Secret
Media The Artful Dodger (Pre Show Release)
Character Jack Dawkins
Couple Jack X Reader
Rating Sweet + Cute
Warnings - Sexual Trauma / Rape/ 1800's Abortion
I was beyond fearful.
A thousand thoughts flew through my mind.
I worried about what my fate would be.
What would happen to me?
What little I could even do?
All with the knowledge, that this was a ticking time bomb. And the longer I lingered, the less time I would have.
This secret would not stay a secret forever, and every moment I waited jeopardised the potential of my secret being revealed. And if it were, there would be problems, to say the least.
So I had no alternative, I had to do something about it.
I dressed for the day in my boots, hosiery, bloomers, petticoats, frock, jacket, hat and parasol and headed down the stairwell to the front door.
"Where do you think you're off to?" My father spoke up as he arrived from his study, a glass of whiskey in hand.
His brother, my uncle beside him with his own and a cigar between his lips.
"Just off to the market," I lied as I tried to stare at the door and not glimpse at them both.
"I'll Accompany you," My uncle proposed with a smirk.
"No." I snapped, "No thank you, I think I would like the walk alone,"
"Alright, Be back before dark." My father demanded before he headed back to his study, I grabbed my gloves from beside the door and slipped them on in a rush to get out when my uncle came close, he rested his brown oxford shoe between my legs, pressed himself tightly to my body and came so close I could smell his whiskey, his cigar and the horrid scent of sour apples.
"Don't be late darling," He whispered in my ear
I didn't answer him so he just skulked off back to the study with my father, I squandered no time and scurried from the house I made sure to be seen at the market but I didn't make a single purchase I just wilted around and spoke to a few to make sure I would have been seen if anyone asked about me.
Once that was done, I made my way to the familiar house often frequented by those like me in circumstances with little hope, often as a last resort. The house was stunning; it couldn't be disavowed, the house itself was small, only really existing on the upper floors, with the bottom the office, storerooms, prep spaces and all other things required for the profession of he who lived in the house.
I made sure to journey there discreetly not wanting my presence to be witnessed as I rang the bell and lingered, each second felt like hours until ultimately the door was yanked open.
There he stood in black shoes sludgy from their wear, a pair of black trousers well pressed and fitted to his thin body, a faint thin white shirt with his sleeves wadded up to his elbows, a green fabric tie loosely knotted around his neck, a pair of cream and black suspenders over his shoulders, a blue well-worn waistcoat, his hair in its typical fluffy way mostly thrown to one side, His brown eyes looked wide as he opened the door unsure who to be expecting behind it but his lip upturned into a small smile.
"Ohh, Hello Miss Y/l/n this is a nice surprise," He smiled.
"Hello Doctor, Could I come in?"
"Yes of course" he smiled happily let me in and closed the door behind me "To what do I owe the pleasure then?" he asked.
"May we speak... privately?"
"Ohh course, come into the office nice and private in there," he ushered me through to his small office just off the operating room and down from a small store room. He got a cushy chair for me and moved it by the fire with another "There we are, Would you like a cup of tea?"
"No thank you, Doctor," I answered as I took a seat nervously and uncontrollably picked at my nail beds,
"Just Jack you've known me long enough," he chuckled, as he took his chair across from me "Are you alright?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, you're picking at your cuticles, you haven't made eye contact with me since I opened the door and you look... like you're about to either smack me or start crying." He said, "So? What's going on?"
"Well" I began, as I battled back my tears. "I'm sorry this isn't easy..."
"What's wrong y/n?" He asked, as he tilted forward to gently take my hand in his own.
"I had to come to visit you today, I wish it was under more pleasing circumstances," I explained, tears uncontrollably flooding down my face. "I'm so sorry Jack but I must ask you to keep a secret,"
"Of course,"
"No, I mean it. I'm serious. This must be a secret," I explained.
"Y/n, I promise no matter what you tell me it's a secret, just between us," he said, as he lifted from his chair and fetched me some tissues from his desk before he returned to his seat.
"You promise?"
"I promise. Not a Word of it will pass my lips, not a sound of it will leave this room, I swear I won't tell a soul,"
"I need your help, Jack."
"With what?"
"... I know you, haven't always walked on the Side of lawfulness,"
"hey!" He pouted "My thievery has been very occasional," he corrects playfully.
"I hate to ask, I know it would be a risk for you to do such a thing for me,"
"Well... what is it?"
"I- I'm sorry." I began as I choked up with tears again.
"It's alright, whatever assistance you need I'll be here for you. you just have to tell me what it is,"
My blood ran cold, my words stunted but I knew the time was ticking and I couldn't let these words linger behind my teeth.
"Jack, I'm pregnant."
He froze up, his hand on mine went clammy, and the colour drained from his face for a moment. He moved back to press himself into his chair, he ran a hand through his hair and down his face rubbing on his jaw before he spoke.
"...Okay." He nodded, as he brought his hands together and broke the silence that lingered between us and the fire. "Why would you need my help if you're pregnant?" He asked.
"Why else?" I told him.
"It's not my area of expertise. You should see the midwife-",
"No!" I snapped, "She's a chatterbox you know that. That girl couldn't keep a secret If I stitched her mouth shut,"
"Good point," he chuckled.
"Even so, she wouldn't endorse what I'm doing,"
"Understandable,"
"I don't trust anyone sufficiently with this. Anyone but you Jack,"
"Thanks, I guess," He smiled, "What do you intend to do?"
"I don't have a choice. no one can know, my father will find out and he'll send me away, if not worse. He'll call me a whore and ship me off or worse," I explained, "If anyone in town found out they'd lock me away," I explained "Jack... I can't be pregnant. I need to not be pregnant."
"Okay," he nodded, "This is illegal you know that right?"
"I do. But I don't have a choice."
"if anyone ever found out, we'd both be in a lot of trouble."
"I know," I nodded. "I understand if you can't Jack. I understand if you can't stake your-",
"I'll do it."
"You will?"
"If it's what you want." He nods.
"You don't have to do this for me."
"I want to." he reassured, "I can't endure to see you like this, Can I ask something?"
"Alright,"
"Who's the father?"
That question froze me to my core. "Why do you ask?"
"Don't you think you should tell him?"
"No. No, I can't."
"Does he know you're pregnant?"
"No."
"Do you think it's possible... Just hear me out! maybe if you told him? you think he'd marry you?"
"He might. but I don't want that."
"Why not? you liked him enough to let him-" He began, but all I could do was look at him. "You did let him, didn't you?" he asked and I shook my head as I fought back my tears, he ran his hand over his face "I'm sorry I shouldn't-",
"It's okay," I nodded.
"Come here y/n," He offered.
I got up from the chair and stepped over to his own, he happily took my hand removed my gloves gave my skin a soft kiss and tugged me gently into his lap so I could sit over him my head against his chest as he ran his fingers gently across my frock, his other hand ran his fingers over me removed my hat and gently ran through my hair, every so often he kissed the top of my head.
"I'm so sorry y/n." He whispered, "You don't need to worry, I promise not a soul will know, we'll sort this out as soon as possible," he explained.
"Thank you, Jack."
"It's okay" he cooed, "How long has this been happening?"
"A while now,"
"Okay," he nodded. "Before you go through with this, will you listen to what I have to say?"
"Of course Jack,"
"I know it must all seem frightening now, and like you need to hurry knowing every day this is developing inside you, and I'm sure it must hurt you to even think about this child given its conception and the peril it now poses to you," he explained, "But... we would have to keep this secret until the end of our days, not a soul could ever know if anyone did find out we'd be fortunate to be locked up. Even so, this... procedure isn't straightforward, it carries a grave risk not only of failure, of pain, but of threat to you. If something goes awry, it could kill you," he explained.
"I know that."
"You can't expect me to be alright with conceivably killing you,"
"Isn't that the risk every one of your patients accepts when they decide to lay on the operating table?"
"Well yes but-",
"But what Jack?"
"But... that's not a fate I want for you." he said, "Is there... anyway I can talk you out of this?"
"No,"
"There's no way that deep down he might be an agreeable gentleman?"
"Unquestionably not,"
"Okay, is there any way you could go someplace?"
"I can't,"
"Any suitor boys you could sharply marry before you show?"
"None to mention no,"
"Is there any chance you're going to regret this? And want to keep your baby? Because once I do this that's it. Babies gone forever."
"I'm certain Jack."
"What if..." he began "I married you?"
My heart stopped beating a moment as a panic rushed over me unsure I heard him correctly.
"If you what?"
"What if, I married you?" He asked, "I'm a surgeon so your father would be happy to wed me his daughter, I have a house with plenty of space and not a soul to share it with, I have a decent income so you'd only need to be a housewife, you wouldn't even have to clean the theatre if you didn't want to." He explained, "I feel you and I get along better than I do with most other ladies, in fact, I feel I get along best with you above everyone else in the world. I am happy to keep your secret, you and I can go to your father in a few days. I can ask for your hand and by the end of the month we can be married. Long before you start to show, you can grow the baby to term and I'll be there to hold your hand when the baby comes, and I'll welcome our little one as if they were my own. The world outside these walls and the baby needs never to know any different."
"Jack, you'd truly do that for me?'
"Of course I would,"
"You don't have to do that,"
"I know. I want to" he smiled, kissing my head. "I'd adore to have you as my wife,"
"That's so lovely Jack," I smiled, sitting up a little. "But I can't."
"Why not?"
"It's not fair for you to squander your life marrying me just because of this,"
"Y/n, I wouldn't ask if it was just because of this. Honestly... I've been considering it for some time now just never really got the opportunity to ask you."
"You mean it?"
"I do,"
"I... I can't - I'm sorry Jack." I said, "I'd love to marry you, I really would but I want this procedure, it has to be done,"
"Okay," he nodded "If that's what you want," he said, "After the procedure would you still want to marry me?"
"I would," I blushed "If that is you'd be happy to marry a-"
"Don't you even say that," he warns, "Don't you dare. You're not broken. You're not damaged. You're not some glass bottle y/n you're a woman. I don't care what's happened to you. If you're happy to marry me then I'd be happy to marry you too."
"Really?"
"Really." He nods, "So how about tomorrow morning I come over and speak to your father, ask him for your hand, we can be married by the end of the week and we can go through the procedure then, and I'll take my new wife up to bed once it's over and take care of you until your all better."
"That sounds perfect,"
"And maybe once you're all better we could... start on a little one of our own? Once you're comfortable of course,"
"I'd like that very much, Jack." I smiled and I nuzzled into his chest.
"Perfect. Then it's decided." he smiled and wrapped his arms around me tightly to pull me close into a cuddle "I'll see him first thing tomorrow morning, and as soon as he'll let me I'll make you Mrs y/n Dawkins,"
"Sounds pretty,"
"It suits you" he cooed, kissing my forehead. "So? Will you marry me, sweetheart?"
"I will Jack," I blushed.
"May I kiss my bride-to-be?" he whispered against my hair intertwining his fingers with my own.
"You normally have to wait for the wedding day for that,"
"I'm impatient," he shrugs playfully.
"Well... I suppose," I smiled, sitting up a little and resting my chin on his shirt.
He smiled squeezing my hand so I squeezed back his other hand came and stroked the back of the knuckle of his index finger across the length of my cheekbone ending with a playful bop on my nose before he smiled and leant in capturing my lips in a gentle kiss, he smelt like oak wood, old iron and petrichor, I could taste his earlier tea still lingering in his lips, his skin soft but his lips scarcely cracked from the heat and the sun, I enjoyed our kisses as I'd never enjoyed anything before, his kisses reminded me of sweet summer toffees, of birds cooing in the morning sun, of the sweet embrace of a warm soft bed. I felt comforted, sweetened and protected in a way I haven't felt since I was small.
When we pulled away I couldn't stop my smile as I snuggled back into his chest.
"humm now I have to marry you," he cooed.
"Do you?"
"I think if just a little kiss makes me feel like this, then I must be kissing the girl I should marry," he cooed.
We lay snuggly for a good while until finally, he broke the silence between us.
"Will you tell me? Why do you want to get rid of it so badly?"
"Because of its conception,"
"Understandable. Who's the father?"
"Jack-",
"Please, I promise I won't tell anyone and I'll all be over soon anyway. I just want to know,"
"My Uncle Warren," I answered, nuzzling as deep into his waistcoat as I could.
I felt his skin go cold, his heart slow, and his hands freeze up.
"Warren?" He asked and I nodded, "Your UNCLE!" he yelled and I nodded.
"Please don't be angry with me Jack," I whispered.
"No no no! Y/n sweetheart no I'm not angry at you I promise," he reassured, "I'm sorry but I have to make sure I heard you right," he said picking my face up in his hands and holding us so my nose was against his "Your uncle, Did this to you? Your father's brother, who lives with you, who has lived with you since you were six, did this to you?"
"Yes Jack," I nodded.
"How often does he do this to you?"
"At least twice a week. He'll come up to my room after dark and-" I began to cry.
"sh sh sh it's okay." He reassured, "You know what. I changed my mind. Let's go see your father now," he said as he got up.
"Are you sure Jack?"
"Ohh I'm positive sweetheart," he said as we gathered our things and headed to the door "ohh before I forget," he said as he rushed to the prep room a moment, "Perfect, that'll do," he smirked, as he returned with an impressive knife often used in his surgeries to cut through skin and muscle tissue.
"Jack?" I asked curiously.
"Come on then," he smiled, as he put the knife in his jacket and came to the door.
"Jack, what are you doing?"
"Going to talk to your father, come on," he smiled, as he took my hand as we headed out into the sunset of the evening.
"Jack why are you taking the -"
"We're just going to have a nice little chat." He said, "A nice little chat."
"You're not going to -"
"I just wanna talk to him,"
Finally, we arrived at my door and he knocked and held me close even if I was beyond frightened.
The door opened to my father who instantly saw me.
"There you are, girl! we've been worried sick about you -" he began, "ohh Dr Dawkins? This is a surprise what are you doing here?" he asked as he saw Jack with me perplexed as to why the two of us were together.
"Just popping by, may I come in?" Jack smiled,
"Of course come in, we're in the study," he said, as he ushered us both inside and into the study. I quickly sat on the short sofa by the fire and picked up my embroidery to try and preoccupy myself and keep myself silent as they often requested.
My father went to his small bar tray fixing himself a drink and one for Jack, both of which he set on the table between us all, before he sat on the sofa beside Warren. Jack found his seat on the chair in the centre, he gave me a small smile even if his eyes lingered on my uncle.
"What do we owe the pleasure doctor?" My uncle asked, but he looked at me as he asked,
"Well, I won't bother with pleasantries. Y/n. I want to marry her,"
My uncle spat his drink.
"You what?!" my father asked in shock.
"I wish to marry y/n,"
"Uhh, right? Are you sure?" My father asked, "A handsome, trained, gentleman such as yourself surely you'd be more interested elsewhere?"
"I am interested in her,"
"Well, the surgeon is certainly better than I'd thought she'd do. I was assuming she'd be a spinster or sell her off to the milk boy's son" He explained, "Well you'll be living in your house I presume?"
"Of course,"
"You'll take care of her? Treat her well?"
"Undoubtedly."
"Well, Alright." he shrugged, "So long as you're sure? That's my only rule you can't bring her back," He joked.
"That will not be a concern, sir."
"Alright, well I am pleased to allow this engagement," He smiled, "Congratulations you two,"
"You're alright with the wedding being soon? We don't really want to wait."
"The sooner the better!" My father smiled, "We must celebrate, I'll fetch us some champagne," He smiled and got up from his seat and gave my head a little kiss as he passed and headed out of the study.
"This is good news indeed," My uncle smirked. "Very sudden," he smirked, as he got up and came to loom over me "You really believe you're going to get away from me that easily?"
"I'd step back if I were you," Jack warned him and pressed his knife against Warren's chest and he forced him to move back,
"Why should I? She's my niece,"
"Yeah, and I know what you've been doing to her."
Immediately he looked furious "Whatever she told you, It's a lie."
"Forgive me if I make my own assumptions."
"Fine, I'll back up," he said, as he moved back a little.
"Good. Now I hear that you're anywhere near my fiancé, or that you've done anything to her I'll cut your cock off,"
"You wouldn't dare!"
"I would." he warned, "And I'm a surgeon. I know how to do it and make sure you survive to suffer,"
"Fine," He said as he returned to his sofa.
Jack smiled and sat beside me as he hid his knife away and gave my cheek a little kiss as my father returned with some champagne.
I was skittish but I knew this had to happen. The last few days have been so busy. Our wedding was so precious even if it was small and brief, I had moved into the house and it very quickly felt like home, Jack had made sure of that. He had made the place cosy for me, often checking in on me to see if I was alright and so far he had been the best husband I could have ever wished for. I strolled through the locked-up house by the glow of my candle, only my cotton nightgown against my skin I had accepted this would be the last time I would likely wear it. I reached the theatre, the stalls were dark and empty, the windows blacked out, and even the door to the prep room bolted and curtained with only the door I walked through left open for me. The chandelier hung above the bed lighting this room enough to see, the table prepared freshly cleaned with a cover over it, and sawdust under the table to aid in cleaning.
The room was utterly silent.
Jack stood in front of his small table, lining items across the table from a Water Basin. The tools all lingered there in the boiling water already freshly cleaned, he took them from the water and dried them with a new cloth before setting them in their place on a covered table. All this was far more covered and more cleanliness than was typical of Jack and his work but I suppose in his mind, It's not every day he operates on his own wife. I stepped In and closed the door behind me, I bolted the lock and turned to give him a grim smile. He smiled back a little more optimistic than my own smile silence still between us in the hope that everything we were to do tonight would be a secret between only us and the ghosts.
He offered his hand so I set my candle down and went over, I took his hand and he softly pressed a kiss there, he stroked my cheekbone and playfully smiled as he gave my nose a little bop and then a kiss before he helped me up onto the table.
"Just relax sweetheart," he reassured, as he adjusted me slightly, "Any discomfort?" he asked,
"I'm very hungry and thirsty," I admit,
"I know sweetheart," he smiled and kissed my forehead, "I'll make you some soup and a nice big glass of juice as soon as we're done I promise," he said as he used the buckle belts on the table to restain my legs and arms even my stomach and for a moment I giggled.
"Ohh Jack, if you were into that sort of thing you should really have told me before we got married,"
"Don't be cheeky Mrs Dawkins Or I'll give you such a spanking," He warned
"You'll be gentle? Won't you?"
"Of course I will," he reassured, "As gentle as I can be." He smiled, "I mean it's in my best interest too, you're my wife."
"I suppose you would be very interested in maintaining that part of me," I blushed.
"Well yes. But I was more thinking, you're my wife. I'm the one that's going to have to deal with you. I cause you too much pain I'll never hear the end of it,"
"No, you won't," I told him.
"Okay, you ready?" he asked.
"I'm ready," I nodded.
"I'll take care of you, I promise," He reassured me as he offered me the little cup that contained the anaesthesia. I happily swallowed it even if it tasted terrible, "There we go, you get some rest sweetheart, I'll take care of you,"
"Thank you, Jack," I smiled. We shared a sweet kiss before I began to drift away falling into a deep sleep.
I woke up and I felt sore, my whole body ached, my body lay in my bed with blankets and pillows, and everything hurt but it was a pain I knew well as it reminded me so much of my monthly pains.
"Sweetheart, Hey? Are you feeling okay?" Jack asked as he came through into the bedroom with some soup and juice that he sat by the table
"Everything hurts," I answered.
"It will do," He smiled, sitting beside me and giving my forehead a little kiss, "but it's all done. Nothing to worry about any more,"
"It's gone?"
"Gone. Now I'm going to be taking care of you until you're all better," he smiled, "You need to rest, take it easy, be gentle with yourself, No baths you're going to have to shower I'm more than happy to help with that," he winked, "And two, maybe three weeks you'll be good as new,"
"thank you, Jack,"
"You're welcome, Go on have your soup you need anything at all just call alright I'll be in the office" He explained, he gave me a sweet kiss before he went to head out of the bedroom.
"Jack?"
"Yeah y/n?"
"I love you," I giggled.
"Love you too sweetheart" He cooed as he blew me a kiss and headed down to his office.
