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Katie has bad feelings about you. That means you suck. I trust Katie. I'm gonna have a motorcycle within a month or so. I am very excited to just GO ride motorcycles. Just cuz that's what being alive is gonna mean. Nothing feels good except motorcycles. And my poison. But only motorcycles are healthy.

#motorcycles #atx queer

This morning is not a very good morning because I was dropped from one of my classes which was supposed to start TODAY and I already got the book from amazon.com a week ago. I had to choose an entirely different course and considering it is the first day of classes, there weren't many options, so I will have to leave work over an hour early every day now and I don't think I will meet my hours requirements unless my boss lets me count class as work. It's not super far-fetched considering I am studying social work, but I am still nervous to ask. I only have three hours to do it, though, and truthfully it was the only class open, so no matter what she says, I am signed up and have to go.

I was supposed to have this perfect schedule I designed, and show up with my books all ready, and go home to my new computer for school, and none of that is happening now. Everything is happening late. It is making me feel unsettled.

Then they also decided that they really don't want to give me the financial aid they promised me for Fall and Spring, so now I have to appeal that and try to keep a positive attitude about it until a decision is made, which is difficult for me because I fucking hate the bureaucracy of educational institutions and I know how easy it is for them to look at a sheet of paper (which I am required to fill out in order to remove my face and voice from what I am asking) and say No.

At least I have new gingko/gotu kola tea.

I missed two meetings with students because of all the phone calls I had to make and all the minutes I was on hold. It is my last week with students and I am mourning them so hard, but also not really getting the time to focus on any one thing. So much is happening. K moved out completely and doesn't want to talk to me. E seems mega depressed and possibly angry.

Yesterday I had major fantasies the entire day of living alone in an apartment completely stocked (although very simply) with items from World Market - towels, dishes, soaps, utensils, coasters, etc. It was dreamy and it is the goal.

#atx #queer #atx queer #goals #home #school #stress

I am so in trouble. So tempted and so close and so in trouble. I am just gonna lay right here and listen to Otis Redding while my logical brain continues to float away into an invisible abyss and the temptation of making a decision completely fueled by body chemistry and in total ignorance of personal history seems more and more rad.

#atx queer #chemistry #hormones #decision making #Otis redding #logic