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Ashes of Eden

Chapter 1 ~ Home Sweet Home

✧ Pairing : No pairings

✧ Era : Pre Apocalypse

✧ Word Count : 6.8k

⚠️ TW : Brief mentions of a panic attack

In this chapter ~ After a long-awaited return home from college, Rose finds that her childhood home is exactly how she left it. Full of unpleasant memories and even more harsh realities. All of which making her come to the realization that not one thing would ever seem to change.

The kiss of a breeze passing through the cracked window of the car felt nice against my face. The soft music the radio provided was quite pleasing to my ears, playing some kind of folk song that my designated driver so kindly selected. A nice distraction one could say, something to divert my attention away from where I would soon be arriving in just merely minutes. Exactly seven according to the GPS.

I had previously been away at college for nearly two years now if that were even possible. Time managed to get away from me these days with how busy I had become, but I guess I liked it that way. After all, I was the one who signed up for all the classes and selected activities, I knew what I was getting into. But again, it only seemed to be another distraction from the other things still lingering in my life. Like the very thing I was heading towards.

Visiting home wasn't something I did often, in fact it was hardly at all. The reason being was a jumble of things, but the single one that stood out the most and always reigned true; was I felt I never really belonged there. And I supposed I never fully realized until after I had moved away, finding more comfort in myself than I ever did at "home". It wasn't that I didn't love my family, or at least that's what I tended to tell myself. It was just a matter of knowing my limits. How much I could stand being around them before I would need some time to decompress in a quiet space, without any of them in my ear telling me something different.

...Maybe I did need therapy.

A small pit made itself known in my stomach when I felt the car turn down a familiar street, my attention snapping toward the windshield to see my childhood home in the distance. Tauntingly standing there and filled to the brim with repressed memories. Though the nagging part of me kept repeating that I was just being dramatic with the outlook I seemed to hold. It had been years after all, it probably wasn't even remotely close to as bad as I remember it being, as long as I kept an open mind. Everything would be fine. Hopefully.

"Rose?"

My head turned instinctively to see my friend Daniel looking at me expectantly, gesturing with his hand toward the structure, "Is this the right place?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah...yep, this is it." I confirmed as I couldn't help but glance back out the glass, noticing the tiny details they added onto the outside that wasn't always there before.

"It's nice." he said, his tone polite and quiet. That was one of the things I both loved and hated about Daniel; he was always too damn positive.

I huffed, "Well, you clearly haven't seen what's inside."

His eyes softened a bit in concern, "Are you sure you want me to leave you here? I mean...it's not too late to turn around."

"Don't tempt me." I warned lightheartedly before slowly reaching to remove my seatbelt with a sigh, "No, I need to do this. The beast was already pissed off that I haven't been back for holidays."

"The beast...?"

"My mom." I clarified.

He laughed quietly to himself, though he didn't know just how serious I was. Not that I expected him to though, I hadn't really told him anything of much significance. The most he knew of were the heated arguments we tended to get into from time to time, but that alone was putting it mildly. Eventually, I managed to push myself out of the car to grab my bags from the trunk, noticing him following suit to give me a proper goodbye. And once I had everything situated, he didn't hesitate to pull me in for a side hug, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm just a phone call away, alright? If you change your mind at any point, just let me know."

I smiled up at him, "Thanks..."

He gave me one last nod before heading back into the driver's seat, my eyes never straying away from him as I watched him back out of the driveway and slowly head down the street. I couldn't help but stall just a few minutes more even after he was long gone. But I knew I couldn't stay out here forever, that sooner or later I would have to face the people I hadn't seen in a whopping 786 days. Give or take. It was more the awkwardness I feared than anything else. The uncomfortable tension that was always present in the room, as if she still didn't know how to talk to me. It was the most frustrating thing in the world considering the woman raised me my entire life, she was the one who should understand me the most. But she just...didn't.

With a deep and collected breath, I finally pushed through the front door, seeing the place was almost exactly how I left it. Perfectly clean and tidy while also smelling of some kind of floral substance mixed with vanilla. Instinctively I removed my shoes and set them aside on the rack before I even dared to step foot onto the carpet; the muscle memory already kicking in.

"Hello?" I called out as I slowly removed my bags, setting them down on the couch as I listened for any kind of movement.

A moment later there was the sound of shuffled but hurried footsteps bounding down the stairs, turning just in time to see a flash of my sister emerging from the hallway. "Rose!" she squealed. The next thing I knew, I was being tackled into a warm embrace, her arms squeezing me so tightly I could've sworn she would never let go.

Her name was Charlotte, but she never much cared for the use of her full name. Very similarly to me I supposed. She prided herself with fashion and makeup, basically all the typical teenage girl stuff that she had so much of, she didn't know what to do with it. With the few years between us in age, I felt I had watched her grow up within a blink of an eye, and the protectiveness I held was very real. She had been my beacon of light ever since she was born. A light that would never dim or be over casted by a shadow with the love I would always hold and cherish for her.

I smiled softly as I held on for as long as she wanted, gently rubbing her back whilst we rocked from side to side. "Hey, Charlie."

She gripped onto me a bit tighter, "I missed you." she said quietly.

"I know...I missed you too. Phone calls just aren't the same, huh?"

"No, not even close." she scoffed as she pulled away, giving me a chance to really look her over rather than just seeing a giant blob of her racing toward me. She was definitely older, but then again so was I. It was a weird stage of life we were in, where if we went long enough without seeing each other, the change in ourselves could be considered drastic.

"Jesus, you're taller than me now at this rate," my eyes then widened, "And is that a nose ring? How the hell did you convince mom?" I asked as I took her face in my hands.

"Lots and lots of begging." she laughed lightly, "And you know, the whole 'my friends all have one so why can't I? ' speech. Believe me, it took me like a year to finally get her to crack."

"Hm," I muttered quietly as I let go of her again, "I almost forgot what it's like to not be the favorite."

She laughed again at my obvious sarcasm, though quickly quieted down again when we heard the briefest noise from behind us, looking over my shoulder to see our mother standing in the threshold. Beverly Harris in the flesh. She was all dressed up as per usual, wearing pearls and a lengthy skirt as if she was going somewhere special like an expensive dinner date or to the damn opera. But this to her was casual. Her chin was held high to give off that she was confident, and her smile of course was a tad too forceful even if it was subtle. Though I didn't expect anything less from the woman who birthed me.

"Hi, mom..."

Charlie glanced back and forth between us for a split second before quickly gathering my things I had set aside, "I'll put these in your room."

"Coward." I muttered through gritted teeth as she passed me, scurrying up the steps again to be away from the tense silence.

My eyes followed her until she was out of sight before turning back to my mother who still hadn't said a word. She was just simply taking me in, her eyes scanning me from head to toe as if trying to pinpoint any kind of change or alteration I may have made. When the silence only lingered further I took it upon myself to be the bigger person, walking over and opening my arms with the intention to hug her. But she held her hands up to stop me before I had the chance, her actions the least bit surprising.

"Oh, no I just ironed this shirt." she explained before smoothing down the silk material.

"Ah," I nodded awkwardly, pointing my fingers at her, "There's that warm welcome I love so much."

She rolled her eyes, "Really with the sarcasm, Rose? You just got here." she muttered as she turned to head into the kitchen, clearly expecting me to follow.

"Hey, it's how I spread my joy."

She hummed, unamused, walking over to the fridge and grabbing two water bottles, setting one of them down on the counter in front of me. Her version of a peace offering. "So, how are you? How are your classes? What's new?"

I raised my eyebrows a bit, taking the beverage. There were a lot of things that were new. But I figured it was best not to get into all of that just yet. "Good...everything's good. Crazy busy half the time, but still good." I paused to take a drink, "How're you?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Well, I'd be a lot happier if my daughter came to visit more often. Not just when she feels obligated or when it's a convenience to her."

And there it was. She had managed to make a snide comment in less than three minutes, that had to be some kind of record.

A small scoff escaped me, feeling slightly offended by the accusation, yet I didn't want her to see that I was upset. I didn't want her to have that power over me. "Really with the guilt trip, mom? I just got here." I repeated her own words back to her.

"Well, excuse me for being a little annoyed." she shrugged, absentmindedly wiping some crumbs off the already spotless counter. "I had to hear your grandmother in my ear all afternoon on Easter, asking why you weren't there, and why you hadn't called, if you were ever coming back for Christ's sake."

"Using the Lord's name in vain in the same sentence with Easter has got to be a new all-time low for you." I poked.

She sent me a look in return that showed she was far from amused. Seeing as she was a much Godlier woman than I was, I couldn't resist the urge to point out the obvious. "I'm not laughing, Rose."

I sighed heavily, fighting the urge to roll my eyes, "Look, I didn't think missing one Easter Sunday out of the other nineteen I was present for was that big of a deal. I mean, it's the same thing every year. He died, he came back to life, then he pretty much died again. But...if it means that much, I'll be there this year, alright? Make sure grandma stays out of your ear."

She glanced up at me again, giving me a subtle nod, "Fine..."

"Great." I replied, forcing another smile before briefly glancing around. Trying to desperately find a change in the subject. "So, uh...where's dad?"

Her eyes rolled at the briefest mention of the man, "Working." she answered plainly.

"Really?" I asked, a hint of disappointment filling me, "I thought he would've taken some time off since I was coming home."

"Well, he tried but you know how your father is, he's always working. The world doesn't stop spinning just because you decide to visit for the weekend."

I slapped my hand against my forehead as if I were stupid, "My mistake."

She gave me yet another one of her looks before turning toward the few dishes in the sink, turning the water on to begin to scrub at them. Always needing something to do. Could never sit still. I think it was some form of OCD she had, but I remembered these tendencies reigned true even when I was a kid. We didn't get along much back then either. I'd like to think of it as the typical oldest child scenario, where your first kid was practice before you brought another into the world to love more properly. To put on some kind of pedestal.

I always believed that my mother loved me, but she would never grow to like me. To like who I had become. It was something that was hard to accept at first. I remember a time where I even tried to change myself for her approval, prioritizing her interests instead of my own in hopes to gain even a sliver of her attention. But she always glanced the other way, exactly like she was doing right now.

"What's wrong with your hair?"

I blinked in confusion at her sudden jab, "What?"

"Your hair," she repeated, "I've been trying to figure out what's off about you, it looks different."

I stared at her in disbelief for a long moment before slowly moving around the counter and toward the cabinet where we usually kept the different types of pills. My hands reached out to pick through them all while I felt her watching me, clearly itching to say something about the way I was messing up the alphabetically lined bottles.

"What on earth are you looking for?" she finally asked, her tone filled with annoyance.

"The tylenol. I suddenly got a splitting headache." I answered dryly.

Her eyes narrowed at me, reaching to dry her hands off with a nearby towel, "Your sister has some upstairs."

Without another word, I slammed the cupboard shut and headed down the hall toward the stairs. I didn't need to be told twice. My fists clenched at my sides as I stewed over the conversation again and again, questioning my own sanity and if I could really put up with this for a whole weekend. But I knew part of her was just doing this on purpose, hell she always seemed to.

Waltzing right into Charlie's room, I didn't hesitate to shut that door with a bit more force as well, giving her a look as I leaned against it while she mindlessly flipped through a magazine. Though I had her attention in an instant.

She smiled sheepishly, "Hey..."

"What the hell is your problem?" I asked bluntly, "You really didn't waste any time saving yourself."

A small sigh left her lips as she shut the recent Vogue article, "I'm sorry, but I can't stand how you two are constantly at each other. I mean, it hasn't even been five minutes and you're already slamming everything."

I groaned quietly and shuffled over to face plant onto her bed beside where she sat, burying my face in her comforter. She was right, I couldn't fault her for that. It was even worse in the past when I actually lived here, and I always felt guilty that she had to listen to it as often as she did. The last thing I wanted was to make her listen to it now.

Her hand came down to gently rub my back, "Don't stress too much. For what it's worth...you're handling it great."

I scoffed a little before turning my head to peek over at her, "You think so?"

"Yeah," she shrugged, "If anyone can take on mom's bitchy attitude, it's you."

That got me to smile, finding myself feeling better already knowing that I really could stick it to her when I needed to. "Thanks...but I don't really want to talk about mom anymore," I waved off before slowly sitting up to face her, "Let's talk about you."

She smiled a bit, "Okay."

"So," I started as I absentmindedly grabbed one of her stuffed bears, "How many more friends do you have? How many cute boys do you like? Did you win prom queen?" I asked sarcastically.

"I haven't won prom queen," she said with a playful roll of her eyes, "I was just nominated."

I huffed softly, "Whatever, same thing. I don't know how this popularity thing works, so I'm living vicariously through you."

She laughed a bit, "Okay, fine. I haven't won anything yet, I have the same friends, and...there is this one guy I really like. And he really likes me." she said, her cheeks blushing a bit.

My mouth dropped, "Shut up, really?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "We've gone out a few times now. And...then he sort of asked me to be his girlfriend."

I couldn't even imagine what my face looked like after she said that, but I knew for a fact I was left bewildered. "You're like twelve, how can you already have a boyfriend?"

She blinked, "Rose, I'm sixteen."

"Oh...right." I muttered, my face scrunching up, "Well, either way you have to stop growing up so fast. Makes me feel old."

"That's what everybody says."

"But I mean it the most." I said sweetly.

"Okay, can we stop discussing how old you feel?" she suggested before standing up to toss her magazine on the pile she had collected over the years. "Because I need you to help me decide on what to wear on my date with him tonight."

My eyes widened as I sat up a bit straighter, "Woah, wait a minute, tonight?"

"Yeah, tonight." she nodded happily, moving over to start picking through her clothes in her closet.

"You're ditching me? I have to be stuck here with mom for the rest of the night, while you're out having fun?"

She glanced over her shoulder at me smugly, "I thought you didn't want to talk about mom anymore."

I scoffed, "I do when you're hinting at leaving me alone with her." I countered back, carelessly tossing the stuffed animal aside, "Come on, this is my first day back. Let me be selfish just this once."

"I'm sorry, Rose, but I agreed to these plans weeks ago. We have a whole two more days to do whatever you want, I promise."

My shoulders dropped with a disappointed sigh as I slowly slumped back against the headboard, attempting to find peace with the idea of spending the night with my mother. It was something I almost needed to mentally prepare for. Clearly, she wasn't too happy with me to begin with judging by the pleasant conversation we had earlier, and I didn't think a few hours together would fix it. That's just not how she operated. She was confusing the unpredictable, but according to Charlie I was the one who knew how to handle it best out of all of us. Though I didn't know just how much of it I could take before I would physically implode.

"Okay, which one do you think?"

I looked up again to see her holding up two potential clothing options for her outing. One dress was white and simple with little flowers covering the entirety of it, and the other was light green with pink polka dots. My eyes then flickered back up to her smiling face, feeling a tug at my heartstrings at how excited she was for this.

"I like the white one." I said with a point of my finger, "It'll match the necklace you're wearing."

She subconsciously glanced down at the jewelry, "Oh, yeah you're totally right." she agreed, "Hey, could you maybe do my hair too? I always miss the back when I try by myself."

I gave a small nod, "Sure."

Her eyes brightened with excitement, "I love having you around." she said playfully before laying the selected outfit down beside me on the bed.

It didn't take long for us to get to work on dolling her up, mostly because she swore she was on some kind of time crunch. She took the time to touch up her makeup in the bright mirror in front of her while I worked on curling her hair to perfection. I had to admit, this was one of the few things I missed about being home. Having girly chats whilst getting ready for whatever kind of occasion, I guess it had always been sort of our thing. We always did our makeup together, usually side by side in the bathroom, and I guess I forgot how much I missed the feeling until now.

I simply listened to her go on and on about school and her friend group, all the different kinds of drama and rumors spreading around. It was a completely different kind of high school experience than what I had, sometimes I had a hard time keeping up with who said what. But by the end of it, it was safe to say that this one girl Emily was a total bitch.

"I can't believe I'm about to ask this," she then spoke up again, "But could you give me some...dating advice?"

My eyebrows raised at her through the mirror.

"Don't look at me like that, okay? I know it's stupid. But I can't exactly ask mom, and I've never had a boyfriend before. Please?" she asked quietly.

I exhaled a small sigh, "What kind of advice are we talking here?"

She thought to herself for a moment, "Anything, really. Just...something that won't make me seem like a total virgin loser."

"Okay," I interrupted with a wave of my hand, "My first piece of advice, stay a virgin as long as you can. It's not worth it."

Her eyes widened through the reflection, "Rose."

"Fine..." I trailed off for a moment as I thought of something useful. "Okay, be yourself. It's basic but it's true. No use in trying to be miss perfect only for him to find out you're a psycho in disguise."

She laughed a little at my joke, nodding for me to continue. I grasped another piece of her hair to curl as I thought of more words of wisdom. "Also make sure he likes some of the same things you like. It's better to click that way, and it gives you more things to do together."

I finished up with the top layers, gently running my fingers through the curls so they would loosen, "And finally, make sure he pays for everything."

"He does." she nodded.

I gave her shoulder a pat, "That's my girl." I said proudly before pushing her hair to the front so she could see the finished product. "And...you're all done. Just in time too."

Charlie followed my gaze out the window to see a car pull up just along the driveway, hearing him honk twice to signal his arrival. She squealed in excitement before she quickly got up to grab her things, slinging her purse over her shoulder whilst doing a double take in the reflection to make sure everything was perfect.

"Okay," she breathed as she turned to face me one last time, "Wish me luck."

I rolled my eyes slightly in amusement, "Yeah, good luck. Have fun, be safe, and get back here by twelve."

She nodded reluctantly, "Right, right...love you." she said before quickly kissing my cheek and spun around to head downstairs. I could be wrong, but it seemed like she was excited.

Looking back over my shoulder, I curiously peered out the window, watching her practically skip outside to greet him as he stood leaned up against his car. The leather jacket he wore left me feeling skeptical. They hugged each other for a few lingering moments before he suddenly turned her head so he could stick his tongue down her throat. My face scrunched up in disgust as I didn't waste any time looking away, beginning to clean up her vanity a bit as I tried to pretend like I hadn't witnessed that.

I found myself lingering upstairs for as long as I could, stalling to the point where Charlie's room was now almost spotless with how much I managed to clean it. The last thing I needed was to go down there and talk to the brick wall for the rest of the night, but I silently knew that was the entire reason I came home. It wasn't to spend my entire weekend just hiding out in my room. The only thing I wished now was for my dad to be here; he always somehow knew how to mend the shattering bond between my mom and I. Even if it never worked, he still tried, and that was something I needed right about now.

But it was too late for any kind of backup, slowly forcing myself to walk down the stairs one by one until I could hear the sound of the TV, probably playing some kind of trashy show in the large living room. I stood behind the wall to be out of her view for just a few seconds more, taking a breath to prepare myself and fake it until the sun went down. I forced myself to stand straighter before turning the corner with a small sigh, leaning against the couch where she sat.

"Well, the princess is off riding her carriage into the sunset." I informed dryly, "So, it looks like it's just you and me tonight."

She turned toward me with a furrow of her brow, "What?"

I paused, "Your daughter. She took off to go on a date with her boyfriend and left us to fend for ourselves."

The only response I received was a blank stare, causing me to think that I was the stupid one in this conversation. "Charlie." I clarified slowly.

"I know who my daughter is." she said in an exaggerated tone, "But she didn't tell me she was going out tonight, she better get back here right now." she mumbled more to herself as she took out her flip phone.

My lips pressed together in annoyance, "Mom, she did tell you."

"No, she didn't," she insisted, "I knew she had plans Friday, but not tonight."

"Mom...it is Friday."

The woman paused, as if calculating the days of the week in her head before slowly hanging up the phone. "Oh..."

Yet another silence followed, but the words that were left unsaid really spoke volumes. It wasn't hard to see that she clearly didn't want to be left alone with me just as I didn't with her, though our reasonings were completely different. She didn't care for me enough to tolerate me alone, my attitude and "smart mouth" only infuriated her because I always held a mirror up to her face. While I on the other hand couldn't handle her constant nagging and subtle attempts to shut me out. Because although I always tried to deny it, I still loved her. And a part of me probably always would.

"So...are you hungry? We could go out to eat tonight, just talk and catch up." I tried to suggest.

She sighed heavily, her eyes never straying away from the television, "The restaurants will be packed tonight, we would never get a table."

I clicked my tongue, "Well, if we leave now I'm sure we could make it. It's only five-thirty. And worse comes to worst, we can sit at the bar or something while we wait."

"I'm not going anywhere that crowded, Rose. Not tonight."

Some would say she was being extremely difficult, to which I would agree in an instant. But I was used to it, and I was also just as, if not more stubborn than she was. Meaning I wasn't planning to move until we had something figured out.

"What if we go pick something up? Or we can make something here? I mean, I don't want to make you feel like you have to do something special on my account, I know the world hasn't stopped spinning just yet."

She then stood up abruptly, seemingly having enough of my endless questioning, "Fine. We'll order a pizza."

I watched her practically storm out of the room to go get one of the menus we had tucked away in a junk drawer, rolling my eyes at her exaggeration. "Yeah, great...thanks for not overreacting or anything." I mumbled to myself, plopping down on the couch and running my hands stressfully through my hair.

Already this was proving to be the longest night of my life.

The room was filled to the brim with silence, the orange lights hanging above my head only added to the ambiance of the dining room I was familiar with. We ate all of our meals in here, only this time it was particularly quiet, the two of us sitting at either end of the table not uttering a word. I tried to wager that the living room would be better so the TV would at least fill the void, but she would rather die than potentially get grease on her nice leather couches. As if I were still a child and she didn't trust me with a slice of pizza and a plate.

My leg bounced under the table anxiously, trying to hold out until at least eight o'clock where I would then go upstairs and pretend to not feel well for the rest of the night. It was something I had done often as an excuse to be away from her without being bothered, and though we both knew at this point that it was just a giant lie, we still acted as if it was real.

"Rose, why don't you have some of the salad I made."

I looked up from my plate when she finally spoke to me, raising an eyebrow at the bowl of lettuce she had put together, "You mean the rabbit food?"

She looked at me through her eyelashes, "Come on, it's got spinach and carrots and nuts- it's good for you. And you need to watch what you're eating."

There it was again. Another dig at my appearance that didn't appease her right along with my attitude. "Well, how about you watch what I'm eating." I said before taking a giant bite, pulling the cheese off of the slice and letting it dangle from my mouth.

A groan left her as she held up her hand to block me from view, "Rosemary, that's absolutely disgusting."

I smiled proudly, pushing the rest of the bite in my mouth and chewing it a bit before I spoke again, "What? You wanted to be critical, let's talk about the fact that you're using a fork and knife to eat pizza, like a psycho."

"I do not like the crumbs and grease getting all over my hands-" she huffed, "Can we not argue? For once, I just don't want to hear your little smart comments at the table. Let's just...change the topic or something, alright?"

My gaze fell downcast as I slouched back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest and no longer feeling very hungry. "Fine..."

Change the topic. It was an easy switch in conversation, although I knew for a fact it would make the arguing worse. But at some point I had to tell her. Not like I needed to ask for permission, but I felt she had a right to know what was truly going on in my life even if it would bite me in the ass later on.

"Okay..." I started, "I've got a good one for you."

She paused just as she was about to take another bite, sensing in my tone that this was something less lighthearted. Obviously now I had her full attention.

Exhaling a small breath, I forced myself to speak again, "With the way my grades are, my advisor says I can graduate early if I have a plan of what I want to do. And...I decided that this semester is going to be my last one."

I had never seen my mother perk up faster than she did in that moment, her eyes sparkling with what looked to be excitement, "Really...? You're already graduating?" she asked as she stood from her chair, "Well, why didn't you tell me? This is so fantastic."

"Well," I laughed nervously, holding a hand up for her to wait, "I wasn't really sure how you were going to react when I told you...I'm planning to train at the police academy. In August."

And just like that, all the happiness suddenly drained from her face, her eyes now studying me with a glare. The room grew soundless once again, only now my stomach was taking drastic tumbles in my body and giving me a feeling like I could throw up. Maybe my illness this time wouldn't be a lie.

"A police academy," she repeated in an odd tone, "What could you possibly want to do there?"

I shook my head slightly. Was she serious? "I don't know, I heard they train cops, I figured I'd look into it."

My dry response only angered her further as she suddenly shoved her chair back toward the table with a loud slam, grabbing her plate before she was stomping out of the room. I sat frozen for a long moment, not exactly knowing what to do now that she knew the truth of what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't expect her to be thrilled, but I also didn't anticipate her throwing some kind of tantrum like she was a three year old. Realistically I could've just gone up to my room to give both of us a much needed break. But I always had to be the bigger person.

"Mom?" my voice hesitantly called out as I stepped into the kitchen with my own dishes, finding her at the sink already aggressively washing.

I slowly set my plate down on the counter beside her as I watched her expression, "Mom...? I know this...comforting thing isn't exactly your strong suit here. But I could really use your support on this."

"My support?" she unexpectedly snapped.

My eyes widened in disbelief, "Yes, your support. I need as much of it as I can get right now with going into this. I'm scared shitless, but I'm also...really excited. I want to be able to help people, and actually bring some light to this shitty town instead of sitting at a boring desk job for the rest of my life." I ranted, "I mean, aren't you a little glad I'm pursuing something I actually want to do?"

"Glad is far from the word I would use to describe how I'm feeling." she scoffed, almost in disgust before suddenly discarding what she was previously washing, drying her hands and walking toward the living room to get away from me.

I exhaled sharply before following right behind her, "No, no! You don't get to just walk away like that, not when I'm trying to talk to you."

She turned around swiftly, "What is there to talk about, Rose?!" she snapped, "Sounds to me like you have your whole life done and figured out."

"Why are you acting like this? I don't understand- I don't understand why you can never be happy for me. Why you never care." I said in an exasperated tone, feeling defeated and so small standing before her. Like she had sucked all the life from me.

Her eyes rolled, "I don't need to see your little pity party. You know good and well why I'm not happy about this. What will our family think of your little career choice? Or my friends? Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?"

The only thing I could do then was stare at her. I couldn't even imagine what my face could've looked like from her point of view, but what I felt much resembled some kind of raging storm. My vision blurred with tears and my heart felt heavy nestled inside my chest, my throat tightening up like I could no longer breathe. I felt that every time I tried to build myself back up, she always found a way to knock me down. To hit me right where it hurts the most. To prove time and time again that she didn't seem to care at all about me.

I let out a sound of a sob mixed with a humorless laugh, "You've got to be kidding..."

"What?" she snapped, "You know they're going to judge you. You could've used your degree for something spectacular, but instead you're just throwing all of it away just like I knew you would."

My face flushed with anger, "You're more worried about what other people would think...than what could happen to me?" I asked as I pointed to my own chest.

She paused, her eyes looking me up and down as she tried to come up with a fathomable response. But she didn't have the chance before I was speaking again. "Forget the fact that I could have some financial problems, and let's completely disregard the fact that I could get shot, or stabbed, or fucking die doing this job. No, no, let's be more concerned about what your little PTA friends are going to say about me."

Silence.

"I cannot believe you only care about how it would affect you and your stupid image you're trying to hold. Actually, you know what, I can. I can believe that you would care more about that then you do your own fucking daughter."

"Do not swear at me, that's not what I said! Don't try and twist my words around." she clapped back again.

I wiped my cheeks harshly as I scoffed, "I'm not twisting anything! I'm just calling out your bullshit and you can't stand that."

"Rosemary-"

"No! No, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm done." I muttered with a choked voice, brushing past her to walk upstairs as quickly as I could. Not wanting to hear whatever criticizing words she wanted to spit at me.

I turned the corner toward my room and didn't hesitate to slam the door behind me, letting out a heavy breath as I finally allowed my tears to fall. But the relief of being away from her didn't last long, the redecoration of the bedroom I had once lived in shook me greater than I expected. Everything was gone. My artwork that was once hung on the walls, the clothes I had left here in my closet, even my bed was now replaced with a stiff pull out sofa instead. She had turned the space into something for her, judging by the piles of fabrics and the sewing machine perched on top of my old desk, thread and pin cushions scattered about. My lip quivered as I looked around the room, feeling my heart break at all of the things she had gotten rid of, all the things that were once precious to me.

A few heavy thuds came from the other side of the door, loud enough to make me jump, "Don't think your father and I will loan you anything if you go through with this!" she yelled through the surface.

"Good!" I shouted back, quickly locking the handle and hitting the door once so she would finally leave me alone. The collar of my shirt now soaked with the tears that ran down my neck.

My breathing grew more erratic as my mind simply wouldn't calm down, striding over to reach for one of the pillows sitting on the couch so I could hold it over my face, screaming into it as loud as I could. The sound came out muffled on the other end, but my throat hurt greatly by the time I was done, the action not being as therapeutic as I imagined it would be. In fact, it only made things worse.

I could feel my heart pounding loudly against my ribcage, the sound echoing in my ears along with a sharp ringing I couldn't seem to be rid of. My shaking arms crossed protectively around myself as I slid down the wall and onto the floor, beginning to hyperventilate as I sobbed. I thought about calling Daniel, to come pick me up just to get away from here and be with someone I actually felt safe with. But in the end, I didn't. Maybe I was a weak soul or something for not having the courage to walk out, but a part of me was scared of the things she would do if I tried.

It was then I realized that my mother and I would always be on two completely different ends of the spectrum. Figuratively and literally. Whilst she wanted everything precise and perfect, I didn't care much for how things looked to others. She hated when she had to touch food with her hands, and I actually preferred it rather than some fancy meal. She wanted to sit at the far left side of the table, when I was stuck by myself on the right.

No matter what I did or how I tried to prove myself, nothing was ever going to be good enough for her. I probably should've just accepted that a long time ago and moved on before I allowed myself to get hurt any worse. But again, I saw myself as weak.

~ Thanks for reading!

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