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Unity Prime, Day 85, Part 7
RIP, Ivy.
I knew this was coming (hence making the twins premature so Ivy could meet them) but... it leaves Max and Lainey in a much different situation that they'd imagined - two babies instead of one, premature so needing extra care, no Ivy to help out...
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 6
Lainey: I'm so glad you've come!
Dawn: I'm so glad you've let us! I promise we both feel as right as rain and there's been no one off sick in my class all week!
I hoped you'd cook something more nutritious than that, Dawn!
Max: Shit!
Max: Who was cooking something and just abandoned it?
Max: This never would've happened if Ivy was here.
Max: Ivy! I miss you so much!
Max has a little bit of baby free time, so he tries to get the last of Ivy's final harvest in. The quality is terrible now, but it'll still be fresh food points if he can get it in and in the fridge.
Ad was influenced to clean, and did a pretty good job.
We got a couple of minutes of bouncer peace before the screaming started again.
Dawn: Hey now, Asher, you're okay. Daddy's going to make you a bottle, isn't that nice?
Dawn: It's coming, it's coming!
So Ad and Dawn came over to help.
For a certain value of helping - Dawn was influenced to cook and left the food in the oven and just walked away! Hopefully them staying overnight will help Max and Lainey get some sleep, though - especially if Lainey's not having to do all the feeds herself anymore.
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 5
Jo: They're both gaining weight as they should - a little slowly, perhaps, but nothing to worry about. Now, Max, Lainey called me yesterday because she's worried about your mental health.
Max: I'm fine. Yes, preemie twins is a lot, but we're managing.
Lainey: Max... we're not, though, are we? We're both surviving on a couple of hours sleep a night, we can't do anything without a baby glued to us... you're always crying-
Jo: -and of course there's nothing wrong with feeling your emotions, and crying can be healthy, but it sounds like you're very overwhelmed right now. You both are, to be honest, but you more so because of losing your mum too.
Max: I love my children-
Jo: I know you do-
Max: It's just so fucking hard! So much harder than I expected, we'd been prepared for one baby, three adults, and instead we have two babies, two adults, and they're both so small and need so much extra care and they never stop crying! The crying is doing my head in and sometimes I think about just walking out to get a breather, but I couldn't leave Lainey on her own.
Jo: You're both doing such a good job with Fern and Asher, no one's doubting that. But I think it's time you got some more help. I hear your sister's offered to stay for a few nights-
Max: It's not safe - germs!
Jo: The risk is much lower now. They've had some jabs, it's not cold and flu season anymore... I think it's perfectly safe to let a small number of people visit so long as they don't have illness in their household and they wash their hands when they come in. I know you're scared, but I think it's a much smaller risk than the risk if you two go on trying to do everything yourselves and get completely exhausted. Lack of sleep is a normal occurence with new babies, but you guys are really suffering right now. Let your sister help. And honestly, I think it's about time you tried them sleeping in the same room again. Lots of twin parents find their babies sleep best side by side - across the width of the cot - in the same cot at this age. If they were together in a room with one of you, the other one could get some solid sleep, and if your sister came to help, you could both sleep.
Max: Maybe...
Jo: And Lainey, I think it's time to let the breastfeeding go, or at least combi feed. You're wearing yourself out feeding them both all the time.
Lainey: But there are so many benefits to breastfeeding-
Jo: Yes, but there are also benefits to you getting some sleep, which you can't do if you're constantly feeding on demand. It will help Max with bonding if he can do some feeds too. You've done amazingly feeding them all this time, and they've had plenty of benefits. It's okay to mix in a few bottle feeds now, if the alternative is you collapsing with exhaustion.
Lainey: Okay...
Jo: Now, Max, I really think you should see your GP and talk about your mental health-
Max: I can't sit in a doctor's waiting room with all those germs!
Jo: I'm sure you can get an video appointment, or a phone call. But it's really important you talk to someone and get some help. They might be able to refer you for counselling, or perhaps prescribe some anti-depressants.
Max: Asking for help... it just feels like admitting I'm not coping.
Jo: But you're not. And that's okay. You've got a lot going on right now, and it's okay not to be okay. The important thing is that you get help to be okay. I'm going to leave you a leaflet about mental health support, but I think it's really important you book that GP appointment too. I know it's really hard at the moment, but it will get easier. There's a day coming in the not too distant future where you will be able to put both babies down for more than a few minutes without them screaming, I promise.
Max: What do you think, Tiger? Am I depressed? I certainly don't feel as happy as I hoped I would, becoming a dad... it's just not the life I'd imagined, I guess...
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 4
Max: Shh, please... please don't cry... please, I can't take it! Are you hungry? But Lainey's asleep, I think...
Max: That's it, you're okay, aren't you?
Max: Shh, please stop crying.
Max: Please, Fern!
Max: Lain? I'm sorry - she's hungry.
Lainey: It's okay-
Max: I didn't want to wake you up-
Lainey: It's fine... Oh, there goes Asher. I think he might need changing.
Max: I'm on it.
Max: ...
Lainey: Max?
Max: Sorry. On it.
Max: Come on, mister, let's get you cleaned up.
Lainey: If you bring him back after and get me the pillow I can feed him at the same time.
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 3
Max: *What do we do when your freezer meals run out, Ivy? What do we do when there's nothing left of you in this house?*
Lainey: That's it - eat up and grow big and strong!
Max: Easy does it... now please stay asleep, please... just for an hour or so.
Success! ... For now...
Lainey: Hey, hey, little man, what's all that fuss about, eh? Need another feed? Okay, but we will have to do it lying down - I can't stand up much longer.
Max and Lainey have taken to having one baby each overnight otherwise one crying will wake the other one up and then no one gets any sleep.
Not that anyone's getting much sleep this way either.
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 2
Max: Please stop crying... please...
Lainey: There now, sweetheart, that's you all clean.
Max: Do you think they'll ever fit into all these newborn nappies we've got?
Lainey: I think it won't be long before Fern does. Maybe I'll try one on her soon. You know, they'd be six weeks old tomorrow if they'd been born on their due date.
Lainey: Max-
Max: I'm okay. I just... Ivy would've been such a great Nana. It's not fair that they won't get to grow up with her.
Max: Please, baby, please stop crying.
Max: Please...
Max: Please sleep...
Unity Prime, Day 86, Part 1
Jo (Health Visitor): Hi Lainey, is everything alright?
Lainey: The twins are... well, the same... but... I'm worried about Max. I think... I think he's depressed.
Jo: What makes you think that?
Lainey: You know he lost his mum just after we brought the twins home? Well, I don't think he's really processed that, because things have been so full on with the twins. But... he cries all the time, and he's never been one for crying. If we ever do get a minute or two to do something fun, he doesn't want to do anything - not video games, not play his drumkit. I know you said we could start being less vigilant about germs and people coming over, but when I suggest it he gets really anxious and... like defensive. He shouted at me about it yesterday, and he's never done that before. I know we're both really stressed at the moment, but... I'm worried about him.
Jo: It does sound like there might be something going on, yes. Have you shared your concerns with him?
Lainey: I've tried to, but he just shuts me down. I think maybe he should see our GP-
Jo: That's a good idea-
Lainey: But he just says he's fine and he just needs some sleep. One of his sisters has offered to come and stay over so we can both get some sleep but he says it's not safe because she's a teacher and is always around kids and germs, which I get, but... we need help. I just want two, maybe three hours of uninterupted sleep. I feel like a zombie right now!
Jo: Why don't I come over tomorrow and we can talk to Max together? I was going to come next week to weigh Fern and Asher anyway - it won't hurt to do it a few days early.
Lainey: Thanks. I just... we can't go on like this much longer. I hate to see Max hurting like this, and I feel powerless to help.
