#arospecpoetrynet

[astrangershandwriting]

Grief

There is a strange thing Perching in my soul Not where you used to be But close to it And its eyes are open day and night Its song is a harp out of tune That is slowly catching fire Dangerous, beautiful Wrong Calling the thing a disease Would be so much like cheating As to be a lie I call it a thing To be born instead It is growing unlike you With every memory brought up I don't find myself in Until I want to offer You My condolences I'm sorry you didn't get to have me Until I lost you I'm sorry it hurt me still Like a throbbing scar Forgive me for pouring My tears onto your sister's skin Her wound is fresh and the living Feel a lot more pain Than the dead

[poemsbynight]

Friend

Loneliness is loud. People speak a language I don't understand- We stand apart And you smile across a crowd into my eyes. Hurling storms, music cries my ears are on fire but you lead me outside. Silence skyscrapers sky- The scenery's alive Sounds under our feet, Windows aflame smoky streets that I could watch alone but without you, it wouldn't be the same.

[vosesnequam]

Negatively Charged

The rain a heavy staccato Bringing fat drops down to hit dead earth And send up clouds of scent; Petrichor and River water. There is a hand Left prone outside a second story window Collecting wet and cold. Listening Waiting Sat in a window ledge Taking comfort in the howling wind Counting between the light and the sound Of energy ripping through the air There is a girl In a window Hoping the storm might lull her to sleep But knowing it will just get closer.

[astrangershandwriting]

Heatwave

Passing through the city like a gust of wind I admire the autumn colors on display as if they were fire-eaters performing for my eyes only The sadness only floods me later when I let myself realize those flames are the consequence of a deadly heatwave Sadness in this case is a softer kind of guilt or the helplessness of knowing you are one in billions

[astrangershandwriting]

I Cannot Breathe but this is (probably) no Gas Leak

I want to feel alive and not scared.

I want to breathe.

I want to feel like my body isn’t a betrayal, like I can actually hold on to things.

I want to be selfish and survive it.

I want to stop checking whether I left the stove on.

I want to dance to the electro coming from my neighbours’ window.

I want not to be writing this poem.

I want the weight settled on my chest to disappear.

I want my relationships to be fixed, to be whole, I want to love my friends without condition or warning, to be inexhaustable.

I want to figure this shit out.

I want to leave.

I want to find a reason.

I want to give up.

I want to get better.

I want to know what better is.

I want to have something else to say.

And I want to survive this night, the drowning panic paranoia open window the insomnia the smell of gas the silence the sentiment of failure and my own expectations.

I want to sleep.

[poemsbynight]

Please, Rain, Wash away the blood, Wash away the dark, I want to have a voice of willow, to rush through trees and parks to go where the river flows through thunder and sunlight, from mountain to sea. Please, Rain, Wash away all of me.

[astrangershandwriting]

Survival Sonnet

For Zou.

It burns and it hurts but we make it through Singing and alive, with a thicker skin With scars now painted in reds, greens and blue Orange, yellow and purple. Imagine Inheriting fight, survival an act Defiant and brave. Imagine a life Spent dancing away the fear of this fact : Love is love is but an endless mad strife But colors ! Colors ! Dance and songs and light I have never seen such a glorious sight !

[poemsbynight]

I chose to lock up my lonely heart, From a cliff I threw my only key, And now I stand on an island cold, As others search beneath the sea.

I didn't mean for it to hurt, I did it so I wouldn't cry. My heart may be locked, but it still feels The pain as all my loved ones die.