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Marshall and I answer questions about balancing input and output, what kind of message we want to convey with our art, how much showing off is too much, and whether an artist should take a pay cut to create artwork for friends.

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#art message

Fear of the Future

Should I be scared of the future and seeing myself as an artist?

No.

Am I scared of the my future as an artist?

I'm not sure... yet. I know I should be able to stand out with moderate success in a world of 7 billion people with even more countries entering into first world country status. However, I can't shake the constant delread I have faced all of this summer. I fear that I, a white Male from a middle class family and a garbage public school system will NEVER find my place. I know it's ridiculous. But at the same time is it? I am 20. I have lived on this planet for 20 years. I have lived in the same house for 20 years. The boldest thing I've ever done is go to Grand Junction for school. GRAND JUNCTION. The tiny dinky town. I went to an university that people of this state don't even know. For art. I fear I will be stuck with student loans with:

1. No promise of a job

2. No substantial income

3. A lack of skills to do what I truly want to do.

I have lived in the same house for 20 years. With my parents. I don't have any life skills and I know I'm gonna have to learn how to be an adult the hard way. And as an artist its gonna make that even harder. I won't know where my next paycheck will come from. I will have to make heavy investments in my profession. I will probably have to work a real job in addition to doing what I love. I'm stressed even thinking about it. My hair has been falling out faster than ever and I'm not even in that part of my life.

I haven't had the same formal education as the big artists. I didn't go to yale. I didn't go to RISD. I didnt even know what those were when I was applying for school. I haven't even had a figure drawing class yet and that's what I want to paint. People younger than me have had those. I have been deep in my head this summer actually trying to actually plan out pieces or even just think about a theme or a message. I fear I will never reach a fine art level with my art. I have been sitting with 2 absolutely beautiful 2x2 feet panels that I made, fully gessoed and ready to go. I'm too scared to put anything on those panels without a plan. I fear I will never get anything on those panels. In my painting workshop class, you have to actually plan pieces and show some prep for a piece. I fear I will never come up with even a thumbnail. I fear I will be the one person in the class who still has to take teacher assignments because I killed my creativity. I fear my creativity will never come back. I fear I will have put so much effort into developing painting skills and It will all be for naught.

#art #art rant #art message #fear #artist fears #painting #art thoughts #thoughts