#artchies

[illogicalhusbands]

im determined to have Ellie be Alec’s “voice of reason” in this crossover, and you honestly provided one of the best ways to show it! also, i hope you dont mind, i’ve changed some of the words x))

[illogicalhusbands]

Bill and Alec bein cozy in the early morning. Alec having decided to make breakfast, so he's puttering around the kitchen when two hands find his hips. The warmth of Bill's chest presses to his back, and he almost giggles when the hands move to wrap around his waist. Instead, he grabs one of the hands around him and brings Bill's palm to his mouth, kissing small "good mornings" into it while Bill kisses the trail of freckles along his shoulders. V soft morning

i might have misread your prompt and only realised it right as i am typing this i apologise fucfshjinkscsx

[illogicalhusbands]

I’m pretty sure he’s not that dunce but the blood loss might actually be affecting him 😂

hang in there Bill, we all know you love him anyway.

[illogicalhusbands]

My co-mod Archie had to go and make this hilarious comic which gave me an idea for a ridiculous drabble so enjoy this... whatever this is which you may or may not consider a deleted scene set sometime in between parts 2 and 3 of The Game is Afoot. -

“I have no idea why I had to be here, Miller. There’s scores of files I have to go through at headquarters.” “Oh come on. Thought you’d be ecstatic to be here.” “I can’t imagine why.” Alec looked at the hustle and bustle of sterile walls, coughing patients, and white lab coats all around him. He cringed. He despised hospitals. “Oh you know why.” Miller had that smug close-lipped smile on her face. Just deny, deny, deny, Hardy. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Hospitals make me...” a staff pushed past him, strolling along an empty stretcher in front of him. “...Sick.” The moment he saw Miller’s eyes light up he knew he’d said the wrong thing. “Well-”

“-Don’t, Miller.” “-lucky for you, I know a-” “-Just stop talking.” “-lovely doctor who will take great care of you-” “-That’s an order!” Alec’s fists were clenched, his face heated. The last thing he needed right now was to be reminded of Dr. Masters in the middle of an investigation. Miller burst into a fit of giggles. Alec frowned, though of course she’d long since grown immune to his glares. “We’ll be in and out quickly, alright?” Alec commanded. “Just a few questions, then we head back to office. No one will even notice we were here. Understood, D.S. Miller?”

Miller nodded, smiling. “Right, of course, sir. Except-”

“No exceptions-”

“Your Watson is here, sir,” Miller pointed an index finger somewhere behind Alec.

From behind him, he could hear the sound of newspapers rustling. A female voice rang out, “Here’s your coffee, Doctor Masters. Hope your day is well!” Masters spoke as well, his voice much nearer than Alec had been expecting. “Thank you, Linda.” Alec heated up from head to toe. “Shit! Let’s just... move quickly. While he still hasn’t seen us.”

“Sir, I’m telling you, he’s not that far away-”

“Right. But we’re in a hurry, eh?” Alec looked pointedly at her. “Therefore we’ll be out of this room now as we have a potential witness to interview.”

“Now, hang on!” Miller put her hands on her hips. “What’s wrong with just saying hello? He’s a friend, sir. There’s no need to act so scandalized!” “Scandalized?” Alec huffed. “No! There is nothing remotely scandalous about us. We are the most non scandalous thing in this town--which is saying something.”

“Sir, it almost sounds like you want something scandalous to happen.” Why was Miller not letting this go?

“Miller... you’re on thin fucking ice.”

“Because in that case, then just go right up to him and go-” Miller brought a hand up to her lip, shooting up her big doe eyes at him. “‘Daddy, will you fund my investigation?’“ Alec was in flames at this point, his hands flailed in front of him. “D-daddy? Miller, you could get fired for this!” He hated that his voice cracked at the end. “Keep ‘yer voice down! Shit, I could get fired for this!” He prayed to whatever deity that Masters hadn’t heard. He grabbed Miller’s wrist and pulled her in the direction of the ER where they were to interview one of the paramedics on duty. Miller’s statement had been ridiculous, but he couldn’t bear to be in near proximity of Masters any longer. Couldn’t bear to entertain the depth of its implications at a time so crucial to his work. Back in the lobby, Masters, who had heard each and every word, sipped from his coffee and chuckled. Now there was an idea worth every penny exploring.

[illogicalhusbands]

I wonder how Bill would react to Alec fainting on him/while they're in the same room. Just a quiet "Oh bloody hell..." or probably just a groan cause he's that determined not to let it show, and then *thud*.

[ Mod ]: Well…

_____________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Looking back on it, Bill should have already known what was going on.

He knew that Alec was terrible at fending for himself. The detective, for all of his hard exterior, desperately needed a caretaker. He barely ate or slept. He buried himself in the depths of his work, where he’d experienced the worst traumatic events that could ever befall a person.

But Bill never imagined that Alec’s actual condition would be way worse than that.

He’d walked straight from the hospital to the station, hoping he’d be able to convince Alec to come out for a bit for dinner. Alec was deep in the throes of a complex smuggling ring, which meant that he probably wouldn’t be in the mood.

And yet Alec had shown one of his rare smiles when Bill entered the room.

He wasn’t unattractive, thought Bill. Far from it, even. Yet at the moment the detective was all skin and bones wrapped with stress and pallor. But Bill knew there was no convincing him to take a rest, so he kept mum on it.

If he noticed Alec’s ragged breathing by the time they had crossed the carpark and approached Bill’s car, he kept silent on it.

“I hope you’re in the mood for Italian,” said Bill, his hands shoved in his trouser pockets. “I want to try this one place that opened near my flat.”

“You’ve been coming ‘round an awful lot lately.”

Bill shrugged. “Is it wrong for me to seek company? You don’t seem to mind,” he added with confidence.

“You must think yourself so special, don’t you?” Alec said in jest. Bill was walking a couple of steps before him, but a certain raspy quality in his companion’s voice took him aback.

“Alec, is… are you alright?”

“Course,” replied the detective, stubborn as always. “M’not… Why wouldn’t I be?”

Bill chose not to pester him on it, but remained wary. “How about I just take you straight home? You need th–”

“For God’s sakes, Bill! I’m not a doll. I can take care of myself.”

Bill kept walking, face trained on the road ahead of him, swallowing the words lodged in his throat. “Then if you’re to be that way–”

A hand shot out to grasp his wrist. Bill stopped walking, head snapping towards his companion, face scrunched in question.

“Alec, stop with your shitty remarks and just tell me what the hell is happening.” He used the only tone of voice that managed to get Alec Hardy to do something to his will, a talent which he rarely took advantage of.

Alec’s eyes widened. “Bloody hell! I told you I’m fine, Masters.”

The grip on Bill’s wrist tightened. Bill saw it happening before it had even occurred. His free hand went to grip Alec’s shoulder as the detective collapsed on his chest.

Bill’s brain went on auto pilot for the next few moments. He leant down on the ground, arm steady around Alec’s shoulders. His mind eerily silent as his fingers trained over pulse points and softly prodding Alec’s cheeks and temples.

“Fuck, Hardy!” he muttered, shocked at how desperate it sounded. “This isn’t a one-time fatigue. Why the fuck did you never tell me there was something wrong with you?”

Alec had his eyes barely open, his form slack.

Bill dialed for an ambulance on his phone, his eyes never leaving Alec. He all but yelled all the details that he could note on Alec. The doctor in him took over, thankfully. He monitored Alec’s heart rate and response level and made rough estimates on how dire the situation was. It was all very uniform and hardly worth thinking about at this point in his career, and yet the other half of his mind was pounding, thrashing within his skull; a voice hot with the echoes of Don’t go don’t leave me please be okay just as evident as if they’d been spoken out loud. His arm tightened around him.

While he was still on the phone, Alec grasped his shirt and groaned. “Masters, no–no hospital.”

“Like hell I’m not taking you to a damn hospital!” Bill was seeing crimson. “Are you always like this? So–so stubborn and completely shit at fending for yourself? You’re barely eating! You’ll die before I even get the chance to ask you out on a proper date!” He hadn’t meant to blurt that last part out, but it was difficult to stop when he’d began.

“S’kay…” said Alec, eyes still scrunched with fatigue. “I have a… my doctor, he’s ah–brilliant.”

Paramedics arrived to take Alec onto the ambulance and Bill hasn’t had much time to mull over that last statement in the fast-paced events following. But to make the long story short, Alec got an earful of a sermon from both Bill and Ellie, and a week after he and Bill finally got to try out that Italian place and sealed the night with a lovely kiss on the cheek.

_______________________________________________

[ Mod ]: about as well as you’d think it would be

[illogicalhusbands]

if you asked Bill in the morning if he initiated the hand holding he would deny it

[illogicalhusbands]

Illogicalhusbands has reached 50 followers! We’re extremely grateful to every one who have indulged us in this small project. This blog is a product of two people who love Good Omens and Ineffable Husbands so much, and eventually also thought that Bill Masters from MoS and Alec Hardy from BC would make such an amazing couple that our chat boxes became filled with headcanons, sketches, drabbles, playlists, and some AUs with barely fleshed out scenes with dialogue. It so consumed our lives that we were so frustrated about the shortage of content that we can find about them. So it’s only natural that eventually we’d decide to make some content of our own and just vaguely hope that it inspires a few other people to make more Bill x Alec content. We’re overwhelmed with the amount of response we’ve gotten. This blog is less than a week old and we’re already receiving hundreds of notes on the daily as well as a steady stream of asks where other people get to contribute their own Bill x Alec content. We cannot ask for more as this is already way more than what we have hoped to achieve. So thank you very much and we hope that we’ll all continue to enjoy this crackship for a longer amount of time as we increase the content on this blog. We love hearing from you and how you think these two dumbasses would kiss kiss fall in love so our Ask and Submit boxes are always open. There is no content too shitposty to post so just go at it and remember--we’re feeding ourselves in this famine. Thanks so much! xxx Mods