#ask fern

[fernlessbastard]

make this a quick quackbur sketch I am begging you, I can pay--

Then pay.

[lemons-made-here]

Honestly all I want in life rn is to snuggle shoji -🐻

Tbh I think Shoji is one of the if not the biggest cuddle-bug in 1A, nothing makes his heart flutter quite like you making grabby hands towards him, anywhere or anytime, he’s all about the cuddles and hugs. He’s touch starved and has been gawked at for his looks all his life, this poor boy wants your love and to feel you arms around him and your nose in his neck.

[adventuringfinn]

Jealousy is the color Green.

[formerly-ask-fern]

Do you like anyone?

Fern: …Yes?

[fernlessbastard]

cquackity’s house is stocked with regen and health potions bc cwilburs body post-revival is very fragile and doesn’t heal properly even with minor damage

(june 2024)

oh for sure canon

also Quackity tells him off for neglecting his own well-being and makes him carry around some potions at all times

[fernlessbastard]

Do you have any tips on pole dancing when you have sweaty hands? I keep going to classes and I’ve got a decent grip strength but I can’t seem to keep from sliding all the time. Any tips beyond using Dry Hands or smth?

Oh my god this is from 2024 I am so sorry mate,,,

OK BUT IF ANYONE HERE DOES WANT SOME TIPS: Definitely something like liquid chalk can be a life saver, though obviously that limits your ability to spin on a static pole. I'd say carry two towels: one for the pole and your palms, one for your body. It's more sanitary, but also it means you should probably have at least one fully dry towel at all times, if need be, so if your hands get very sweaty that's good to have.

And finally, my first course of action when I wanna aid my grip but not compromise my ability to spin: ethanol. Spritz some all over your hands, wipe them dry with the towel, do the same to the pole, as well as places like the underside of your knee or your shins. I'd say that makes a HUGE difference. You can mix that with liquid chalk for a real death grip lmao

Also, make sure to choose the right pole for you. Some poles are painted, I personally absolutely hate those and can never get a proper grip where I don't slide down eventually. I know they're often more liked by beginners because they're more forgiving and easier on the skin, but if you're using primarily those I'd give the non-painted one a try (and vice versa to be honest)

Over all I think just wipe your hands regularly and use the ethanol (though keep in mind that will dry your hands so maybe use some hand cream outside of pole) (SIDENOTE ABOUT LOTIONS: scrub that shit OFF I unironically sometimes use a damned sponge for dishes if I can't get a lotion off, that is DEADLY on a pole)

Keep in mind that with time you'll get into a better shape and won't sweat as easily too, not to mention that it depends on the weather as well.

Anyway, a very late good luck to you

[fernlessbastard]

this hc has been brewing in my mind since 2021, butt yeahhh enjoyy

wil loves smoking but hates the taste of alcohol. q loves drinking but hates smoking.

now some people might disagree, ive seen many fanart and such drawing them sharing a cig or doing shotguns but hear me out.

q hates the taste of alcohol, but he loves that it makes him blanks out from reality for a moment. wil hates the taste and how it burns in his throat, even if it does makw him forget his problems for a while he ddint find it worth it. hed always gag and spew it back out whenevr q offers him some, sometimes over dramatically to piss q off.

smoking brings memories to wil, thats how he relives them in his head. its more or less addiction than love, but it calms him down. q hates how the smoke would linger on his clothes and reeks his breath, he does smoke sometimes to remind himself of how much he hates it, but is never able to finish an entire stick and ended up giving the rest to wil if he was around.

theyd hooked up a couple of times, both in pogtopia and in las nevadas. most of the times theyd kiss, never soft and loving but out of desperation (pogtopia) or wanting to dominate the other (las nevadas). either way, wil had always tasted the same to q. smoke, and sometimws a little sweet, the taste of smoke is always there.

a few days before wil left for utah, they hooked up one last time (unknown to q that it was their last time). that was thwir last interaction before wil left without a goodbye. the last memory that q had of wil was the bitter taste of cigarettes.

and so, after wil left, he started smokimg again. and although it left him coughing and hacking for fresh air, he wants to relive the memory.

it was never the same, but he tried and tried again. each and everytime, it left his lungs burning and eyes prickling with tears from the smoke.

he hates smoking, but he loves wilbur.

this was supposed to be a funny hc, but then in took a turn lol :33

(may 2024)

I absofuckinglutely agree oh my god yes exactly

chapter 2 od IUTMTM actually deals with that topic and describes my feelings on it, but yeah no Quackity's drug of choice is alcohol, and it provides such a perfect angsty parallel to Schlatt too. He slips into alcoholism without realising in Las Nevadas. He's still functioning "normally", but uses alcohol in private to be able to quiet the storm inside his head, usually when he's trying to sleep. He doesn't like smoking, but starts to smoke because of Wilbur and after Wilbur's death he is properly addicted to it but more so to how it reminds him of Wilbur, rather than to the substance. The thing is, they were each other's unhealthy coping mechanism, and they still are. Quackity loves Wilbur, is basically the only one who sees him as a person etc, but he still has that subconscious idealised version of how Wilbur used to be able to help him just go on despite the horrors of his life.

(this also ties in with the fact that Q for sure has ADHD and alcohol does initially raise dopamine levels and while then it decreases the dopamine levels even more, it is still something that makes alcohol dangerously addictive to people with ADHD)

Meanwhile Wilbur doesn't like alcohol. Not the taste, not the effect all too much... He doesn't particularly mind it, though usually he just doesn't really go for it. Nicotine relax his muscles, which must be particularly appreciated post revival with his body being fucked up, but also generally as he becomes unstable

Also, an alcohol dependency is technically easier to hide, unless you're drinking right then and there. Yeah, it does affect your body odour a bit, but it's much easier to mask than cigarette smoke. Cigarettes leave a smell, and that fits Wilbur a lot—he doesn't hide the fact that he has issues. Narratively speaking, as he starts smoking he starts using his instability as an intimidation tool, basically. He wears it on his sleeve, he starts portraying himself as the bad guy, and smoking certainly adds to that aura, both with how it's viewed, as well as with how it "announces" itself

actually have the specific fragment under the cut, if someone here doesn't feel like reading the whole thing (though of course i very much encourage you read it):

“Do you have a light?” Wilbur took a lighter out of his pocket. Click. Quackity leaned towards the outstretched flame, which trembled slightly. Last they’d met he assumed emotions were the source of the hands’ unsteadiness, but maybe there was an actual issue there after all, unrelated to their argument. He felt an odd, vague sting around his stomach. Regardless, soon enough smoke was spilling out of his mouth, drowning the tingle in his chest in thoughts of pointless irony. He never even enjoyed smoking. The stench turned foul if not aired out or washed, the smoke made his mouth feel covered in hair, and it didn’t even have much of an effect other than some light-headedness—and even that disappeared quickly. He only engaged in it at parties, if at all… But then his lonely nights became not so lonely anymore, instead suddenly veiled in a thin curtain of smoke. And then he realised that a shared cigarette let him indirectly taste the lips which would then rant to him whenever it’d be his turn for a drag. And then Schlatt’s inquisitive, increasingly agitated comments about the lingering smell made him start smoking where others would see, for an easy explanation. And then Schlatt was finally gone. But so was the initial source of the smell. Convincing himself it was nicotine he was addicted to came easy. His lighter continued clicking, as he gradually learnt not to mind the tang which begrimed his throat. He scrubbed, washed, rinsed, brushed and cleaned in secrecy, having quickly memorised the disappointed looks on his lovers’ faces. He carried chewing gum, bathed in cologne, and covered his hair with a beanie, despite the change in his style. But he didn’t stop. He kept searching. Searching for an ember that’d feel half as warm as the ones in the ravine. For a scratch in his throat that’d itch half as much, as the one he felt when for the first time in forever the hands which held him didn’t make him want to rip his skin off. For a smell half as pungent as the one that used to paint a smile on his face in mere seconds. But there he was now, right next to the lure which pulled him into the habit in the first place. And the smoke still didn’t feel as vivid as the memories, which he’d already taught himself to disregard. He’d gotten over what happened between them. Letting go of his reverie he inhaled greedily, stepping closer to Wilbur and leaning against the pole next to him. Heads touching the cold metal, they stewed in shared smoke. “Well-” Quackity took a drag, “-wanna tell me to what I owe your visit?”

[fernlessbastard]

DID YOU REPLY TO A COMMENT ON AN AO3 FIC SAYING "if that'll get you to read more of this wonderful author's work then yes"?? IF SO THAT WAS ME??? AND THAT WOULD LITERALLY BE MY BIGGEST FLEX YET???

sincerely, a HUGE fan!??!?

Yes that was me and that actually gives me a wonderful opportunity to recommend you all this absolutely amazing author:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

I will say that all his works so far are more on the suggestive side (or explicit) but I have it on pretty good authority that there's more variety coming of some stunning quality

As a side note though, please don't go into other people's comments and be like "OH MY GOD FERNLESS BASTARD", it takes away from the original artist/author and honestly is pretty rude and inconsiderate to them. Please, if you're a fan of mine, focus on appreciating other creators. We need to encourage true human creativity now more than ever before