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@ everyone I usually talk to on discord and otherwise and haven’t proper in like. At least a week if not multiple: sorgy, I promise I don’t hate u, universe hates me, I’m fightign for my fuckifn life, ily and I hope ur doing well

#one day I will be free from the horrors. today is not that day #had a week or so long marbles losing off rockering wall bouncing realization that I’m burnt out as shit #and abt why creating has been incredibly hard for me #and also roommate went to hospital last weekend bc we thought she was gonna have a seizure #while also I’m still having fuckass nightmares and sleep problems. that I have even more accurate numbers for bc I started dream journaling #fucked!!! it’s fucked!!! I’m fucked!!! I’m doing my best but jimminy FOCKIN cricket girl wha the hell #I love my friends I miss my friends I am. so tired all the time #and best part is there’s very little (if anything) I can do to change/improve the situation #I’ll be trying anyway ofc. but fuck dude! shit man!!! damn girlypop!!! let me out!!!#arty issues #vent

I love being someone with big emotions and a heart that’s easy to break/tug on and also being able to just fuckin hit a huge Off Button and just Not Feel Anything if it gets too much. Super fun btw /sarcasm

#had a bad night and a bad day so no more emotions for me thanks.#I’ll be fine they turn back on eventually #it’s just funny in a really backwards way that I am as emotional and purposeful as I am and my brain’s defense mechanism is just #ok turn it off <4 too much comeback later <2 #like. what in the fuck.#anyway. uh. sorry I’m not responding much today or haven’t been around a ton #my default response to extreme stress is ‘don’t think about it’ but by very literally putting walls up and chucking my perception of-#-everything around me into a dense layer of fog. whoops!#arty issues #vent

Day so bad ur trying to bottle flip ur prescription grade tranquilizers so they stack on each other in the dark just to feel something

#real thing my husband did (I supervised)#upon realizing he was doing this he laughed himself to literal tears I must add #we take what we can get folks #and what we get is bottle flipping with prescription meds for 10 min straight at 11:00pm #good job us #arty issues #arty escapades #it is both (tm)

Y’all never gonna guess where tf me n my husband are rn :,)

#I’m so tired lmao #can he please get some proper care and relief from the fuckshit. can he plea #negative #arty issues

"belle how are u doing" tired and still bad at sleeping but we ball </2

#its sooo lame having the same exact answer to every check in and not being able to pick myself up off the floor proper #we ball we ball we ball but gdi i want halftime to come #managed a shower this morning + tumblr catchup bc the alternative was sit in bed for hours #and i was bored and knew it would make me feel bad #so i Did Not do that #which on one hand. yay i had energy to do all that! and im clean and awake enough to pick up groceries later + can do things w my day now #on the other. damn dude can i at least get a side of serotonin for all this effort? like any at all???#no? still just tired and baseline meh?#great ok thanks #nyway. hi. tryig my best to exist. its touch and go and i promis i wanna interact its just hard and im tired #arty escapades #arty issues #its both tm

can i help. literally any of you

#these all came in over the span of 10 minutes btw #like there ARE real people out there but this is just.#dude. come on now that's not even subtle.#arty issues

Yo imma be so fr gang, there’s a lot piling up that’s making it hard to be human person shaped. I’m real sorry if I don’t get back to messages quick or seem real scarce lately- I promise it’s not anyone’s fault. Existence is just being a bitch </3

#list of things stressing me out includes money (making it + getting it + repaying my parents + buying basic needs/meds + etc)#sleep (have nightmares almost every night + often multiple a night + very hard to feel rested and refreshed bc I’m not getting decent sleep)#missing my friends (I want so badly to be social but I’m exhausted more often than not and that makes reaching out hard)#being unable to make thing (aforementioned exhaustion + less social time makes it harder to find joy in making bc can’t rlly share)#(also I just miss making things it’s really sad I can’t. use creative outlets consistently when I enjoy them + they help so much)#medication and insurance fuckery (I’m out of two daily meds + insurance changed so I have been scrambling to get a new psych so I can even-#- get said meds + husband insurance wouldn’t cover a med so we had to shell out $321 for ONE medication last week)#being unsure if I want to try school again or not (would mean more money later but idk if I could handle school again bc I had to drop out)#like it’s just. so much to deal with in the bg. dealing me poison damage constantly #I slept literally all of today and I’m still tired and sad and miss my friends and brain loud #ragh. raughhhhhhh. biting things with what little energy I retain #nyway. blanket apology to everyone I’m not ignoring u or anything I am just having a really bad time #arty issues #vent

*muffled, as if from under several blankets* sleep med consult on monday. sleep med consult on monday. sleep med consult on monday. sl

#sleep med better have some way to help me bc i literally do not know what else to do abt the nightly brain torment nexus #i am so full of exhaustion and anxiety its unreal #i very much would like to reach out to my friends and chat and/or hang out but ohhh my god i am being crushed alive rn #hopefully it knocks it off soon so i can like. do something with my day. instead of bedrotting.#at the very least i have to go out and get cat food before 6:30p bc we're completely out #but. we ball ig.#which today means i am in a ball. under blankets. hash tag yay /s #arty issues #vent

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