#askvanity

[vanityfest]

Would you like to get married??

Charity: To each other? I mean, I do love a wedding - 

Vanessa: ‘specially your own.

Charity: - but I don’t know if we’re ready for that.

Vanessa: Yet.

[vanityfest]

What are each of your favourite moments of 2018?

Charity: Favourite moments?  I’ve had a lot of moments I’d sooner forget, thanks.

Vanessa: Oh, thanks very much.  Most of mine have you in them.

Charity: Aw, babe, that can’t be even remotely true but it’s gorgeous of you to say so.

Vanessa: What about the time you chased me down the street?

Charity: Which time? I chased you all over the shop, didn’t I?  The street, the gay bar, the street again -

Vanessa: Well, there’s three of my favourite moments right there.

[vanityfest]

Have u got everything u need for Christmas?

Charity: If you mean Vanessa, then yes, I have.  If you mean anything else, then - 

Vanessa: She’s got nothing.

[vanityfest]

Ya’ll got your New Years resolutions sorted yet? And that’s not a yes or no question, I expect details.

Charity: Bossy lot, aren’t they?  First it’s questions about who’s the better kisser -

Vanessa: Which we never did get a proper answer to.

Charity: No, babe, you just refuse to believe it isn’t you.  Anyway, first it’s that, and now it’s ordering me to make promises I won’t keep.

Vanessa: They’re resolutions, not promises, Charity.  

Charity: Doesn’t matter either way, Vanessa.  I’ve usually forgotten about ‘em by…oooh…a minute past twelve?

Vanessa: But if you were going to stick to one, what would it be?

Charity: Oh, you know, probably to…love you more every day.

Vanessa:  You have to make a resolution for that?

Charity: ‘Course not, but I picked the easiest thing in the world, right, babe?  Something I’ll actually do?

Vanessa: Oh, that’s very smooth, that is.

Charity: One of the many, many reasons you love me, isn’t it?

Vanessa: No, but I’m prepared to hold you to that resolution for all the other reasons I love you, okay?

[vanityfest]

Who has more sex appeal?

Vanessa: Er, you have seen this one, haven’t you?  Hot as anything and knows exactly what she’s doing?

Charity: Oh, well, yeah, anyone can put it on like that, though.  But real sex appeal is…

Vanessa: You behind the bar at the pub?  I find that very appealing, if you must know.  ‘Specially when there’s a drink and a cuddle in it for me.

Charity: That.

Vanessa: What?

Charity: You always tell me what you want, straight down the line.  Very sexy, that is.

Vanessa: But not that straight, eh?

shove your questions here

[vanityfest]

Who would you be most disappointed to have to buy for in a village-wide secret santa?

Vanessa: Oh, god…I dunno.  Bob?

Charity:  Bob?  You’re joking, aren’t you?  Give Bob a party hat and a cracker and he’d be happy as anything.  He’d be giving you finger guns ‘til the cows come home.  A village-wide secret Santa is a terrible idea, though.

Vanessa: Aw, why?  I think it’d be a nice community thing, you know?

Charity: Babe, who’s been able to keep a secret in this village?  Ever?

shove your questions here

[vanityfest]

If you get a present you don't like, do you fake it or does your face give you away?

Charity: You’ve seen her face.  No mistaking when she’s disappointed.

Vanessa: Although there’s nothing wrong in being polite and faking it.

Charity: Is that right?  And how many times have you faked it with me?

shove your questions here

[vanityfest]

Charity would you adopt Johnny, if Vanessa asked you?

Charity: What?

Vanessa: Oh, I don’t think - 

Charity: No, seriously, babe…WHAT??

shove your questions here