Awkward Vampire Hunter NB4A
Wrote and voiced my own script and I had a lot of fun with it! Sound effects have not been added yet, but what I've got I'm pretty proud of!
Oh, shoot.
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Sorry, I uh, I’m usually a lot more coordinated than this and– Christ, are those real?
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No– no, that was rude of me. You don’t have to– but really, those look legit. You get implants or something like that?
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Then I take it that you’re not wearing contacts either?
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I’m so sorry about your drink– could I get you another or–
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Okay, something a little more dangerous then?
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I think I might have some blood pouches in my bag if you’ll just give me a minute…
[speaker is backed into a corner]
Really, we’re doing this now? Come on, vamp, I know you’re smarter than this. I’ve just got some questions I want to ask and–
[listener covers speakers mouth]
[muffled]
Okay, okay, I’ll be quiet about it. Could you just get your hand off my mouth? If you don’t, I’m gonna lick it.
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Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
[speaker licks listener’s hand]
That was so, so gross. Note to self, a vamp’s skin tastes like any other person’s skin but with a more– floral? – yeah, floral overtone.
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Say, do all vamps from the Brassbeaten Coven get tats like that or is it just a friends thing–
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[winces]
Sensitive topic, alright then.
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Could you maybe not? I haven’t been licensed to test vampiric feedings with my own blood, and believe me, I’d totally offer up some of my own, but you’re going to have to settle on something from the bloodbank, okay?
[listener lunges and speaker dodges, there’s a bit of a scuffle and listener gets hit and doubles over]
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[speaking to another partygoer]
Oh, they’re fine! Just got a bit tipsy. I’ll take care of them!
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Yeah, yeah, I’m sure!
[under breath]
You know, for a first time, this could have gone so much worse.
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What’s that?
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Yeah, I was trained by the old witch just like every other hunter. Granted, mine was a little shorter, but what are they gonna do when you get a headstart by interviewing just about every gnome in the area and then move onto the shifters in the neighborhood?
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Now, let’s get you outside, alright?
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Kill you?
[laughs]
Nah, vamp. It’s like I said: I’m just gonna ask you some questions, get you a blood bag and send you on your way. I don’t kill your type unless you’ve done something to really warrant it.
Sit down, why don’t you?
[sighs]
A real live vampire, or do you prefer undead? Be honest.
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Good to know, good to know.
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I assume that you were turned rather recently due to the state your gums are in.
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Three months ago?
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That explains why no one’s surprised about the change in appearance. Summer sometimes does that to people, you know? My best friend went and cut their hair, got a new load of piercings, and a boyfriend to boot over one summer. People hardly recognized them, but no one made any comments ‘cause it’s the summer. It’s when you try to figure things out.
So who would you say your coven’s aligned themselves with? The Department or the Council?
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Not talking. Right, I should have kept that in mind, freshly turned don’t have much involvement in coven politics.
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Um, here. You see these two symbols?
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Which one would you say that you see most often associated with your coven?
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Department, alright.
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Take this and suck it down before you pass out, vamp.
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Next question: Do you always operate by night or are you able to go out in the sunlight at all?
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Look! It’s an old myth, and even though hunters have some experience with vamps, you’re all so secretive that no one knows what the truth is, and any they’ve actually talked with are dead a few days after.
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Besides, the moon reflects sunlight and all so I don’t think it’s the sun itself that affects you–
You’re kidding. Sunglasses? Well, it’d make sense, given the way the melanin in your eyes is just entirely gone…
Oh, sorry, got distracted again.
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Yeah, onto the next one. Was there much of a culture shock when you made the transition from human to monster?
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You know what, forget that question. That– that’s too personal to be asking so early in the research process. I– I should be focusing on quantitative not qualitative data and you’re– it’s probably a touchy subject and–
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I’m sorry. I– usually I can keep to the facts, but this– this is… Let’s just, focus on the next question. How often do you need to feed?
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Three to four times a month, so about once a week and–
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What–what happened to my friend?
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Hey, I never said anything about anything happening to them. Have you got like telepathy or something?
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Makes sense why you revealed yourself so quickly.
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Could you maybe not go poking around in my head? I’m not exactly a big fan of strangers hearing my innermost thoughts.
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Not the thoughts– just…just emotions?
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Enough about my friend, they’ve got nothing to do with you and they’re not the reason why I’m doing this.
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How many Brassbeaten vamps are there in this town?
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If you don’t want to answer, then fine. I’ll be on my way and you can–
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What do you think you’re doing now… good lord, you’re close.
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You don’t gotta trance me to get me to tell the truth, vamp. You hold my wrist and feel that pulse, and you’ll see I’m just as terrified of you as you are of me, but I want to give you a chance.
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Look, this isn’t about getting close to vampire kind for a favor or building some network with monsters. I–I just want to understand what makes you all tick so that we can avoid killing the good ones.
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That’s not the point, vamp.
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The point is that I don’t think you’re all bad, and that scares hunters. Because if there’s the chance that they’ve killed a properly moral creature in their time, it makes it murder. And if it’s a murder they’ve committed, then they can’t quite separate themselves from monsters can they? And then that means they’ve got an awful lot of apologizing to do.
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I’m writing a book on monsters and this book– this research, it’ll change everything. You can help with that, but uh, you don’t have to. In fact, I’ll get rid of any notes from this interview if you’d like that.
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I can– I can keep them?
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Oh, on one condition, that makes sense. Two– two conditions, yeah.
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That one’s easy enough. Most of the data should be kept anonymous as is.
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My friend– why would you care so much about my–
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[sighs]
Fine. I agree to your terms, but I’m going to need some time before I can tell you anything about that, and we’ll need to conduct a second interview, alright?
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Great.
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The blood bags? You can keep them.
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I’ll see you around, vamp.
