just a sexy goose, guzzling - asi - pan - 27 - she/her - woc - too fucking old to be here - feral tad enthusiast - frequently NSFW / 18+ - feel free to submit prompts to my ask! icon by potatolord
i've stumbled back into writing and fandom after almost a decade of being out of it. it's been really fun coming back to tumblr and participating in the witcher fandom. my ask/messenger is open so feel free to submit a prompt or stop by for a chat anytime! ♥
mostly shitposting and reblogs here, but i also write! this blog is jaskiersexual but my favorite pairings are bombard, jaskel, and geraskier (with a sprinkle of yennskier).
all of my writing is tagged #asi writes. you can find all of it below or on my ao3.
that being said, i enjoy content from all forms of witcher media (books, games, show, etc.) and will be posting content from the various adaptations. if that's not to your liking, no worries! but if you're a purist of any kind, this blog is not for you.
beware--18+ only, please!
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MASTERLIST
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(updated 3/8)
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arranged marriage knight au | Jaskel, M, WIP
Part 1 | 3k+, CW: coarse language, implied sex
light dom jaskier with unspoken feelings | Yennskier, E, 6k+, CW: smut, drinking
established relationship morning sex | Bombard, E, 1k+, CW: smut
the monster-hunting au no one asked for | Geraskier, T, WIP
Part 1 | 3k, CW: mention of carcasses
Part 2 | 4k, CW: mention of potential injury/death, cursing, monster description, sexual thoughts
fake dating au | Jaskel, T, WIP
Part 1 | 2k+, CW: cursing, sexual thoughts
Part 2 | 4k+, CW: cursing, sexual thoughts
geralt body worship | Geraskier, E, 1k, CW: smut
requited unrequited courting au | Jaskel, T, 4k, CW: implied sex
coffee shop au | Jaskel, T, 2k+, CW: none
lambert wants the bard | Bombard, E, 3k+, CW: smut
shining in your light (a knight, my love, a knight)
Summary: Jaskier's days as a single man are numbered. With family obligations knocking at the door and no escape in sight, he knows he will soon be forced to marry.
Things are further complicated when he meets a beautiful, brown-haired witcher by chance in a tavern one night.
Jaskier/Eskel | Rated: M | WC: 3k+ | CW: coarse language, implied sex
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A (very) belated Witcher Writers Winter Gift Exchange 2022 (@witcherficwriters) fill for @matrixfairy! I hope you enjoy, friendo, and sorry it's so late!
Also on AO3! I anticipate at least two more chapters, if not three, to finish everything up.
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When he was younger, Jaskier imagined life to be a fairytale.
Grand adventures, beasts to be slain, and knights in shining armor.
“Yeeugh,” the man groaned out from the tavern floor where he’d stumbled before him, covered in mud and smelling of horse dung.
Real life never was quite like he imagined it would be.
“I’m so sorry, are you alright?” Jaskier’s hands fluttered uselessly in front of him, wanting to help but not quite sure if the other man was injured. He hastily put aside his tankard of ale and lute.
“Sir? Can I help you with anything?” He called when he received no reply. It took a moment, but the man finally raised his head, turning surprisingly keen, golden eyes on Jaskier. He’d thought he was dealing with a drunkard.
He knew he should feel exposed, perhaps intimidated, under such a sharp gaze. Jaskier had never been prone to the reactions of normal people, however, so he felt nothing of the sort.
Surprisingly, he only felt warm, heat pricking his collar.
Warmer still, as he took notice of the strong jaw, full lips, and long lashes cradling those honeyed irises. His eyes scanned over a set of broad shoulders, topping off a barrel chest, and what he was sure were delectable abs underneath a ruby-colored gambeson.
Covered in mud he may be, but a pig he was not.
“You talkin’ to me, pretty thing?” The rumbling, rich baritone shook him out of his stupor. Jaskier planted a charming grin on his face, casually running his hand over his chin in a thoughtful pose to check for drool. Gods above.
“Ah, but the man does speak! Are you sure you’re alright?”
The other man sat up, leaning against the wall. “Just peachy,” he grunted, leaning his elbows on his knees. “No need to worry, pretty thing. My kind are made for a bit of wear and tear.”
Shit. And a smile meant to break a man’s heart, to boot.
Well. Jaskier had never been one to resist a pretty face.
“Can I help you? Buy you an ale, maybe?”
The grin turned devilish, topaz eyes shimmering with mischief. “Aye, and a bowl of stew if you’re going to bed me,” he winked. “Probably need the energy. You seem like a wild one.”
Jaskier flushed, shocked and pleased all in one. He returned the wink with a provocative smile of his own. “A gentleman never tells, my dear.”
He held out a hand. A little flirtation did not an acquaintance make. Jaskier was no fool, either.
Two swords on his back. Heavy traveling cloak, worn at the hem and tattered. Scarring on his face and forearms - from some beast or other, no doubt.
A witcher. Very interesting indeed.
Those discerning eyes stared him down, assessing, before seeming to make a decision. A strong hand clasped Jaskier’s own.
He pulled the other man up with only a little effort and noted the surprise on the witcher’s face. He felt no small amount of pride. He didn’t have a witcher’s bulk, but he wasn’t a small man by any means.
Now that he was standing, Jaskier took full stock of the other man’s form. His new friend had about three inches on him and at least a hundred pounds. Jaskier felt a pleasant tingle run down his spine. It was rare he met a delicious man like this on accident.
“Jaskier,” he announced in his most imperious voice with a courtly, sweeping bow. “At your service.”
The other man quirked his lips, amused. “Eskel.”
Jaskier felt giddy. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Eskel. I believe I promised you an ale?”
That lovely half-smile doubled in size. “Aye. I believe you did.”
###
There wasn’t much talking after they went upstairs. Jaskier’s rented room was small, the bed smaller, but it would do the job.
“Darling,” Jaskier purred once the door was shut, “That armor is quite dashing, but I have to say you’re a tad overdressed.”
Eskel’s warm body pressed against his with a mouthwatering pressure. With the wall at his back and the absolute boulder of a man at his front, he’d never felt happier about being cornered. A rough hand grasped his jaw, calloused thumb brushing against his bottom lip.
“Pretty words from a pretty mouth,” Eskel rumbled in his deep baritone. Golden eyes bored into Jaskier’s own, pinning him with their intensity. “D’you sing just as sweetly?”
Jaskier smirked wolfishly, wrapping his arms firmly around Eskel’s neck. “I’m sure you’ll find out.”
A husky chuckle, followed by a throaty moan. And then the night was silent.
###
Jaskier’s eyes fluttered open, moonlight filtering through the tiny inn window.
He quietly took stock of the pleasant soreness in his limbs, aches in places which meant he’d had a very good night indeed. It took a few moments for him to become aware of the hard chest beneath his ear, carpeted with smattering of dark hair.
He came fully into awareness, remembering his night with Eskel and feeling a goofy smile bloom across his face. He was almost too comfortable using the witcher as a pillow. He would be perfectly content to lounge around until Eskel woke up. Maybe convince him to go for another round… But loathe as he was to move, he knew he needed to get back home.
As quietly as possible, he disentangled himself from the body below him. He dressed in silence, distinctly aware of every swish and rustle of fabric making their way to sharp witcher ears. He put on just enough clothing to be decent for the trek back, not wanting to delay any further.
Jaskier looked back at the man on the bed. He truly had the body of a god, looked absolutely delectable with a sheet just barely covering his exquisite cock. Blessedly, he’d had the skills in bed to match, which Jaskier was quite thankful for.
He looked oddly vulnerable, soft brown curls falling into his eyes and face lax with sleep. The moon’s rays danced across his striking features and made his tanned skin glow. He was the picture of inviting.
He was beautiful. It was a shame this was only for a night.
“May our paths cross again, Eskel,” he spoke softly.
Jaskier slipped out the door, unaware of the witcher watching him leave.
###
His nightly outings were becoming more common the closer he got to his impending doom. Since he’d passed his twenty-first birthday, Jaskier knew he was living on borrowed time. He knew his father would make things as unpleasant as possible.
Men of the Pankratz family were honor-bound to marry by the end of their twenty-first year. If they had not made a match by this time, a match would be arranged for them by the head of the household. The legend (or so he was told, although it all sounded like horse shit) went that were this rule not met, a curse would befall their house and lands, blighting all who lived within them.
Or something. He’d never really paid attention during his governess’s lessons, dreadfully boring woman that she was.
But he was damned sure everyone in his house believed in the legend. Without a doubt, he’d be turned out on his ass for the first respectable gentleperson that came calling for him. He was under no illusions that his father had his best interests at heart–far from it, in fact. The sooner they’d be rid of him, the better.
Nothing like a parent’s love, eh?
He bitterly chuckled to himself as he stepped into the shadowed gardens below his quarters. Right turn at the archway. Left at the lavender bushes. Two steps and a hop across the charming little pond with the frogs he’d played with as a child. Now just a shimmy up the trellis to his open window and he’d be home free.
He should really look into doing this professionally. He’d make an excellent spy.
Jaskier crested the windowsill, feet on the warmed stone floors. The embers of the fire were still hot in the hearth, no doubt stoked by his diligent valet. let out a yawn, feeling his eyes start to droop.
“I imagine I’d be tired too, after an acrobatics routine like that.”
He jumped about a foot in the air. He did not shriek, thank you very much.
“Jana, you witch!” He hissed, blue eyes blazing. “Perhaps I should put a bell on you!”
She smirked, green eyes glinting maliciously. “And where would be the fun in that?”
She was the devil incarnate. Evil in the flesh. He loved her to pieces.
“Sister dear,” he hummed, stepping towards his wardrobe. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Just checking on my dearest Julek. Thought you might be tossing and turning tonight, is all.”
Jaskier squinted at her before turning back to his clothes. He grabbed a nightshirt and stepped behind the changing screen. “And why ever would I be restless?”
He didn’t need to see her face to know she was laughing at him. “Just a… feeling I had.”
He quickly stepped out from behind the screen, more comfortable now in his loose night clothes. He stepped towards the basin to wash his face. Jana was sitting primly on the bench, legs crossed daintily, looking serene as ever.
Something was definitely wrong.
“Oh?” He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of true curiosity. She was unbearably smug about this little talent of hers.
She got like this, sometimes. Jana was prone to feelings—no one in their family called them premonitions, per se, but it was hard to find a different word to describe them. Sometimes it was small things, like an unexpected change in the weather, but there were other times, too–like when she’d gotten a bad feeling about Aunt Margot’s cold, and she’d passed within a fortnight.
Jana hummed, noncommittal, and tossed her long, chocolate locks over her shoulder. “Something is going to happen tomorrow. Something big. And it concerns you, brother dearest.”
Jaskier didn’t respond, mind racing. He schooled his features, maintaining the indifferent mask he’d learned as a son of the peerage. The tournament tomorrow was for the benefit of the Pankratz House. It didn’t, however, directly impact Jaskier in any notable way–not more than it would impact them all.
“We shall see, I suppose. Now, if you don’t mind,” he pointedly shuffled towards his bed, pressing a kiss to her cheek as he passed. “I need my beauty rest.”
He’d turned down the covers and was just about to snuff the light when Jana approached him, ruffling his hair. He huffed. She turned away toward the door with a smile.
“Indeed we shall, little brother. Tomorrow.”
###
The morning dawned bright, trumpets and birdsong intermingling with the fresh dew. The sunlight was dappled through the trees in the clearing and the air smelled of late spring blossoms.
It was far too fine a day for such nonsense.
“Hark! Hear ye, hear ye! On this day commences the Tournament of Koselig, attended only by the most honorable of knights and lords!”
The opening speeches were always dull as watching paint dry. The Pankratz family was seated in the box with the best view of the action at the head of the field. He was expected to smile and nod as the competitors passed their box, acknowledging the brave souls fighting and potentially losing life and limb. All for the sake of their entertainment–and today, the dubious honor of ruling the shittiest parcel in the province.
It made him sick, to be honest.
“You don’t suppose we could slip out after the announcements, do you? I’m sure Vincent could be convinced to cover for us with the right motivation.” He winked at Jana, earning a giggle in return.
“You know we can’t, Julek. Besides–I really do have a good feeling about today. Something important is going to happen, I just know it.”
Her feelings were not to be dismissed. It was sure to be an eventful day, for one reason or another. He just hoped it wasn’t at his expense.
“Jana, Julian, do be quiet. Where are your manners?” His mother tutted, one elegant brow arched. She was the spitting image of his sister, with a few more lines around her eyes and streaks of gray through her hair.
“Apologies, mother. I seem to have forgotten my patience today,” Jaskier smiled sweetly. “Must these things be so terribly tedious?”
“It would do you well to watch your tongue, Julian. Comes with the territory. A Viscount is expected to behave and attend events such as this.”
“Only a Viscount in name, father. Don’t you worry–you’ll never have to bless me with more responsibility than that with our dear Jana here.”
The tension between father and son was palpable. Jana discretely squeezed his hand in support.
Jaskier’s relationship with his father had never been the greatest, but they had reached an all-time low recently. He felt like he was on a tightrope, closer and closer to falling to the brink as each day passed. Who–or what–his father had in store for him was a great source of anxiety. And two of them weren’t exactly the types to have heart-to-heart chats, so his fate would inevitably be a surprise. Joy of joys.
In other circumstances, he’d be filling the gaping pit of anxiety with a glass of wine and a warm body, but alas. Duty called, as his father liked to remind him.
“We have the honor of being hosted today by the esteemed Pankratz family: the Earl Alfred Pankratz of Lettenhove, Lady Maria Pankratz of Lettenhove, Lady Jana Pankratz of Lettenhove, and Viscount Julian Alfred Pankratz of Lettenhove,” the herald carried on. “The knights and lords present will compete today for the honor of overseeing one of his Lordship’s properties in Hygge, a parcel of land which…”
Jaskier found his attention drifting beyond the stands, the announcements a tiresome buzzing in the background. From the looks of it, every person in the city of Koselig had turned out for the event, and probably the neighboring cities too. They were practically giving away a prize today, wrapped up in a neat, entertaining package and decorated with a ball. It was no wonder it looked like the entirety of coastal Redania had arrived on their front lawn.
He wasn’t surprised. His parents were well-liked for their fair ruling of the lands they controlled, but they were equally liked for the lavish parties they liked to throw. It wasn’t all a front, but every event, gift, and act of service was part of a carefully calculated plan to keep the populace happy and maintain appearances.
His mother, for all that she was kind, was incredibly shrewd and good with people. She knew what would keep them happiest (and what would shut them up). His father was a strict man, committed to the principles of duty and obedience. At the same time, he wouldn’t hesitate to manipulate a situation in his favor. Jaskier loved them, but he didn’t always like them.
Hygge was a sizeable estate just shy of a week’s ride north of Jaskier’s home in Koselig. Its accompanying village was full of fishermen and farmers alike, with the coast nearby and plenty of fertile land to till. The former Lord who’d ruled over the property for the last twenty years had died two months prior. Rather unfortunately for everyone, he passed without an heir. Even more unfortunately, he had done a poor job managing things in the last five years. Much work would need to be done by the new proprietor.
His parents needed someone to manage the property and township. Jana, as heir to their family estate, had been assisting with the property in the months since the former Lord’s passing. This obviously wasn’t a long-term solution as she would take over in Koselig one day.
They had decided to select a new proprietor, ideally a knight looking to settle down or a lower member of the peerage without many responsibilities. And because his mother had a flair for dramatics, what better way to find someone willing than a tournament?
It was great marketing, he had to hand it to her. Undoubtedly, they would find someone today.
“Gentlemen! Please present yourself to the venerable Pankratz family!”
Jaskier put on his most polite and courtly smile for the introductions. One by one, the assembled lords and knights stepped up to the box. There was a Lord Valdo from Cidaris who seemed utterly obnoxious–-gods, he hoped he didn’t win. A knight from Roggeveen with a peculiar mustache. Another Lord So-and-So from Denesle who sounded absolutely drunk off his ass—that would make for a good show.
He almost fell out of his chair when he spotted a familiar red gambeson and mop of brown hair. Flashes of last night sent a rush of blood to a very unfortunate place as he locked gazes with a familiar pair of golden eyes.
Their bodies meeting in an intimate embrace. Eskel’s calloused hands gripping his hips tightly. Deep, rumbling groans as Jaskier rode him. The insatiable desire for more. And afterward, those same work-worn hands stroking soothingly down his back. Sweaty bangs tenderly brushed off his forehead. A gentle hand cleaning him up with a rough-hewn cloth. A handsome face, enhanced by scars, relaxed and sated in sleep.
Fuck. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.
Eskel dipped into a formal bow. “Sir Eskel, Witcher of the Wolf School.”
“Ha!” His father burst out, with great amusement. “A witcher, competing in my tournament! Surely you can’t be serious.”
“Deadly so, my Lord,” Eskel’s lips were pressed into a thin line, his eyes cool. Despite this, he gave no outward signs of annoyance, his posture remaining relaxed and easy.
“Oh?” His father raised an imperious brow. “And do you meet the entry requirements? One must be an established member of the peerage or a knight to compete. This isn’t a tournament for just anyone.”
“How fortunate, then,” Eskel drawled, “that I am knighted. His Royal Highness, Windhalm of Attre, knighted me four summers ago. Dealt with a rotfiend problem he was having, nasty business.”
Alfred did not say a word, but one look at his face said enough about his frustration. Eskel paid no mind.
“Convenient as well that he granted me the title Baronet of Attre, as a personal honor for my services. Still a peasant at heart and in title, but the words are pretty, yeah?”
Eskel rubbed a hand over the back of his neck in a seemingly bashful gesture. “Aye, a shame I turned the land down at the time. After all, a witcher? A proprietor? Can’t be serious.” He gave a deep belly laugh at the thought, throwing his head back. “Changed my mind, though. I’ve rather come to like the idea of settling down.”
The tension could be cut with a knife. Jaskier, his sister, his mother–hell, even the herald–all waited, staring at Alfred in suspense.
“Well then, my Lord? Do I pass the test?” The witcher gave a winning smile, the epitome of mannerly but possessing an air of cold detachment Jaskier knew his father detested. It was the same persona his father used at court.
Color crept up Alfred’s collar. Jaskier could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. He hid a smile behind his hand, biting his lip. Entertainment, indeed.
Alfred cleared his throat. “Well, Sir Eskel of the Wolf School, Baronet de Attre, it certainly seems you do. We look forward to seeing you… compete.” Alfred gave a stiff and reluctant nod, dismissing him. The moment was over.
Or, well, Jaskier thought it was.
Eskel gave his family another formal bow. His eyes met Jaskier’s with intention as he rose back to his full height. Jaskier felt his breath catch in his throat as gold met blue.
There was something there, in his gaze. A heat–not the burning kind, no, but something pleasant. Like hot cider on a winter’s night. Like a fire to warm cold bones--or an aching heart. Jaskier felt a shiver down his spine.
He felt trapped in that stare, unable to look away. He gave a coquettish smile, unable to resist his natural flirtation even for a moment, particularly with the witcher. Eskel gave a charming, boyish grin back, inclining his head deeply before turning away.
And oh, what a lovely sight he made. Although his trousers really did look better off…
“What the hell was that?” Jana hissed into his ear, breaking the spell Jaskier had fallen under.
“What was what?” Jaskier asked in his best attempt at innocence, rubbing sweaty palms against his knees.
“You know what. Do you know him?”
“We may have met before - hard to say, I meet a lot of people.”
Jana scoffed, pushing against his shoulder with her own at his non-answer. Jaskier laughed, fondly, and turned his attention back to the field.
Neither of them noticed Alfred’s piercing stare as he eyed them with suspicion.
You guys are just gonna have to excuse me if his ears get longer, I keep having to adjust them when I draw him djdhfhfjc keep wanting to give him the ol long ear treatment
Since I'll be working on the next installment of the camboy AU I thought I might as well share some older stuff for it. Still really like how Geralt looks in this one. There's more of this up for patrons, since it's an older series, but I'm still so fond of it.
i'm such a friend lover. i genuinely believe that my friends are the coolest funniest loveliest most ridiculously joyous people out there! im biased as hell!! i think theyre all rad! and the universe just so happened to slip all these beloved people into my orbit! and vice versa!! wtf!
