#atb writes

[all-things-breathing]

feeding you

your talons tear off ribbons of my flesh so i tie them in a bow in hopes of appeasing you

you roll your eyes but shove it in your mouth anyway and i am so pleased i have made myself palatable to you again

sometimes i worry that you will someday lose the taste for me

sometimes i imagine i get stuck between your teeth

[all-for-911]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Happy Monday, y'all!

Chapter 4 of my fic is up ❤️

Chapter summary: Eddie and Buck take care of Jee-Yun + Eddie finally enacts his plan of "fixing" Buck's love life.

TW for discussions of racism.

[all-for-the-things-breathing]

Obsessed with the idea of Kevin desperately bothering the EXITES employee Neil. It is so funny to me. Do you think that Neil would ever give in? - @jtl-fics

At this point, Neil has had enough of a routine and normalcy to be able to fend off the lure of collegiate Exy. Kevin keeps bringing in Foxes (and even visiting players from other teams whom he gets along with) to check out the secret Exy genius and buy some equipment.

Neil keeps doing his job. Too well. He gets so used to playing normally against Kevin that he stops trying as hard to look like an amateur. It wouldn't be so bad if Neil had simply played well against college players--but Kevin had been observing. He could see Neil's talent from an outsider's point of view.

The way that Neil can immediately hone in on a player's weakness. The way that Neil can get a feel for another player's style and quickly adjust to match it. The way he offers advice and makes corrections, how he shows the other players how good they could truly be (and to give them a better chance against him).

Kevin changes tactics.

"I know you'd be the biggest pain in my ass to deal with."

Neil snorts and keeps stocking shelves.

"But if you give me your game, you'd be the best partner I could have hoped for."

Kevin notes how Neil's hand flexes and relaxes.

"We'd be so in sync, it would make the Ravens look out-classed in comparison. We'd have our own rhythm, our own language, our own private game within the game. Eventually it wouldn't be about winning anymore, it would be about redefining excellence."

Neil had never struggled so hard to say no in his life.

"Kevin, I--" he starts.

"That's why you need to join the Foxes as a trainer next semester."

Neil's world tilts on its axis.

There was no pre-loaded answer to this question. He needed to think. Kevin gestures to the shop, the customers, the way Neil is on his knees so he can fix a panel on the lowest shelf.

"Don't you think it's time to be the one calling the shots?"

And, well. He did. He really did.

[Exites AU: 1, 2, 3, 4]

[all-for-the-things-breathing]

as a former retail employee gotta love the exites au

having a customer actually acknowledge you as a person? not just being a non-entity for four to eight hours on end? can't imagine

bestie, not only am i a former employee of a large retail chain (and of the second biggest store in our region), i was sales floor supervisor with cashier override clearance (it was hell)

Neil wants nothing more than to finish unloading the morning shipment so he can get all the tasks on his checklist done in time, but he's not actually allowed to tell Kevin to piss off and let him do his fucking job 😭

anyway, Neil begs his manager to let another employee assist Kevin. but Kevin tells the manager that he'll only buy merchandise if Neil is the one assisting him--so! obviously his manager tells him to suck it up and be nice to their literal Number One Customer who is single-handedly bringing up the sales revenue and helping them beat out every other Exites store in the state

[Exites AU: 1, 2, 3, 4]

[all-things-breathing]

to love is to have and to hold: love letters, part 1 -- for my sister

we all gather around in the living room to watch a movie. he tells my sister, "have you seen this one? we should watch it" but my sister looks at me and i shake my head because i have already seen it and i know it is not something she would like. she tells him no. months later i put on a movie i used to love when i was younger, instinctively knowing it was the right time for her to see it. it's her favorite movie now

she sends me a text message while she's at work. it's the name of a restaurant. she asks me to look up the menu and let her know what i think she'd like. she's going out to eat later with a friend she hasn't seen in a long time. i search the menu and send her the names and descriptions of appetizers, meals, and drinks. i tell her i don't think it's her kind of restaurant, but these might be some foods she'd enjoy. she responds "it isn't my kind of restaurant, but my friend wants to go there and it looks like good quality, so i'm going to give it a chance". even when we are both out of our depth, she trusts my answers

i showed her a clip of youtubers i like playing a board game she's never heard of. she went to target and bought the board game. when family comes over, we play the board game and everyone loves it. she goes online and plays the word games i showed her. sometimes, she calls me over to lay down in her bed with her and solve the puzzles together. for her birthday, i made a scavenger hunt that led to her present. i've cracked the code in making her heart spark with joy whenever she has a new, exciting challenge

when my sister is bored, or hungry, or curious, she looks to me. i have observed enough of her and loved enough of her and absorbed enough of her to have learned the art of reflecting her image back at her. she is able to see new depths i have discovered long ago. she is seen because i see her, she is known because i know her, she is fulfilled because i am filled with her. my sister asks me for my opinion and what i hear is "i trust myself to be in your hands" and i tell her my thoughts but what i am saying is "i have been holding you as a keepsake all my life and i will not drop what you have given me"

[all-things-breathing]

I am the tortilla keeping all the food in place

I am the fillings trying desperately not to spill over

I am the hungry mouth eager to take a bite

I am the trembling hand that cannot keep the taco from slipping

[all-things-breathing]

the bucket

for @badass-magizoologist

you heard the story about the crabs they say that if you put them in a bucket they will try to climb out but will keep climbing over each other to get to the top and the crabs will keep pulling each other down down down down so none of them can ever get out

it’s a fun fact that was supposed to be an allegory for something human nature, cooperation, the myth of getting ahead or something like that but what happens when you are the only crab in the bucket?

you are the crab that cannot reach the top you are the crab that keeps pulling you down down down down you are the bucket that is holding you captive and you are the scientist making observations from a safe distance

somehow you learned how to walk sideways and you learned how to grow sharp claws with a hardened shell you wear like skin you’d burrow in the sand and let the currents decide where you go they’d tell you in temperatures as you adapted to read the seasons by degrees

night falls all you can see is endless sky a black backdrop littered with glittered stories, tales of monsters, of heroes, of creation, you notice there is a constellation that looks like a crab you wonder if it means something—if it’s a message, maybe the grand crab in the sky is telling you there is still glory, waiting to be won legends waiting to be made but maybe the grand crab is trapped in the sky and is telling you to accept your place in this design

there are millions of crabs in the sea, in the sand, in buckets but there is one in particular that leaves a throbbing vacuum i go looking for you and when i find you, we might discover that you are too far down down down down for me to reach and pouring you out might risk too many breaks and i am unwilling to fracture you

but i have been in buckets myself, you see i’ve learned the secrets you only learn once you’ve gotten out and free like how there’s a handle meant to be held and how i have a hand meant for holding i carried you in my heart as i searched for you now i carry you around in my hands

there are beautiful places made to be loved to be seen i tilt the bucket just enough for you to drink it in and remember that there is a life here aching for you to rejoin it patient while you learn the ways of the bucket once you could go anywhere with your own steps now you only walk in circles but when you are ready i will tilt the bucket so you can crawl out from that second shell you wear now like a second skin

did you know that even constellations don’t stay in the same place? everything in the universe is stretching out searching for something it hasn’t known before when everything moves together, sometimes, it feels like our world is staying still we can’t always feel the wind in our face or the currents of the sea or the sand beneath our feet but we are moving

one day, when you are ready you will look down and see that you are the one gripping the handle carrying around the bucket so when you are ready you will tilt it and let yourself go if you are crawling if you are dragging yourself along, if you are rolling, or walking, or running— all the same, you’ll remember what it means to be moving

-06 March 2024

[all-for-911]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Happy Monday! The final chapter of my fic is now up ❤️

Chapter Summary: Eddie finally volunteers for the Young Responders Program and has an important conversation with Buck.

Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged me with kind comments ❤️