#ashuhashhello

[astrristar]

i am part of a 90% and a 40% and a 49% and a 12% and a 68% and a 70% and a

[astrristar]

70 FUCKING PERCENT.

[astrristar]

yeah screw it basically the scary organisation is finally doing something BUT the rules look scary

wdym if i miss two sessions conscutively i will be kicked out and have to do the waiting all over again likw what if i get into a car accident or something

and wdym it's like hidden but also smack bang in the centre of town. is that not. really shady and terrifying and what if i can't find it on the first day and they think i don't wanna be there and kick me out

and also what if i am stupid again and say nothing and those 7 months of hell and torture and waiting and waiting and waiting amount to nothing. like i HOPE they wouldn't but what if i decide to be a subhuman dumbass again cause the website says "you will never be forced to talk about anything you are not ready to" but like i'm NEVER ready 💔

and also like tis scary cause i read through the (lowkey bad quality) website over and over earlier and just aaaaaaaa i will never get used to it i will probably never get used to this but i sort of have to in order to get somewhere that isn't absolutely fucking hellish

AND also. do i even really deserve or need this i mean i hopr i want it i have been waiting for fucking ages and gone through so many phone calls and consultations and general turmoil and now i am being told it will all go away but also was it ever that serious 🥹✌️

[astrristar]

hmmmm that was not an expected outcome

[astrristar]

i had a really weird dream where i cried about everythign to my head of year and she told my form tutor and then she barged into my favourite class to ask me why i was late and i got really annoyed because i wasn't the only one but because she was aware of issues she had to make sure and then they tried to stop me leaving the school because supervision and then it was really easy to leave anwhay

[astrristar]

omds when i was chasing my biology twacher at lunch my friend asked if he was busy and instead of saying "yes" like a normal person he said "well if it's for safeguarding you're my first priority" sir i did not need a reminder that you were Aware and Actively Involved in my Situations at one point

[astrristar]

new things have been discovered and i don't like any of them

[astrristar]

i told my head of year about the events of last night during pe (well not exactly, she guessed and i declined to answer), and then i had a cry after school for a multitude of reasons

i wanna skip to when everything's okay again please