#aro questions

[popcorn-plots]

y'all I have a question

I love romance, am a hopeless romantic, and my dream date is literally every single hollywood romance stereotype. But only if I like someone first?

Example: I have a really good friend. I love her so much, and she's awesome. But a few months ago, she mentioned that I was her type and that was a little off-putting but not an issue (in fact I teased her about it a lot, but the moment she asked me to stop, I stopped and haven't teased her since). Recently, I found out from a friend, that it's fairly obvious she has a crush on me. I've seen it too, and other friends have mentioned how much she talks about me to them.

Which is fine. But the moment I noticed that she really did seem to have a crush on me, I lost interest in being friends with her or being around her. Which sounds absolutely horrible, and I feel terrible for it, but I just have zero interest in being around her knowing that she has feelings for me.

In the past, if I have feelings for someone and they reciprocate them, it's perfectly fine. I've been in three relationships and they've all been great (besides the amount of drama in every one of them). But, in the past, if someone expresses interest in me before I have an interest in them, it feels icky and uncomfy and I suddenly can't stand the idea of being around them.

Even if someone mentions that they liked me before I liked them, but never said anything, it makes me a little squeamish. And if my feelings aren't reciprocated, the romantic attraction fades pretty quickly.

I experience romantic attraction. And I love romance, I want a romance. But I hate it when the romance is reciprocated before I feel anything. Is this a trauma/insecurity thing or an actual aromantic thing?

The only thing I've come close to describing it with is lithromantic, but I have a desire for romantic relationships, and I feel romantic attraction.

def a little bit of Achillean because I am male-aligned who likes men, but that's not related to the romance topic

feelings are weird

[punksdocrimes]

Hey Aro Tumblr — there's this question that's been bugging me for months that I NEED an answer for. I couldn't ask it on Reddit bc I was site-wide permabanned for being too silly (said Nazis should be disheaded instead of simply disarmed 😧) and idk any other aro communities that I could ask. It only just occured to me that I could ask here.

OKAY SO - context:

I am demisexual. I have known this for a while. I need emotional and/or platonic attraction and connection before I can think ab having sex with someone. Sometimes I also just become completely detached from sex and don't want anything to do with it for a while. It's nothing crazy or groundbreaking — literally just demisexuality.

I have always felt this way sexually, but I never really considered that I could be demi until a friend came out as demi early last year and I was like "wtf that's me". I've been confident about my demisexuality since then.

So THIS is where it's relevant for you aromantic scrungly liches and prophets and wizards out there — for my ENTIRE life, I have always considered a strong platonic connection to be NECESSARY before I can think ab entering a committed romantic relationship. Platonic attraction is necessary for romantic attraction for me. It builds off of the platonic love.

This is considered demi-romanticism, right? I've never interacted with the aromantic community much at all because like, I used to consider myself hyper-romantic and the idea that I could be aro freaked me out in that "I'm not aro but oh God what if I am" existential kind of way.

Anyways — it never crossed my mind that demi-romantic was like... A thing.

However, I don't know if I'm actually demi-romantic?? Bc I have the same capacity for romantic attraction and love and yada as the average alloromantic, for me it just manifests from deep platonic attachment? IS THAT DEMI? Or do you need to experience romantic attraction in a noticeably lessened, weaker, or different way to be demi?

Idk if that makes sense I haven't slept in a day but like, I just want to know if I'm demi-romantic or not — even though I still experience the same potential for romantic attraction as an alloro, only that I need platonic connection to be built before romantic connection can be formed.

Tl;Dr — I want to know if demi-romanticism works in the same way as demi-sexuality; you can have the same desires, libido, whatever as the average allo or more you just require emotional and platonic connection before you can fuck

Thanks in advance I love you guys (platonically)

[jazzthebirdnerd]

Hey tumblr please help me spread this!

I’m making an Aro-spec podcast for my English class and wanted to know what kind of things should be talked about on it! Please Aro-specs share your thoughts and spread this around. Everyone is welcome to share this and if you have a question you’d like to ask Aro-specs but aren’t Aro-spec please feel free to give me that too! Thanks so much!

[avernss]

Question to all ace people and all peeps on the around spectrum

But like Is it normal to be in the aro spectrum and still crave being In a relationship

Also for my fellow AFABs is it normal to feel different about your place on the aro/ace spectrum on your menstrual cycle?

[just-a-trans-allo-aro]

10 Questions for Aros

1. How do you fit in the aro-spec community? And what labels do you use for your romantic attraction?

2. What labels (if any) do you use for any non-romantic attraction? (Eg, sexual attraction.) What attraction types do you feel?

3. What is your favourite and least thing about being aro?

4. Do you have any aro headcanons? If so, who?

5. What is your favourite song that gives you aro vibes?

6. What is something which you have claimed as being 'aro culture'?

7. Are you out to anyone as aro? Would you like to be out as aro? If so, how do you plan on telling people?

8. Do you see yourself ever being in any type of relationship?

9. What is your view on romance? (Favourable, indifferent, repulsed...)

10. Do you know any aros? In person or online?

*please make sure you only answer things you are comfortable answering

[secretthoughtponderingsandwishes]

Okay I have a question/ several questions for the ace/aro community - anyone anywhere on the spectrum. Any feedback/ answers/ opinions/ experiences are greatly appreciated.

I'm 29, and a few months ago I finally started to understand that there's a difference between sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual, emotional and intellectual attraction. (Actually those last 3 only in the last few weeks)

I immediately felt like experiences I read from greysexuals and demisexuals felt like me.

But. I have had sex in the past - and a lot of it - and enjoyed it. I have initiated sex in the past.

I'm pretty sure I've never looked at someone and thought "I want to have sex with them".

But I've been in serious long term relationships before where sex was pretty central, plus had some friends with benefits situstions before - so there obviously was some kind of something there in terms of me wanting it (because I did) and then enjoying it.

Saying that, when I say "wanting it" I think partially I was doing it because it felt like that was something that you do in a relationship. With my FWB situs, this was shortly after I got out a pretty crappy 4 year relationship, and I took pride from embracing and owning my own body and sexuality.

Now, I feel different. I'm a relationship anarchist and have a girlfriend at the moment. We've talked about this and she's been amazing with helping me figure things out. Both of us are very much not into sex as a central requirement for our relationship.

But part of me feels like maybe I'm lying to myself. Like if I am greysexual, or demi, or what I've been wondering recently, ace, what does that mean for my past relationships? Was I lying then? Did I actually not want to have sex? Am I possibly masking trauma?

Also, even more recently, I've been wondering if i'm also aro, which again, brings up lots of questions about my past - and my now - what is it I want from a relationship? Because I do want them. There are certain people in my life I would love to call my partner, but I don't think much about our relationship would change. Do I just not understand relationships compared to friendships? But there are people that I wouldn't want to call a partner.

I'm just very confused and I don't know how to make sense of things I've done in the past and how I'm feeling now.

[dragonsaphirareads]

14

14. If you could change the aro flag, would you and why?I’m assuming this is about the green, white, gray and black flag, in which case I have no problems with it! I know there was the older one with a yellow stripe that was changed for some reasons I can’t remember, but I never really had a problem with either of them. I will say, the white stripe is easier on the eyes than the yellow is. I’ve got a knitted scarf I bought at a con with the aro flag, so if I changed it, I’d have to buy another!