#aspectrum positivity

[im-ace-not-broken]

The Ace Agenda

Rid the world of the belief that "sex" is what makes us human.

Educate the masses about the fact that being asexual is not a shortcoming or a problem that needs fixing.

Raise the middle finger to the world and show off that ace ring.

Find a cuddle buddy.

[im-ace-not-broken]

I found this shirt and couldn't leave it in the store because it screamed ace positivity and made me so happy.

Positivity really is everything. I felt absolutely broken and "not right" or "not normal" before discovering the ace community on Tumblr. I have such a happier outlook on my life now.

Also, maybe others have noticed if you follow it, but the ace positivity tag has been bombarded by a few exclusionists. I'm not really one to get into bashing or even discourse, but I just wanted to say to all my people here that if you guys are as disappointed to see posts lately that are anything except uplifting about being ace I feel you. So let's flood this tag with good feelings instead of trash. Being ace is awesome and there's nothing wrong with anyone for being ace or aro or any other LGBT+ label.

[im-ace-not-broken]

Maybe someone else needs this

I was replying to a message I got today, from someone asking how I handle that feeling of "missing out" because of asexuality. I thought maybe part of my reply might help someone else too, so here's some of what I said.

---

Here's the thing I'm just starting to figure out for myself right now: there is NO REASON I have to hold myself to the expectation that other people have for themselves. I just need to figure out what is best for ME. And it might be something completely different from "the norm." In starting to learn that maybe I need to stop being scared of missing out on what OTHER people want and start focusing on what I want to do.

This year I bought a kayak, ran a 10k race, and started training for a half marathon that happens now in two months. I've been focusing on what I want to accomplish right now as a single adult with money and the freedom to take charge of my life. Let me tell you it has been completely freeing to finally let go and just focus on what I actually want instead of what I thought society expected of me. I'm not worried about being in a relationship right now bc honestly I don't know if I want to be in one right now. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm enjoying being just me right now. And that's good enough for me right now. Actually it's better than "good enough." Like I said, I feel kind of free knowing there isn't actually some deadline or endpoint goal in which every adult HAS to fall in love and get married.

The biggest thing I want to get across to you in this jumble of thoughts is just this: don't hold yourself accountable for someone else's expectations or desires; take care of yourself by figuring out what you actually want for yourself. There's no rush. You have plenty of time to figure yourself out. There's REALLY no timetable or deadline. I promise.

Wishing you well, and hoping you find the same happiness I'm learning to dwell in. :)

[im-ace-not-broken]

Waiting for the Right Person

Me: *glances at watch for fifty-trillionth time*

Universe: ...

Me: Any time now...

Universe: ...?

Me: Where's that Right Person, anyway?

Universe: It's you. You're the Right Person.

Me: No I mean where's the person I'm supposed to feel all gushy about and love more than anything in this world?

Universe: ...

Universe: It's you.

Me: *clears throat* Well...uh.... Oh. Right. Okay. So I guess I'd better learn some self-acceptance then.

.............................................

Shoutout to anyone else who is struggling with the realization that there is no magical Right Person that people keep mentioning. I'm having a rough night of it myself. Shoutout to all the beautiful aspec people who are struggling with the realization that no Right Person is going to appear and make them feel things they've never felt before.

But also: shoutout to my aces and aros because YOU are the Right Person. You are valid and worth more than you even know. You matter and you are important. Don't let anyone or any emotion tell you otherwise.

[im-ace-not-broken]

Little Black Ring

So I ordered myself a black ring literally hours after realizing I identify as graysexual. It's been a few weeks now and I've been really happy with the ring I landed on. I kinda pulled a Goldielocks and ended up with three but I'm super happy with this final one.

I knew right off the bat I didn't want some fancy smancy ring with diamond or glitter or really anything. The ring I have is plain solid black, only about 2mm thick. I didn't want glitz or glamor because honestly I don't want anyone to mistake this as anything other than just a plain black ring. I was a little afraid people might not recognize it for the sign it is if it looked too much like any other piece of jewelry.

I've read a lot of accounts of ace people talking about how little they see other black rings. I read most of those *after* buying my own, and it made me a little sad. Like finally I have this outward signal that maybe someone else will pick up on and I can talk to someone face-to-face who gets me but...that's not likely to happen apparently.

Who knows? Maybe I'll land myself in a super great and uplifting conversation this week with a stranger I never would have met otherwise. Or maybe I'll just keep looking at my right hand and feel that sense of security hit me, just knowing there are others like me out there somewhere. I am not alone. That's what I think when I see my ring sitting there, small and unassuming but so so meaningful: "I am not alone."

Move struggled with feeling lonely and alone since childhood. I have trouble opening up to people. I feel like I'm just not on the same page as them so often. I'm shy to the point of ridiculousness sometimes. And I've spent years wondering why I feel different about certain things. I've wished and dreamed of being married happily with kids somewhere down the road, but there's always been a little disconnect between how I attach to people and how I've always envisioned being with them.

But when I look at my hand I remind myself: I am not alone. I'm not broken.

And I sincerely hope someday that someone will see my ring and get that same rush of peace. I hope they'll realize they're not alone either.

[im-ace-not-broken]

A Symphony Of Aromanticism

I have read so many hundreds of love stories in my lifetime. Romance is everywhere in our culture. You can't escape it. I'm struggling right now to believe that being aromantic or grayromantic doesn't mean I'm messed up or broken. I don't fit the norm. I've never felt those stupid butterflies in the stomach or wanted to sit and stare into someone's eyes for an hour across a milkshake.

I've always imagined that one day I would "grow into it." I kept expecting to feel something for someone. I kept thinking, "Well someday when I meet the right guy..." And I have put so much damn PRESSURE on myself. To feel things I don't understand. To "fix" myself and learn how to open up more. To expect more from myself when I don't know HOW to get there. And I keep falling short.

But maybe I need to say fuck it...! (Except not literally because I'm pretty damn grayace. lol) Maybe if I stop trying to force myself into this little box that I think I've always expected myself to one day magically fit in--maybe I'll learn to thrive. Maybe my confidence will rise when I accept myself as I am instead of as a work-in-progress-towards-being-""normal.""

Maybe I'm not certain of where I stand on the arospectrum yet, but I don't need to be certain of that to know I'm unhappy expecting myself to feel things that I *just don't get!* I don't think it will be easy at every moment, but I need to accept myself as I am, where I am, and learn to love myself for what I have instead of what I lack.

We don't judge art by what it lacks. We don't judge music by what it's "missing." We talk about the colors and the melodies and the moods they evoke. So I may not be a ""normal"" piece of art. I may not fit in with the average ideal, but neither did some of the world's most loved artists or art pieces.

Fuck the world's hyper-romantic expectations. I may not be what's expected of me but I'm still a fucking *symphony,* bitches!