𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 / accepting | @faintglows | ‘ i’d choose you ; in a hundred different lifetimes , in a hundred worlds , in any version of reality , i’d find you and i’d choose you . ’ — me choosing violence with snow thank u
𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧, 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝙞𝙘𝙮 𝙙𝙖𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙧. He plunged it into her breast with all the reckless abandon she had come to expect, ever the practitioner of fable where heroes triumphed over evil and won the hearts of maidens, but this was no storybook of happy endings. Reality was cruel and crystal-forged, a sister dead for a thousand years, the final ticks of a doomed world brought to placidity and indulgence, and two people whose journeys had changed them. The seaside hum of Bodhum felt more like a dream – a flight of fancy; a rose-tinted reminder of what they used to have, back when the worst thought in Lightning’s mind was Serah marrying him.
Him. Selfish, reckless, stupid – charging headfirst into danger because that’s what ‘heroes’ did; risking life and limb for the people he loved because it was the right thing to do. Holding accountability for his actions no matter how ugly or pained, because he was honest within himself. Sincerity looked good on him; it always had. It was what she had come to love about him.
But sincerity was no balm. It assaulted her like a feral animal, accosting her lungs and stealing her heart in a manner untouched since her awakening by Bhunivelze. For what he had taken, not that. Not the churning guilt and the bitter taste on the back of her tongue. Not the clench of limbs that started in her chest and reverberated to her fingers.
She struck him.
A closed fist driven hard into the breastbone, as if though she were trying to transfer her internal pain into something more corporeal. The sound that left her was more pained than she had intended – furious and ashamed all in one – she sounded more animal than girl.
One fist turned into two, slamming hard into the flesh.
“You CAN’T.” Her anguish felt worse than indifference – she longed to return to the numbness of god’s pawn. “None of this is about choice. It’s about SERAH. It’s about getting Serah back so things can go back to the way they were.”
Back to that fight of fancy and rose-tinted dream – not this desecration of her sister’s memory where every action threatened to ruin it beyond repair. He was not hers to want or have. He did not get the luxury of choice ( as if he intended it at all ). What would she think, looking at them now? She would be horrified. How could Light look at herself in the mirror, knowing she was bringing her back for that?
“Stop –” Her voice cracked on the edges, stalling her attack. It meant the next attack lacked teeth, knuckles resting on his clothes – feeling the rise of his breath on the back of her fingers – and she shook her head back and forth, unable to look at him.
“You make her happy.” Far more than she thought she ever had. “Please. I can’t take that from her, too.”