#asi rambles

[spilledbutter]

alright back on my fae!jaskier bullshit

there are myths of fairies assuming the guise of animals

imagining jaskier in animal form acting as a companion for the witchers and helping them out in times of need

like lambert is getting stiffed by an alderman so jaskier turns into a magpie and starts pecking the shit out of the alderman and shitting in his hair until he drops his coin purse for lambert to take

geralt gets injured on a really difficult hunt and jaskier turns into a horse and hauls him bodily back to camp

eskel needs help getting information for a quest so jaskier turns into a mouse and sneaks into rooms and listens to conversations to help him spy and reports back what he's learned

but ALSO imagining him using his powers for evil

jaskier couldn't sleep all night and is up before eskel for once. he turns into a rooster and wakes him right the fuck up because he's bored

jaskier turning into a horse to talk shit about geralt with roach. they keep neighing and whinnying together and geralt gets progressively more and more annoyed. he will not tell geralt what was said

he and lambert need to cross a fast-moving river and the bridge is broken. jaskier, the little shit, turns into a fish and swims easily across. lambert has to figure out how to cross on his own

i could honestly keep going this is so fucking funny to me

[spilledbutter]

so you guys ready for s3 in july or what

i'm expecting a lot of very important plot developments, given everything we know so far:

jaskier wears eyeliner in every scene. no exceptions

bisexuality is canon. go buckwild, no exceptions to this either

gordon is upgraded from "guest star" to "main cast" (king)

new roach is upgraded from "guest star" to "main cast" (queen)

eskel didn't actually die, it was a doppler. yeehaw

something something cat witchers something lambden

evil!jaskier for real (come on, just one episode)(as a treat!)

[spilledbutter]

rewatching some witcher clips and absolutely obsessed with jaskier's lil jump right here when he and yen are running away from the goons

lil leapfrog boi

jumpin over his problems

[spilledbutter]

i’m sorry i’m not actually online but you can’t make this shit up guys and i HAD to share it with you

GERALD OF RIVER

[spilledbutter]

geralt reading dandelion's poetry on lonely winter nights in kaer morhen, longing for spring

geralt sneaking one of dandelion's tunics into his own pack, so he can keep his scent close during the time they are apart

geralt keeping all the letters dandelion has written him on his bedside table--all are dog-eared and slightly worn from being read so many times

[spilledbutter]

his thot detector just went off and it's beeping hard for the silver fox in the corner

[spilledbutter]

i know the headcanon is normally jaskier courting geralt and him being Totally Oblivious but have you considered the opposite?

like, geralt does the following activities regularly:

remembering jaskier's favorite bakery in oxenfurt and picking up treats for him on his way to his quarters

noticing when jaskier is getting tired (even though he hasn't said anything) and wordlessly helping him climb onto roach

seeing that he's running low on oils and bathing products and picking up some for him in the market

slaying a beast and making some kind of trinket or clothing for jaskier out of the parts he doesn't need for a contract--a cloak out of the hide, a quill out of the feathers, jewelry out of the bones, etc.

having a bath ordered and a steaming bowl of stew and a tankard of ale on the table for jaskier when he finishes a performance

and meanwhile jaskier is like

[spilledbutter]

what the amazing devil songs wreck you the most?

i'll go first--the old witch sleep and the good man grace, pray, blossoms, little miss why so, welly boots. every time.