#aroace space

[starberry-cupcake]

I just finished the jdrama "soul mate" (it's currently on netflix) and I have to say I haven't seen such a well written queerplatonic relationship as the center of a story in a long time

the drama is currently going through it online because a lot of people were expecting yet another allo bl (not sure if that's marketing's fault, fujo expectations fault or a combination of the two) but by episode two I was like "this might be one of the best qprs I've ever seen" and I'm happy to report it's sustained throughout

the drama centers on the relationship between ryu, a japanese ice hockey player dealing with a difficult situation that makes him reconsider his path, and johan, a south korean boxer who's caught in a crossroads of whether to live with stability by compromising his integrity or living his truth despite the consequences that might carry

that's just the very start of it, though, because the drama spans years of their lives throughout pivotal points in their relationship, something that is done really well, where you don't feel you're missing out on important parts when you're not looking

there is, however, a lot of sad moments throughout the drama, there's grief and loss, there's illness, there are difficult career paths, but there's also found family, hope and finding your way in a world that's pushing us around like a pear wiggler, with the support of those who truly care for you

the characters aren't stated to be explicitly aroace but there are definitely situations that feel very familiar: one of the things that kickstarts the drama is ryu being unable to correspond romantic feelings and feeling terrible about it in a way that pushes him to the brink where he'll meet johan; there's also a mention by a character of having spent many years knowing each other but nothing romantic ever coming out of it, and johan is bullied for being 'gay' without him ever being in a relationship

I have seen the term "soulmate" used in japanese media before for what I read as a qpr, so it's not surprising to see it used here as well, and I feel that most people are seeing it as such, though some are taking it as a personal insult because it isn't an allo bl, some still use the dreadful term "bromance" and some are describing in their reviews what a qpr is without knowing there's a name for it, which I find a very good review

I personally really enjoyed it, I feel like it's a truly deep and vulnerable story where this relationship is the center and where the love they feel for each other feels genuine and their connection incredibly important

I don't know if it was the author's intent or not but it does truly feel like someone finally thought a qpr could be the center of a relationship story and proves it can be just as meaningful as any other relationship

content warnings for it under the cut, for those interested, because it's a heavy one

cw: suicide (one side character does an attempt, one side character has passed before the story starts due to it), queerphobic violence (towards a main character), debilitating illness (in a main character), death, grief and loss (from a side character)

[aroace-people-are-lgtbq]

errr what does "oriented aroace" mean?

From the Bi aroace, “In short, bi/gay/pan/etc. aroaces [oriented aroaces for short] experience attraction that’s neither romantic nor sexual, but is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation “

-Mod Ama

[buffpidgey]

After RWBY season 4 you will have to pry ace Nora AND Ren out of my cold dead hands.

[starberry-cupcake]

I'm gonna be a bit feral about the last 3 and a half minutes in 'requiem for methuselah'

the juxtaposition of bones telling spock he can't experience love and spock immediately after choosing to mind meld with jim to help him forget what hurts him is making me emotional, I don't care what kind of love it is, it's love and I'm emotional about it, leave me alone

[starberry-cupcake]

also, happy ace week to odo, it was a good time to watch this episode in particular

[starberry-cupcake]

i am SO curious about your asexuality and horror piece!!!!!!

(this is a response to this ask meme about wips)

This one was prompted by The Magnus Archives, actually! It was an essay about how the character of Jon singlehandedly undid a lot of the damage that the problematic overlay of aspec identities and horror had done to me growing up, from the perspective of the overlay of my aroace identity and my OCD.

Some unedited highlights:

Sex and horror is…complicated. On the one hand, you have all those slasher films telling you how punishable “promiscuity” is but, on the other, a lack of sexual attraction or a lack of sexual drive is used as the prime ingredient for the creation of serial killers and abusers.

So, the fact that the majority of the times I saw people who were depicted as not being in consistent sexual relationships and experiencing sexual attraction was negatively, when the fact was mentioned at all, either as a humiliating joke or a prompt for a serial killer, it didn’t help.

Horror, I believe, is much like fairy tales. It can say a lot about a place and a time, a society and a culture. It represents not only the fears or concerns of a group of people in a moment in time, it also expresses the ideas that were considered negative or positive, as well as the things that were considered of value. 

Jon marked the first time I came across a canonically ace character in horror who was humane. He wasn’t just a victim of his identity, like the sacrificial virgin of slasher horror, or the monster who snaps for not “having gotten some” as a teen, like the slasher themselves. He wasn’t completely innocent or completely guilty, he wasn’t always right and wasn’t always wrong.  Jon was, like me, afraid of becoming a monster.  It wasn’t his asexuality what made that scenario happen, it wasn’t obsessions like mine, but it was still relatable to me. He struggled with the line between who he was and who he wanted to be and, amidst the chaos of his story, he loved and was loved. He had friends, he had a boyfriend, he had people around him that were also hurt and vulnerable and didn’t completely stand unharmed, but they proved that Jon deserved to be listened to and cared for as much as the next person.  What I found the most rewarding from Jon being ace was the fact that he was overwhelmingly human. Fallible, sensitive, resilient and capable of sacrifice for the wellbeing of others, and never shown as incomplete. 

Jon, to me, was healing.  It doesn’t really matter to me to what extent he was intended to be this, if that’s what Jonny or anyone at RQ wanted or just a side-effect of good representation. But the truth of the fact is that I found in a genre that broke me, that made me question my inherent human value because of feeling in a way I didn’t know I was allowed to feel, a character that started to seal that wound by the sole fact of being a multi-dimensional person, capable of caring and of being cared for. 

[starberry-cupcake]

I might be aromantic but

and I think that when people try to argue that something is written lazily or lacks substance by saying "it's a romantic story, the plot is just romance" are looking down on well written romance stories in general

yes, the plot may be romance, but that means that said plot is driven by character relationships, developments and interactions: instead of being carried by a specific series of events, the events will need to serve as points of inflection for character dynamics and development

one of my favorite books of all time is probably also one of the best romance books of all time: pride and prejudice (which I think is getting 2 new adaptations this year, austen help us)

the brilliant aspect of a novel like pride and prejudice (and jane austen's skill) is that the narrative of the story is moved by the crossing paths of elizabeth and darcy and the events that unfold in the story all are catalysts for the characters to develop and grow in relation to each other

events and other relationships, like jane and bingley (their separation and then reunion) or lydia and whickham (their elopement and retrieval) serve as points of added development to the main relationship, which is the focus of the story

the marvelous thing is that, even when they are apart from each other, even when they dislike each other, their individual development is connected to the other in a way that fits narratively with the way in which they will eventually fit into one another

they have to meet to learn something about themselves and then grow apart in order to, eventually, be together

it's ultimately a story about character dynamics, about the human essence; in this case, with a romantic narrative

maybe being aro gives me a sort of different perspective on the substance vs the superficial: even if I don't fully relate to all that's happening there with the romance in the superficial events, when the substance of the story is a well cultivated character development and exploration of human dynamics, I can relate to that and appreciate the storytelling regardless

I may not like tomato by itself but I can appreciate a good sauce

so, in my opinion, it isn't that a romantic story which doesn't have another thing going for it other than the romance as a main course (like a fantasy adventure, a horror mystery or a contemporary drama based on true events) is "basic", it's only basic if the writing doesn't account for the fact that, if romance is the core of the story, it needs to be as nurtured, developed and cared for as any other main plot would be

if the writing doesn't account for that and doesn't develop the relationship in ways in which the reader can grasp at it's dynamics (like any other plot, worldbuilding or scenario) but just bullet-points things and calls it a day, saying that it's justified "because it's romance" it's imo looking down on a genre

and that's the case with a lot of the modern romance that is re-purposed fic: if you're going to re-purpose a fic into a romance novel, make sure you remember that, in the fic, a lot of the character building, dynamics and relationships happen off-page because a fic re-uses those things from a canon story

you have to, in fic, cut some corners as not to bore your reader with exposition of things they already know as much as you do, being fans of the same thing; if it's an au, you may have to re-contextualize it, but there is already a pre-existent understanding of the basics that fics require you to present in a less exhaustive way

but when you're writing a story from scratch, bullet-pointing development, dynamics, context, relationships and personality indicators is especially glaring as an issue in romance, where those things should be the cornerstone of the story you're building

romance is a genre about people, at the end of the day, and if your characters feel more like archetypes than people, it's not the fault of the genre