warnings - mention of overdosing, death, overall depression and angst
There’s an art to overdosing, perhaps the thrum of your blood pulsing through your body after swallowing each pill, or your heartbeat that throbs through your head with the knowledge of the drug entering your body, your stomach. It takes a while for it to have any effect, still minutes while you sit there pensively, waiting. But the sensation always arises with a gurgle, leaving your stomach churning and your head lolled to the side when the wave of dizziness creeps in like the sea shore.
“Love, wake up.”
It’s always his voice that rouses you from the drug's sleepy effect, a soft hand against your cheek that you find yourself leaning into. Cold to your skin that is set aflame, heat roaring through your body and leaving you in a thick coat of sweat.
“Dazai,” you murmur in return.
It's something about the way he presses you to his chest, something about the way that he cradles you that truly makes you consider the thin life between life or death. When he carries you back to the hospital in hopes that this time, this time, you’ll realize just how much you mean to him.
That you won’t try to take away your life. Again.
But his arms aren’t enough, and the broken shards that make you cannot be repaired, cannot be pieced back together in any way that he hopes. Despite being the only one to truly understand you, the thin string that churned with every mistake, with every thrum of pain you felt. Dazai was the most adamant about saving you.
“Let me go.”
The soft rumble of his chest soothes you, his laugh was as numbing as the medication through your body. Just as hollow, empty and cold. Scoffing. “I will never let you go.”
You smiled, the motion of your lips pulling tight, unnatural. “Let me go.”
“No.”
“Dazai, please.”
His embrace tightened, you could dimly register the feel of his bandages against your skin. The paper-like texture itching the flush of your body, the lightheaded feeling that encased you whole.
“No.”
So you allowed yourself to be carried to the cage of a medical bed, the needle that protruded your arm for the following days. The brown eyes that followed your every footstep, your every movement. You allowed yourself to be coddled to sleep, hiding the sobs you wanted to express, begging, pleading to be set free.
“Let me go.”
Dazai considered himself to be doing a favour, and perhaps he believed that because you saved him so long ago, he could save you.
“Let me go.”
One day, you hoped the message would reach him. Loud and clear.
You’d grown accustomed to the figure curled against the couch, red tousled hair that slipped past the hems of your boyfriends black fedora as he slept. Arms and his legs curled to his chest, the slow rise of the blanket with each breath making him truly look so small at that moment.
“Chuuya.”
After work was when he was most fatigued, where he would settle anywhere in the house just to get some rest. It was then your responsibility as his s/o to take him back to bed, settle him under the covers where he wouldn't wake up with a sore neck or pained back.
But sometimes, you prefer to make a game out of it.
Afterall, Chuuya, Port Mafia executive and feared by all, was easily rendered beet red with touch. With affection.
“Chuuya~” you hummed once again, peering down at his sleepy face nestled into the pillow of the couch. “Wakey wakey, c’mon we have to get you to bed.”
He grumbled before lazily opening his eyes, drowsily staring at your ever so close face. It only dawned to him then how close you both really were, strands of your hair tickling his forehead, noses brushing.
But he didn't have time to say anything before you pecked his lips, a featherlight contact that left him speechless. Snickering at the expression on his face, you dipped down to press your lips against his nose for good measure.
“Y/n!” Chuuya breathed, managing to catch his breath and sit up. Any exhaustion had vanished from his face, pure shock and the warmth that crept up his neck in goosebumps. When you laughed, he swung his legs over the couch. “Y/n-”
“Yeah babe?” You asked when he managed to stand, gaze snapping to yours. You hadn't thought his face could get any more red, you were proven wrong.
“Babe?” He sputtered, nearly stumbling over his feet when obnoxiously stomping to where you stood.
“Ah, you prefer darling-”
But he’d made it to you before you could laugh any further, and you found yourself bending over Chuuya’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes in the following seconds after. His coping mechanism, if he didnt know how to tolerate a situation, he’d either walk away, or discard it.
“I was joking!” Was all you said as he carried you into your bedroom, “How do you expect me to hold myself back from teasing you-”
Your words were cut off when thrown onto the bed, the covers a soft velvet that cushioned your fall. You couldn’t complain, you knew Chuuya was being soft, even when annoyed.
He didn't speak when settling next to you, only furrowing himself deep into the blankets, back facing you. One way to get your plan to succeed, as long as your boyfriend was safely nestled in the bed you had finished a job well done.
Knowing that you’d probably irritated him for the day, you fall asleep facing away as well, letting yourself be lulled by the rhythm of his breathing.
But little did you know that throughout the night, his arms would still furrow around you, legs tangling and head eased into the hollow of your neck. Until there was no semblance that he’d been angry with you at all, and you both fell into a comfortable rest.
summary - you call the shots, even with one with a reputation of hisoka morrow
pairing - gn!reader x hisoka morrow
a/n - oh to find a fanfic where the reader is actually stronger than hisoka :’)
“I’m stronger than you.”
Gold eyes flickered to meet yours, pensive at your confident stride, stature. You did not pause when speaking those words, nor did you turn to await his answer or see the seething glare he would send your way at your tone.
Hisoka Morrow was used to your antics, and as one who was known to being the one to annoy others, you certainly were an anomaly.
You pissed him off.
“And why,” he began, trailing after you while suppressing the urge to have you reconsider that statement. “Do you feel the need to bring that up?”
It wasn’t the shrug of your shoulders that sent him off the edge, but rather your following words. “You need to be reminded, you act like we’re friends.”
He considered you everything but a friend. An enemy, a rival. A disturbance he was forced to work with to achieve a similar goal. But not a friend.
“I’ve defeated you time and time again,” you continued, letting your voice drawl. “You know your standing, and I know mine. Lets not mess up this power standing we have going on, shall we? I don’t feel like beating your ass again.”
Bile rose to Hisoka’s throat when he held back a retort, but there was a first for everything.
Even acting a part he found no amusement in.
But he was willing to be complacent as long as to have the chance to finally, finally force you down to your knees.
summary - dazai walks into your bar expecting to get answers from you, but little doe she know he’s walked into the lions den.
pairing - gn!reader x dazai
warning - none
a/n - hehe this was fun to write
It was easy to sway in sync to the music, let your hips fall in rhythm to the bodies all around you in a dance. The lights were dim, voices hushed by the large speakers on the north wall and minds lulled by the alcohol that reeked through the dancefloor.
Not a haven, but at least here you felt in control.
“Do you believe in love at first sight?” A voice hummed behind you, a familiarly jovial one that made your lips quirk upwards. “Or should I try walking by again?”
Slowly, you rotated in beat to the music until you could hook your arms around the gentleman’s neck and whisper into his ear. “You really know your pickup lines.”
“Memorized and mastered.”
“I see…” you murmured, sighing contently when feeling his arms circle your waist. “A shame then.”
“Shame?”
His brown hair tickled your forehead when you pulled back to look him right in the face, clearly getting a good view of the boy you’d gotten to know so well in photographs. “You’re here to check up on my gift,” you simply said, leaving no room for denial. “The Detective Agency never knows when to quit…”
There was now surprise in his voice when he chuckled, raising your left hand high and leading you into a spin. “Aha,” his voice was soft, thumb gingerly brushing the palm of your hand. “You’re more observant than you look.”
“Not the first time I’ve heard it.”
The song drew to a close and you were pushed tighter into his chest, the hand around your waist tracing up along your spine. “So what’ll it be hmm? Are you going to be good for me and come along? Or perhaps you prefer I try… other methods to get answers.”
“I’m rather interested in these other methods you have.” You mocked his sly tone, tightening your grip on his hand as you led the spin. “Pity I won’t be able to see them tonight.”
“No?”
Oh if he could only see the grin on your face, the glint in your eyes when the slightest confusion crept into his features. “Osamu Dazai,” you liked the way his name felt on your tongue. The power in your next words. “The mastermind, I wonder what's your plan with half your agency missing.”
It was then that he glanced around him, finally noticing the shortage of the people he had come with. A mistake, walking into your territory and expecting to be able to leave just as easily. A fault you would make sure he would pay up for. Tenfold.
He grit his teeth, “You’ve put me in quite the conundrum haven’t you? It seems I’ll play with you some other time.”
You watched his figure disappear into the crowd. “Perhaps,” you mused.
“But if all goes according to my plan, you won’t even get the chance.”
summary - easing your professor’s crimes into conversation wasn’t the ideal situation, but with hidden intentions and only a cunning smile, its your only option
pairings - gn!reader x william moriarty
warnings - n/a
a/n - lowkey wanna turn this into a series, but then i’d have to figure out what the readers after lol
“You missed something on your cheek, Professor.”
It was after your words that the eerie feeling settled, hidden beneath a soft alluring smile from the man in front of you. The carriage you both sat in was suffocating, difficult to breathe in when the man you feared so much sat across from you, your knees touching his with every bump of the road.
“Ah, how indecent of me.” He gently brushed his gloved fingers along the side of his cheekbone. “I apologize, is it gone?”
“Not quite,” you found yourself leaning forward to get it yourself. “I can get it for you.”
He flinched at the contact, but his smile stayed intact. “I appreciate it, perhaps some debris from the carriage?”
Ever so close to him, you found it easier to speak your mind. “No,” you murmured, your gaze locking on his red eyes. You were foolish for your next words, but there was only one reason you had asked to join William Moriarty for a carriage ride. Not for questions about the lecture like you had told him. “I believe it is blood.”
“Blood?” You could’ve sworn his eyes widened, if only slightly. “That's odd.”
“Not quite, you had other matters to attend to at the college. Your lecture only took a small portion of our stay.”
It was his turn to lean forward, motions languid when easing his elbows on his knees and peering at you through lidded eyes. “You’re suggesting?” His tone was not menacing, his words were.
Heart beating tenfold against your chest, you gulped down your worries, loose thoughts that would only tie you down from your intention. “I will not relay my suspicions,” you replied in an equally calm voice, surprised at the control you felt when speaking to him. Your Professor. “But I am almost sure I have realized what you’re doing.”
“And that doesn't scare you?”
Yes, what he was doing sent coursing fear along your veins. Told you to run from the murderer in front of you, one who was not bound by the same mortal values you remained dutiful for. “Whether it does or not, your decisions are done for the destitute of our country. People of higher power. I agree with you.” The lie came out easier than you thought it would.
summary - You’re both fooling around, as two members of Toman its easy to be rough when play fighting or tugging each other around. However there’s always limits, and you make the mistake of being too rough.
pairing - gn!reader x mikey / draken / baji /
warning - a bit of shoving around / getting angry at you
a/n - just to clarify but you arent in a relationship in this, just friends :3
word count - 1.1k
You didnt mean to.
The street lights led you farther down the sidewalk, through the night darkness and the cold breeze that swept past the city of Tokyo. It was easy to lose yourself in the adrenaline of the run, your footsteps audible when sprinting down dark alleys and sharp turns.
Unbothered by the figure behind you who fought for each breath to catch up to you, you ignored their pleas to ride their motorcycle instead.
“Its more fun to run,” you protested. “Let me feel like a kid sneaking out again, we ride your motorcycle everyday.”
“Well not everyone is a cardio monster,” was his only response. You gave him a pause to bend over and struggle to find the rhythmic pattern of his breath again before you took his hand.
“Well, not my problem is it?”
But no matter what argument you offered, he was growing more and more tired, and all it took was one sharp tug for him to end up sprawled over the gravelled sidewalk. It was that moment you knew you had screwed up, especially when he looked up to flash you a very, very nasty scowl.
Mikey
Out of everyone you could’ve tugged into the floor, Mikey is probably the worst options. All fatigue is drained from his face when he looks up, and he makes standing up a slow precarious process that has you knowing you fucked up.
The short blonde haired boy had tolerated your behaviour all night, just for your sake. Something he wouldnt do for many other people, and he lets you know that when walking towards you until you have your back against the wall, and his chest pressed against yours.
“I told you to stop.”
It takes a moment for you to catch your breath, flinching at the unusual proximity between you both. “I’m really sorry, I got lost in the moment, I should’ve stopped long ago-”
“Damn well you should’ve,” is all he says. But Mikey doesn’t have the energy to continue to fight, and all he truly wants at the moment is to be settled on his motorcycle with Dorayaki in hand. Not to lecture you about what you should’ve done, he’s sure you know.
So he backs up, taking a step away so that he is no longer caging you against the wall. “I’m going back home, I’ll drop you off.” Before you could reply, he gave you another scowl. “And I’m not up for conversation, don’t talk to me.”
You were about to apologize again, but stopped at the petty comment. Its not like you could complain, he was driving you home. You’d probably be tired of your antics if you’d been in the same position.
But settling into complete silence was impossible for the entire way back, and about halfway through you found yourself skipping in front to peer down at his legs.
“What is it.”
His monotone tone made it sound more like a statement than a question, and you glowered back. “I was making sure that you were okay, I wasn’t sure if you scratched up your knees or something…” trailing off, you realized it would be a better time to apologize. “I’m really sorry about that by the way. Thank you for driving me home.”
Mikey let the silence draw out before answering. “Its fine, I’ve already forgiven you.” He lifts both legs to give his knees a look, expression blank when shrugging. “Wasn’t even a hard fall, it didn’t hurt. If anything I was more pissed you weren’t listening to me.”
“That's fair, next time we can just go on a ride or walk over to grab Dorayaki.”
“Deal?”
“Deal.”
Draken
The taller blonde was not one to be pushed around, when he did things it was solely because he wanted to. Letting you lead him around the city had been one of those things, and he was not happy in the slightest to have ended up on the ground.
“What the fuck Y/n,” was all he said when getting up. Dusting at his pants and jacket to make sure the fall hadn’t dirtied them at all. “I told you to stop.”
Shuddering under his stare, you approached, arms outstretched. “I’m really sorry, you’re right I should’ve listened.” Your hand tugged at his jacket, making sure it wasn’t torn or scratched up. “You didn’t get hurt did you?”
Draken had wanted to stay angry at you for longer, but it was impossible to remain in that state when you were so concerned. He sighed, “Yes I’m okay, my clothes are even fine so you don’t have to worry.”
“Okay good.” But despite how quickly that had solved itself, you still felt bad. “I’m sor-”
“Don’t apologize again.” The latter grabbed your shoulder comfortingly, tugging you forwards. “Its cold anyway, I’ll get you back home.”
“You don’t have to.”
He raised an eyebrow, looking down as if he doubted your words. “You sure about that?” But when noting the guilt that lingered on your face, he could only frown. “It’s fine, if I offer you a ride its because I want to.”
“Oh, okay thank you.” The genuine response caught you off guard, but you let the warmth from his sincerity heat you up for the journey back to his motorcycle.
Baji
For someone who holds his pride and dignity in high regard, Baji won’t take the fall lightly. He is not someone to be pushed around, and he has his limits when it comes to playful shoving. He will be standing in a matter of seconds, not wanting anyone to have seen him on the floor.
“The fuck was that,” he asks, hand pushing you down the street. “You were going too fast, I even asked you to stop!” The second shove was harder than the first, and the third almost sent you tumbling to the ground.
But you knew how to stand your ground, catching his hand before he tried to push you again. “I’m sorry,” you replied earnestly, staring straight into his eyes with the apology. “I wasn’t listening to you and I should’ve, lets go home okay?”
Baji takes more time to cool down than the rest, but you’re still his friend and despite the whole situation, he’s always willing to look past it for the people he cares about. Anger can just take over him in the moment.
On the way back to his bike, he flashes you an apologetic glance, struggling to find the words. He shouldn’t have started shoving you like that, but you just looked like you wanted to get back home-
“Oh spit it out Baji, you look like a fish out of water.”
“Fish out of water…?”
The two of you fall into comfortable banter in no time, and Baji will probably forget what he was angry or worried about to start with.
“Next time,” you give the dark haired boy a cheeky grin. “You can bring your bike along, it’ll make it easier for you to catch up with me while I run.”
“Hey! I can totally outrun you if I wanted, I was just tired!”
summary - lelouche loses sight of his purpose, but not his goals. and you are reminded that you can do nothing to stop him.
pairing - gn!reader x lelouche
warning - angst / slight code geass spoilers
a/n - my depression really hit after finishing this anime ;-;
“Stop this…” the silk sheets were soft in your calloused hands, curling the fabric tightly in your grip in anger. Aimless stupid anger, a rage that refused to dissipate at the knowledge of the terrors just behind these building walls. “Stop this Lelouche.”
“Stop?” Your childhood friend was inconsiderate, lacking the empathy to make his tone anything but a mocking scorn. “After we’ve made it this far?”
It took everything not to launch yourself at Lelouche Vi Brittania, the spoiled boy who saw nothing of pain that was not his.
You had once believed that the other individuals he held dear would matter.
“This…” you swallowed albeit the bitter taste in your mouth. “This isn't what we were after, this isn't what Nunnally would have wanted.” There was no remorse for bringing up the name of the dead, the one you hoped would hit the boy hard and deep. “Do not forget the entire purpose of our feverish dream, do not forget why we’ve sacrificed so much.”
“For Nunnally. For a peaceful world.”
You lurched forwards, hoping that he had come to see your point. “Exactly!” Your arms were shaking when you held them up, your words weighed with heavy gestures of your hands. “Aren’t you tired of this madness outside? This is not the peaceful world she wanted, and what is happening will not lead up to it either.”
His eyes, vivid as they had been before, now glowered down at your seated form.
“I apologize Y/n.”
You knew his answer before he spoke, but it did not stop the hatred that welled in your heart. Remnants of your blithe behavior vanishing in an instance when you came to terms with the truth. It felt odd, knowing that the world before you would crumble, and that there was nothing you could do about it.
You felt buoyant at that moment, weightless and so, so unimportant.
“For I have taken the role of Zero, knight of justice. And emperor of Britannia, dictator of the world.” His words held force, a rigidness you’d failed to vanquish. “The title emperor has much, much more power.”
He leaned forward, bending down so that his next words were for your ears, and your ears alone.
my cherished inevitable downfall (gn!reader x dazai)
summary - enemies to lovers type beat. on a beach, on your only day off.
pairing - gn!reader x dazai
recommended song - merry go round of life (by joe hisaishi)
a/n - ahh to be y/n
“you were supposed to ignore me.”
Sand nestled in between your toes, the slow rise of the shore washing up along your ankles and drifting back into the distance. Peaceful, the sun that buried itself in the tall mountains far south, peeking above jagged edges of snow and rock once more to present the evening dim.
“i was?” A teasing tone, childlike wonder gleaming in the eyes of the brunette standing just before you. He was wearing a casual white button up that wasn't quite all that well buttoned up, revealing the skin just below his collarbone. It was quite the contrast when compared to his work attire. “i find that rather difficult when facing the culprit to all my crime investigations right in front of me.”
You raised an eyebrow. “we see each other almost every single day because of your line of work. i get tired of seeing you, i’m sure you feel the same.”
“how brash, you didn't even ask for my opinion.”
You didn't need to ask for his opinion, but Osamu Dazai had a mind of his own, and you found yourself falling into his adamant trap of foolery. Despite being a member of an organization so highly looked upon, he certainly did not act the part. “how many times have you tried to imprison me?”
He hesitated before speaking, raising a hand to his chin as if to consider it. “i believe today makes it the twenty-first.”
Today. You’d been a fool to think he would leave you alone.
Instead of expressing any disdain, you glowered back at his smile, a part of you thawing at the fact that he’d cared enough to remember. “well,” you started, pausing to think of a way to even reply to an answer like that. “i didn’t expect you to actually be counting.”
“why wouldn’t i? these encounters are important to me.”
You missed his tactful stare, and the edges of your lips perked to a small smile as you tried to hold in the laugh. The thought was absurd, your mind knew it with every fiber of its being. But your body… you could feel the heat rush into your cheeks before you even considered taking it seriously, you were dissolving at his words. Even if you didn't want to.
“well they aren't to me,” you managed to force out, crossing your arms over your chest and puffing out your cheeks in exasperation to hope he didn't notice how much it had affected you. “go and do something normal on your day off.”
“i’m perfectly happy here~”
Pivoting back to face him, you made your skepticism evident. “liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
Scoffing, you only needed to take a step before inches away from his face. “Yes you are.”
It seemed to finally dawn on him that whatever words he had at his disposal wouldn't work against your wall of dubiety. But he had nothing but words, and settled with leaning down to meet your gaze, grinning ear to ear.
You hated his confidence.
But nothing could have prepared you for his words.
“my esteemed rival,” he murmured. “my beloved nemesis.” Taken aback by the hidden meaning, you didn't flinch away when his hand came to hold your cheek. “my cherished inevitable downfall.``
“i do not jest,” his voice was now soft. “and you know it.”
