Wouldnt it be sooo funny if the scorpious rex didnt bother them and they all got to go home and Yaz and Sammy never made up???? Wouldnt that be so silly?????
A couple of months ago on Discord, several people were super kind and supportive when I threw out a couple of questions about releasing fic. They encouraged me to post the fics set in the Funfetti Universe (SO GLAD I named it that, womp womp) as its own story on AO3 and @calimanc asked for a prompt: Thanksgiving play at school with Mulder complaining about history being whitewashed while Scully is recording and being like "shut up and watch your son." Something happens with Addams Family Values vibes.
I knew I'd have a minute to write today, so I loaded the old prompts onto AO3 last night, and sat down today and cranked this one out.
Thanksgiving Pageant
It was cute. He had to admit it was cute. The little black outfit with an old white handkerchief looped over his son’s little shoulders.
Scully had sat at their kitchen table with Elmer’s glue and construction paper, doing her best not to swear as she held together two gummy pieces of black paper that would serve as the headband of William’s Pilgrim hat in the school’s Fall Show. William, oblivious to his mother’s consternation, rehearsed his lines with halting earnestness.
“We were so thankful to learn how to grow food in this land,” the boy said.
“In this new land,” Scully corrected him. “‘We were so thankful to learn how to grow food in this new land.’”
“Can you do the part before mine, mama?”
“Sure,” Scully agreed, flitting her eyes to Mulder, who was very much trying to keep his mouth shut. Her look communicated quite clearly that he’d fucking better.
“‘The Wampanoag showed us how to take care of the land and plant crops like corn and beans,’” Scully recited, part of her glad that it was another kid who had to pronounce ‘Wampanoag.’
“We were so thankful to learn how to grow food in this new land,” William finished, beaming at his success.
“Good job, bud,” Mulder said, turning to his son, his hands dripping dishwater everywhere. “Gonna end the show with a bang.”
“Can I be done?” William asked.
“You may,” Scully said, and William darted up the stairs without another word, no doubt to the LEGO table Mulder had set up for him. His bedroom door closed with a resounding snick.
“I can’t believe they’re still doing Thanksgiving pageants,” Mulder said, shaking his head. “It’s such whitewashing bullshit.”
“We can address Colonial violence with him when he’s older, Mulder,” Scully sighed, clearly not in the mood to be having this conversation. “In the meantime, can you grab me a binder clip off of your desk before this capotain becomes a permanent part of my thumb?”
Mulder put the last pan in the rack by the sink and dried off his hands, then swung into his office for the requested binder clip, a piece of equipment he was pretty sure he’d liberated from the FBI supply cabinet when he’d moved from the basement to the fourth floor.
He set it on the tabletop next to her and leaned down to drop a kiss onto the end of her nose.
She attached the clip to the hat she was making and looked at her sticky fingers with distaste.
“It’s a kindergarten play, Mulder,” she said, leaning back in the chair. “What would you have them say?”
Mulder lowered himself across from her and leaned forward, elbows on the table. Upstairs they could hear the distant, muted sounds of William humming happily to himself.
“He goes last, right?” Mulder said.
Scully nodded.
“How about something like ‘What you just watched was a sanitized and oversimplified whitewashing of history. While this story is comforting and well-intentioned, it obscures the colonial violence, cultural erasure, and exploitation Indigenous people endured as European settlers expanded their presence in North America.’”
His wife stood up and gave him a deadpan look. “It’s perfect. Age-appropriate. He definitely wouldn’t stumble over any of those words. No notes.”
She moved to the sink and began washing the gunk off of her fingers.
“I think so too,” Mulder agreed breezily. He thought but didn’t say that it would be a great touch if William pointed at his classmates dressed as the Wompanoag and highlighted the fact that they’d all be dead of smallpox within five years. That would teach ‘em.
XxX
Scully held up a small digital camera trying to get the entire stage to show up in the viewfinder. Satisfied by her framing, she lowered the little device into her lap.
“Stop,” Scully interrupted. “What I’m perpetuating is my mother’s tolerance of what she considers our weird choices. She will watch it 33 times and show it to all her neighbors. It is what it is, Mulder.”
The elementary auditorium was chocked full of parents and bored older siblings, coats strung across a line of seats to save them. It was very warm.
“It smells like feet in here,” Mulder said.
“It kind of does, yeah,” Scully agreed.
“We should have sat on the edge. We could have snuck out right after William’s class did its thing.”
“His teacher already hates us, we’re going to be conspicuously present and smiling,” Scully said without looking at him. “Before, during and after the show.”
The school was K-5, which meant they’d have to endure five more Thanksgiving-themed song-and-dance routines. Mulder couldn’t help but twist around in his seat and locate the nearest exit.
“Relax, Mulder,” Scully said, noticing his nudgyness. “There’ll be lemonade and cookies after. You can have as many as you want.”
“I don’t think elevating my blood sugar is going to make up for losing 45 minutes of my life to this-”
“Shhh,” she shushed him quiet. The lights of the auditorium had begun to lower.
Shortly thereafter, the kindergarten class shuffled out on stage, stumbling into each other and missing their marks. Several waved to their parents in the audience, loudly, and one little Pilgrim began to wail and had to be escorted off the stage.
After a song in which the music teacher was the only one who knew and sang all the words, William and several classmates took a big step forward and held hands. William was on the far right and would be the last to speak. He waved at Mulder, who couldn’t help but laugh as he waved back.
The Indian on the far left had to be prompted to speak, but it flowed fairly well after that.
“We didn’t know much about this land, but the native people taught us.”
“We learned new ways to live and we tried to work together.”
“We wanted to say thank you for all the help we received.”
“So we invited the Wamp. The–how does it go again, Ms. Wendy?”
Beside him, arm holding the camera as steadily as she could, Scully quietly chuckled. It was almost William’s turn.
He stepped forward with a big smile and Mulder, having heard the phrase maybe fifty times, was ready for We were so thankful to learn how to grow food in this new land. So it was something of a surprise when William said:
“What you just watched was a sanitized and oversimplified whitewashing of history.”
The auditorium went deadly silent.
“Oh my God,” Scully hissed.
William, unphased, continued, “While this story is comforting and well-intentioned, it obscures the colonial violence, cultural erasure, and exploitation Indigenous people endured as European settlers expanded their presence in North America.”
Mulder was both astonished and impressed. His son had not only gone full Wednesday Addams, but he’d repeated–word for word–the exact words Mulder knew for a fact the boy couldn’t have overheard.
William then turned toward the stage and pointed at the cluster of his classmates who’d been dressed as the Wampanoag.
“Oh no,” Mulder said, reaching out to grab Scully’s arm.
“What-” she began.
“In five years,” William announced loudly, somewhat gleefully. “You will all be dead of smallpox!”
Several audience members gasped, even more laughed, and two little Wampanoag started crying. The stage descended into chaos.
Beside him, Scully slowly lowered her camera and turned to Mulder with a horrified look on her face.
“Tell me you got all that on tape,” Mulder said.
“Oh my God, Mulder.”
“You still want to stay for cookies and lemonade?”
was this necessary. no. is it perfect. absolutely not. am i mildly obsessed. yeah,,,, there was that one pic floating around and I desperately needed ✨dark academia✨ osc so here we r!
