pressure || asexual james - word count: 552
@into-the-jeggyverse
prompt: pressure
tw: implied/past SA (NOT between james and regulus)
Despite being together for a few months and being two teenage boys, make-out sessions were rare. And yet there they were in the vacant Gryffindor dorm; James pushed back on the bed. They were finally enjoying some alone time.
As much as Regulus wanted things to progress, they’d never actually discussed that particular subject. They just did what felt natural, so at first, gently slipping his hand under James’ shirt felt natural, until his boyfriend stiffened.
It was only slight, but of course Regulus noticed immediately and pulled back.
“Is this alright?” he asked softly.
James hesitated before answering, “Yeah, of course, love.”
“James, do you want this?”
James’ lips moved as if to respond, yet no sound came, and Regulus began to sit up, his silence being enough.
Before he could fully move away from the bed, however, James caught his hand. “No wait, Reg. I’m sorry, just give me a minute, please. Don’t go.”
The panic in his words and on his face nearly broke Regulus right then and there. “Jamie, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just getting you some water, okay?”
With a nod, James reluctantly let go of him, and when he returned with the glass of water, James had leant against the bed head, with his knees drawn to his chest.
Regulus had suspected for some time that James may have some issues with intimacy. He never talked about it, but when the subject of past partners came up, he avoided it like the plague. So Regulus knew he had to approach this topic with caution.
“Are you alright?” Regulus asked, placing the water on the bedside table and sitting in front of James.
“I’m fine, really. We can go back to…” James trailed off, unable to finish.
“No. You don’t want to.” Regulus said softly but firmly, “Jamie, why do you keep pushing yourself? We don’t ever have to do anything, ever. If that’s not something you want, then I don’t either. I will never push you.”
“Really?” James’ eyes seemed to sparkle, “You’d be okay if we never… you know.”
“Of course, has anyone ever made you feel otherwise?” Regulus asked, not knowing if James would answer or not.
“Sometimes.”
“Did they- did they pressure you?”
James’ silence was answer enough.
“Jamie,” Regulus whispered, moving closer to James, taking his hand.
“It’s- it’s not what it sounds like,” James said, trying to justify it but still tearing up. “We were dating.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Regulus said softly, stroking the back of James’ hand.
“I just wanted to make them happy,” James choked out, tears starting to stream down his face.
Regulus thought he felt his heart physically shatter. “What about your happiness?”
“No one’s ever really cared except the Marauders, and I- I never got those urges or feelings. I thought I was just defective,”
“I do. And you’re not,” Regulus replied gently, holding James’ face. “If you don’t feel those feelings, that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t ever pressure yourself for me, okay? All I want is you happy and comfortable.”
“Thank you,” James sniffled, “can we not talk about this anymore?”
“We can talk about it when you’re ready, alright?”
James nodded as Regulus positioned himself so James could cuddle up next to him. “Thank you for not leaving me.”
“Never.”