I was trying to fall asleep last night at 12 AM and I swear I was struggling bc I kept thinking about how right before dying, Snape- in trying to explain why Harry should trust him to go to the forest- gave Harry the memories that showed his entire process of being indoctrinated into a cult from childhood and his process of getting out of it. And I don't even think he did it on purpose.
It's as if he was like- "Here are the memories that will explain my life" and they happened to also chronicle his whole dang process. I mean, he even gave Harry that memory where he claims that he thought using Dark Magic was funny. His indoctrination was fking included and none of it paints him in a good light. And yet.
If those are the memories that spilled out of him on purpose- like his life literally flashing before his eyes- it absolutely stuns me that all the memories he immediately thought of AND the ones he vulnerably gave Harry (with no choice, mind you) were the ones that revealed that he was a kid indoctrinated into a cult, was actually into it, and still got out of his own accord (idc why, he got OUT).
And for some reason- even though he actually got out- I get the sense that from how badly he's shown in those memories, he's still angry at himself for getting into the Death Eaters in the first place. His process of getting out is pathetic and sad and ugly because that's what happened and somehow, he doesn't choose to show it any other way (he's dying ofc but still). It's even in character for him to just...show things as they are or how he thinks things just are (a flaw at times).
But that memory of Dumbledore implying that perhaps Snape should have been in Gryffindor stuck with him despite how damn ugly and selfish his act of leaving the Death Eaters looks. And it's almost like he never really knew how to deal with that implication even while dying.
I am not a fan of the name 'Albus Severus'. But...it's like Harry saw Snape's whole process when Snape himself couldn't or did and was unable to forgive himself for being indoctrinated in the first place. Harry, who spent his whole life hearing that once a wizard goes Dark, they don't care about anything or have no chance of coming back.
It does say something to me that Harry seems to have forgiven Snape for things Snape could never forgive himself for.
