#askcommanderup

[blinkinink]

I just found Commander Up's tumblr and I have to admit I haven't laugh-cried this hard in a long time. 

[askdrunksnail-blog]

GReAT PARTYD SOLDIER! !3 Ihm haivng so much funy ou ahve no ieaad

WHAT DID I SAY? BEST PARTY EVER!

[askroach-blog]

roaahch pour meanotHheR, kid. i ain't gettinenuff of your sahltytdogs

Here, have a couple!

[askcommanderup-blog]

ATTENTION RANGERS:

DEAD GODDAMN THAT MEGAGIRL. 

I swear, if you ain't able to trust a robot once--you ain't able to trust 'em ever again.

Earlier today we decided to put out escape plan into action. There wasn't much time seeing how Pincer was gettin' ready to eat our brains. We gathered up our zappers and made a mess outta Pincer's cave. We hid while he scuttled over to inspect the damage and waited until he was good 'n distracted to run outta his lair. 

Well. That didn't work out too great. If you live under a meteoroid and have no idea who he is, Pincer's a bigass scorpion. And we're just two little Rangers. Pincer didn't have a lick of trouble grabbing up MegaGirl. I was able to catch his attention before he crushed her skull open and devoured her new brains, but maybe I shouldn't have... Why? Oh, no reason. It's just that that downright mean-spirited robot decided to run like hell back to the starship when Pincer dropped her and started comin' after me. 

Tootsie, your wife's a dead goddamned bitch. 

Taz was right. Again. We should've never started workin' with robots. They've been nothin' but trouble. 

So now I'm on my own again. With a hungry Pincer. 

And shit. Shit, shit. He's coming this way and my damned zapper is outta juice.

Rangers--PINCER, GET AWAY FROM ME--, if you get--YOU BUTTASS FUGLY BUG-- this message, tell Taz that I--

****

[askcommanderup-blog]

ATTENTION RANGERS:

I'll admit it, Rangers. I thought this here mission was gonna be smooth sailing, but we're in a bit of a pickle.

I found Pincer's lair alright. And Megagirl. Wow, that candy-assed Krayonder was right! She seemed to have pulled a Bug and got a human body of her own. I don't know how Pincer came around to helping her, but it looks like things didn't work out the way MegaGirl planned.

Shouldn't have been a surprise. Even I know now that Pincer's a double-crossing bastard.

Anyways, I offered my brains in exchange for MegaGirl, but Pincer wouldn't take it. So now the two of us are stuck here... But don't tell the other Rangers, okay? They still think I'm a bit of a pussy after that last mission and I gotta redeem myself with this one. Just gimme a moment... Together, MegaGirl and I make up one and half robots (she's got the mindset still though, human or not)! And I'm Commander Up! This should be no problem.

[askcommanderup-blog]

ATTENTION RANGERS:

Ugh, I completely forgot how much Bug World gives me the creeps. 

I just got off my drop pod a little ways from Pincer's cave--Bug told me how to get here. It's pretty spooky looking... Real quiet. But now is no time for fear! Commander Up, the Starship Ranger, is here! I've got my zapper fully charged and set to pew. 

--shit. I think I just heard a noise. And definitely not the cutest effin’ noise February has ever seen heard. Ohdeadgod, it s-s-sounds like... pincers. 

[askcommanderup-blog]

ATTENTION RANGERS:

As y’all know by now, Pincer’s got our real MegaGirl down on Bug World in his lair. She’s got herself into a pretty tight pickle and who am I to deny a ranger in need? Besides, I can’t take the look on Tootsie’s face much longer and think of what would happen to the little fella if we just left his girl down there... We can’t!  

Pincer sent us a message saying that he’d give us MegaGirl in exchange for brains. There ain’t anyone on this here starship that I’d sacrifice--except me. Now, now! Don’t get all flustered--I ain’t going down there fixin’ to die. No, I’m Commander Up. I’m a tough bitch! I’ve got this whole plan, listen: 

I’m gonna go down to Pincer’s lair alone, let him think that I’m the brains he asked for. Hopefully he’ll release MegaGirl (and if he doesn’t, no worries. I got my zapper set to pew.) and then the two of us can run the hell outta there. Sounds good, right? I’d bring some backup, but Pincer might think it’s fishy if a couple more brains than he bargained for show up. But honestly, it’s mostly because Junior’s just a deadgoddamned dick, Krayonder is a candy-ass, Specs ain’t muchuva fighter, February is downright hopeless, Tootsie don’t even know how to hold a zapper right, and Taz would most likely destroy MegaGirl on the spot, makin’ this whole mission pretty pointless (plus I don’t wanna risk her gettin’ hurt).

Wish me luck, Rangers! It shouldn’t take too long--not if everything goes according to plan, of course. I'm guessing it's gonna be pretty spooky, but this ain't no time for bein' a coward. A Ranger’s gotta get the deadgoddamn job done! 

I'll keep y'all updated--stay close! 

[askcommanderup-blog]

ATTENTION RANGERS:

Thank deadgod she made it, boys and girls! I see that MegaGirl's redocked on the starship. That robot makes me piss my pants half the time, but I sure feel better knowing where she is.