#astravoremetanoia

[astravoremetanoia]

Perhaps the red thread theory is just that: A theory.

A figment of the hopeless.

[astravoremetanoia]

[astravoremetanoia]

After a year of hesitating, I decided to take my entry exams for the University in Ketterdam. If I don't get into it, at least I know I've tried and I can close that chapter of uncertainty. If I get into it, I probably finally find some purpose in my life again.

[astravoremetanoia]

About to join a musical performance with my people for the first time!

[astravoremetanoia]

all i ever wanted is to live a life with love, but maybe i was meant to live a life in loneliness.

[astravoremetanoia]

How does it feel to bring down such the Mera business?

Very mixed, in all honesty. On the one hand, it is a relief because you know they will never be able to harm anyone again and also because you are free of them once and for all. But it was also scary - what if you do something wrong? What if you harm the wrong people? What if you get caught before it's finished? Also it's been my life for more than ten years, too. I didn't know what comes after and I am still in this weird in between space not only emotionally, but also regarding what to do with my life. I have lost people that were dear to me during that process. And it was long and dreadful, sometimes I almost ran out of patience with it. But when the last pin fell it felt powerful and like I was able to breathe for the first time in very long.

Thank you for the ask and sorry for the delay! I hope you have a great day, dear friend.

[astravoremetanoia]

In a "being pretty gets you nowhere" era </3

[astravoremetanoia]

going from "promising" to "behind in life" is a crude fall. i'm too old to not knowing what i want...but here i am every day, wondering.