Apr 4, 2015
OF COURSE SOMETIME SOME SHIT GO DOWN WHEN IT’S A BILLION DOLLARS IN THE ELEVATOR!
A little vogue femme, that is.
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany
seen from South Korea
seen from Malaysia
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from Algeria
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Taiwan
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from France
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
OF COURSE SOMETIME SOME SHIT GO DOWN WHEN IT’S A BILLION DOLLARS IN THE ELEVATOR!
A little vogue femme, that is.
...if I’m hard to read, then let me please/help you understand just what I mean.
Happy 10th Birthday, College Dropout.
I've been asked on several occasions why I haven't written anything in a while. The truth is; I didn't think I had much to write about. Nothing worth saying at the moment that needed to be captured through words. Writing has proved to be a cathartic experience for me. It has given me a way to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that the spoken word has proven problematic for me, whether it was because of the stress of physically speaking, or the inability to put my thoughts and feelings into words. And if you've kept up with this Tumblr over the past year or so, you'll know that I've gone through a lot over the time we've been acquainted with each other.
As writing is a verb, so is living; I haven't had much time to sit down and write about experiences that I was having because I was out there living my black ass life. Learning.Trying new stuff; revisiting old stomping grounds; reconnecting with old friends and having a blast. I had to wait until the very last second of 2013, because I didn't want to count my chickens before they actually hatched, but I can say without hesitation that 2013 was definitely an amazing year for me, and probably the best year I've had in a while. The growing pains that I felt all throughout 2012 were nothing but wings growing in; wings I would later spread and use to soar to heights unknown. No, I didn't do anything like release an album in the heat of the night nor did I win an $157k Audi R8 V-8 Spyder and set a record; I also wasn't a part of what seemed to be a countless amount of engagements and weddings (although I was elated to witness and be a part of them), but what I did do was accomplish a lot of things that seemed impossible for me; and in the process, I experienced the sweet sensation and blessing that is success.
I brought in 2013 without a job and with very little on my horizon in the way of prospective employment. Making a way out of nothing; and in the process, scratching an entrepreneurial itch, I began KnightWriters in February with a dear friend from HS. Also, I reconnected with the budding writer of my youth and wrote a piece for Mused Mag focusing on building online communities for black gay men. However, the most notable of these experiences is, without question, landing a pretty sweet job in DC this summer, bringing what seemed to be an endless job search to a screeching halt. Transitioning fields, I went from working in education (which I am sure to return to in some shape, form or fashion) to international development; a field that I've grown to really enjoy and can appreciate thanks to the wave of people that I've encountered along the way. And, to round it out, I recently transplanted myself down the street in DC to an apartment with a good friend of mine; leaving behind my hometown of Baltimore (something I thought I's never do), but certainly within arms reach.
From all of this, I've grown up. Like, for real. I've gained a peace of mind that money can't buy and a tenacity that I wouldn't know what to do without. The only thing you do when you fall is get up, and I've learned how to do that quicker and quicker (and also how to avoid falling less and less). My sense of self is much stronger and I'm not nearly as afraid to speak up for myself and what I want, need and require from others. I'm not as fearful and not as anxious about the things that I don't know; I've gotten much better at dealing with things as they come about and nipping shit in the bud before it grows out of control. I've finally learned what it means to love myself; I've learned how to trust myself; I've learned how to let things be. I've learned how to maintain my happy and make myself a priority. I know who I am and I've learned how to celebrate being the awesome person I know myself to be. And for that I am grateful.
And I also know that I have so far to go from here. In getting back to myself, I've discovered new questions and challenges that have popped up where answers and triumphs had once settled. There is still a lot of learning and growing and understanding that I am doing right now and will continue to do; but in this very moment, I feel so damn good about myself from the inside out, and that is something that has taken 26 years to do. Mentally, physically, emotionally (although we're still working some kinks every now and again) and spiritually; I feel like such a whole person. And given all of the tears and confusion and darkness and frustration and hell I've gone through to get to this point, I have to tell you that it feels more than amazing to be able to put that into words.
I don't have any lofty goals or ridiculous resolutions for 2014; I love my life just the way it is now and want to continue on the same trajectory that I have been on; right to my next frontier. I want to write more. Read more. Learn more. Stay connected. Drink less. I want to travel more. Get rid of some baby fat. Volunteer. Be more involved in what's going on around me. (Okay I lied; I want and desperately need to be more organized. Is there a class for this?) Ultimately, find more things to do to keep the blessings flowing through me. I want my curiosities to propel me and to continue learning and growing and progressing; especially since now that I am at a point in life where my appreciation of the journey far surpasses the luster of the destination. I just want to be my greatest in everything that I set out to do, and even if I don't; I want to learn how. And I encourage everyone to try and do the same. Try different things. Be adventurous. Have fun. Get messy (word to Ms. Frizzle). Make mistakes. Learn from them. Do better. Be your personal best. Doing all of those things have made my stride lighter and swifter and where I'm going, I have no clue. But I can't wait to get there.
Here's to a happy, fulfilling and prosperous 2014 for each and everyone of y'all reading this.
Janet Jackson - Go Deep (Crow Remix)
SAM SPARRO X MECHANICAL. A MIXTAPE
Reminds me so much of "Vegas" and "City Lights."
The ultimate chill-the-fuck-out music.
