gives them a fond look and strokes their heads as he kneels down to place gentle kisses on their foreheads.
He decides to check if there’s something in his ration’s card-it was Monday, so something from last week’s work must’ve come through and he carefully slips in his shoes and throws on his jacket. This time, though, without shame, he takes his crutch-he wouldn’t be that stupid to pass out somewhere in the hallway outside, not when others depended on him.
There’s a machine in each bigger hallway where you could swipe your card and check your balance before going in the mess hall and when Bellamy does it, his eyes widen a little-he had fifty, exactly as much as he’d need for Gus’ frostbite medicine.
But that meant nothing would be left for food and they were literally out of bean cans or formula. And then he hears a familiar voice come from behind him, a soft hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
“Bellamy?” he turns around to find his mom, staring up at him worriedly but also relieved, she throws herself in his arms and squeezes him tightly “Oh, thank God! I was so worried when the electricity stopped last night, I knew they’d call you out to help.”
And then the dam that has been threatening to burst for weeks now, finally does.
“Mom-” he cries out and buries his head in her shoulder “Oh, mom-” he allows himself to sob this time-this big supposedly strong man collapses into his mom’s arms and hides in her chest, crying like a baby.
“Bellamy, oh, son-” she runs her hand through his curly hair “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here, it’s alright.” he tightens his grip on her and hopes they don’t attract any attention because right now, he’s ashamed of himself, ashamed of his weakness. He could do better but all he managed to was cry his ass out and fail to provide enough for his son. “It’s okay, what happened, Bellamy?” she pulls his head away and cups his face, wiping the tears from his face. He’s flushed and shy just like Gus got when he was embarrassed but Aurora simply stands on her toes, kisses his forehead and takes his good hand.
“Come on, come here, let’s talk.” she helps him to the nearest bench and they both sit down his mom’s hand never leaving his. For a moment he feels guilty that he never thought about her last night-that his focus was solely on Gus and Clarke or saving Miller or fixing the engine and not her.
“Are you...are you okay, mom?” he asks as the guilt crawls through his entire self.
“Am I okay?” she asks confused “Bellamy, I’m not the one having a breakdown in the middle of the Factory hallways.” he looks around whips his head left and right to check if there are many people going around but the place is surprisingly empty.
“Why is there no one going to work?”
“Didn’t you hear? The councilmen announced a day off for everyone this morning so we could...as he so eloquiently said-recuperate.” Bellamy huffs at that and wipes at his teary eyes, brushing them away with the back of his jacket and coughing a little “What happened? Talk to me.” she prompts him and he winces a little as he begins telling her everything from Miller getting hurt last night to coming home and finding Clarke and Gus in the bathroom, to his boy getting frostbite.
“How bad is it?” she asks trying to keep her voice steady but he could see she’s angry too.
“A few toes, his first ones and half of his leg.”
“Has the skin peeled off?”
“Yeah...a little.”
“Anywhere else, his fingers or his hands? His face?” he shakes his head and Aurora exhales at that. “And Clarke?”
“No, she’s okay...just very cold and coughing somewhat but I’ll give her some of my syrup.” Aurora nods and squeezes his hand again but he’s too ashamed to look up at her-feeling like he failed her as well because she raised him to do better, to take better care of his family.
“You’ll need the Frostbite paste for him.” she announces and he whips his head surprised at her “It costs fifty ration points.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you needed it too when you were a kid.” his mouth drops a little and she gives him a serious look “What? You don’t think you had gone through that as well? Bellamy, almost every child in Factory suffers from frostbite.”
“But...I don’t remember it.”
“You were a baby, your dad had just passed and one night they turned the electricity off without any of us expecting it to. I was asleep with you in bed I didn’t even notice at first until I woke up hours later and you were so cold, I thought you were dead.” his eyes widen at that realizing just now that his mom, as always has gone through the same things he was as a parent “Your fingers and your toes almost all got red and started peeling.”
“How did you...how did you get the rations?” it’s her turn to look away for a moment before she lifts her head up and juts her chin proudly.
“I did what I had to, Bellamy.” and he winces as he hears her voice and looks away-he knew...of course he knew, he wasn’t stupid. He’s reminded of that time the guards thought he was Clarke’s stripper when they went to Alpha because so many politicians or rich folks would hire poor factory men or women for sex and pleasure just for a meager amount of rations. For them fifty points was nothing, absolutely nothing, they could throw them in the wind in a second and not think about it twice but for Aurora, for Bellamy, it was the difference between their child being crippled and getting better.
He knew his mom had done it, or at least suspected so but they’ve never really talked about it until after Gina’s death when Bellamy was very desperate for rations and was about to offer himself the same way his mom had before.
There was a place to go for so you can be picked out-a small hallway in GoSci that the guards avoided. Everyone knew about it but nobody did anything for it-prostitution was officially forbidden on the Ark or so the law said but it may be the only one that was broken most often and nothing, absolutely nothing was done about it.
As it suited the politicians on the Ark.
Aurora had caught Bellamy then, found him, dragged him back home and given him a speech-he wouldn’t repeat her fate. She’d help him with food, with formula, they’d take extra shifts, they’d manage but not this...never this, she said.
He had felt like a teenage boy caught sneaking around then but had agreed with a careful quiet nod. It was different times then though-he had strength then, he wasn’t hurt-now...now he was at a loss.
“I know that and I’m grateful but I wish you didn’t have to.” Aurora scoots closer to him and wraps her bony arm around his waist rubbing his back gently.
“We all do what we have to do for our children.” she says softly and looks up at him carefully “It will be okay, Bellamy. He will recover.”
“I wish he didn’t have anything to recover from in the first place, mom.” Bellamy blurts out maybe a little angirly and forces himself to breathe and tame his anger but it just turns into yet another cough that shakes his entire being and he hates it all. “I wish he didn’t live here...have all this pain in his life.”
“Nobody wants their child to be in pain, Bellamy but whether he’s in Alpha or Factory, you cannot raise him in a glass box and prevent him from ever interracting with the world-he will run like every kid, fall down and get scrapes, he will get sick with the flu, he will get cold and maybe have frostbite.”
“Alpha children don’t get frostbite.”
“But we aren’t them, never have been, never will be.” Aurora says a little more sternly, bringing him back to reality “You’re angry and I understand that-you watch your son and you see him suffer but let me remind you that I too watch my son suffer, every day.” his face falls at that and he turns to face her.
“Mom-” she cups his cheek and runs her thumb under his eye.
“Bellamy, we all do our best but sometimes we cannot fix everything. Do you think my heart doesn’t skip a beat every time I see you limp or cough? Do you think I don’t spent my days at work and nights at home wondering if you’re okay, how much pain you’re in and how hard you were trying to push through it despite it all?”
“Mom, I’m okay.”
“No, you aren’t. You got hurt. Permenantly.” he bows his head down and swallows hard a little “You’ll be like this for the rest of your life. I will watch you suffer for the rest of your life. My son...my beautiful boy.” he covers her hand with his and looks into her eyes finding the pain that he had when he looked at Gus mirrored there.
“I’m getting used to it.” he whisper softly “I will...I will be okay eventually.”
“Do you ever wish upon Gus to get used to pain?” he shakes his head stubbornly and grits his teeth.
“Gus will get out of here. He won’t live the life we do, he won’t raise his own children in this hell. I won’t allow it.” Aurora sighs and lets their hands drop to her lap. She wraps her bony white fingers full of tiny needle holes that mapped her palm and made her mirror, in a way, the freckles on his face.
“Is that why you won’t tell me what’s happening with your job?”
“My job?” he tries to sound surprised but it comes out as a weak excuse instead and the motherly scowl returns to Aurora’s face making him bow his head down like a five year old kid who didn’t do his homework.
“I know something’s changed. I met Miller the other day and asked him about you. He said you’ve been relocated.” Bellamy closes his eyes and lets his fingers squeeze hers tightly “That and the cake for Gus’ birthday, the P.S said someone named S send it and not Williams.”
“Mom-”
“What’s happening, Bellamy?”
“I can’t talk about it.” he mumbles barely audible as he coughs again a little and hides his face in his elbow briefly while it passes. Aurora reaches over for his forearm and pulls it away, turning his face by his chin to her and staring into his sad broken eyes.
“You’re not okay. And it’s not just your back or leg. You’ve been worse lately.”
“Mom, I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
“I’m literally forbidden from doing so.” her eyes widen at that, her hand falls to her side and he sees fear in her eyes for the first time in a while.
“No...” she shakes her head “No, tell me you didn’t do this.”
“Mom-”
“Level 11?” she calls out a little too loud and Bellamy jumps somewhat scaredly looking around them for anyone passing by but the square was mostly quiet except for a few workers that were walking towards the pharmacy and mess hall hallways at a safe distance from them.
“Mom, quiet-”
“I won’t be quiet!” Aurora hisses back “What did you do? What did they offer you?” he sighs again-he knew she’d figure it out. Though nobody officially talked about level 11 on Factory everyone knew that there was a team trying to assemble it from its broken state and perhaps rebuilt it. It was a sort of myth going around amongst workers-they said only Alpha mechanics went there but they were too incompetent to rebuilt it and Factory would never regain the electricity accessability it had before because the chancellor wouldn’t allow it and that he left it broken and closed on purpose. And yet...there was gossip, some people saying they saw workers going up there with the elevators, generals, councilmen and even the chancellor himself but they never stayed long because it was dangerous.
“Mom, I told you, I can’t really talk about it.” he says through teeth as he keeps looking around “I’m not allowed to.” the fever with which he says it makes her back down a little but the light in her eyes, that angry motherly scold mixed with fear never disappeared.
“You’ll die out there.”
“No, I won’t.”
“You’re risking your life over nothing.”
“I’m risking my life so that what happened last night doesn’t ever repeat!” he raises his voice a little but tones it down when he remembers that they’re still out in the opened “I’m risking my life so that my son doesn’t ever wake up with his toes red and peeling from frostbite or coughing his lungs out or god forbid,mom, dying!”
“What happens when you die?” she counters “What happens to that boy if you get killed out there, huh?”
“I could get killed anywhere, I told you what happened to Miller last night-nothing in Factory is safe, no matter the level you work on.” Aurora shakes her head angrily still disagreeing with him. “Is it a bigger risk? Yes, but it’ll be good for him.”
“Good how? Rations? Food?”
“Yes. I can afford everything he needs-he has to gain weight you know Clarke said he’s small and I can buy him clothes and shoes, raise him better, give him the opportunity, when he grows up to study for the medical exams if that is what he wants to do, give him access to the library in Alpha, to better teachers, a better life.” Aurora’s eyes fill with tears but she’s biting her lip in a quiet way of protesting “I can actually do this, mom.” there’s hope in his voice and it breaks her, it breaks her heart so much “I can save those rations even if we fix the Level sooner, before he’s older, I’ll have enough for him.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“What happens to you? To your state of being? To your leg and your lungs?” he opens his mouth to protest but she raises her hand “Everyone knows the air out there’s bad, that’s why nobody wants to work on it, that is why they seek you out because you are a Factory boy whose life being lost won’t matter.”
“Mom-”
“You’ll die before you’re forty, Bellamy!”s he cuts him off “All your grandeur plans for Gus and his future...” she shakes her head angrily “Do you think you’ll live to see him actually graduate? Start work? Will you ever be alive long enough to maybe meet his grandchild?” Bellamy pulls his hand away from her and rests it over his bad knee, squeezing it tightly.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.” Aurora says softly now “It does to Gus and I am sure as hell it changes everything for Clarke too.”
“Clarke will be okay.” he huffs it out but she doesn’t miss the way his cheeks blush.
“Clarke is in love with you and you are in love with her.” at that his eyes widen and he turns around to meet her eyes again-it was one thing for him to tell Clarke he loved her but for his mother to have seen it before they’ve ever told her so was...well, it made his heart flutter all over again. He smiles a little and feels his cheeks burn “You are together, aren’t you?” she prods softer now and he sneaks a look at her, nodding slowly “Good.”Aurora determines with ease and conviction.
“Is it?” he asks fearfully like a child looking for approval.
“Bellamy, I haven’t seen you look at anyone like this since Gina but it’s not just that...” she runs her hand up and down his arm motherly again “You seem...happier, lighter around her and I know she’s been through a lot but she has that same look on her face as well.”
“I am...I am happy with her.” he admits feeling his whole face blush “But I ....I also feel a little guilty.”
“Because of Gina?” he nods.
“And Gus. I don’t want him to think that I don’t love his mom anymore. I always will.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” Bellamy shakes his head and rests his back on the bench, stretching out his bad leg with a wince that Aurora doesn’t miss. It was a good thing he took his crutch but he should be at home resting, not out here.
“It’s...just happened recently, we wanted to give ourselves some time before we eased him into it.”
“That’s smart.” he looks at her glad for her approval and she smiles a little “I’m sure he will be thrilled, Bellamy. He loves her so much already.” Bellamy shrugs a little, still seemingly lost in his thoughts and the argument they’ve had before “I still think you should tell Clarke about Level 11 and that you should decline the offer.”
“I can’t. I have already started and there’s no going back now.”
“Even if there was, you wouldn’t take it, would you?” she asks seriously and he shakes his head in confirmation “You’re bent on it.” he nods staring at the floor ahead, afraid to face the angry beast that his mom could be when he was being idiotic.
Still, he reaches out for her hand and waits for her to take it before he swallows hard after yet another cough and dares a look at her.
“You won’t hate me for it, will you?”
“Oh, Bellamy-” her voice breaks a little now and she pushes his head to her shoulder again holding him in a tight yet awkward position that made his back hurt but he found that he didn’t mind it one bit-being held by his mom that was the best feeling in the world, one that he never wanted to lose ever again. “You are my son, I could never hate you.”
“But you don’t support me?”
“I don’t support your desicion but if you ever need me and my help, I will never turn my back to you.” she promises kissing his head and pulling away from him a little. Now both of them were crying and Bellamy was unabashedly brushing his teary cheeks with his sleeve. Aurora nervously moved her hands all over his head-swiping away the curls from his forehead, then to his cheeks which she cupped softly, then to his shoulders which she squeezed. “Now let’s go get this medicine and go back to your boy. I will help out with the rations.”
“Mom, no-”
“I’ve saved some lately, Bellamy.” she assures “Got more requests for birthday girl dresses. Apparently Alpha makes a celebration the size of our Wheat dayс when someone’s becoming of age.”
“But-”
“Stop arguing with me, Bellamy Blake and let’s go.” she urges him, helping him stand up and handing him his crutch “You listened to Clarke for once.”
“I took it myself.” he admits “Wasn’t sure I’d be able to walk without it.” he can only ever be honest with her about his pain like that and Aurora appreciated it even if it made her heart ache for her son.
They walked slowly to the pharmacy hallway and when they went there, they found a long queue already-many people, some of whom were barely standing on their feet like Bellamy-with severe frost bite and patched up hands and even faces, or others who coughed constantly even worse than Bellamy were lined up on the only desk they had opened.
“This will be a while.” he huffs a little annoyed as he leans his back on the wall and squeezes his crutch tightly. There were whole families here, some with their crying babies who were white or almost blue faced, others demanding they were examined by the doctor too and who were relocated to the office in the end of the hallway where Bellamy knew one of the older doctors-a seventy year old woman from Arrow who had somehow gotten a degree back in the day-were examining the severe cases. “Why don’t you go get food and then swing by to check on them while I get the medicine? I don’t want them to be alone.”
“Were they asleep when you left?”
“Yes, but Gus could wake up from his pain.”
“I don’t want to leave you, though, not like this.” Aurora insists as she dragged her look over him-he was in a bad shape himself, already barely standing on his feet and coughing constantly. “We’ll stay together. Clarke is with him and if he needs something she’ll take care of it.”
“But, what if-”
“No, Bellamy. We’re staying together.”
And there was a reason for that as Bellamy later realized. It took them over an hour to actually get to the desk behind which there was a young woman from Farm who was dressed in a white coat going over prescriptions and ration points and trying make sense of it all. The poor girl was so discheveled that Bellamy felt bad for her but he was actually a little relieved that she was the one on shift and not the older meaner pharmacist who would always argue with him about the dosage of his pills or the syrups.
“What can I do for you guys?” she asks when she pushes the paperwork aside and gives them a look, smiling a little despite the stress she was under.
“We’d like some frostbite paste.”
“For children or adults?”
“There’s a difference?” Aurora asks confused and the girl nods.
“Adult one’s stronger but it could still be used on a kid if you applied less. I have however only two child ones left so they cost more.”
“Shit.” Bellamy curses “How much?”
“Seventy.”
“I have fifty.”
“We’ll add mine too.” Aurora says sternly gripping his hand “We’ll take it. Also add two bottles of cough syrup, please.”
“Mom, no we can’t-” he tries to protest coughing a little as he spoke, proving her point that he needed this.
“Quiet, kid.” she scolds him and takes out her blue ration card setting it on the counter next to Bellamy’s “We’ll take some bandages too and give us some Tylenol as well.” she adds and the girl goes around to the shelves behind her, picking everything up.
“Mom!” Bellamy hisses at her “We cannot do this! You can’t spend all your savings on medicine.”
“I can do what I want since I am the parent and I decide what is best for my child and his son.”
“But-”
“Shush!” she actually scolds him and makes a few of the people behind them tern and smile at the exchange whilst Bellamy felt like an angry teenager who was all grown up but had to still listen to his mom because she apparently, said so.
“Which card am I charging this to?” the pharmasict asks when she brings in everything they’ve asked for and puts it in a big brown bag.
“Mine!” Aurora pushes it to her but Bellamy covers her hand and puts his foot down.
“Both!” he tells the girl and slides in his too. Aurora opens up her mouth to argue now but Bellamy cuts her off.
“You forget that you are my mother too and this isn’t a one-way street. You take care of me but I also take care of you.” Aurora grits her teeth despite wanting to argue with him and then the girl interrupts them.
“Sorry, but I can also charge all of it on your card, sir, if you’d like?” she turns to Bellamy “You have more than enough points.”
“What? That’s not possible. I only had fifty when I last checked.”
“You were transferred a hundred and fifty additional points about forty minutes ago according to my server.” she tells him staring at her computer screen and squinting her eyes trying to make out the numbers “It’s your paycheck for the last two weeks it seems.”
“But...there must be a mistake. I was sick and off for a while and I-”
“It is what it is, sir,” the girl adds tiredly, maybe even a little annoyed “would you like me to use your card or the missis too?” Aurora opens her mouth to argue but he takes her hand and squeezes it in quiet protest.
“Just mine.” he insists and the girl swipes Aurora’s back on the counter while she finishes his transaction. “Keep them, mom!” he insists but she shakes her head and takes the bag from the girl so he can shove his card back in his front pocket and walk off with his crutch.
“We’re going to mess hall and buying food.” she states “And this time, I’m paying.” he wants to argue with her but he knows better. She felt guilty that she insisted on the cough syrups and the bandages when he only wanted the frost burn paste and he’s well aware that he won’t change her mind about it so he just follows her slowly and tries to force himself not to stop whenever he felt out of breath.
His entire body still hurt starting from his bruised ribs to his back and all the way to his knee and even his fingers. There were moments, especially in the morning or when he overworked himself when even his foot felt paralyzed and he couldn’t feel much of his toes. He hadn’t told that to anyone, knowing it’d just freak them all out but on such occassions he got scared. Must be all the nerve damage as Clarke had explained back after the accident but he feels it now too and he is basically dragging his leg only feeling more of anything above his knee than down.
