A Simon who wears the persona of Ghost like armor.
A Simon who wears his kit like armor.
A Simon who wears clothes like armor.
At least two layers. At all times.
The rest of his team has slipped under the ther armor of Ghost. The rest of his team has seen under the armor of his kit.
But only Johnny, beloved Johnny, has seen under the armor of clothes.
Simon trusts Johnny enough for that, he does, he swears...
But that doesn't stop his mind from writhing and hissing and cringing when that last layer of armor is off, when the one he loves is close.
Simon swollows that discomfort at first, hiding it from the world, from Johnny.
Because isn't that what couples are supposed to do? To touch like this, be so close, so vulnerable. and besides, it makes Johnny happy, and he wants that desparately.
Simon swollows that discomfort until it grows too big in his chest like some thorny bush, spiking out of his skin, urging him to cling to the armor of clothes.
Two layers, three, four, more and more
And yet a few simple words are enough to slip those layers
Until one night that thorny bush grows up his lungs, through his mouth.
"Just get it over with."
"Wha'?"
The horrified look in Johnny's eyes makes that thorny bush in Simon's chest wilt, but finally Simon tells Johnny.
Tells him of the discomfort, tells him how the time spent with out the armor of clothes, bodies pressed together makes his skin crawl in a way he can't swallow down anymore.
He cries and apologizes to Johnny, he's sorry he can't just be perfect for him, can't just... be like everyone else, all those feelings that spur people to make songs and books and movies.
And Johnny appologizes in turn.
He never would have pushed his dear, beloved Simon to do something that made him feel like that, had he known.
He tells Simon that he doesn't have to do that, that they can be happy together without sex, without touching like that, that he doesn't need it. Simon knows that, logically. he's known that logically for a long time, but in practice? that's a much more difficult thing.
Johnny assures Simon that they'll work on it together and pulls him close, not in the way that had been making his skin crawl, but in a simple hug. Simon burries his face in the other man's chest and lets tears held back far too long fall because
god damnit
they should've had this conversation sooner.
