What do you think of "Lesbian Sansa" popular headcanon? I know it's probably fanon but I still found it as a very compelling one
What I genuinely understand is that this is, ultimately, more of a headcanon than anything else. And that’s fine. Sansa is, especially in the books, a character who is still very much in the process of developing. Her primary coping mechanism in response to trauma is dissociation. She dissociates. In fact, George Martin has explicitly said that Sansa is not a reliable narrator. Of course, no narrator is ever one hundred percent reliable, because everyone speaks from their own perspective, but Martin singles Sansa out in particular as someone whose account should not be fully trusted. I think this is precisely because the way she confronts trauma and the situations she lives through is through almost total dissociation, retreating into a kind of internal fantasy space and simply pushing forward through it.
From that perspective, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if, at a deeper level, Sansa is not actually attracted to traditionally masculine men. Sandor frightens her, and not just because of his scar, people fixate on the scar, but that’s not the point. He frightens her because he is physically imposing, coarse, aggressive. Tyrion repels her because of his appearance and everything that comes with it, but he does not frighten her. And he doesn’t frighten her because she does not perceive him as a threat.
Early on, Sansa is very infatuated with Loras Tyrell. Loras is not a character who fits traditional standards of masculinity at all. The image Sansa holds of the knight in shining armour is, in fact, a highly feminised one. One of the reasons Sansa feels so tender and sympathetic to me in the books is precisely because she is so deeply adolescent. Sansa is a teenager in the purest sense. Honestly, if Sansa existed today, she would be a K-pop fan. She would absolutely be a K-pop stan, hopelessly in love with two or three idols from some band, men who are visibly feminine and who do not fit traditional masculine norms in any way. From that perspective, as an adolescent who believes she is attracted to men, but is not attracted to what is culturally defined as “real” masculinity, only to a version of masculinity shaped by a female gaze rather than by male projection, I can absolutely understand the headcanon that Sansa might be attracted to women.
And we also have to remember that she is a child. In terms of her personal development, her growth as a human being, it is entirely plausible that she might later come to understand her sexuality in many different ways.
I also think it matters that when Sansa is paired with women in fandom, those women are usually much closer to her in age, three or four years older, rather than fifteen or sixteen. And they are characters who have not abused her.
That’s the book side of things.
As for the show? I genuinely do not understand why Sansa would ever want to be with a man again. Ever. The Sansa of the series, after everything she has endured, is not someone I can imagine choosing a male partner. At all.
I’m not even making a deep theoretical argument here. On a basic, visceral level: she’s done. She’s had enough. If book!Sansa has already been subjected to the sexualised gaze of every man in Westeros —men old enough to be her father, while she is twelve or thirteen— then show!Sansa has gone through outright abuse, sexual violence, and relentless harassment. From that point on, the idea that she would want to build intimacy with a man again feels, to me, profoundly implausible.