#athenas posts

[athenas-favs]

I’m bout to crash out let me check my notifs

[athenas-favs]

Apparently I gotta make more posts to see notifs tf

[athenas-favs]

I literally have zero followers on this side blog but I need to make a post to check notifs so 🤪

[athenaspetsnek]

My YouTube music wrapped pt2

Im a little surprised that it said my taste was "upbeat" bc I normally listen to sad songs

I mean look at my top five tracks and Black Hole Fantasy is the *least* depressing of them

[athenaspetsnek]

My YouTube music recap pt 1

[athenas-moon]

Okay is anybody else getting the grubhub ads that you just attempt to scroll by and it takes you to safari or the App Store cause I’m lowkey sick of it

[athenas-moon]

ahahaha story time

So I was sitting in the student union eating my pizza dinner watching the Game Grumps play Mario Party and this guy just walks up to my table. And I’m just like hi? And he says that he was sitting over there and he wanted to see if he could get to know me (aka I just got randomly hit on).

I just kinda look at him in shock for a second because this has never happened to me before and I didn’t really realize what was happening until he said unless you’re taken? And I was like OH this is awkward I’m gay.

He was super nice about it tbh he was like oh my god I’m so sorry and I of course said it was fine and he said that his roommate was bi and I’m like ?? Not relevant but okay cool (I guess it was his way of showing support for the community)

But the whole point of that was I just low key came out for the first time. That was the first time I told someone in real life that I’m gay. It just kinda came out. (Lol joke) I’ve only ever had my sexuality in my bio on here before. I’ve not told anyone in my real life because I don’t live in an accepting area so I am SO DEEP in the closet.

But idk I’m still not sure how to feel about it and I’m trying to not let comp het take over my thoughts and trying to tell myself I didn’t lie to him. Idk if that’s what it’s like for everybody or if it’s just me. But I can’t stop thinking of what if’s of what would have happened if I’d have said yes. I would have probably been really uncomfortable (like I wasn’t uncomfortable in the first place). I’m always super uncomfortable when men show any sort of attraction to me but idek.

I’m still plagued with thoughts like what if I’m actually bi and I’m just lying to myself and then I remember I get so icked out by guys and uncomfortable with attention beyond friendship from guys.

I’ve only finally figured out I’m gay in the past nine months or so but I don’t know if I’m ready to come out for real. I guess this was the universe just throwing it at me and telling me it’s time. I just hope it’s right. We’ll see.

And fuck I’ve gotta take two finals tonight and I can’t get this outta my head.

[athenas-moon]

dear god I am so scared of loneliness

I am so afraid that when I graduate college and I move to a new state that I am not going to have any friends

my future job will require me to live in rural areas where it’s hard to meet people

It’s hard to meet people in college and majority of the time they’re just people I see in class everyday and we never talk outside of school

I’m so so scared of living in a little place in the middle of nowhere all my myself seven states away from anybody I know and I’m so scared of not having friends

It’s honestly so scary because when I’m by myself for too long with no social interaction my mental health goes down the drain

I’m so scared of what I could do to myself in that state

I’m so scared of loneliness