Hey there! Just wanted to drop in as another trans guy and say that I too took your reply to Nicholas in the intended way, and that I feel the other guy laying into you did not need to be anywhere near that harsh. A simple "hey this could be taken as rude for x y and z" would have more than sufficed. I also feel his comparing "sharing childhood experiences/desires from the other side of the coin" directly to "prison rape", as though those two things are comparable, was ill-advised at best and downright disrespectful at worst. I don't think the dude deserves flaming/brigading because I've seen enough flaming over petty disagreements for a lifetime, but I do think he needs to *starkly* reconsider his chosen analogy, as the analogy was far, *far* more upsetting, childish, and offensive to me than "oh dang, wish I could've done the glamorshot instead of you OP!"
Yada yada, we *need* transmasc-transfemme solidarity, tearing each other apart in 2025 under this social climate isn't the best idea when we could just kindly remind each other of sore spots, also I'm intrigued by the guy not realizing how much we as trans dudes do the same thing with transfemmes, like wishing we could've done boy scouts instead, etc. If you don't want to reply to this ask publicly don't feel required to do so, I just wanted to extend an (albeit anonymous) hand and tell you that to me you weren't horrifically out of line, as the other fella felt, but his analogy was. Peace love and solidarity!
Thank you, too, for responding. I just published an ask from another guy who was bothered by my post, so I appreciate the affirmation that the hurtful reading isn't universal.
As for the first guy, yeah, I certainly don't want to drag him. He deserved an apology and I gave it to him in sincerity, but ... yeah, that particular analogy felt a little like hitting a fly with a sledgehammer to me, but I also understand that he was hurting and was trying to convey the level of hurt he was feeling. Hopefully, this was a learning opportunity for him, too.
I, too, wish us all the grace to hear the lessons we need to learn and to overcome the immediate response to lash out instead of extending grace to each other. We will do a lot better building solidarity when we put out traffic cones and caution tape around the tender places so we can learn to tread more carefully.
All of us trans folks have different sensitive spots, and when our siblings know more, they can avoid stepping on the hurtful places and, even better, can help direct others to firmer ground.
We're all in this mess together, man, and no one gets out of here alive, so why not try to make each other's brief blip of time here safer and more enjoyable, you know?
Thanks for the grace, and have a lovely day!
